


Floras Amarillas

by bandiito



Category: BLURRYFACE - Twenty One Pilots (Album), Trench - Twenty One Pilots (Album), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Banditos - Freeform, Blood, Depression, Eventual Fluff, Eventual Romance, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Gen, I wanted to read more Trench stories but couldn't find a lot so I made one myself, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Paranoia, Slow Burn, Violence, dema, plz send help, trench
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2019-08-16
Packaged: 2019-08-22 14:03:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 22
Words: 129,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16599284
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bandiito/pseuds/bandiito
Summary: "For someone who lived in Dema all her life, you're pretty good at running.""It's probably just about the only thing I'm good at."Running and lying, she reminded herself.Both of things had gotten her to this point in her life, and she didn't know whether or not it was a good or a bad thing. Well, she supposed to herself, being free of Dema and of the Bishops was a good thing, but having to lie to those she was growing close with, well... That was probably the bad thing.[i'm really bad at summaries sorz][will attempt to upload weekly]





	1. [0]

**01 8   11 m o o n   12**

. ... -.-. .- .--. . 

**[0]**

  

Silence suffocated the city. The rising moon was hidden behind clouds and darkness lurked in every corner, every alleyway. There wasn't a living soul to be seen. All were gathered once more, the Bishops and their loyal citizens, to celebrate the Annual Assemblage of Glorified. All except one.

Back pressed against an alleyway wall, she held a hand over her mouth as a guard walked past, trying to hide her rapid breathing. More guards would be coming soon when they realized she was missing, sparking more urgency into her. She needed to go, she needed to go now.

As soon as the guard passed by, she was bolting down the dark alley. Her backpack hit her back as her feet hit the concrete below her. Heart beating out of control, she made it to the end of the alley, taking a sharp turn to the east, down another path.

It was so unused, it seemed almost abandoned. Guards hardly patrolled this alley, and she used that to her advantage. She ran on, avoiding the cracked concrete with memorization that was practically burned into her, before stopping in front of a building. It was off-limits, but she could care less. Hardly hesitating, she pulled out a hairpin from her hair, kneeling down quickly to pick the lock. With practiced ease, it clicked much too loudly in the abandoned alleyway, and the door was unlocked.

Then she heard the yelling of guards, rapidly growing louder. Her heart leapt into her throat and adrenaline surged within her. She quickly pulled open the old dark grey door, shutting it almost fully closed behind her, holding it there. She couldn't risk shutting it and having the guards hear the door click. She was frozen with fear as she listened to the guards stop in front of the building.

"I saw her!" One shouted. "She has to be around here!"

"All these buildings are sealed, there is no way she's still here!" Another shouted.

"Shut up, both of you!" A harsh voice commanded. "She is probably running towards the limit of the Vista, and you two are letting her." He sneered out. "I do not think our Bishop would want to know of this, would he?"

All she could hear was silence between the guards for a quick moment, and she guessed that they shook their heads in fear of their worshipped Bishop, Nico. He was the most ruthless of them all.

"I did not think so. Get going, now!" The guard yelled, and the girl in questioning flinched from the loud voice behind the door, feeling that fear strike deep into her.

She heard the two guards take off, followed by their leader. When their sounds of running became almost silent, she let out a shaky sigh of relief. She couldn't relax just yet, however. She was still in the city. She was still in danger. Anyone could find the door unlocked, and she didn't want to be there when they did.

She gently pushed the door shut, wincing at the quiet click, before she turned away from the door. Darkness swarmed in her vision, and she unable to see anything in front of her. Her heart constricted, terrified of what could be in the dark. She was quick to remind herself, however, that she'd rather encounter monsters in the dark than a Bishop ever again. Blindly, she took a hesitant step forward. After finding it to be stable footing, she took a few more hesitant steps, until she was a little ways away from the door. A cool breeze gently floated past her, promising what she could only hope was freedom.

She shrugged off her backpack, kneeling down. Feeling around, her fingers gripped the zipper, quickly opening it. Her hand reached down inside, and it only took her a moment to grip onto the flashlight she had stolen. With trembling fingers, she flicked the switch, and white, lifeless light filled the building she stood in.

Her stomach dropped as she saw that if she would have continued to walk blindly forward, she would have fallen down a spiral set of stairs that descended far, far down, she could not see the bottom, swallowed by the dark. Swallowing thickly, she zipped up her backpack, shrugged it back on, and started to make her way down the steps, refusing to look back.

The young woman felt nervousness fill her, yet the overwhelming feeling of being free was filling her the more she descended, farther away from the grasp of the Bishops. It made her feel excited, yet the fear still remained. She hadn't the faintest idea of what she was getting herself into, no idea what laid outside of the walls of the city. The city was all she had known, but she could do it no longer.

Her eyes caught onto something painted onto the walls, and she reached a hand up to gently touch it. A phrase, one whispered, in fear that the Bishops would hear it.

"East is up." She practically mouthed, almost no noise leaving her. The young woman had no idea if the group that valued those words were even still around, or if they all had died off. Yet she pushed on down the steps, dropping her hand from the markings. The bright color, like that of the wilting flowers in her abandoned desk, told her she needed to go.

Whoever had built this, whether it be the Bishops or their ancestors, hadn't thought about the amount of steps they had built, she thought to herself. She hadn't learned the history anyways, as no one was supposed to even know of this staircase. It was an accident that she had stumbled upon it, as a young girl, unaware of how the Bishops manipulated and controlled them all. It was her fault that the lock had been placed onto it, but it had never truly left her mind, despite the Bishops' efforts.

She waved her light into the darkness below her feet, and found that she was closer to the end of the steps then she had thought. Exhilaration filled her, and she quickly descended the last part of the stairs. The cool breeze grew stronger, and she shut her eyes, breathing in.

She couldn't describe the things she was smelling in the breeze, but somehow, she felt as if it was beckoning her further, away from those that controlled her. Her heart felt like it was going to burst out of her chest at any moment, or she was going to wake up from this dream. Only her mind would be so cruel.

She stepped off of the step, and was met with a tunnel, with seemingly no end. The light of her flashlight only went so far. She gripped the strap of her backpack tightly, shutting her eyes for a moment. She breathed in deeply, letting it out. She could do this. She needed to do this.

There was no where for her to go back to now, not without facing the wrath of the Bishops. She had no home, but then again, she didn't think she ever did have one. How could that place be a home?

She opened her eyes, and continued to walk forward, head held high as she did. Even if she were alone, she had never felt so free. With every step she took, it felt as if a weight was being lifted off of her chest. she was almost tempted to run once more, if only to feel alive. She knew doing that would be unwise, as saving her energy for whatever she encountered next was necessary.

Her eyebrows furrowed as the concrete she walked upon ended and her shoes stepped in... dirt? Her eyes moved to the walls, shining her light over them. They were made of dirt, of earth. Did this mean she was close to fully escaping, of getting away from that grey circle of death?

A noise echoed from behind her, sounding like a distorted form of a door being slammed open angrily. Then she heard what sounded like voices, and fear filled her, constricting her breathing. She didn't hesitate before switching her flashlight off, and bolting down the tunnel. She could hear her rapid footsteps echoing throughout the tunnel, but could do nothing about it. The guards were coming to get her, or even worse, a Bishop himself. That fear made her push herself, trying to run as fast as she could away from the angry echoing voices behind her.

A new light appeared in the darkness, just a sliver of an opening, but she ran towards it. That had to be it! That had to be the exit, the escape, she needed! It only grew larger in size as she ran towards it, the light filling her vision. The scent of freedom filled her lungs, and she greedily sucked it in as she bolted from the tunnel.

She was hardly expecting the mostly even pathway to suddenly turn into something completely opposite. Her eyes only caught sight of the new landscape around her for a quick moment, green bathed in the white glow of the moon, before she was almost falling forward, feet sliding. She caught herself, eyes wide with a mixture of adrenaline and fear, looking down. She swallowed back the bile that threatened to escape her, her eyes catching onto a path that had obviously been worn into the green around her.

Echoes reminded her of why she had almost fallen, and she wasted no time before stumbling down the uneven path, almost falling again. She reached the bottom of the path, and felt her breath be taken away, not only from all of the running, but the sight around her. Tall green cliffs acted as walls, and a stream ran through the middle of them both, all bathed in the light of the moon. It was unlike anything she had ever seen before, and she felt tears well up in her eyes at the sight.

But she couldn't admire the sight right now, not when the echoes were angry. Her eyes quickly scanned the area, and she saw another pathway up atop of a higher ledge. She'd have to climb to get there, but she could do it. She had to.

Bolting, she ran through the stream, freezing cold water splashing onto her pants as she did. She neared the ledge and stepped on a tall rock, using it to push herself up higher as she jumped. Her body hit the hard and cold wall of the ledge, and she felt her breath leave her from the impact. She quickly grasped onto rocks, holding herself up as she hissed out in pain.

She forced herself to move, climbing up the wall, almost losing her grip as the yelling became louder. She pulled herself over the ledge, heaving out for air as her legs cramped. The pathway lead to a crevice, where she would be hidden. It was that thought, that she'd be safe, that pushed her to move, to get up.

She stumbled into the crevice, pushing herself into the darkness once more. She could hear the angry mutterings of a Bishop, his voice gravelly. Her heart sank into her stomach as she realized it was Nico. She dared not breathe, in fear he would hear her and drag her back to Dema. Her bones felt frozen, hands tightly clenching her shirt. It felt like his eyes were staring directly at her, even though that was impossible. It had to be impossible. She was hidden, yet she was paralyzed with fear as if he was staring at her.

It went silent, yet she hesitated. Nico could still be down there, still be lurking. She waited what felt like hours, tense with fear constricting her breathing, before she released her breath.

The young woman peeled her eyes open, which she didn't know she had shut, and looked out of the crevice. She saw no one at the edge of the tunnel anymore, and she let out a long, shaky sigh of relief.

Her legs gave out beneath her, and she slid down the crevice wall behind her. Pain filled her, and she glanced down at her hands. Blood covered one from the cut and it stung and burned, while the other one hardly looked better, red and sore.

But she was alive. She was alive and free.

She let out a shaky laugh at this realization, that quickly turned into a sob, echoing throughout the cave. Tears rolled down frozen cheeks, as her breath faltered, clutching her bleeding hand to her chest as she leaned back on her backpack. Her adrenaline was wearing off, leaving her just aware of how pitiful her escape truly had ended up; cold, bleeding, and freezing in a cave in the middle of the wilderness.

And, to top it all off, she had dropped her flashlight when she jumped. No doubt it was broken now, so there was no use in going back to get it. Yet she could have used it, as the crevice she sat in was dark, the light of the moon barely cutting into the darkness. What was she to do?

She had left everything she had known, diving into the Unknown with no hesitation, no regards to what her actions had done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hi there  
> welcome to this trash please enjoy your stay
> 
> i have no idea where this story is going to go but stick around for the ride!  
> if you like it, let me know, because this is my first time publishing a fanfiction  
> like ever 
> 
> stay alive ||-//


	2. [1]

**[1]**

 

She sat there in the silence of Trench, breathing in and out to try and calm her racing heart. She didn't know what she was going to do, but she knew this; she was in Trench, which meant she was free of Dema and the Bishops. She couldn't let despair wash over her and take control, not after what she had done to leave the city. Not when her life was finally hers.

Sucking in a quick breath, she opened her eyes, looking down at her hand once again. Dark red, like that of the cloaks of the Bishops, stained her hand and arm, dripping down onto the dirt and stone she sat upon. She couldn't very well live out here if she couldn't even take care of a cut on her hand.

Shifting, she slipped off the straps for her backpack, wincing at pain that spread from her ribs. She knew they were most likely bruised. Using her good hand, she unzipped the backpack, careful to avoid the more delicate of items she had brought. Reaching in, she pulled out a water bottle, setting it down before reaching back in for a roll of bandages. Months of preparation had gone into gathering her supplies. Yet she had forgotten an extra flashlight.

Silently she cursed herself, unscrewing the bottle to pour a bit of the clean water onto the cut. She bit her lip, yet a whimper still escaped through at the pain that erupted from her hand. She wiped off the diluted blood the best she could on her trousers, before using her good hand and her teeth to undo the clips holding the bandaging together. She was quick to wrap up her hand, tightening it to stop the blood from bleeding and hopefully seal itself.

Letting out a shaky breath, she reclipped the bandages, placing it back into her bag. She took quite a few drinks from the water bottle, resisting the urge to drink it all at once. When she was done with that, she placed it back next to the bandages, and then she looked out across Trench.

Hushed words had been spoken to her about this place, about the feelings that one were said to feel here. She felt like she was feeling too many things at once, uncontrolled and overwhelming. That was what she wanted, was it not? No, it had been what she needed, she reminded herself. She refused to live in Dema any longer, to be just another mindless pawn, content with being controlled, in every aspect of life. It was grey, it was monotone, it was numb.

Her eyes caught onto something unusual, peculiar. A vibrant color, one she'd only seen in a few quick glimpses, a memory that kept coming in and out, due to the Bishops' influence. Her mind could not find the word for the color that she saw in front of her, but the flowers growing at the corner of the edge of the crevice, filled her with a new, yet familiar, feeling. It felt good, it felt right. Was this... hope that filled her?

She would have been reprimanded to even have known of that word, and another shaky laugh left her throat, echoing throughout the crevice. She was free, as free as the damn vultures that flew around the city. This flower, this beautiful flower, screamed life, and she clung onto it.

She forced herself to stand up, her bones protesting. She winced again, but she knew if she sat there, she'd likely freeze. Or, even worse, be caught by a Bishop. She needed to find warmth, somewhere and somehow. It was so barren here, she had little hope, yet another glance at the flowers told her that if they could survive here, so could she.

Hopefully.

The young woman glanced into the cave farther back, hardly able to see anything in the darkness. As the moon's white light was shining once more, she furrowed her brow, seeing markings on the walls farther back. It was the same color of the flowers, and something in her gut told her to follow them.

Her legs shook and cramped for a few moments as she stood. Her good hand lifted to touch the paintings on the wall, fingers tracing over a symbol that she felt like she vaguely recognized, but like the color of the flower, it was too difficult to recall. Her eyes were drawn to the words painted onto the wall.

"We renounce Vialism." She whispered out, shutting her eyes and resting it on the cool cave wall. The faint memory of hearing the whispered words filled her, a mantra of the group rumored to be out here, free of Dema. Why couldn't she fully remember the information she had learned of the group? Had the Bishops stolen that information from her, forced her to forget during one of their "lessons"? Anger grew inside of her, and she pushed herself off of the wall.

She wouldn't let that happen again.

Darkness seemingly stared into her soul and she swallowed thickly. Once more, she reached into her backpack, hoping for anything at all to help light her way. Her fingers wrapped around a small metal box-like shape and she pulled out an item that was almost foreign to her. A lighter, she reminded herself, this was a lighter. A gift, from an old woman whose face she could no longer remember.

She flicked open the top, and flicked the odd wheel-like shape, and suddenly, warm light erupted from the small lighter in her hand. It wasn't much, but it was something. The warm light filled her with determination, with life, once more, and she pushed forward.

Up she climbed through the crevice, which turned into a cave, a hand on the rocky wall to steady herself as she did. She didn't know where she was going, except perhaps crazy. Had she already lost her mind, choosing to run from everything?

The cave slanted upwards, and her feet stumbled once again as she climbed up. She cursed under her breath, sucking in a quick breath as her legs cramped once more, pain flaring in her side. She breathed out shakily, stepping forward once more. The only thing she couldn't have prepared herself much for was all of the running. She supposed, however, she didn't know she'd have to run so much.

As she walked upwards, moonlight filled the cave and she shut the lid to the lighter. She stepped out of the crevice, finding herself on a mossy and grassy field with bushes dotted here and there, one that overlooked Trench below her. Her breath left her mouth in a quiet gasp at the scenery around her.

Indescribable feelings filled her, her heart feeling so content and at peace, yet still fluttering excitedly. It was uncontrolled and wild here, colors vibrant, illuminated by the moon above. She had to blink a few times to make sure what she was seeing was truly there. Her eyes moved upwards, to the night sky above, and she had never seen the moon so bright and full before. It was so beautiful, hauntingly so, stars surrounding it. The clouds must have cleared themselves when she was walking in the crevice, but she was so thankful for that.

She slipped the lighter into the pocket of her pants, hardly finding a need for it now. She let out a sigh, shutting her eyes and tilting her head up slightly. She breathed in fresh, cold air, smelling the nature around her. There was no smell of death, like the smell that lingered around the city, attracting those damn vultures. It smelled... alive.

She opened her eyes, and her eyes caught onto something unusual once again. Smoke danced in the air in a giant plume of grey. Someone else was out here, someone with a fire. The thought of encountering someone else out here made nervousness flare up inside the pit of her stomach, but she needed to find warmth. So she sucked in a breath once more, and started heading towards the smoke, guided by the moon's light.

With the thoughts of sitting by a warm fire filling her, it only made the young woman more aware of how absolutely freezing her legs and feet were. She highly doubted running through a stream helped her case. She let out a quiet scoff at her thoughts, shaking her head. Regardless, she could only hope that whoever had the fire going wouldn't mind a stranger sitting beside them.

She walked over a small hill, looking out to her right. She could hardly see the city now, but the fact that it still was there, always present, made her stomach twist into knots. Could the Bishops still see her now? She had gone so far, in such a short time, yet she didn't feel safe.

A branch snapping in front of her made her head snap forward, freezing where she stood. Wide eyes quickly looked around, but she saw nothing in front of her but bushes. Had she imagined the noise? Fear filled her as she thought of wild animals being out here. She was alone, out in the open, with only a lighter to defend herself. She could probably use her backpack as a weapon if she swung it hard enough.

Slowly, she brought the lighter out of her pocket once more, flicking it open yet hesitating on whether or not she wanted to cast a flame just yet. Maybe there was nothing there, and she was just hearing things. Swallowing thickly, she walked, as silently as she could towards the bush she had heard the noise from. She slowly looked around the bush, and felt her tense shoulders relax at seeing nothing, letting out a sigh.

"Maybe I am actually going crazy." She murmured out loud to herself. She shook her head, leaning down to the bush. She reached out, grasping a stick a little thicker than her wrist, snapping it off. A torch would fend off wild animals, right? She held the stick closer to her, starting to move to stand before suddenly stopping once more. A tense feeling slowly rose from the bottom of her spine to her neck, goosebumps covering her. There was someone behind her.

If she focused not on the sound of her heart beating rapidly in her ears, she could hear soft, almost muffled breathing. There was someone behind her, watching her movements, watching her. Maybe she hadn't escaped from the Bishops at all.

Swallowing back the bile that tried to escape her, she squeezed her eyes shut, gripping her stick tighter, shifting so she was holding it almost like a bat in front of her. The young woman jolted upwards, turning around with a yell as she brought the stick down, intent on hitting whoever it was.

"I'm not going back there!" She screamed out.

"Hey!" A voice yelled back. Her eyes snapped open when she felt him grasp the stick, keeping it from hitting him.

A male figure stood in front of her, clutching the other end of her stick in their hand. She couldn't see all of his face, hidden under a bandana of a bright color, the top of his head shaved. She saw his brown eyes, however, eyes that looked annoyed in the moonlight, brow furrowed harshly.

The young woman was quick to realize the situation she was in, with him holding the other end of her stick. She dropped her end, quickly taking multiple steps back with trembling legs. She didn't know who he was, but fear was filling her, and it was telling her to run as fast as she could, away from him.

The stranger noticed her panicked state, and dropped the stick, holding his hands up in front of him, his eyes showing concern. A sign of no harm, she told herself. Yet her panicked mind also told her it was quite possibly a trick.

"I'm not taking you back there." He spoke out clearly, his voice calm.

"Then why did you sneak up on me like that?!" She demanded, panicked eyes narrowing at him. "How do I know you're not just some - some spy for the Bishops?!"

He let out a short sigh, keeping his eyes trained on her. "Banditos renounce Vialism, so I hardly think a Bishop would appreciate me dissing their ideals all the time." He responded, a bit of snark entering his tone.

Shock filled her. Had she actually heard him? Was he actually a bandito? They were real? Her eyebrows furrowed harshly, and her mouth opened slightly. She blinked quickly, trying to form words that would express her shock. The rumors were true, people had escaped before her and were living out here.

"To answer your other question, I was watching you since you entered Trench. That was quite the commotion you caused. Bringing a Bishop all the way out here..." He shook his head, but she hardly noticed.

Fear gripped her once more, and she clutched her shirt. Wide eyes moved from him to the opening of the cave quite a ways behind her. What if the Bishop was following her? What if Nico was following her still? Her breathing hitched, eyes wide yet unable to see. She couldn't let them take her back.

She found herself shaking, trembling more from the fear than the cold. She heard him move. Her head snapped to look back at him, blinking quickly to try and rid the tears from her eyes, before taking a step back. "He-he's not there." She managed to get out. "Right?" She asked him, uncertainty and fear making her voice waiver.

The Bandito shook his head, and she saw concern in his eyes once more. "No." His answer was quick, sure. "He didn't follow you. You're free." He told her, his voice adding on a tone of softness, yet still remaining firm.

"Okay." She whispered out, voice uneven, shutting her eyes and nodding as her hands still gripped her shirt. Yet they were slowly loosening, pain flaring in the hand that had been cut, but the pain helped focus her, bring her back from the fear that was trying to control her. "Okay." She spoke again, voice firmer. She swallowed thickly, opening her eyes to look back at him.

She watched his eyes relax, yet swore she still saw concern lingering. His eyes studied her, as if making sure she was okay. She didn't know what he would see, because she didn't even know what she was feeling.

"Why were you following me?" She asked him, her initial concern washing over her again.

"I hadn't meant to follow you, not at first." He told her. "I heard noises coming from inside of Trench, and I needed to check it out." His gave moved towards the city that lingered. "I wasn't expecting someone to have escaped today." He was quiet for a few moments, as the young woman processed his words. He looked back at her. "I wanted to see how far you could make it without help."

She furrowed her eyebrows. What he said made sense, once she remembered that he was a Bandito, part of a group that was hidden from the Bishops. They needed to be careful about who they showed themselves to, so they had to test her to make sure she wasn't part of Dema.

"How's your hand, by the way?" He asked, gesturing towards it.

She was taken aback by his comment, her eyebrows furrowed harshly. He really had been following her, hadn't he? "It's fine." She told him, her voice displaying uncertainty.

"Should still have it checked out at the med tent when we get there." He commented, giving a small shrug.

"Why did you show yourself now?" She asked him after a few moments of quiet between them, bringing the topic back on track.

He jerked his head to the side, towards where the smoke plume was at. "If you had just showed up there without knowing anything, you would have been severely interrogated." He gave a small shrug of his shoulders. "You still might be interrogated, but if you show up with me beside you, it'll be less severe."

From what he was implying, there was more than just him out here. She didn't like the idea of being interrogated, however, thinking of how the Bishops 'interrogated' those who had tried to escape prior her. It was torture rather than questioning. She really hoped the Banditos weren't like that too.

"Oh." She let out.

"Don't worry." He told her. "It's really just them asking you questions. Most of them are harmless." He spoke in a lighter tone, and it took her a moment to realize that he was trying to joke around with her.

She let out a quiet sigh, shaking her head. She was too wound up to try and fake a smile again. "Well, I suppose that's a relief, then." She told him. "So there's more of you in the camp, then?" She asked him.

He nodded, and she looked over to where the smoke was rising up from. She felt nervousness, or maybe it was anxiety, crawling up her throat. But she needed to push it down, as she couldn't survive out here on her own. She needed help, and she knew that the Banditos were the only ones who would help her out here.

She still was having trouble processing that the Banditos were real. She glanced back at the one who stood in front of her. Now that she wasn't panicking, she could take a look at what he was wearing. His jacket was dark green, with what looked like bright tape on the shoulders and around his arm. He had on his own backpack, dark in color. The bandana was the same color as the tape, and of the flowers she had seen before.

Yet she still couldn't remember the name of that color.

"We should probably get going." The Bandito spoke, breaking her out of her thoughts. "You seem like you could use some rest."

The young woman let out a quiet scoff. "I think I need more than that." She retorted quietly, shifting her backpack, preparing herself to walk once more. She felt like she had been walking for days, her body sore and aching.

He started walking forward, his eyes crinkling slightly with what she could only assume was a smile. "What's your name?" He asked her a moment later as she fell into step beside him.

It was a question that most, if not all, people wouldn't have had trouble answering. It was a perfectly valid question, one that she should automatically have an answer for. And, she supposed, she did have an answer. However, she didn't want to use that name, not anymore. Not when she was free from Dema.

"You can call me Willa." She told him quietly, shifting her backpack. It would work well enough, she supposed.

"Willa, huh? Unique name." He commented. "I'm Tyler." He introduced himself, glancing at her for a quick moment before watching where he was walking once again.

Willa, as she had just nicknamed herself, did the same. He seemed to walk the path with ease, as if he had done it so many times it was now engraved into his subconscious. He probably had. It made her wonder how long he had been out here, as he didn't seem that much older than she was, but she couldn't remember any escapes in recent years. Then again, she found that there was quite a few things she couldn't remember, and she blamed the Bishops and their lessons for that.

They walked in a comfortable silence for quite a little ways. As they did, Willa watched as the smoke plume grew taller and taller, and she noticed that it wasn't just one, but multiple plumes going into the night air, some smaller than others. She realized that it was a big camp to have that many, and she wondered just how many Banditos were actually here.

They approached a small hill, but instead of climbing up it, Tyler turned and headed towards the side. Willa followed, with furrowed eyebrows in confusion. He noticed her expression. "I don't want to come in through the back and give everyone a heart attack." He simply told her, voice quiet.

Were they that close to the camp? Yes, she could see the smoke rising into the air much clearer now, and she could smell the fire, and something cooking, but she didn't actually see the camp just yet. It had to be just over this hill then, right? Willa gave a small nod, and followed him around the hill.

The smells of the fire grew stronger as the hill grew smaller as they walked, and she was hit with an odd feeling growing inside of her. She didn't know whether it was excitement, nerves, or an odd sense of calmness. It smelled welcoming, in an odd way, and alive.

As the two approached the edge of the slope, she noticed that another hill started just a little ways away, protecting the camp nestled in between them. Wide eyes took in the scene in front of her if she looked over the hill. Everything was basked in an orange light, tents set up with torches in front of them. People dressed similarly to Tyler milled about smaller fires, but she noticed a large amount around a huge fire. She could see many of them eating, which is what she smelled. And, unfamiliar noises filled her ears. The sounds of laughter, of happy talking and fires crackling.

This place felt so foreign, so alien, compared to the lifeless, grey city of Dema. Yet, to Willa, it felt alive.

Tyler stopped a few feet in front of her, holding up a hand, silently telling her to wait. She stopped, her legs thankful, and gave him a questioning glance. She couldn't see the expression he was making behind his bandana, but she could only hope it was a reassuring one. That he did, in fact, know what he was doing.

With no hesitation, he walked out into the open, lifting a hand in a friendly gesture. "East is up." He greeted loudly, voice cheerful. All noises of cheerful talking and laughing stopped, the sound of a bowl dropping and shattering filling her ears instead.

Willa's mouth dropped. He just said he didn't want to give them a heart attack, yet here he was, probably doing just that! Just as she was starting to question this man's sanity, she heard multiple shouts of his name, questions being asked left and right.

Before Tyler could say anymore, he was being hugged tightly by another male, one slightly taller than him. Willa watched as Tyler hugged the other back, just as tightly. It was odd, unusual, for her to see such open displays of affection.

As they pulled away, Willa could practically see Tyler's happiness radiating off of him. Then his eyes, and his friend's, moved to look at her. Willa felt her fear spike once again as she met the mocha brown of the other Bandito.

He wasn't saying anything, but she could see all of his face, unhidden by a bandana like Tyler's was. He looked young too, yet his eyes were guarded, closed-off. He was studying her, and she swallowed thickly, her knuckles turning white from her grip.

"Her name's Willa." Tyler told his friend. "Found her while I was heading back." He replied simply, turning his gaze back to her. "Willa, this is Josh. He's kinda the leader here." Tyler told the girl. It was up to this Josh, then, whether or not or not she got to stay here.

"Haven't met a Willa before." Josh commented, his voice mellow, calm even. He offered her a small smile, but she could see he was still guarded. Of course he would be guarded, she chided herself. He was the leader of a hidden group, trying to keep them safe.

"Welcome to the Bandito camp."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh wowie look  
> it's our two favorite cult leaders


	3. [2]

**[2]**

 

Willa felt relief wash over her as he turned slightly back towards the camp, nodding his head towards it. She offered him her own small smile, exhaustion probably showing through her eyes. It had been a long day, to say the least.

“C’mon, Tyler and I will show you around.” He told her, before starting to walk towards the camp. Tyler gestured for Willa to follow Josh first, and she did, watching as he fell in step beside her. At least, she told herself, he wasn’t behind her, treating her like some prisoner.

She felt multiple eyes on her as the two walked her into the camp, and she felt that anxiety well up inside of her. She didn’t recognize anyone here, her eyes looking around at all of the members. Some were off in their own conversations, others were eating, yet she still felt eyes on her.

Her eyes also took in things she couldn’t see while on the outside of the camp. The most noticeable thing was what appeared to be a burnt frame of a car, which wasn’t even the oddest thing she saw. There were weird… barrel-like objects near the fire. Her mind struggled to think of a word for them, but her attention was quickly taken by the smell of that food once again, the warmth of the fires around her.

More than ever she felt that exhaustion tug at her, the soreness of her bones. It would’ve been so easy to just find a warm corner to lay down and sleep in, but she was sure that Josh and Tyler wanted to talk to her first. They stopped in front of the large fire, near where the food was being served.

“Everyone, this is Willa. She escaped from Dema, and proved that she can fend for herself.” Tyler spoke out loud, and Willa felt a flush grow on her cheeks in embarrassment from all of the staring. A few people gave her friendly looks, while others looked at her in curiosity and perhaps distrust.

“Abby, when we’re done, could you make sure she gets settled in properly?” Josh asked a dark-haired girl to his left, who was sitting with a small group of her own.

She flashed him a bright smile, and nodded. “Course.” She responded, her voice cheery. Her eyes then moved to Willa, who she offered the same bright smile.

Willa, in return, gave a small smile, all she could muster with the amount of strength she had left. It probably looked more like a grimace than anything.

“Thanks.” He gave her a nod, and then they continued walking. “Abby usually helps out with the new Banditos, gets them all set here. She’s usually hanging out in the med tent.” Josh told Willa.

“It’s more of an ‘everything that isn’t sleeping’ tent.” Tyler commented, and she could hear the mirth in his voice.

She watched as a smile broke out onto Josh’s face, and he shook his head. “Anyways, yeah. If you need medical attention, or, well, anything really, Abby’s usually over there.” Josh finished explaining to Willa.

“Which, she does.” Tyler cut in again.

Willa looked at him, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. What was he talking about? He noticed her confused expression, and gestured to her bandaged hand, holding onto her backpack still. Her expression morphed into one of realization, and she moved her gaze away from him.

“It’ll be alright for now.” She told him. She had been ignoring it, if she were frank, but now that he had brought it up again, it was hurting, throbbing almost.

Josh didn’t comment, but she knew he was paying attention.

As they walked, there were other greetings from other Banditos, calling out Tyler’s name. He waved at all them, offering greetings back of his own, his tone cheerful and friendly. It was hard for Willa to hear, in a way, so different than the numb, almost fake tone of the other citizens of Dema.

They approached a large tent, and Josh held back the flap, opening it up for both Tyler and Willa to walk into. Her grip tightened on her backpack once again, but she sucked in a quick breath, before letting it go as she walked into the tent.

The tent was mostly empty, a makeshift table with two chairs on either side on on side, while on the other side, there was an old bed frame holding a mattress with a lantern near it on the ground. There was a lot of papers, maps even, on the table, she noticed. It seemed like a lot of important work happened here so it was no wonder that this was where new people would be questioned.

She had nothing to worry about, right? Tyler had reassured her about that. But what if he had been lying? She hadn’t really even thought about that possibility, so desperate to be out of the cold, to be talking to a Bandito, to be  _safe_.

“Go ahead and take a seat.” Josh gestured to one of the plastic chairs with an old pillow on top of, one that she would have complained about the uncomfortableness of, but now, she was silently thankful to just have somewhere to sit.

As Willa sat, a quiet sigh left her, body almost relaxing into the seat. It really couldn’t, however, knowing what was going to happen next. She watched as Josh sat in the chair across from her, Tyler making himself comfortable sitting on the bed. She finally let go of the straps of her backpack, moving them to rest in her lap. She held her injured one, running a hand over the bandage, finding it was damp with blood.

Josh watched her, mocha brown eyes studying her once again. “This hopefully shouldn’t take too long.” Josh started, offering a small smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “We usually just ask those who have just escaped a few things before we let them go on their own.”

Willa nodded, knowing questions were coming, thanks to Tyler’s warning. Her anxiety couldn’t help but grow in not knowing what those specific questions were, however. Everyone had things they didn’t want to be shared, and she was no exception.

“I’m curious to know why you decided to escape tonight, during that ‘ceremony’.” Tyler spoke out first, his brown eyes watching her.

Willa felt her heart constrict as she watched Josh furrow his eyebrows with a quick glance at Tyler, before staring at her again. She ducked her gaze from Tyler, staring at her hands. “They… they make you forget things that defy them. Force their ideals down your throat. Become numb,  _lifeless_ , I...” She almost choked out, clenching her hands. “I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to get out. I was being suffocated.”

“And with the Bishops all gathered in one place, it made it easier to escape.” Josh commented, to which Willa nodded with. It was quiet for a few moments, both of them processing what Willa had said.

“Those feelings, of not belonging in Dema, of not being free, right? What made you finally act on them?” Tyler asked, staring at her questioningly.

Willa looked up at him as he asked her this question, before dropping her gaze once again. Should she be vague about what she found, that tore what she knew apart? It felt so long ago, yet it still held such an impact on her, still pushed her to keep going. What would be hurtful in telling them this truth? After all, the more truthful she was in this interrogation, the better.

“It was something I was not supposed to find.” Finally, she spoke. “I do not know how the Bishops were never alerted of it.” She shut her eyes, remembering the panic of fearing what they would do to her if they ever did find it.

“A little flower of the most vibrant color I had ever seen was somehow hidden inside of the desk in my apartment.” Willa spoke out, furrowing her eyebrows as the memory tried to escape her. “It screamed life, and that’s when I finally realized that what I was living was not life.” She told him, and was surprised to find anger fill her. “I was just... following what someone else had already predetermined for me.” Her tone had hardened, eyes staring harshly at her hands, lost in her thoughts as the tent went silent for a few moments.

“You found my flower.” Tyler spoke out, quietly, breaking that silence.

“What?” She asked, looking up, eyebrows furrowing at the expression on his face, noticing Josh staring at her with a look of surprise too. Tyler’s brown eyes were slightly wide, and she imagined his mouth was expressing that shock too.

His flower? What was he- “Did you leave it there?” She asked him, confusion and shock filling her.

He nodded, looking at her with a mix of emotions that the young woman couldn’t figure out. “I tried to escape, a few times.” He told her. “When I was caught by Nico after escaping the first time, I kept a flower with me. The Bishops can’t see this color.” He lifted a hand to rest over the bright color on his shoulder. “It’s like they’re blind, and it’s why we wear it, as protection.” He explained to her. “It’s probably why they didn’t see the flowers I hid in the desk after each attempt to escape.”

He was quick to skip over whatever it was that Nico had done to him when he was captured, and Willa didn’t blame him. She didn’t even want to imagine what had happened, yet she knew all too well what Nico could and would do. Panic filled her at the thought of what he would do to  _her_ if she was caught.

“If the flower meant so much to you, then why did you leave it?” She asked him, wanting to distract herself of those thoughts.

“I left it in the hopes that someone else would see it and break free of their control.” His answer was quick, hope filling his brown eyes.

“And it worked, it seems.” Josh cut in, offering Tyler a smile, before looking back at Willa.

Willa couldn’t help but give Tyler her own smile, and a sense of gratitude and thankfulness washed over her. If it wasn’t for him, she’d still be there, trapped. “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for that flower.” She told him, her voice hopefully projecting what she was feeling. “Thank you.”

He gave a small shrug, dropping his gaze from hers. “Ah, well, I just… wanted to help even if I couldn’t be there.”

“Did you leave it there?” Josh asked Willa, curiosity filling his tone.

Willa nodded, looking back at him. “I felt like the color would have alerted the Bishops at the time, so I left it to try and stay undetected when I escaped.” She looked down, embarrassment filling her. “Guess it was a good thing I was unaware.” She spoke quietly, almost to herself.

“Guess so.” He responded, and she could hear the smile in his voice. “That means whoever is placed into that apartment next will find that flower, and hopefully be able to break away like we did.”

If the Bishops didn’t thoroughly search the apartment this time.

Willa was having trouble processing all of this information, to say the least. She still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that the Banditos were real, that she was inside of their camp, not to mention the fact that Bishops couldn’t see the bright color of life? If she truly thought about it, what Tyler said made too much sense. Perhaps that was why Dema was so grey, so lifeless, so full of death.

“Well, Willa.” Josh spoke out, and she looked up at him. His gaze looked friendlier than it had before. “We’ll let you get settled in for the night.”

His words made the young woman relax. She offered her own smile back at him again, although it probably appeared more tired than anything. But she was relieved, to say the least, that she had a warm place to stay for the night, possibly for the next few nights. She couldn’t even fathom beyond that just yet, the thought that she could do practically whatever she wanted was an overwhelming one.

“If you find Abby, she’ll get you all set up.” Josh told her, and she nodded, forcing herself to get up off of the seat. Her legs protested, but she did her best to ignore it. “Make sure you get that hand checked out.” He commented, and she saw a flash of concern in his eyes.

She nodded again in response, shifting her backpack on her shoulders. She offered a thankful smile at Tyler, before turning to walk out of the tent. She could feel their eyes on her back, and she resisted the urge to show how truly tired and sore she was.

She pulled back the flap of the tent, and walked out. She started to hear the two talk as she left the tent, but couldn’t listen in, as she was met with the friendly face of Abby as soon as she walked out of the tent. She flinched back slightly, blinking quickly.

Abby, who was dark-skinned with a bright smile and eyes, gave her a grin. “Willa, right?” She greeted. “I’m Abby, it’s nice to meet you!”

Willa immediately figured out why she was seemingly in charge of setting up the new escapees. She was so friendly and cheery, and Willa couldn’t help but feel somewhat comfortable with her. She gave off an aura of openness and friendliness, which Willa found refreshing. “Hello.” Willa greeted, offering a smile.

“You seem exhausted.” She spoke out, her expression turning into one of concern. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you settled in.” She offered a smile back at Willa again, and turned forward towards the camp again, waving a hand. “C’mon. Let’s get you out of those old clothes, yeah?”

Willa glanced down at her clothes, which simply consisted of a grey sweater and grey pants. However, part of her shirt was stained dark with blood from her hand, and she swallowed thickly, wrapping her arms around herself. She couldn’t believe she had walked through the entire camp with blood on her. She was quick, however, to follow Abby, eager to get out of the old, grey clothes.

“So, Josh and Tyler already told you about the main places in this camp, right?” She asked, glancing over at her as they walked towards the tent that had been pointed out prior.

“Yes, I believe so.” She answered back, trying not to feel too anxious with the eyes staring into her back. If she were honest, however, she’d probably have to be retold everything tomorrow morning. It felt like this was all a dream, and she was still waiting to wake up.

“Cool. Tomorrow, I can show you some other stuff and tell you some of the duties we have here in the camp. I’m not for sure what Josh will have you do in the future, but there’s plenty of stuff to help out with around here.”

“Alright.” Willa responded as they stopped in front of the large tent.

Abby pulled back the flap of the tent, stepping inside and holding it open for Willa with a grin. Willa followed, the flap closing behind her, and was surprised to see a divider set up, alongside tables nearby with different clothes on top of them. All of the clothes were camo and dark green, with bright flashes of that color again. There was also a small mirror on the table as well.

To the side, she saw spare beds, and the smell of antiseptic hit her nose. It was obvious enough that area was for the medical aid. There was a cabinet with a lock on it, and Willa didn’t have to think very hard as to why that was.

“Alright, if you just wanna go over to that table, you can pick out some clothes-” Abby cut herself off, letting out a gasp. “What happened?” She asked, stepping towards Willa and reaching for her hand.

Willa flinched, but let the other girl take her hand and examine it. “O-oh, well, I was, um-” She stuttered out, swallowing thickly. “I was climbing and I cut my hand on a rock.” She rushed out.

Abby’s head tilted to the side slightly as she looked back up from Willa’s hand. “Well, next time you want to go rock climbing, grab some gloves, yeah?” She spoke lightly, a small smile on her face but there was sadness and understanding in her eyes.

Willa offered her own shaky smile back, needing no words to explain what had happened. She could almost cry, knowing that Abby knew what one had to do to escape Dema. All of the Banditos probably knew.

“Let’s get this checked out and then we can get you some new clothes.” Abby suggested, and lead her over to the beds near the medical area. She gestured to one of them, before moving to the cabinet to unlock it.

Willa sat down, letting out a long sigh as her body ached. She took in a deep breath before wincing as her side hurt once again. She lifted her good hand to press gently on her side, wincing slightly again at the pain. She had probably, most definitely, bruised something.

“Alright, Willa. I have some fresh bandages and a needle and thread here.” Abby’s voice called out to her, and Willa looked up from her side to see said items. She wasn’t squirmish about most things, but the thought of having a needle go through her skin, well… It wasn’t a pleasant thought.

Abby must have seen the look on Willa’s face, because she was quick to speak again. “Just in case the wound isn’t closing on its own.” She explained, setting things down on the stand beside the bed. “Alright, let me see your hand.” She asked, offering a hand out.

Willa placed her bandaged hand in Abby’s, the white of the bandage appearing more red than white by now. Again, it was throbbing with pain, spreading down her arm. Willa didn’t know much about injuries, but she didn’t think that was a good thing.

Abby started to unwrap the bandage, humming out. “You did a pretty good job with wrapping this. Did you have experience doing this a lot?” She asked.

Willa avoided eye contact, and avoided looking at her hand. Unfortunately, she did have experience with wrapping herself up. She was only thankful she could swipe her supplies when she needed them. “I suppose so.” She answered out, unwilling to go into just why that was. The young woman really didn’t want to think about what had happened in Dema.

She saw Abby nod in her peripherals. “Well, good news is, the bleeding has stopped. I’m just gonna clean it up real quick, and then rewrap it. Looks like you won’t need stitches today, Willa.” 

Willa let out a sigh. “That’s a relief.” She breathed out, moving her gaze back forward as Abby let go of her hand.

The other woman walked to the cabinet and pulled out a bottle of water, and a rag, leaving the antiseptic in the cabinet. Willa couldn’t help but feel relief that the smell wouldn’t get any stronger and give her a migraine.

Willa watched as the woman poured some water onto the rag, then took her injured hand, gently patting it with the rag. She winced slightly in pain. “Sorry.” Abby apologized, before speaking again. “If you’d like, I can ask Josh about you helping me out here.”

Willa was surprised to find herself not wanting to take that offer. She had spent all of her life so far trapped in Dema, she wanted to be free, she wanted to be out there, smelling the fresh air. Not smelling the blood when someone worse than her decided to come in.

“You’re all done.” Abby spoke, breaking Willa out of her thoughts.

Willa blinked quickly, looking down at her newly bandaged hand. It must have been wrapped while she wasn’t paying attention. Her mind was exhausted, it was no wonder it was wandering once again.

“Thank you, Abby.” Willa told the other woman, looking up at her.

Abby gave a small grin, shaking her head. “Ah, it was nothing. This was a nice break from what I normally do.” Before Willa could really think about what that statement, Abby was clasping her hands together. “Now, let’s get you some fresh clothes and then some food, yeah?”

Willa hadn’t even thought about food. She was ready to just find a warm spot and fall asleep. She guessed she really didn’t have a choice, however, and nodded. She pushed herself up off of the bed.

“If you wanna go ahead and pick out some clothes while I put these things away, you’re more than welcome to.” Abby told her, turning to pick up the items on the stand.

Willa looked over at the table with the clothes on them, and walked over to it. Gingerly, she ran her good hand over the fabrics. If she wore these items, it meant she’d become a Bandito, right? She’d become part of something desperate people in Dema believed in. Something she believed in.

After picking out an outfit, she moved behind the dividers. She shrugged off her backpack, setting it down gently on the ground below her. As quick as she could, she changed out of her blood soaked, torn grey clothes. She glanced down at her side, seeing bruises blossoming already. She gingerly poked at it, wincing afterwords. Well, at least it would be a nice vibrant display of colors.

Changing into her new clothes, she felt much warmer than she had before. She had picked out a pair of dark camo pants, a tank top, and a zip up jacket to wear over it. She also slipped her feet into boots that were much better suited for running.

She slung her backpack back on, and started to walk towards the outside of the divider, but she noticed something in the corner of her eye. A mirror, cracked in a few places, sat in the corner of the area sectioned off. Willa stared at the stranger staring back at her.

She looked so much older than what Willa knew but she also looked alive. There was a spark in her eyes that was usually subdued in Dema, burning there in her eyes. No longer was she what the Bishops had planned for her, she was… She was alive.

After attempting to subdue her crazed hair, she gave up, deciding to just throw it into a ponytail with a hairband in her backpack. She walked out of the divided area, seeing Abby standing there, waiting.

A grin grew on her face. “Oh, you look so much better!” She commented, clasping her hands together again. “We’ll burn those old clothes of yours, so you don’t have to worry about those anymore.”

Willa offered a smile back. “That… sounds like a great idea.” Burning anything connecting her to that place sounded like a good idea. She wanted to move on, never go back and never look back either. If she were honest, she’d rather die than ever be forced to the Bishops’ lessons ever again. 

She barely survived before now.

“I’ll take care of them in a bit, then. Let’s get something to eat! I’m starving.” Abby commented, starting to walk towards the opening of the tent. She stopped suddenly. “Wait, hold on.”

She whipped back towards the clothing, much to Willa’s confusion, and grabbed a bandana and a hoodie of the same color. She also grabbed tape. Then she turned to Willa with a grin, holding out the hoodie and bandana. “The bandana is to help hide your identity while out there beyond our camp, or just to help you until you’re ready to take it off.”

Willa looked at Abby in surprise, before gently taking the bandana. She held it out, staring at the patterns sewed into it. It was… beautiful. She moved to wrap it around her neck, tying it in the back, while leaving enough room for her to pull it up over her face if she wanted.

“The hoodie is just because it gets cold out there at night.” Abby commented, and Willa took it just as gently. It was soft and warm to the touch, just like the color it was. She decided to wrap it around her waist for now.

Willa stared at the tape questioningly for a moment, then up at Abby’s face. Why hadn’t she just put the tape on the clothing in the first place?

“For now, all you need are two pieces of tape.” Abby spoke out, ripping off a piece and approaching the other woman. Gently, she pressed it down onto the shoulder of the jacket, before doing it again for the other. “These are just precautionary measures, as the Bishops can’t see it, as you know, right?”

Willa nodded, watching her face as she explained.

“Well, some of us have tape in other places as well. Some of us have it over our hearts, to protect that specifically.” She explained, lifting a hand to her chest, resting it over the tape. “Others have it in other places, like on their legs or arms, representing something specific to each individual that they want to protect.”

Willa furrowed her eyebrows slightly at Abby’s words. Personally, she didn’t really see what difference it would make if someone were being dragged away by a Bishop, but she supposed to the Banditos, it helped ease their fears. “Oh.” She responded. “I see.”

“I won’t make you choose that right now, though.” Abby reassured Willa. “I’m sure all of this is a lot to take in, yeah?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

Willa let out a short breath of air. “Putting it lightly, yes. This morning I was still in Dema, unaware that this,” she gestured around them, “all of you, were even real.” She breathed out.

Abby offered a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “It’ll take a few days, but you’ll settle in just fine. You’re free now.” She spoke out, a gentle tone to her voice. She stepped back, setting the tape back on the small table. “Let’s go get some food, and then you can get some rest.”

Willa couldn’t help but feel like that was a really, really great idea. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone say hi to abby  
> and tyler and josh are there too i guess 
> 
> enjoy~!


	4. [3]

**[3]**

 

Walking towards the large fire with Abby beside her, Willa felt eyes staring at her again. Some still felt distrustful, and she couldn’t blame them. Willa didn’t trust any of them. She supposed that if she was going to be apart of them, however, she’d have to learn just how to do that.

Abby gave a smile to a small group of people as they walked past them, and Willa offered her own small smile, hoping to appear somewhat friendly. She saw a smile from the girls in the group. The male, however, with the short hair and beard, looked like he was trying to stare a hole through Willa’s soul, and she was quick to look away.

“That’s a group of folks that almost all came in before you about week or two ago. They’re pretty friendly, except the one, which I’m sure you can feel him burning a hole into the back of your head right now.” Abby spoke quietly to her as they approached a cauldron near the large fire, a few bowls beside it.

Willa nodded, watching as Abby picked up a ladle and a bowl. “Yes, it feels like he is trying to see my soul.” She commented, enjoying the heat of the fire, almost entranced by how it danced, full of life.

Abby let out a quiet laugh, filling up a bowl with what looked and smelled like soup. “Yeah, he does that. He’s pretty nice, just a little rough around the edges.” She told Willa, handing her the warm bowl.

Willa embraced the bowl, enjoying how warm it felt on her hands. “Oh, thank you.” She told Abby, offering a small smile. “If I’m honest, I don’t blame him. I would believe everyone is a little rough around the edges here.” She told Abby, watching as the other got her own bowl of soup.

Abby nodded. “Yeah, that’s a fair guess.” She rose back up, holding her own bowl of soup. Her eyes looked sad. “We’ve all seen a lot of things, had a lot of trust betrayed.” She explained simply. “Well, I’m sure you understand why.”

Willa nodded, then her eyes widened when she saw Abby walking towards the group. She stood frozen there for a moment, trying to determine if she really wanted to interact with others or not. She quickly decided that she didn’t want to be left alone, not right now, and followed after Abby. 

“Mind if we sit here with you guys?” Abby asked as Willa came up beside her.

“Go ahead.” One of the girls, with medium-length light brown hair and pale blue eyes said. She looked tired, Willa noticed, but still friendly. Friendlier than the one staring a hole into her soul again.

“Thanks.” Abby responded, offering a smile of her own, and sat down on the stool that was open next to the rough man.

“Willa, right?” The other girl, who had auburn colored short hair with a buzzed side called out. She also looked tired, but, again, still friendly. “You can sit next to me.” She patted the stool next to her.

Willa offered a tired smile, and made her way to sit there. She couldn’t help but still feel like an outsider, even if she was dressed like them, and was just like they were at one point. “Thank you.”

“I’m Evelyn, by the way.” The short haired girl introduced herself. “That’s Brooke.” Evelyn said as she nodded at her friend. “That grumpy guy is Harry.” Harry, in response, stared at Evelyn with an unimpressed look, with which Evelyn responded with a cheery smile.

Willa offered her own small smile at Harry, receiving a gruff nod in return. “Hello.” She greeted to all of them, before taking a sip of her soup. It was probably because she was so tired and exhausted, but the soup filled her with a warmth that made her shoulders relax.

“So Willa, I know you’ve recently become free and all,” Brooke started, a smile growing on her face, “But what do you like to do for fun?” Brooke wore tape over her shoulders on the dark hoodie she wore, and on both of her arms.

Willa was almost taken aback by her question, listening as Harry let out a quiet scoff, shaking his head and leaning back. “What type of fun could a prisoner have?” He commented lowly.

Willa saw out of the corner of her eye, Abby swat at his arm. Willa took her attention off of them as they started to make faces at each other. It was obvious that they were close. Instead, she stared at the fire, pondering his question.

What  _had_  she been allowed to do for fun, in Dema? Sleep had been her escape for a long time, but even that had started to become grey and numb, dreams escaping her. It was lifeless there, and she sought out any escape she could find.

“Reading, if I’m honest.” She answered back, finally deciding on an answer. “It was the only escape I could find while trapped there.” She spoke out, looking down at her bowl.

“Huh. I never thought of it like that.” Evelyn spoke out first. “Well, we’re limited on books here, but maybe you’ll find something.”

Willa looked up at Evelyn, offering a tired smile. “I’m happy to hear that, but I think I’m more excited to be actually able to  _do_ things, rather than read about them.” She admitted, her smile turning sheepish, almost.

“Really?” Brooke asked, voice displaying quiet shock. Willa turned her head to look at her, seeing her with an almost perplexed expression. Was it that surprising that she was so ready to be free?

“I’ve... felt it for a long time. Leaving the city, it was a breath of fresh air that made those feelings grow.” She told the other woman. Brooke stared at her, seemingly studying her, before nodding.

“A lot of us have that realization.” Abby commented, catching Willa’s attention again. “Whatever made us, I don’t know, start actually  _feeling_ , it…” She trailed off.

“It feels suffocating.” Harry finished for her. “At least, until you’re free.” His dark colored eyes almost softened as he looked at Abby for a moment, but she simply stared into the fire, her eyes looking distant.

“Yeah.” She agreed, quietly. It was quiet around them, the sound of the fire cackling with the other groups’ murmuring filling the air instead.

A solemn feeling filled Willa, yet… She hardly felt alone. It was relieving to be able to speak freely about what she was feeling, uncontrolled by the Bishops. To know that she wasn’t crazy, that what she was feeling was more than okay, she could almost cry. Instead, she settled for drinking more of her soup.

Her eyes were entranced by the fire as she thought everything over. It danced and sparked, the bright, vibrant colors reflecting onto her surroundings. She shut her eyes and she focused on the heat coming off of it. It was so different than the artificial light she was used to, but she relished in that.

A yawn broke its way through Willa’s mouth, and she hid it behind her hand. She blinked almost sluggishly, trying to remove the exhaustion from her eyes. It wasn’t working very well, however.

“Tired already, huh?” Evelyn teased out lightly. “You’ll have to learn to stay up late with us, Newbie.”

“Oh, hush. You didn’t run through Dema and go rock-climbing today, did you?” Abby shushed the other girl, but a smile was on her face.

“Rock-climbing?” Brooke asked, a shocked expression on her face. “You  _climbed_  up some of those cliffs?”

Willa sheepishly looked down into her almost empty bowl. “Yes…” She trailed off, embarrassment filling her, her face flushing.

“That’s actually kind of sick, dude.” Evelyn commented, and Willa looked back up to see a grin on her face. “You’ll have to teach me sometime how to do that.”

Abby rolled her eyes, shaking her head. “Once you all get proper gloves to wear.” She retorted, before finishing off her soup. She gestured for Willa’s bowl, and she finished her soup quickly before handing her the empty bowl. Abby then gave the empty bowls to Brooke, and stood. “Well, I’m sure it was exciting to talk to the newbie, but she needs her rest for tomorrow. So do I.” 

Willa was thankful for Abby excusing them both. Exhaustion pulled at her bones, making her weary. She stood as well, brushing off her palms on her pants. “It was nice meeting you all.” She told the other three, offering a smile.

“I’ll see ya’ around, Newbie.” Evelyn said, grinning.

“Sleep well, Willa. Tomorrow is a new day.” Brooke responded, offering her own smile.

Harry didn’t say anything, but offered a nod in Willa’s direction. She supposed that was enough for her and followed Abby as she started to walk away from the group. Exhaustion plagued her with each step she took, and she was struggling to keep her eyes more than half-way open. Her backpack, which was filled with mostly light things, felt so heavy against her back. She was more than ready to just fall asleep.

“I don’t have a tentmate, so you can sleep in mine tonight.” Abby spoke to Willa, a smile on her face as she glanced over. “For someone who went through what you did today, you’re sure holding up really well.”

Willa let out a quiet scoff, shaking her head slightly. “I’m sure when I wake up tomorrow, I’ll be freaking out about all of this. I think I’m in too much shock, and too exhausted, right now to really understand it.” She murmured out, finding no need to speak much louder, as the chatter around the smaller fires was dying out.

It seemed Willa and Abby weren’t the only ones to go rest. She saw other Banditos heading into their tents for the night as they walked past them, torches placed in front of each one, the light cutting into the darkness of the night.

Abby let out a snort. “Well, when you’re done freaking out, make sure you get some breakfast.” She retorted, stopping in front of a tent a little ways away from the main fire, in what seemed to be a quieter area. She gestured to the flap of the tent. “Go ahead and make yourself at home. I gotta take care of a few more things before I settle in for the night.”

Willa looked over at Abby, offering an exhausted smile. “Thank you. Not just for this, I mean, for, well, helping me so much.”

Abby shook her head, placing a hand on Willa’s shoulder. “Don’t thank me. Just help others in return, yeah?” She spoke out gently, tilting her head slightly. “It’s what we do here, support one another.”

Willa nodded. She wasn’t sure she could do that, mostly because she couldn’t even remember what the name of a color was, but… maybe when her mind wasn’t plagued by exhaustion she could try.

Abby then patted Willa’s shoulder, a smile brightening her face. “Good. Now, get some rest. We can talk more tomorrow.” She then started to walk away, offering a wave back over her shoulder. 

Willa offered a smile back, then turned towards the tent. She lifted the flap, wincing slightly at the pain in her ribs, before going inside. Two beds were on either side of the tent, a desk in a corner, which looked mostly unused, with an accompanying chair. Willa let out a long sigh, her shoulders dropping, slipping off her backpack. She walked to the unused bed, and sat down, setting the backpack at her feet.

She felt like she could fall asleep now, in the clothes she currently wore. Letting out a long yawn, she unzipped her backpack for the first time since entering the camp. Inside was the partially empty water bottle, a full one, the bandages, and a pair of sleeping clothes. She pulled out the grey pajama bottoms and the matching tank top, and a frown grew on her face at the color. Well, she could at least wear the bottoms.

She set the shirt back into the backpack, but her eyes caught onto something else in the backpack. It hadn’t really been something she had thought about, she had just done it, so unlike her. No doubt it had made the Bishops more angry than they probably already were, but the books that rested snugly in her backpack didn’t belong in Dema anymore than she did.

A soft smile grew on her face as she reached down, picking one up. The worn pages stained from years of usage, had touched not only her fingers, but perhaps her soul. It tickled that feeling the flower had given her, encouraged it even. She held the book close to her chest, shutting her eyes as she breathed out slowly.

“ _‘I Celebrate myself, and sing myself.’_ ” She breathed out, finding that to be the only part she could remember. Of course the Bishops tried to erase the book from her memory completely, but she refused, fought against it. When she got the chance, she’d have to read through the book once more, without the fear of being caught this time.

She set the book back down into her backpack, her eyes also catching onto another item that she must have hastily thrown into it. A silver pocket knife, one that would have been both useful, and not, in fending off who she thought had been her attacker. She reminded herself she’d have to apologize to Tyler about that. Deciding to ignore the knife, and the thoughts that came with it, she set the book back down into the backpack carefully.

She changed quickly into the other pants, shrugging off her boots and jacket. She also untied the hoodie from around her waist. Folding them quickly, she set them on top of her backpack, resting it against a post for the bed frame. Pulling back the blanket, she covered herself up with it as she laid down, letting out a long sigh.

A feeling filled her as she drifted off to sleep, starting from her chest and spreading outwards. It felt warm, filling her with a sense of peace and security. The crackling of the fires outside morphed into a lullaby that lulled her into a deep sleep.

 

.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-

 

_“Come back.”_

_A voice whispered in her mind, familiar and haunting. She opened her eyes to darkness around her. She blinked quickly, turning around in a circle as she tried to make sense of where she was. Her ears picked up on the crackling of a fire, and she found herself running towards it, seeing the flames grow closer, illuminating the Bandito camp. As she slowed to a stop, however, the flames morphed into a hooded figure, his cloak dark red._

_Fear filled her, and she opened her mouth to scream, stumbling backwards. Nothing left her mouth as the figure turned his head, dead eyes set into a pale white face caught onto her eyes._

_“You will come back.” He hissed out, and black hands, marked by Death, shot out for her._

 

Willa jerked awake, gasping for air as she shot up. Wide, panicked eyes looked around frantically, clutching her shirt over her chest. Immediate relief, and brief confusion, filled her as she didn’t see the grey walls of her apartment around her, but the brown color of the tent she was in.

Pain flaring in her side and in her hand reminded her of where she was at, of what had actually happened yesterday. She let out a shaky laugh, dropping her head into her hands, her shoulders shaking as silent sobs started to leave her.

Willa was actually  _free_. It hadn’t been a dream, escaping Dema and those awful Bishops. She had actually joined the whispered group of the Banditos, welcomed into their camp. Did that make her a Bandito now too? She didn’t know, and right now, she couldn’t even think straight.

That nightmare had terrified her.

Sucking in a shaky breath, she harshly wiped her eyes. She couldn’t sit in bed and cry all day. It was her life now, and she wanted to explore, to breath in fresh air and life. She needed to believe the Bishops couldn’t control her now, and that would get rid of the nightmares. Lifting her head, she tried to determine what time of day it even was through the light outside the tent.

Obviously it wasn’t early morning if the sun had already risen.

Pulling herself out of bed, she felt, and heard, her bones cracking as she stretched. Soreness filled her bones, and she let out a quiet groan. Well, that told her she was definitely alive, at the very least.

Shrugging on her jacket and retying her hoodie around her waist, she changed into the other pants. She slipped on her boots, lacing them up as she did. She took a glance to the backpack resting by her bed. She didn’t want to leave it here, in fear that someone would come in and look through her things. But, she couldn’t just carry it around with her all the time.

Her eyebrows furrowed when she saw a note on the top of her backpack. Picking it up, she read through the sprawled, almost messy handwriting. “‘Go see Josh to see what you can do to help out after you get something to eat.’” She read outloud. “‘Abby.’” Willa shook her head slightly. She couldn’t help the smile at the little note at the bottom, however. “‘P.S. - You looked like you could use the extra sleep so I didn't wake you at sunrise.’”

Was this the beginning of a friendship, she thought to herself? Willa couldn’t help but hope so. She was actually  _hoping_ about something other than escape or death. She let out a snort at the thought, and shook her head. She needed to shrug off that nightmare, and those memories of the past.

She supposed that she needed to get going now, before it got any later. She pushed the backpack underneath her bed, hoping that it’d be a good enough hiding spot. The idea of talking to Josh again, however, made nervousness flare up. She swallowed thickly, gripping the note in her hand. As long as her secrets stayed just that, everything would be fine.

Shoving the note in her pocket, she ran a hand through her hair, attempting to tame it somewhat. Maybe a haircut was in order soon too, she silently mused to herself. After all, she was free to choose what she looked like now, why shouldn’t she cut it?

Shaking her head, she tried to focus on the task at hand. Walking towards the entrance of the tent, she could hear people talking, laughing loudly and freely, which made her eyebrows furrow slightly.

It was so different, so odd, to hear true laughter. It made her realize  _everything_ in Dema had been subdued in terms of feelings. Love and laughter were no exception.

Pulling back the tarp, she was met with the bright sunshine, something so rare she had only read about it briefly. She could feel the warmth on her face, seemingly filling her with energy. She looked over the area in front of her, seeing different Banditos moving about, all doing their part in what they could to help out around. Some were laughing, joking around with each other as they worked, while others held quiet conversations with one another.

There was only one fire lit, that being the main one a little ways away, and she could smell the wood burning, mixing with the fresh air around her. She breathed in deeply, before stepping out of the tent.

“Hey Willa!” A familiar voice called, and she saw Evelyn waving from in front of a tent. She was working on something that looked like a weapon, Willa noted. “You look much better.”

Willa offered a wave back. “Hi.” She greeted, her voice quiet. “I feel much better.” She responded, a smile on her face.

“We still down for going rock-climbing?” She asked, an eyebrow cocked with a grin on her face. In the bright sunlight, Willa noticed the other woman had freckles on her face.

Willa blinked a few times in shock as she tried to process her question. She thought Evelyn had been joking… “Um, well, uh, I have to go see Josh.” She almost stuttered out. “B-But maybe soon?” She added on as a question at the end.

Evelyn’s grin didn’t falter at all, and she nodded. “Sounds good to me, dude. I’ll let you get going, then. I’m sure you’re excited to get your role.” She responded, before her attention turned back to her own work.

Willa shook her head slightly, thankful that the conversation was over, in a way. She really  _didn’t_ want to go rock-climbing again so soon. She was still healing. It made her wonder what type of role Josh was going to give her, if she’d have to ask him to give her a different one, because of her bruised side. She hoped she wouldn’t have to, as that wouldn’t look too well on her part. The last thing she wanted to do was bring any unnecessary attention to herself.

She passed by other Banditos as she walked, some offering greetings of their own, which Willa returned. The camp seemed so different in the light of the day, but she supposed that less fires and less smoke would make it seem more like a normal camp. Not that she’d know what that’d be like either.

Willa concluded that it was before noon, at least that was something she did know. During times of boredom, desperate for anything to distract her from her own reality, she studied the sun and moon cycles and their positions in the sky to tell her what time it was. Not that she ever really saw the sun except from behind the grey clouds and towering walls.

She approached the main fire, breaking herself out of her thoughts once more. There were a few people gathered around it, but it was hardly the amount she had seen last night. She offered a smile to them, before looking at the area where the cauldron had been at last night. Instead, there was a bag hanging on the two steel posts.

Taking a quick glance inside, she saw that there were berries inside of it. Grabbing herself a handful, she popped one into her mouth. It was overwhelming in sour flavor, and her face scrunched in response. She decided she didn’t like that too much. Forcing herself to finish eating it, she swallowed down the berry. She held the others in her hand as she started to walk towards the tent that belonged to Josh. Popping another into her mouth, she was relieved when that flavor wasn’t as bad.

Passing by the tent she’d gotten her new clothes in, there was a small group of people sitting near their tents, staring at the larger tent. Furrowing her eyebrows, she silently wondered what was going on. Then she heard the yelling, from what sounded like Abby’s voice.

“You’re such an asshole!” She yelled. “You can’t just act like you don’t give a shit and then come in here, asking for my help!”

“Fine!” Another voice, gruffer and obviously a male’s, yelled back. It sounded like Harry’s. “Then stop trying to help me all the damn time!”

“This is pretty normal.” A calm voice beside her suddenly spoke out.

Willa jumped, the hand holding the berries clenching tightly as she her head jerked up. She was met with the calm, yet slightly amused, face of Josh, who was looking at her. The juice slowly seeped out in-between her fingers, and she let out a quiet huff of disappointment, looking back down at her hand. So much for breakfast.

“Oh, sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.” He was quick to apologize, obviously noticing how she had jumped. She glanced up at him to see his expression was, in fact, apologetic.

“It’s alright.” She responded, quickly looking back down. She opened her hand and picked out the few berries that hadn’t been squished. “I didn’t really take Abby for the type to yell so loudly.”

“Neither did Harry, I guess.” He retorted, shaking his head as he looked back towards the tent. They were still yelling profanities at each other, their tones so angry.

Willa wasn’t used to hearing that from someone other than the Bishops. Even then, they all held their air of reservedness and calmness most of the time. Her memories of Nico being angry were fuzzy, but still filled her with a sense of dread.

Willa shook out her hand, trying to rid herself of the berry juice staining her skin and those memories. “Are they a couple, or...?” She trailed off, her tone questioning.

Josh gave a shrug of his shoulders. “I honestly couldn’t tell you. From what I’ve seen they’re not, but…” He nodded towards the tent. “They fight like they are.”

Willa gave up on shaking off the juice from her hand, and decided to just wipe it on her dark colored pants. It wouldn’t make much of a difference in the coloring anyways. “I don’t know a lot about relationships,” she started, voice flat, “but I don’t think couples are supposed to fight like  _that._ ”

“No, they’re not.” Josh agreed, a frown forming on his face. “Usually they’re not this bad. I don’t know what could be upsetting them this time.”

Their shouting was only getting louder, attracting the attention of more of the other Banditos. Josh let out a sigh, shaking his head. “Guess as leader, I should take care of that.” He muttered out, before straightening his back, and walking with purpose towards the entrance of the tent.

Just as he lifted a hand to pull back the tarp, he was almost pushed over by Harry bursting out of the tent, his face red in anger. Willa was quick to move out of his way, avoiding being pushed over. He was quick to storm off to the other side of the camp, and then he was hidden by the other tents.

Willa, eyes wide, let out a breath she hadn’t known she’d be holding. Her shoulders relaxing as the other Banditos went back to their business, taking in a steadying breath to calm her spiked nerves. Her gaze moved back to Josh, who looked just as shocked as she had felt, staring in the direction Harry had went to.

He blinked a few times before shaking his head. She watched as he poked his head into the tent, saying a few quick words to Abby she couldn’t hear. Then he was pulling his head back out, and looking at her.

“Now that that’s taken care of,” he spoke out, walking back towards her, “I actually needed to talk to you.” He stopped in front of her, before gesturing with his head for her to come with him as he started walking again.

Willa nodded, and she fell into step beside him. “I actually needed to talk to you too.” She responded. She knew what he probably wanted to talk about, at the very least, but she was still nervous. That nervousness made her pop another berry into her mouth, which scrunched up again at the sourness.

She heard a quiet chuckle come from her side, and her face flushed slightly that Josh had seen her reaction. “I don’t like the sour ones.” She muttered quietly, swallowing back the rest of the berry.

“They’re not that bad when mixed with other things.” He commented, a smile on his face. “On their own, yeah, they’re pretty sour.” He glanced at her. “I’m guessing that Abby told you to come find me to talk about roles?” He asked.

Willa nodded. “Yes.”

“Well, that’s good! Because that’s actually what I needed to talk to you about.” He commented, the smile growing on his face.

She offered her own smile back to him. It was almost odd to her, to be talking so casually to someone she had just met less than twenty-four hours ago. If she added on the fact that he was not only a Bandito, but the leader of the camp, well, it made it even harder to believe. The experience she had with leaders prior, well, it had never been so casual.

She was enjoying it.

They stopped in front of his tent, and he held open the flap for her to walk into it. She thanked him, before walking into it. He followed in behind her, gesturing for her to take a seat in the same chair she sat in last night. After she did, he settled into his own seat, watching her. That nervous pit grew in her stomach again.

“Abby mentioned roles here, right?” He asked her, tilting his head slightly.

“Briefly.” Willa responded, holding her hands in her lap. She picked at her the skin around her thumbs, without even really realizing it. “She wants me to work with her.”

Josh nodded, leaning back. “She told me this morning you seemingly have experience with wrapping bandages.”

Willa looked at her hands, staring at the bandage wrapped around one of them. “Yes, I’m not the best at it, but…” She gave a small shrug, looking back up at him. “I guess I’m not the worse at it, either.”

“What was your occupation back in Dema?” He asked her. “Usually we try and assign people with what they’re good at.”

Willa felt nausea start to rise up inside of her. Maybe those berries had been bad, after all. It was fine, she assured herself. All he had asked was a simple question, one she should have a simple answer to. After all, it wasn’t like she had actually started her next assigned occupation.

“I worked in the library for a while.” She told him, before looking back down. “Though, that’s not very helpful here, is it?” She spoke out, lightly, trying to ease her own anxiety and fear rising into her throat. She had left Dema behind her, she needed to forget about it.

“Unless you had experience with the maps of the underground of the city, I’m afraid not.” He responded, his own tone light. “Though,” he started again, “how did you learn how to wrap a wound if you worked in the library?”

It was a valid question, and Willa reminded herself that what she was quickly thinking to tell him was a normal response, even if it was, partially, a lie. “I figured if I was going to escape someday, I should know basic survival skills, at the very least, right? So I read books on basic first-aid.”

It wasn’t a complete lie, she reminded herself again. She felt guilty lying to someone who had taken her in, given her a place to sleep and food to eat. That was an odd feeling, as she never had felt guilt while lying to the Bishops.

He nodded in understanding. “That’s smart.” He commented, before offering her a smile. “Well, I think Abby was right in that you’d best be fit helping her out.” He spoke out, and she couldn’t help but feel slightly upset at the prospect. “At least,” he added on, “until you learn other skills that can help in other areas.”

That was promising, at the very least, and it helped ease her feelings. But still, Willa was stuck in a tent for the time being, unable to go exploring. She was still healing, however, so she supposed that it was better if she was resting rather than exploring just yet. She’d probably be okay, she told herself. Until she had to sew someone up.

“That sounds good. Thank you, Josh.” She told him, nodding her head in thanks, moving to get up.

“Don’t thank me just yet. She might still be, uh, animated after that argument.” He spoke out quickly. He shook his head slightly, dropping his gaze from her to look at his desk. Papers were still scattered across it, things that were probably important. His brown eyes looked back up at her after a moment. “Just keep that in mind when you go see her, as she might be snappish.”

Willa blinked as she took in his words, then nodded, offering a small smile, finding it coming naturally again, to her surprise. “Unless she’s scarier than the Death Eaters, I think I’ll be okay.”

He let out a laugh at her words, and she was surprised to find that she liked the sound of his laughter. It made her smile grow wider, a warm feeling growing in her chest again. It was a really nice feeling, she told herself, to cause someone else to feel what she was feeling right now. To feel happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you all had a good thanksgiving, and if you don't celebrate it, i hope your week was still good! 
> 
> finally Willa gets to SLEEP  
> also we have some more ocs that have come in  
> plot will happen soon if i can kick this writers' block away  
> also willa's book is one of my favorites~ 
> 
> stay alive frens  
> || - //


	5. [4]

**[4]**

 

 

“And then he just barges in here, asking for help after he was so mean to me!” Abby angrily spat out, sitting on one of the spare beds while Willa folded clothing. “I just don’t understand how he can have the nerve to do that!”

Willa looked up from her clothing, offering what she hoped was a sympathetic look. She wasn’t that good with outwardly expressing her emotions just yet, as she was so used to hiding them.

“If he’s smart, he’ll come back and apologize to you later, after you both have cooled off.” She responded to her, in a gentle voice. Although, she didn’t have much, or any, experience with relationships. She moved her gaze quickly to the clothes again.

Abby sighed deeply, and Willa saw out of the corner of her eye, the other woman place her head into her hands. “I just-” She started, but cut herself off, letting out another heavy sigh. Neither of them spoke, the sounds of the camp outside the tent filling the space where silence would have been.

Willa wished she was better at words so she could try and comfort the other woman.

When Josh had warned her that Abby might be snappish, well, she didn’t think he meant this. As soon as Willa had entered the tent, she had seen Abby angrily sorting through the medicine cabinet, going off about Harry. Willa had, somehow, managed to calm the other woman down enough so that she didn’t break all of the bottles in there. For most of the day, Willa had been comforting the other woman, whilst also avoiding said anger.

It was almost scary, for Willa to see such anger, that usually had only been reserved by the Bishops, come from someone who had been so friendly before. But, it was also refreshing, in an odd way, to see someone so open about their emotions. A smile grew on her face, remembering that emotions weren’t suffocated here.

“Enough about me, though.” Abby spoke out, and Willa turned her head to see Abby looking at her now. “How’re you liking it here?” She asked, tilting her head slightly, sitting criss-crossed on the bed.

Willa finished folding the shirt, smoothing it out. “Well, it’s better than the alternatives.” She responded, her tone light, a smile still on her face.

Abby snorted at that. “Well, duh. But, well, how’re you  _feeling_?” She paused for a moment while Willa picked up a t-shirt. “I know that adjusting can be hard for some people, suddenly thrown into this type of life after escaping.”

Willa stopped her movements, and then shut her eyes, letting out a sigh, the smile fading. “Honestly? It… almost feels overwhelming, having all of these emotions and being able to express them freely. The mere  _thought_ that I’m free is practically overwhelming in itself.”

“It’s why we try to have some routine here, by giving people roles. It gives them something to grasp onto while they’re dealing with that.” Abby responded, her tone gentle. “You’ve seen, however, our roles are  _nothing_ like what the Bishops gave us.” She let out a scoff.

Willa kept quiet, thinking about what Abby said. While it was true that there were multiple roles here, she assumed, that would have never been given to someone like her in Dema, she was still trapped in a tent. It was almost torture, being so close to being able to just run, but having a duty to uphold. She didn’t want to make anyone mad, her first day in the camp.

“What are some of those roles?” Willa asked, curiosity filling her tone.

“Already wanting to switch?” Abby responded, and even though Willa could hear the teasing, her eyes still widened in shock.

“N-no!” She stammered out, too quickly, because Abby just gave a quiet laugh in response.

“I’m just pulling your leg, Willa. I can tell you don’t like this,” her hand gestured to the medical area she sat in, “section of the tent.”

Willa felt embarrassment fill her again at being obvious enough for Abby to notice. “I just… I want to explore and not be-” She cut herself off, shaking her head as she distracted herself with folding a shirt.

“I know. I was like that when I first came here too.” Abby sympathized. “Hell, I still get like that sometimes.” She shook her head, letting out a quiet sigh. She offered Willa another smile, however. “Don’t worry, when you learn some other skills, maybe you can go out scavenging with some of the others.”

Willa finally looked up at Abby, a questioning look on her face.

“Right, scavenging!” Abby snapped her fingers, remembering Willa’s prior question. “That’s one of the roles we have here. We have about ten of them right now, but usually only half go out at a time together. They pretty much pick up whatever they can for us to use that they find out there. We really don’t let newbies go out there so they don’t get hurt.”

Willa couldn’t help but think they were like vultures, Death Eaters, from the description Abby just gave her. Another, more important, question was growing in her head, however. Was that what Tyler was? It would explain why he was out, but so close to Dema? And all alone?

“We also have guards, that patrol around the barrier in shifts.” Abby continued on. “Then we have the repairers, cooks, medics, and then, of course, the scout and the leader. Obviously the last one isn’t obtainable.” She joked out, referring to Josh. “But yeah, a lot of us have multiple roles here. A lot of us take shifts, help one another out.”

Willa hummed in understanding. One of the roles, however, still struck out as odd to her. “Scout?” She questioned, tone curious. “How many are those?”

Abby shook her head. “Only one. Josh doesn’t even like having one scout, so he probably won’t let any others become one.”

Willa’s eyebrows furrowed as she finished folding the shirt, setting it down. “What do you mean?” She asked. She knew what a scout was, of course, but what could be so different between a scout and a scavenger here? What was there to look out for?

“Well…” Abby trailed off, glancing at the flap of the tent, almost nervous…? What did Abby have to be nervous about. “This isn’t really information that should be talked about so casually.” She spoke out, her voice quieting down.

Willa’s brow furrowed more, a frown appearing on her face. What was she going on about?

“So just keep it quiet, yeah? Don’t be talking about this around the campfire with the others, especially Josh. It… usually stresses them out more than needed. I don’t even know if some of them know about what he does.” Abby clarified, watching Willa’s reaction. After Willa gave a nod, still confused, she moved her gaze back to the tent flap.

“I think he’s insane, personally, but… Tyler, for some odd reason, goes back to Dema now and then, try to see if he can help someone else escape. It’s an honorable thing, for sure, but... What if something happens, you know?” Abby quietly questioned, and for the first time, Willa heard what sounded like fear enter her voice.

It all made too much sense to Willa now, what Tyler’s role was. It explained why everyone was ecstatic when he came back, someone dropping a bowl out of shock. It definitely explained why Josh had hugged him so tightly. But, to Willa’s growing anxiety, it also explained perfectly why he was near Dema, why he saw her hiding out, chased by a Bishop. It explained why he knew there was a ceremony when she had escaped.

Had Tyler been watching her in Dema too? Her stomach felt sick at the idea of him knowing about who she had been there, about what she was going to have become. She was quick to remind herself that it would have been impossible. He couldn’t have been watching her, not like the Bishops constantly had done. She would have known,  _they_ would have known.

“You alright, Willa?” Abby’s concerned voice broke her out of her thoughts. “You look sick.”

Willa swallowed quickly, shaking her head. “N-No, I’ll-I’ll be fine.” She stammered out, hating herself for how her voice shook with her anxiety and fear. “I’m just - I’m just trying to process how he would do that.” She partially lied. “There’s guards everywhere.”

“Tyler knows where to go, thankfully.” She responded, letting out a sigh. “Not that it eases ours, or Josh’s, anxiety much. But,” she spoke out, lifting her gaze to look at Willa again, “it does bring good, after all. It was a few weeks ago he managed to get Brooke and Evelyn out, and then last night, he shows up with you in tow.”

She almost wanted to correct Abby on that shehad escaped herself, but that probably would have raised suspicion. She didn’t know what Tyler had or hadn’t told Josh yet, and neither of them asked her just  _how_ it was she had escaped.

It occurred to her that she needed to talk to Tyler, but she quickly dismissed that. If it was really that important, then he’d find her, right? She would prefer to not talk about it, at all, to forget about who she had been there. After all, she was trying  _not_ to bring more attention to herself. Part of her felt guilt for wanting to avoid him, as he had been the one who had left the flowers in her desk, leading to her escape.

Internally sighing, she simply nodded with Abby’s statement. After all, she wasn’t technically  _wrong_ with saying what she did. Willa had showed up with Tyler, but, she would have found the camp on her own one way or the other.

“Well, I think after that heavy statement, you should get some fresh air.” Abby commented, pushing herself off of the bed, walking towards Willa.

Willa blinked, looking down at the clothes. “Are you sure? I’m almost done here, and-” Her rambling was cut off by Abby placing a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m sure. Go on, you’ve been stuck in here almost all day, listening to me rant.” She smiled, yet her tone was firm. It left no room for arguing. “It’s late, go chill out before dinner.”

Willa stared at Abby for a moment, before dropping her gaze and nodding. “Alright. I’ll be back tomorrow.” She responded, her voice expressing relief. She needed the air, to think over what she had just learned, to keep from panicking at the thought someone knew who she’d been.

Abby’s smile widened, and she dropped her hand from Willa’s shoulder. “Good, because you have inventory to do tomorrow.” She joked, and Willa couldn’t help but feel her tense shoulders relax just the slightest bit.

She shook her head, a small smile on her face again, turning and walking towards the entrance of the tent. She turned back slightly and offered Abby a small wave. Then, she was pulling back the flap to the tent, and walked out into the late afternoon sunlight. It was becoming evening time, she noticed, more of the fires being lit as the sun started to set.

Willa offered a small smile to some of the Banditos as she walked. Some of them had come into the tent earlier looking for a needle and thread to sew up their clothes, ripped up from being out in Trench. She had taken care of them while Abby had been distracted by her anger.

Stretching her arms above her head, she almost winced at the pain in her side again, but let out a sigh of relief as her back popped. She let her arms drop back to her sides, looking around for a place she’d hope would be quiet and somewhat secluded. She needed to gather her thoughts.

The anxiety was rising with those thoughts, but she held it down for the moment, distracting herself with the promise she’d find somewhere to herself. She would go into her tent, to be alone, but the thought of being stuck inside of another tent again only brought more anxiety. No, she decided, she needed to be outside, feeling the setting sun on her face.

A walk would be good, but she didn’t really want to quite possibly have an anxiety attack in front of others. Her goal was to not draw attention to herself, which didn’t seem too hard to accomplish as everyone was mostly absorbed into their own work.

And, Willa noted to herself, there were less Banditos around during the day, but more were coming back from whatever they were doing. She could only assume that those she didn’t see were scavengers and guards. She wondered if Tyler was gone again too, or if he was resting after being out there for who knew how long.

Shoving her hands in her pockets, she continued on walking, past the big fire that was steadily growing. It would probably be roaring once again at dinner. She was quick to walk past the large tent belonging to Josh, wanting to avoid that all together right now.

Willa had never liked talks or confrontations in general. Although, she supposed, all she had to go by was by what she had known with the Bishops. The talks she had since she had been here had all been… pleasant, if not a little awkward.

Though, she could only blame herself for making it awkward.

With a short exhale through her nose, she turned, going through a pathway through some of the tents. Without meaning to, she was heading towards her shared tent, the only place she knew as  _hers_ currently. She didn’t see anyone around in the other tents, so that meant she could at least sit outside of it to take a breather.

She sat down in front of the tent on an old log that had been placed there, and let out a long sigh. Shutting her eyes, she placed her head into her hands. It wasn’t just what she had learned from Abby about Tyler, adding on the possibility that he knew who she was before now, no. It was, well, everything. She felt welcome, for the most part, and she was free from the Bishops. But, like she had told Abby, it was overwhelming.

Even with a role to supposedly help, the role she had been given didn’t do that at all. It only made her still feel like she was suffocating, almost, in those feelings of wanting to run. Being in a stable place wasn’t something she had ever expected. She thought she was going to have to keep running for the rest of her life to stay away from the Bishops. That’s what she had told herself for months prior to her escape. Even now, she feared that the Bishops would come for her, only adding onto her panic.

Willa sucked in a shaky breath, letting it out. Abby had told her it would take a few days to settle in, and she tried to remember that. Of course she was going to be on edge still, her entire life had been flipped around.

“Willa?” A voice called out.

She jerked her head up, a jolt of panic surging through her. She had been so involved in her own thoughts, she hadn’t even heard Josh approach. She hadn’t been expecting anyone to come find her, and she hadn’t expected to see him again so soon.

“O-oh, hi!” She responded, trying to ease the shakiness out of her voice. “What’s up?” She asked, trying to seem casual, like she wasn’t just holding her head in her hands, panicking.

“I didn’t see you at dinner with Abby.” He responded, with what looked like concern showing in his expression. “She told me she sent you to get some air, and hadn’t seen you after that.” He paused, shoving his hands in his pockets and shifting his weight. “Are you, uh, okay?” He asked, almost hesitating.

Willa swallowed thickly. Was it already time for dinner? She hadn’t even realized that she’d been sitting on the log for as long as she had. “Y-yes, I’ll be fine.” She answered him.

“Well, that’s good to hear, then.” He nodded, then he shifted his weight, pausing a moment before speaking again. “Abby told me you were feeling overwhelmed, which is why she had you leave in the first, yeah?” He asked her.

Panic made her eyes widen. She didn’t want attention brought onto herself, yet that’s exactly what was happening. “W-well, yes, but, it wasn’t because of the role you gave me!” She was quick to respond. “I-I like it, I’m just- I’m just-” She squeezed her eyes shut, sucking in a quick breath, shaking her head. Her hands gripped her pants tightly.

“Willa, hey.” Josh’s voice had softened, and she opened her eyes again to see him kneeling in front of her. His brown eyes stared up at her, the light of the torches nearby dancing on his face. “Breathe, it’s okay.” He reassured her. “It’s normal to feel like you are. I mean, you escaped from Dema, a place filled with rules and then suddenly you’re here, free.” He offered her a small smile. “It’s a little overwhelming for all of us, at first.”

Willa stared at him for a moment, processing what he said. She took in a shaky breath, shutting her eyes before nodding again. “Abby told me something similar. I guess it’s just… actually hitting me that my entire world has changed.”

“For the better.” Josh spoke, almost as a question.

Willa felt a small smile slowly grow on her face, and she opened her eyes to look at him. “For the better.” She agreed.

They were quiet for a moment, and she studied his face. It was almost open, a honest and a kind expression making his eyes almost seem soft, different from how they had been when she had first met him. The light of the torches around them danced across his face, reflecting in his kind eyes.

She felt embarrassment well up inside of her, and she dropped her gaze from Josh’s face. “I’m sorry that you had to deal with that.”

She saw Josh shake his head, pushing himself back up to a standing position, seemingly unaffected by her studying. “Nah, it’s okay. Like I said, all of us go through it, so we like to try and be there for one another. You’re one of us, so we help each other out now.” He told her, and offered a hand for her to take. “C’mon, you should get some food before it gets cold.”

Willa moved her gaze to look back at him, then dropped her gaze to the hand extended to her. She was one of them now, she repeated to herself silently. She was a Bandito, according to him. She took in a steadying breath, and placed her non-bandaged hand in his.

He offered her a grin, the corners of his mocha brown eyes squinting slightly, before pulling her up to her feet. Willa winced slightly at the pain in her side from the sudden movement, dropping her hand from Josh’s to rest over it.

“Just a bruise,” She was quick to say, seeing Josh’s grin falter into a concerned expression, “from rock-climbing.” She finished, trying to add a tone of lightness to her voice again.

“Rock-climbing, huh?” He asked as she took a step back, cocking an eyebrow slightly. “You didn’t say you knew how to do that.”

She started walking towards the main fire, dropping her hand from her side. “I don’t.” She almost muttered, embarrassment flushing her cheeks.

He let out a chuckle, walking beside her. “I see, then. Is that how you cut up your hand?” He asked, curiously as they walked closer to the main fire, weaving through the tents together.

“Yes.” She responded, glancing down to look at her bandaged hand. It was slightly sore, but otherwise it was more than manageable. “Thankfully I didn’t need stitches.”

“That is pretty lucky. Some of the people that come up here show up in a lot worse condition.” Josh let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head.

His comment made Willa wonder just how much he had actually seen. How long had he been the leader of the Banditos? How old even was he? She had so many questions, but she didn’t think she wanted to go asking them, not without him asking questions about herself. Things she, of course, didn’t want to answer. So, she didn’t question him.

“Although, I don’t know why Tyler would have you go rock-climbing when there’s other options available.” He commented out loud, glancing over at her.

Willa felt her throat tighten up with panic once more. So Tyler hadn’t talked to Josh about how she had escaped. Or, she rapidly thought, Josh  _did_ know, and he was testing Willa to see if she would lie or not. Which, she probably would if she had any inclination as to what Tyler would tell him.

It was why she was immensely grateful when someone called out Josh’s name, distracting him from her as they approached the large fire. He offered her an apologetic look, before walking over to where he was needed.

Willa let out a sigh of relief, her shoulders slightly slumping. Whatever good luck had come across her, she hoped it stayed around. The smell of the wood burning filled her nose, and she stood watching the flames cast beautiful lights across the people surrounding the fire. A faint smile grew on her face, seeing people talk excitedly with each other and laugh.

“Willa, come sit with us!” She heard Evelyn call out, and her head turned to the side to see the excited woman waving, surrounded by other Banditos. She recognized some of them, some of them she didn’t.

Willa offered a smile back, and walked to where food was being handed out. Once again, it was soup, and after getting a bowl, she walked over to the group. She was careful, not wanting to spill the hot liquid everywhere. She already had bandages on her hand, she didn’t more from a burn.

“You’re just in time, Willa!” Evelyn excitedly spoke out, a grin on her face. “C’mon, sit down before they get started!” She patted the empty spot next to her on a log.

Willa’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she moved to sit down. Who was getting started with what? She turned her head, giving a small, yet confused, smile to Abby, who sat by Brooke and a man she hadn’t met yet.

“What’s going on?” She asked, curiously, looking to Abby for an answer.

“Right, I didn’t get to tell you.” Abby spoke out, as Willa sipped at her soup.

She sounded more tired than from when Willa had been talking to her. “It’s been a little bit since it happened last, but-”

A hush suddenly fell over the camp as she saw Josh set down one of weird barrel-like objects she had seen yesterday by the fire with a loud thud. Tyler followed beside him holding an equally weird object, strings attached to it. Vaguely, she felt like she remembered reading a description matching it, but it was too hard to focus on it.

No longer did Tyler have his bandana around his face, revealing his bright grin as he looked over at Josh, who offered his own grin back. He was just as handsome as Josh was, but before she could really study his face, Josh started to hit the object underneath him in a steady pattern. Tyler was quick to join in, gently strumming the strings.

It was already something completely new, hearing what Willa could only call a song come from the two. It was incredible, and filled her with that warm feeling in her chest again. She hadn’t expected to hearing singing alongside it too.

“ _Sometimes I feel cold, even paralyzed._ ” He sang out, eyes shut as his body swayed. “ _My interior world needs to sanitize._ ”

Tyler’s voice was melodic, conveying so much emotion with the words that left his mouth. It was so unique, so new, from Dema, it was everything the Bishops called rebellious and wrong. It was beautiful. His voice was beautiful.

She couldn’t help the grin slowly growing on her face, watching the two preform. Both their bodies swung to the beat and the melodies, their movements as natural as walking. Willa couldn’t help but move slightly back and forth too, a grin on her face.

 _“_ _Nice to know my kind, will be on my side._ ” Tyler sang out.

“ _I don't believe the hype!_ ” The Banditos around her shouted out with his singing, and she couldn’t help a laugh that escaped her. She looked at the other Banditos, a grin on her face. They all were singing along, and some had even gotten up to dance, to her surprise. Some danced together, while others danced in groups, but it was all so full of life.

“ _And you know you're a terrible sight,_ ” Tyler sang again, and her eyes moved back to him, his brown eyes, reflecting the fire, catching hers. “ _But you'll be just fine, just don't believe the hype_.” He finished his singing, joined once again by the Banditos, yet continued to play his instrument, Josh continuing on with his rhythmic beat.

The words he sang were most likely supposed to make her feel better, and they had for almost the entirety of the song, but the look in his eyes her made her think otherwise. They were unreadable as he stared at her. And maybe it was just her anxieties rising up to choke her, but a sinking feeling told her that he wanted to question her once again. And those were questions for a life she wanted to forget. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (slightly late) birthday to Tyler Joseph, the man who has helped keep me, and so many others, alive by fighting his own demons and showing we're not alone. 
> 
> <3
> 
> anyways, enjoy some good wholesome josh content i guess  
> writer's block seems to love me RIP  
> maybe some tyler action will happen next chapter  
> also thank you all so much for the kudos and bookmarks. that means so much to me that you all enjoy my attempt at a decent fanfic 
> 
> stay alive  
> ||-//


	6. [5]

**[5]**

 

Music and singing filled the camp, smoke rising high into the nighttime sky. Fires were burning brightly, casting bright, warm light across the Banditos as they danced. Life filled the camp, burning brighter than the fires.

Willa sucked in a shaky breath, before letting out another breathless laugh. She ignored the flares of pain in her side as she stumbled with Abby pulling her along in what was supposed to be a dance. All of her panic had been forgotten a long time ago, instead replaced by warmth from the fires around her and the happiness inside of her.

“C’mon, Willa! Twirl me!” Abby encouraged her, grinning widely.

Willa let out another laugh, attempting to twirl the other woman, who had to duck to properly twirl under her arm. “Perfect.” Willa almost wheezed out, her cheeks sore and flushed from grinning and laughing so much.

“Your turn!” Abby laughed out, moving to spin her.

Willa laughed alongside her, and attempted to spin underneath the outstretched arm. She stumbled slightly coming out of the spin, and Abby stumbled with her. Willa briefly worried about them both falling, but Abby only laughed again. She felt a hand tighten on her own, and it kept them both from falling.

“You’re a natural!” Abby commented, a teasing tone to her voice.

“As if you’re any better.” Willa responded immediately, her own teasing tone in her voice. She sucked in a quick breath, to try and gain more air in her lungs, only to wince slightly at the sudden pain in her side.

“You okay?” Abby asked, suddenly staring at her with a concerned look.

Not wanting to ruin the happiness the other woman had prior, Willa simply gave a nod. “Yes, I’m alright.” Despite the physical pain, she was, in fact, more than alright. She was happy, dancing freely around a burning fire, laughing loudly. She couldn’t have imagined ever being  _more_ alright.

“You sure?” Abby asked again, furrowing her brows. Concern filled her features, brown eyes worried. “Because it seemed painful.”

Willa let out a quiet sigh, recognizing the tone in Abby’s voice. It was a tone she had heard more than once in Dema, telling her that she needed to be truthful. Of course, she still had ended up lying to the Bishops, but she didn’t want to lie to Abby. Not about something as silly as a bruise that hardly hurt. Old habits die hard, but she wanted that particular habit to fade away.

“It’s just a bruise I got while rock-climbing.” She spoke out truthfully, giving a small shrug of her shoulders. She offered Abby a small, hopefully reassuring, smile. “I really am okay. I guess I’m just still sore.”

Abby shook her head slightly. “You should have said something, and I would have taken it easy on all of the dancing!” She exclaimed, but a smile was growing on her face again.

“And miss out on it?” Willa retorted, cocking an eyebrow slightly as her smile only grew again.

“Okay, that’s a fair point.” Abby retorted, a grin appearing on her face. “It’s always too much fun to just sit out on.”

Willa couldn’t agree more, offering her own growing grin back. She wanted to dance more, but soreness filled her from how long she’d been dancing already. “You have to teach me some of your dancing, so I can actually keep up with you.” Willa mirthfully spoke.

Her reward was Abby letting out a laugh, her head thrown back slightly. “Oh, Willa, you make me crack up.” Her dark eyes moved to look back at Willa, full of amusement. “I think you kept up just fine.” She complimented, an honest smile on her face. “For having bruises on your side from rock-climbing, that is.” She added on a moment later, her smile turning to a teasing grin.

Willa simply shook her head, a smile on her face from the teasing. She gently nudged Abby with her elbow in retaliation, feeling almost like a little kid with their first friend. She supposed, in a way, it was like that. The giddiness from dancy freely and openly still filled her, fueling her actions.

Abby almost nudged her in the side back, but stopped herself, Willa noticed, due to her knowing about the bruising now. “Maybe we should settle in for the night since you have such extensive battle wounds.” She teased, but there was still that concern in her voice.

Part of Willa didn’t want to stop dancing, to miss out on all of the happiness around her, filling her chest with a warmth that threatened even the warmth of the fire nearby. However, tiredness was creeping up on her once again, and she realized she was, now that she was standing still, quite sore. She was sure she’d be even more sore tomorrow morning.

Willa cocked an eyebrow at Abby’s remark. “Battle wounds, huh?” She asked, a questioning smile on her face. “You make it sound like I got into a fight with a rock wall.”

Abby looped her arm with Willa’s. “Your tale will be told around the campfire for years to come.” She dramatically spoke out, before laughing at the end of her sentence. She took a moment to catch her breath again, before starting to walk, Willa following in line. “Banditos for years will hear about your great fight with the rock wall, how you fought so valiantly against it.”

Willa couldn’t help but roll her eyes, a grin slowly growing on her face again. “If you think my injuries are bad, you should see the wall.” She retorted, which only make Abby laugh loudly again.

It was something almost weird to think about, if someone had done something that the Banditos would want to talk about for years. She supposed that secrets could possibly serve that purpose, but those were secrets for a reason. Still, it made her wonder if that had ever happened before.

“C’mon, newbie, let’s rest for the night before you hurt  _my_  ribs from all of the laughing.” Abby commented, pulling her along gently by her arm.

Willa followed along easily, a smile still on her face. “That’s how I defeated the rock wall.” She commented as they walked away from the main fire. “By making it laugh so hard it admitted defeat.”

Abby shook her head, grinning and holding back laughter. “Ooh, so scary. We’ll have to watch out for the newbie and her amazing power of defeating enemies by making them laugh until they can’t breathe.” Abby teased back, which made Willa laugh once again.

Willa would have never thought she’d be free like this. She was so unbelievably happy to just be laughing like she was, free of the watchful eyes of the Death Eaters, the Bishops’ pet vultures. It made her realize how lucky she truly was, to have escaped from Dema. It made her cherish moments like these, as silly as they might be, even more.

The two walked through the tents, waving to other Banditos they saw in front of their own tents. Some even greeted Willa, which made her feel even more like apart of them. Of course, some were grumpy, but most were seemingly happy, filled with that warmth from the music of Tyler and Josh.

Willa turned her head to ask Abby about said music as they turned a corner to go towards their tent, but instead, she ran straight into someone. She stumbled backwards slightly, but warm hands caught her arms, keeping her from falling.

Willa’s eyes, which had been squeezed shut, expecting to fall, opened up when she didn’t. She moved her gaze up, and was met with Tyler’s almost concerned face staring down at her. Light stubble covered his jaw, a narrow nose leading to brown eyes, which reflected concern with the torch nearby. Willa remembered the look in those eyes when he was singing, and felt her heart leap up into her throat again. She was quick to stabilize herself and take a step back from him.

“Woah, watch where you’re going there, Tyler. You almost knocked over our newbie!” Abby started. “You don’t wanna get on her bad side, she defeated a rock wall with  _laughter._ ” She finished in a teasing tone.

Tyler cocked an eyebrow, an amused smile growing on his face as he looked over at Abby. “Oh, really? I don’t remember that happening when we were out there.” He teased Willa, glancing over at her with a questioning expression.

Willa felt embarrassment wash over her that he had, presumably, seen her slam into the rock wall. Cheeks flushed, she swallowed thickly, shaking her head. “Well, that’s because you were too busy climbing to notice.” She responded, mentally thanking her brain for keeping her voice stable while her nerves were spiked.

Tyler’s smile grew into a grin at her response, posture relaxed with his hands in his pockets, as if what she said was true. Both of them knew, however, that it wasn’t true. She hadn’t seen him at all when she was climbing that rock, so he must’ve been somewhere up higher. She also noticed, when he grinned, that his bottom teeth were crooked, but it hardly looked awful.

“I always miss all of the cool stuff.” He retorted, shaking his head as if he were disappointed. “You’ll have to show me sometime, Willa.” He looked back at her, and she couldn’t help but feel as if there was another question hiding underneath.

Abby looped her arm with Willa’s again. “Everyone wants to speak to the newbie when they realize she has a secret power.” She spoke out dramatically, shaking her head. “I’m the only one who wanted to talk to her when she was still normal.”

“Technically, I was the one who talked to her first.” Tyler retorted, an almost cocky smile on his face. “So, everyone stole her away when I wanted to talk to her more.”

Willa could only assume he wanted to talk more about just how it was she escaped, and she forced her brain to stop overthinking everything. He didn’t know who she once was, she forcibly reminded herself. If all she had to do was talk about just how it was she escaped, then she’d be alright.

Abby narrowed her eyes at Tyler. “Well, I’m sure you’ll have time to talk to her tomorrow if you have a good enough reason to come into the med tent.”

Tyler scrunched his nose up. “Go in there? It smells like chlorine or something!”

Willa was glad to know she wasn’t the only one who thought it didn’t smell good in there, due to the sterilization of the medical items. Abby seemed so used to it, but it was probably because of how long she’d been working inside of it. Tyler probably wasn’t used to it because he was never in there, it seemed.

Abby gave a shrug of her shoulders. “Guess you’ll have to live with it if you want to talk to Willa, then!” She spoke out in a sing-song voice. “Besides, you’re due for a check-up after coming back.”

Tyler stared at Abby with a deadpan look. Abby simply cocked an eyebrow at his expression. Willa stood there, almost awkwardly looking between the two to see who would crack first in this stare-down.

Finally, Tyler let out a quiet groan, dropping his head as he shook it. “I’m only coming in because I want to talk to Willa.” He finally relented.

Abby’s face broke into a grin. “I can arrange that, as long as you manage to actually show up.” She retorted, a victorious tone in her voice.

Willa couldn’t help but feel like she was being dragged into something she didn’t know she was necessarily wanting to agree to. She also couldn’t help but feel nervousness rise up once again from Tyler wanting to speak to her. Would he be able to question her if Abby was around, however?

“I’ll try my best.” Tyler responded, sounding so defeated compared to Abby. His gaze rose and met Willa’s eyes again. “I guess I’ll see you two tomorrow, then?” He asked, his eyes studying her face. What was it he was looking for?

“As long as you show up.” Abby responded, and started to walk away, gently pulling Willa alongside her. “If you try to get out of it, I’ll send Willa after you.” She teasingly threatened.

Willa quickly tore her gaze from Tyler to look at Abby with a shocked and confused expression. Since she could only assume that Tyler wanted to question her, if she was sent to go find him, it’d be the perfect opportunity for him to get her alone to do so. Of course, Abby probably didn’t know this, and Willa could have just been misreading things.

By the small grin that flashed on Tyler’s face, however, she could only assume that’s what he wanted.

With nervousness making her throat tight again, she started walking with Abby towards their shared tent, offering one last glance over her shoulder at Tyler. He offered her a small wave, that unreadable expression in his gaze again. Willa swallowed thickly as she faced forward again, going towards her tent for the night with Abby.

 

 

_.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-_

 

_The blurred outline of someone in red stood in front of her, quiet murmuring accompanying it. Those talking were so much taller than she was, and as she gazed upwards, she couldn’t see their faces, hidden behind a veil of black. Squinting her eyes, she tried to make out their faces, frustration and confusion filling her that she couldn’t figure it out._

_However, arms wrapped around her, pulling her away from the red. She couldn’t understand the words being spoken, but she heard the fear, filling her bones with a cold, almost lead-like feeling. Her head turned to look to see who held her, but they were too blurry to make out._

 

Willa’s eyes snapped open and she sucked in a quick breath, chest feeling heavy. That dream wasn’t necessarily a nightmare, but the image of someone with a blurred face was haunting, to say the least. Not to mention, anytime she saw red, she automatically associated it with the Bishops that once controlled her. She swallowed thickly, and pushed herself up.

Glancing over to the other bed, she saw it was made somewhat nicely, but no Abby resting on it. The other woman must have already gotten a start to the day. Moving her gaze towards the back of the tent, she saw light peaking through the flap there. The sun’s light was just starting to shine through from the east, bringing yet again another day. It brought another chance to live freely again and she was surely going to take it. She’d be a fool to waste it, to let herself wallow in the heavy feeling settling in her chest. She was many things, but she didn’t think she was  _that_ big of a fool.

Swinging her legs out of her bed, she stood, stretching. Her body, sure as she had previously thought yesterday, was now sore from dancing. But it brought a smile to her face, remembering just why she was sore in the first place.

Willa hummed the tune of the song to herself lightly as she got dressed for the day. After pulling on her jacket, she ran her hand through her hair. After ridding herself of a few tangles, it sat much too evenly on her back, and she decided that she was going to ask Abby if she could cut her hair today.

Hastily deciding to just throw it into a ponytail, she left the tent. Unlike the prior morning where it had been later, it was less lively in the early hours of the morning. Only a few other Banditos were out of their tents, all looking sleepy. A few torches had smoke coming off of them, but all were unlit, a fog lingering above the ground she walked across towards the main fire.

It was so quiet, so different than how alive it seemed last night. It was nice, in an odd and silly way, knowing that the Banditos weren’t always so full of energy, that they were human, just like she was. It made it easier to feel like she truly was one of them.

Willa could only hope she was by this point.

A small smile on her face, she made her way towards the tent where she assumed Abby would be at. As she approached, she saw Harry come out of the tent. The frown that had been on his face deepend quickly at the sight of Willa, turning into a much colder look. He was quick to walk in away from her, never looking back.

Confusion and fear filled Willa. What had she done to tick him off enough that he would glare at her like he did? Was it because he and Abby were close before she showed up, and now she was hanging out with Abby? Once again, that fear of someone knowing who she had once been filled her, and it settled in the pit of her stomach, making her feel too nauseated to think about breakfast.

Trying to brush it off as just his usual grumpiness, she walked into the tent. Her eyes found Abby, sitting in a corner on the ground with a notepad and pencil, surrounded by backpacks. She was so involved in whatever it was she was doing, she didn’t seem to notice Willa.

It didn’t register immediately what the other woman was doing. What could Abby possibly be doing with all of those backpacks, unzipped with presumably different things inside of them, surrounding her? Then Willa remembered what Abby had wanted help with today; inventory.

“Oh, hi Willa! You’re here early!” Abby spoke out.

Her voice jostled Willa from staring at the backpacks. Her gaze moved to look at Abby, who was offering a bright smile. Willa offered one back, moving forward to get a better glance at what all was possibly in the backpacks.

“These are some of the bags from the scavengers. Right now I’m taking stock of what they managed to bring back.” She looked from Willa to the bags, her expression morphing into one of what could almost be disappointment. “It’s… mostly just sticks.” She sighed out.

“Well, I’m here to help, even if it is all just sticks.” Willa offered, a small smile on her face.

Abby grinned, then nodded to some of the bags. “If you want to look through those bags and see what’s in them, you can just let me know what’s in them and I can write it down.” She lifted up the notepad and waved it slightly.

Willa nodded, and walked over to a backpack, kneeling down to unzip it. She let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head, reaching a hand in before looking back up. “Guess what it is?”

Abby let out a groan, flopping backwards on the ground. “Did any of them pick up anything that  _wasn’t_ sticks?” She rhetorically asked out loud.

“At least we’ll have plenty of firewood.” Willa commented, setting the backpack to the side, reaching for another one.

Abby let out a huff of air, and Willa watched as her dark hair moved with the force of it. “At this point, we’ll have enough to get through winter.” She let out a sigh. “I’m more worried about the food.” She spoke quietly.

Willa sat back on her bottom, digging through another backpack. She pulled out a satchel of berries, setting it to the side. She also pulled out some leaves that smelled very bitter. Her nose scrunched up, and she shook her head, setting it to the side. “Well, there’s a few things here, at the very least.”

“More of those berries?” Abby asked without looking in Willa’s direction.

“Yes. And some weird… herbs?” She asked, holding up the weird, bitter smelling leaves.

Abby lifted her head up off of the ground to look at the herbs. Her eyebrows furrowed as her dark eyes narrowed to stare at them. “I… have no idea what that is. Let me see it.” She pushed herself up off of the ground into a sitting position, holding her hand out.

Willa complied, handing over the herbs with eagerness, ready to get rid of the bitter smelling herbs. When Abby took the herbs, she lifted them to her nose, and flinched at the smell.

“Ugh! I think that’s Turmeric. Smells awful, but it’s good for soup.” She set the herbs aside, and wrote on her notepad. “Although, I think everyone is just about tired of soup at this point.” She almost muttered to herself. She shook her head, then looked back up at Willa. “Do you wanna take some of those sticks to the main fire? Might take a few trips unless you can convince someone to help you out.”

Willa nodded, pushing herself up to a standing position. Strands of hair fell in her face and she let out an annoyed huff, pushing them out of the way. “Would it be too much trouble to ask if you could cut my hair after we’re done with this? I’d do it myself, but…”

Abby grinned up at her from her sitting position. “I’d absolutely love to. I could give you some cute bangs!” She happily spoke. “You’d look cute with bangs, I think, but they’re a bit difficult to keep up with out here.”

Willa had no idea if she’d look good with bangs or not. But, she was willing to try anything Abby thought would look good on her, as long as it was practical for being out here. She just wanted something new, something different, to quite literally cut herself away from who she had once been.

She gave Abby a nod with a smile. “Whatever you think would look good. I just want it cut.” She laughed out quietly before bending down to pick up a backpack full of sticks. It was heavier than she thought it would be, but she heaved it onto her shoulders.

Abby looked thoughtful, tapping the pencil against her lips as her dark eyes stared up at Willa. “Hm…” She hummed out. “I’ll do something for ya’ that’ll be cute.” She promised with a grin. “Now get going, you have a year’s worth of sticks to move.”

Willa rolled her eyes slightly with a smile, shaking her head. “Alright, alright.” She responded, shifting the backpack on her shoulders before turning to walk towards the exit. The thought of finding someone to help her filled her mind again, but she didn’t know who she could get to help her out. Definitely  _not_ Harry, that she knew for sure.

“Oh! Before I forget,” Abby called out as Willa approached the tent flap, “you should go find Tyler, tell him not to forget about his check-up. Maybe he can help us out with all these sticks.”

Willa had forgotten about the arrangement Tyler and Abby had made last night. Nervousness took root in her stomach again, but she nodded regardless. She told herself she couldn’t avoid talking to him forever, but it hardly helped her nervousness about the prospect of talking to him about her escape.

Leaving the tent, she was met with the morning sun, warmth meeting her face. It was mixed with the chill air, however, and she shivered slightly. It would be getting colder soon, wouldn’t it? Everything was so grey in Dema, she never had paid much attention to the seasons that came and went. She’d be sure to appreciate them now.

Making her way towards the main fire, she noticed it wasn’t a roaring fire, just a small one. Kneeling down nearby it, she noticed the quite large pile of firewood. Shrugging off the backpack, she placed it down in front of her, unzipping it. Then she started the tedious process of pulling the sticks out to place them somewhat neatly on top of the pile.

The thought occurred to her that maybe she should have gotten gloves, especially with her bandaged hand, but it was too late to go back and grab a pair now. She’d be back there in a few minutes anyways.

As she was finishing emptying the backpack, she shrugged it back on her shoulders. She stood, the empty backpack feeling like nothing against her back. However, the other backpacks waiting for her inside of the tent were so much heavier, something she was not looking forward to.

Glancing around, she looked to see if there were any other Banditos that looked willing to help. And, she reminded herself, ones that she knew. Of course, some were friendly and spoke to her here and there, but she didn’t know them well enough to consider asking them for help. Despite what Josh said the night prior, she didn’t know if some of the Banditos would actually help her. Harry surely wouldn’t.

Sighing quietly, she mentally debated her two choices. One was to move all of the sticks herself, which was not preferable. The other choice was to find Tyler, which she had to do anyways for Abby, and see if he would want to help her.

Shutting her eyes, she sucked in a deep breath. The sooner she got this over with, the better, she told herself. Then she could stop having such nervousness about something she didn’t even  _need_ to worry about in the first place. She still wanted,  _needed_ , to apologize to him about almost attacking him with, ironically enough, a stick.

Opening her eyes, she forced herself to start walking, mentally thanking the sun for the light and the energy it provided. Her boots were quiet on the worn dirt path below her as she walked, her hands stuffed into her pocket to avoid the morning chill. She offered smiles to Banditos, offering greetings to some of them as she walked past, weaving through the tents.

She kept an eye out for Tyler, although it was hard to know exactly where he was, he dressed the same as everyone else here. He had a shaved head, but it seemed quite a few of the men had shaved heads here too. Of course, his face was recognizable, which is what she was counting on seeing first instead of the back of his head.

Weaving through some more tents, she stopped near the edge of the cliff the camp was set upon. Her breath was taken away by the sight in front of her, her eyes widening as she took it all in. She didn’t think she’d ever get used to seeing this.

The bright sun shined down on the section of Trench below her, catching light of the stream that snaked through the valley between two large green cliffs, practically sparkling. In the far distance, she could see what looked like talls trees, dense, but covered by a fog that still lingered. A fresh wind blew through the valley, and she shut her eyes, breathing in deeply.

A calm feeling spread through Willa as she tilted her head up towards the sun, feeling the warmth. She wasn’t worried about talking to Tyler, about who she had been, about the Bishops while she stood there. She felt like she could go exploring forever in Trench, seemingly stretching endlessly, and never be satisfied.

Maybe she would get a chance to explore part of it.

“The sight is so freeing.” A voice suddenly spoke to her left.

Willa immediately jumped, eyes snapping open as her shoulders hunched in surprise. Her eyes locked onto the owner of the voice, and was surprised to find Tyler standing beside her, staring out into Trench. She hadn’t expected anyone to stand by her, let alone the person she was looking for.

He looked just as relaxed as she had just felt before he had spoken. His shoulders were slack, hands in his jacket pockets, eyes staring out into Trench, a faint smile on his face. The sun shined on his face, and as he looked over to her, it caught in his eyes, making them almost look like amber.

“Makes you want to drop everything and run, huh?” He asked her quietly, tilting his head slightly.

Willa furrowed her eyebrows slightly at his question. “In a way, I suppose so.” She answered truthfully, her voice just as quiet as Tyler’s. It was almost like she was scared to disrupt the moment between them.

He studied her for a moment, then nodded, moving his gaze back to Trench. A smirk grew on his face. “It sounds fun and all, and I guess it can be fun. But, you have to rest some time, or else you’d…” He trailed off, and Willa didn’t have to think too hard to figure out what he was going to say next.

Though, she’d rather die free then be trapped in Dema.

“Maybe we’ll get to explore some of that area soon. With a Bishop coming out of Dema again, it’d be a smart idea to move the camp.” He commented, his tone casual. She saw, however, his shoulders tense slightly at the mention of the Bishops.

Willa shut her eyes, her hands gripping the backpack tightly. She hadn't seen Nico himself in the tunnel, but she had definitely heard him. Tyler, on the other hand, had seen him. It made her wonder how lucky he was to not have been seen. How lucky was she, not being seen by Nico?

“I haven't seen a Bishop use that tunnel before.” He spoke out again. “Last I had checked, it was locked.”

Willa nodded, opening her eyes again. “It was. I picked it from the inside, using a bobby pin.” She told him, looking over towards him, gauging his reaction.

An amused smirk slightly grew on his face, and he shook his head slightly. “That’s smart.” He complimented, glancing over to look at her. “Explains why Nico was more ticked off than what I remember him being.”

Willa dropped her gaze, her grip tightening once more on the backpack. She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head. “I heard someone following me in that tunnel, and I just kept running. I only realized it was him when I hid. It was… terrifying.”

“I can only imagine.” He responded, quietly.

“Does… Does Josh know I escaped alone?” She asked him, finding that thought to be hovering over her, inducing that anxious feeling. She could only assume he didn’t, from the question he asked her before he was dragged away for the music.

Tyler let out a quiet sigh, his shoulders slumping. “Partially.” He admitted, eyes downcast. “I didn’t tell him everything that I saw because I don’t want him to worry about a Bishop leaving Dema again.”

So Willa wasn’t the only one who hid information, then. She still couldn’t help but think that he needed to tell Josh, for the sudden fear gripped her once again that Nico would find them, find her, and drag her back to Dema.

“I think I’ll tell him tonight, though. I wanted him to have a night of fun for once.” He spoke quietly, his eyes distant as he stared out in front of them.

He didn’t speak more about it, but it made her think that Josh didn’t get much time to himself. Of course, if she was leading a group of escapees, she’d be stressed too. Not to mention, Abby mentioned that Josh was always stressed when Tyler was gone. Obviously the two were close, and Willa could only imagine what it would be like to know someone willingly went back to the prison they had once been trapped in.

“How did you know there was a tunnel there, anyways?” He asked her, breaking her out of her thoughts.

Willa shut her eyes, racking her blurred memories for the answer she knew was there. Her eyebrows furrowed, a frown deepening on her face as she shook her head. “I stumbled across it as a young girl.” She started, remembering how upset Nico was, even behind his usual stoic face. “I'm the reason they locked it up in the first place.” She admitted, a quiet, cold laugh leaving her as she opened her eyes again. “Nico told me it was wrong and I was to forget about it. I did, for a while, still believing in their words.”

“I’m guessing Nico took it easy on you, since you were still so young.” He commented with a short exhale, shaking his head. “What made you remember it?” He asked her, tone curious. She saw him in her peripherals turning his head to look at her.

“I took walks.” She admitted honestly. “I was trying to find ways to keep myself distracted from the choking feelings there. And one day, I just stumbled upon it again.” She gave a small shrug. “This feeling of... familiarity, I think, washed over me, and I knew there was something there.” She finished.

“Why don't I remember you being in Nico’s region?” He asked her. “I lived in his region before I managed to escape for good.”

Willa glanced up at him. It was odd, being so honest and open with someone, without the fear of being tortured for, well, feeling. Of course, she still had that nervousness in the pit of her stomach, but she assumed she’d feel that for the rest of her life. But the nervousness of talking to Tyler had all but disappeared, reminding her that she didn’t had to have worried at all.

Breaking herself out of her thoughts, she gave a small shrug at Tyler’s question. “I don’t remember you in Dema either. You can’t be much older than me, but I don’t remember hearing about anyone escaping.” Perhaps there was more to that statement than she let on, but it was true in the fact she didn’t remember anyone escaping.

“The Bishops will do that. Make you forget everything.” He scoffed out. “Memories sometimes come back, sometimes they don’t when you break free of them. It’s a game of chance, really.” He sighed out, looking down at her. “How did you know where to go when you left that tunnel?”

“It was just… instinct, really. I saw that path, and I bolted, following it. I noticed the cavern and I hid in it. I didn't see you at all when I was running, where did you come from?” She asked him, confused.

“There's other tunnels underneath Dema, I just happened to take one before you.” He explained. “I was just starting to head up towards here when I heard you running.” He stared out into Trench again. “Nico looked super ticked off, I'm lucky I hid in time.” He looked back over at her. “You sounded so terrified, yet relieved, when he left.” His voice was soft, concern filling his features. His brow was furrowed slightly, lips in a frown.

She moved her gaze from him, feeling embarrassment wash over her, cheeks flushing slightly, from him hearing her sob like she had. “I was, yes.” She told him quietly. “It was a lot of emotions, all at once.”

“I almost went to go find you then.” He spoke out again, and she moved her gaze to stare up at him. “But, you had already decided to keep moving, and, well, you know the rest.” He gave a small shrug, his gaze moving away from her again.

“I'm sorry for almost hitting you with a stick.” She apologized.

He let out a quiet laugh, shaking his head. “You're good, Willa. If anything, I shouldn't have snuck up on you like I did. That was actually really creepy of me to do.”

Willa gave him a smile. “I'm surprised you could sneak up on me like that. Usually I'm really aware of my surroundings. Guess I was really out of it.” She almost muttered the last part, dropping her gaze with embarrassment filling her again.

“Don’t be too hard on yourself.” He reassured her with a gentle nudge of his elbow against hers. “You looked exhausted, both mentally and physically.”

She turned her gaze to look at him as he looks at her. His brown eyes looked concerned still, eyebrows furrowing slightly again.

“You still kinda do.” He told her, seemingly studying her face.

“I… feel better than I have in my entire life. It’s probably just because I'm still settling in.” She could ignore the way she kept waking up from odd dreams and anxiety-inducing nightmares, and the circles under her eyes, because truly, she was  _feeling_. If feeling happiness came with feeling tiredness, well, she’d gladly take both.

“I'm sure. I imagine that dancing is more fun than rock-climbing, huh?” He teased her lightly, a grin forming on his face.

She lets out a quiet groan, shaking her head. “You really saw that too?”

“You slamming into the side of the cliff? Yep.” He retorted, the grin growing on his face. “If you wanna go exploring, you gotta learn how to properly rock-climb, you know.”

She covered her face with a hand, feeling her face flush. “Yes, I'm aware.” She answered, muffled behind her hand.

“You're pretty fast and resourceful though, I'll give you that.”

She looked up to him, seeing him with a thoughtful look. “Fear will make you do that.” She responded, quiet yet honest. She never knew she was able to run as fast as she had when she had been chased by Nico. Or, for that matter, climb a rock wall, albeit not well.

“Some of our worse, and best, qualities come out while we’re full of fear.” He responded with, looking out to Trench with an unreadable expression again. “Maybe that’s why the Bishops try to numb us, so we don’t feel the fear of them.”

Willa couldn’t help but agree silently, nodding her head. Even though she was free from them, she still feared the Bishops. She feared that any one of them could appear and drag her from her new life, forcing her back into that numbness. It made her want to never stop running, to get as far away from them as possible.

She wondered if Tyler still feared them. He was brave enough to go back there to try and rescue more people, but maybe it was him trying to face his fear. And Willa, even though she thought it was a crazy idea for him to do that, couldn’t help but think he was more brave than before. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> gasp  
> an early upload!!  
> and tyler!!!  
> mer chrismis  
> i really enjoyed this chapter but didn't at the same time tbqh
> 
> i got a new job and i'll be working every other weekend alongside the week so updates might come slower RIP  
> gonna save up money to see the boys next year when they come back around to my area  
> even tho the tickets are expensive as hell  
> anyways, lemme know if you want more tyler or josh because it could go either way at this point rn 
> 
> tysm for 100+ reads <3  
> i love you guys so much  
> stay alive  
> ||-//


	7. [6]

 

**[6]**

 

Willa and Tyler stopped in front of the med tent, the sun in the middle of the sky above them. Tyler stood a little farther back than what Willa did, as if hesitating. She turned her head slightly to look at him, her gaze silently questioning. It was obvious enough to her that he was uncomfortable.

His shoulders were stiff, hands jammed into his pockets. His brown eyes stared at the flap of the tent, yet they seemed distant, as if he were lost in thought. There was a frown set on his face. The expression he was making was not a pleasant one, to say the least. It seemed he really didn’t want to go in there, she noted.

“Tyler?” She asked him, quietly, almost reaching a hand up to gently touch his shoulder.

His gaze broke from the tent, or wherever his mind had taken him, to look down at her. “What?” He asked, his voice and expression displaying confusion.

“Are you… alright?” She asked him, uncertain if she was being too forward with asking him how he felt. After all, it seemed like something personal to be hesitating like he was. She wasn’t close to him. Was she close to anyone, really?

He blinked again, and offered her a small smile, wiping his prior expression off of his face. His smile didn’t reach his eyes, she noticed. “I’m fine. Just not fond of the smell of whatever it is used inside of here.” He nodded towards the tent.

She couldn’t help but feel like it wasn’t the full truth, but she didn’t push him. She simply offered him a small, hopefully reassuring, smile. “If I’m honest, I don’t like it either. It’s not a pleasant smell in the slightest.” She offered to him lightly, trying to almost joke with him.

He offered back a smile, one that did reach his eyes this time. “Glad to know I’m not crazy for not being used to the smell, either.” He commented. He looked back to the tent, and let out a quiet sigh. He sucked it back in quickly, and nodded. “Alright. The sooner I can get this over with, the better.”

Willa nodded, and pulled back the tent flap for them both. “Abby, I’m back!” She called out, spotting the other woman right where she had left her; in the corner with bags still around her. “I brought Tyler with me.” She added on, stepping inside with Tyler following in behind her.

Abby looked up from her seated position, her eyes lighting up and a grin appearing on her face as she looked from Willa to Tyler. “Oh, wow. I know I might’ve been joking about you having a secret power, Willa, but maybe you do have one if you got Tyler to come in here for a check-up.” Abby pushed herself up, dusting off her hands on her pants.

“Oh, har-har.” Tyler retorted, sarcastically. “But you’re right. I’m only here because of Willa’s super special powers.” He shrugged his shoulders.

Abby let out a quiet laugh, and beckoned him with a finger to come over towards the medical side of the tent. Willa watched as he walked away from her to go towards one of the beds, and she shifted her feet almost awkwardly. Should she sit by Tyler or go take more sticks to the campfire?

“Willa, while I’m checking Tyler over, you can take a seat so I can see how your hand is healing.” Abby spoke out, glancing back over at her as Tyler took a seat.

Well, that settled that, she supposed.

Walking over to the bed next to the one Tyler had seated himself on, she sat down gently. Glancing down at her still bandaged hand, she guessed she had really forgotten about it. Sure, it was a little sore, but it was easy to ignore, for the most part.

“So, Willa, how’d you convince Tyler to come see me?” Abby asked mirthfully.

Willa lifted her gaze, and saw Abby using a pair of stethoscopes on Tyler. Tyler looked less than pleased, and his gaze moved to look at her. His look seemed almost pleading, in a way. She offered a sympathetic smile to him.

“Well, he knew if I didn’t bring him, you’d end up finding him yourself. I think he’s more scared of you then he is of my secret power.” She responded, in her own mirthful tone. She hoped that it helped distract Tyler from whatever his mind was thinking of.

Abby shook her head, laughing quietly. “Very true. If I hadn’t been swamped with inventory, I would’ve grabbed him the moment he came back.” She pulled away the stethoscope from Tyler’s chest, letting it rest back on her shoulders. “Your heart rate is increased, but other than that, you don’t sound sick.” She told Tyler. “Any secret injuries I should know about?” She asked him, raising an eyebrow slightly.

Willa was briefly reminded as to how she hadn’t told Abby about the bruising on her side. The woman had found out while they were dancing, of all things. In Willa’s defense, she didn’t think it was that important, or it would be as sore as it was.

Tyler gave a small shake of his head. “No.” He told Abby. “I’m fit as a fiddle.” He retorted, his tone almost sassy, in a way.

“Good! Then you’re all done and still clear to go exploring.” Abby responded, offering a cheerful smile while ignoring the sassy remark. She stepped away from him to move towards Willa. “You’re free to go if you want, Tyler, but maybe you can take some of those sticks with you when you go.” She looked back at him as she stood in front of Willa. “Maybe help out the newbie, yeah?”

He glanced at the backpacks behind them, then at Willa. “I think I can do that.” He offered her a small smile, before pushing himself off of the bed. “I’ll see you around?” He practically asked, his soft brown eyes somewhat hopeful.

Willa couldn’t help the smile on her face, and she nodded. Besides Abby, no one else had really sought out her company, and even then, Willa couldn’t help the thought that maybe Abby was around her just because of pity. What other reasoning could Tyler have to seek out her company? Of course, more anxiety-inducing thoughts filled her mind, but she hoped that both Tyler and Willa liked being around her.

His smile grew to a grin, and again, she compared him to what she had read about puppies. She’d never seen one in person, but she could only assume that Tyler would be one if he were an animal. Maybe it was how excited he seemingly got, but she brushed those thoughts aside.

“Sounds good.” He nodded, then started to walk towards the other side of the tent, towards the backpacks.

Willa’s gaze moved away from him to look at Abby, who looked at her with a smirk and a slightly cocked eyebrow. Willa didn’t know what that look meant, but she couldn’t help but feel like there was a silly remark on the tip of Abby’s tongue. Regardless, she held out her hand for Abby to take it so she could check it out, moving her gaze away so she didn’t have to see the wound. Her eyes traveled to where Tyler was kneeling, picking up a backpack to take out to the fire.

Abby was quick to unwrap the bandage in front of her, and let out a hum in thoughtfulness. “It looks pretty healed up now.” She commented. “Although, you’re probably going to have a scar now.”

Willa looked back at Abby, then looked down to her hand. It was no longer red and swollen around the cut, all sealed up. There was a jagged, mostly pink line going almost diagonally across her palm. Pulling back her hand, she traced over the scar with her thumb. If it did scar, it’d be a reminder of how she ran for her life, for freedom.

It’d be a good reminder, she silently decided to herself.

“A battle-scar from the rock wall fight, huh?” Tyler added to the conversation, backpack on his back, a grin on his face.

Abby’s own grin grew on her face, and she laughed quietly. Willa tried to fight the grin growing on her face, and ducked her head, shaking her head. A quiet laugh left her, despite her best efforts. She decided that the scar would remind her of why exactly she had left the place that was never her home.

 

 

Later, after all of the sticks had been put in front of the fire by both Willa and Tyler, the young woman sat in the tent in a chair, eyes staring at herself in the mirror. Abby stood behind her, a hairbrush in hand. Willa noticed that Abby had that bright, almost shining, grin on her face.

“I’m so excited.” Abby commented, starting to brush out Willa’s hair. “I came up with a hairstyle that’ll be really cute for you, and practical too. Easy to keep up with.”

The gentle motions of the hairbrush moving through Willa’s hair made her eyes close, a feeling of relaxation filling her. She hummed in response to Abby’s words, agreeing with whatever she said. Again, she didn’t care too much about what she looked like, as long as it was different.

“Your hair is so nice, Willa.” Abby complimented, finishing brushing through it. She moved and set down the brush on a table, grabbing a pair of scissors instead.

Willa opened her eyes, a smile on her face. “Oh, thank you. I never really paid much attention to it before.” She admitted, giving a small shrug of her shoulders.

“Well, you definitely will now. With a haircut this good, you’ll love it.” Abby confidently responded, grinning again. She snapped the scissors a few times, before moving it to the back of Willa’s hair. Their eyes met in the mirror. “Ready?” Abby asked.

Willa felt her own grin on her face. “More than ready.”

And then she felt the scissors cut her hair. She heard the clump fall to the ground, and a bubbling feeling grew from her chest. Laughter left her mouth, and she shut her eyes as Abby continued to cut more of her hair.

“I didn’t think it’d feel so…” Willa trailed off, unable to find the correct words to use. Her head felt lighter now, for sure, but it almost felt like her chest was lighter too.   
  
“Freeing?” Abby interjected.

“Yes, exactly.” Willa responded, resisting the urge to nod her head. She didn’t want to accidentally mess up the almost instinctual movements Abby was making around her head. She didn’t think having a scissor accidentally cut her would be a good idea.

Abby laughed quietly. “Yeah, it’s really great.” She spoke out. “It’s like…” She paused, trying to find her own right words. “You’re becoming your own person for the first time.”

Willa couldn’t agree more, a smile on her face.

There was a few moments of quiet, and then Abby stopped in her actions. Willa heard the scissors being set down on the table, and then Abby clapping her hands together and letting out a low whistle. Willa was almost scared to open her eyes, to see what she now looked like.

“Damn, I really outdid myself this time.” She spoke quietly. “Your hair looks so pretty.”

Willa took in a deep breath, and opened her eyes. Where her hair once laid, it was now so much shorter. It was styled to frame her face, bangs resting over her eyebrows. She felt tears come to her eyes, blinking quickly while reaching her hands up to make sure that it was, in fact, actually her she was looking at. Her hands gently brushed through the newly cut hairs, eyes watching her reflection.

“Oh no, you don’t like it, do you?” Abby was quick to ask, her tone sounding so worried and disheartened.

Willa was quick to shake her head, finally breaking her gaze from her reflection to stare at Abby. A grin grew on her face. “No, I… I love it so much. Thank you.” She told her friend, her voice quiet, almost shaky. Happiness filled her at how she now looked, at being even more different than how she once was.

Abby had relief written on her face, and she let out a quiet laugh. “Oh, thank goodness. I was about to be really upset if you didn’t like it. It looks so nice on you!” She placed her hands on her cheeks, almost gushing about Willa’s new hair. “I think you’ll make everyone go crazy over it.” She winked down at Willa.

Willa shook her head, a faint flush coming to her cheeks. She could take a guess as to what Abby meant, but she chose to ignore it. She wanted to  _not_ stick out, and maybe getting a haircut was going to do just that. Forcefully pushing away those thoughts, she reminded herself she had a hood to pull over her head if she needed it.

“I think I’m going crazy over it.” Willa commented, moving her gaze back to the mirror. She ran a hand through her hair again, a smile growing on her face again.

Abby let out a quiet laugh, and moved away, starting to walk towards the table with the clothes on them. “Well, when you’re done admiring my amazing job, you can take the remains of your old hair and toss ‘em in the fire, alongside some other trash. You’ll be free for the rest of the evening, then.”

Willa let out her own quiet laugh, and pushed herself up off of the chair. Kneeling down, she started to pick up as much hair as she could, and after a moment, she pushed herself up once again. A flash of pain passed through her, but she breathed through the pain from the bruise. She was mostly healed, but dancing the night before hadn’t helped much at all.

Clutching the hair in her hand, she made her way over to Abby, who had a pile of old, grey, torn clothes set aside on the table. Grabbing the clothes made her feel uneasy again, as the color of grey was permanently associated with numbness in her mind. What else could be grey and be, well, not numb? She supposed rain clouds, but she preferred the bright colors of the sunlight.

Giving a quick good-bye to Abby, she made her way out of the tent. The sun was getting ready to set soon, which meant the main fire was starting to grow once more. Willa briefly wondered if tonight would be another music night, but with the comment Tyler had made earlier, she didn’t know if Josh would be up to it. Shaking off those thoughts for later, she approached the fire, tossing in the old clothing, yet hesitated on throwing in her old hair.

Staring down at it, she ran her thumb over the locks. She’d been forced to keep her hair grown out by those she lived with, as per the Bishops’ rule. She had to keep up her appearance and resemble everyone else around her. But she was her own person now, and without a second thought, she threw the old hair into the fire, watching as the strands disintegrated. A small smile grew on her face, and she shoved her hands into her pockets, turning to walk away towards her and Abby’s tent.

As she walked, she felt eyes on her. They were all staring at the new haircut she sported. Her anxiety told her that they were judging her. Cheeks flushing in embarrassment, she pulled up the bandana around to hide her face, pulling her hood up over her head so she could blend in better. Or, as she preferred, hide. Keeping her head down, she hastily headed to her tent, ignoring the other Banditos the best she could.

Shutting the tent flap behind her, she pulled down the bandana and let out a sigh of relief, her shoulders slumping. Lifting a hand, she ran it through her hair while pushing down her hood. Shaking out her newly cut hair, she moved to kneel in front of her bed. Reaching down underneath it, she was thankful to find her backpack remained untouched underneath.

Willa needed a distraction, and with how close it was to dinner time, and with how everyone kept staring at her, hiding in her tent with her book seemed like a good idea. She didn’t think going for a walk was a good idea right now for those exact reasons. Letting out a long sigh, she pulled out her backpack.

Unzipping it, she found that her things had remained how she had left them. There were the two bottles, bandages, and of course, the book she was looking for. Sitting cross-legged on the ground, she shut her eyes and held the book close to her chest.

An odd feeling of comfort and familiarity filled her. Throughout her time in Dema, this book kept her stable, kept her alive, alongside the flowers Tyler had left behind. Despite how crazy and impossible her life had suddenly become, she had this book still with her. The only constant in her life, as it was turning out.

Opening her eyes, Willa lowered the book slightly. Running a finger over the faded green cover, she pulled it open. Immediately, she was hit as memories hit her. Squeezing her eyes shut tightly, she tried to make sense of all of them, a throbbing pain forming in her head. She read this book in so many different nooks and crannies, hoping to hide it away from the Bishops and the vultures that watched over them all. Sucking in a breath, she let her eyes open again, reading over the typewriter words in front of her.

“‘I celebrate myself, and sing myself.’” She whispered out, a faint smile growing on her face again. It was something all of the Banditos could probably relate to, she told herself. “‘And what I assume, you shall assume. For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.’”

Some could possibly assume that those lines claimed that everyone was the same, and Willa had perhaps thought that at first too. She couldn’t quite remember, not yet. But it was rereading it now, after what she had been through in the past few days, that she realized once again that not everyone was the same. The citizens of Dema, brainwashed and compliant to follow their Bishops’ into a grave of artificial light, were hardly the same as those who defied and refused the Bishops. Those, Willa told herself, were the Banditos and those perhaps still trapped in Dema.

A sickening feeling spawned from her stomach at those who needed to escape, but had no hope that there was anything, anyone, waiting for her. How lucky was she to have had the flowers to give her that hope? How lucky was she to have moved into Tyler’s old apartment?

Hearing footsteps outside of the tent, Willa was quick to shut the book, shoving it back into her backpack. She was just starting to zip it up as she heard a familiar voice call out her name.

“Willa, if you’re hiding that amazing haircut I did, I’ll put you on cleanup duty!” Abby called, in an almost teasing tone.

Willa pushed the backpack under the bed just as orange flickering light filled the tent. Willa twisted her head and looked up at her tentmate with a sheepish expression. She was met with seeing Abby holding the tent flap back, the other hand on her hip, an eyebrow cocked.

“Well, you see I was just, um-” Willa started to stammer out, picking at the sides of her fingernails again. Anxiety filled her from almost being caught with a book. She was sure that Abby wouldn’t have cared, neither would have the other Banditos more than likely, but that fear of being caught with the book still filled her, even if it wasn’t needed.

“You  _were_ hiding!” Abby exclaimed, her expression turning into one of shock, and concern. “Why? Did someone say something or do you really not like it?” Abby asked, and Willa could almost detect a hint of worry in her friend’s voice.

Willa was quick to shake her head. “N-no one said anything!” She was quick to respond, then ducked her head, shutting her eyes. “But they - well, they-” She swallowed thickly, remembering how it felt to be stared at, the anxiety choking her once again. “They were all just…  _staring_.”

She could hear Abby let out a quiet sigh, and then heard the tent flap rustle. The quiet sound of Abby’s boots stepping on the ground in front of Willa filled her ears. She couldn’t help the flinch when she felt a hand on her shoulder, eyes opening with slight panic at suddenly being touched. 

“If they’re staring, it’s probably because they’re all admiring your new haircut.” Abby reassured her, gently. “If anyone says anything mean, I’ll kick their ass, yeah? I worked too hard on your haircut for you to hide it.” She spoke in a more teasing voice, offering a smile to Willa.

Willa swallowed thickly, and tried to offer back her own smile, albeit it was a shaky one. She appreciated Abby’s words, and the suggestion that she would fight anyone who would try to be mean. She didn’t know if she could go out there again without the hood on, however. They would still stare, still look at  _her_. And she wanted the exact opposite. She wanted to be forgettable.

If she needed to run, she didn’t want anyone following her because they noticed she was gone.Maybe it was too late for that, however. Abby knew her, and would perhaps notice if she disappeared. She supposed that maybe Tyler and Josh knew her too, but, would they notice if she was gone? Would Abby actually notice?

Too many conflicting and saddening things filled her mind, making that throbbing pain reemerge. She tried to push those thoughts away, telling herself she didn’t need to run now. Looking at Abby’s reassuring face, she felt herself nod slowly at the words Abby had spoken.

Abby’s face broke into a small grin. “There you go. C’mon, let’s go get some dinner and show off your new hairstyle.” Her hand dropped from Willa’s shoulder and firmly gripped her unscarred hand.

A moment later, Willa was being pulled up by Abby. She let go of Abby’s hand, and used both of her hands to dust off her pants, hoping to get at least a little bit of the dirt off of them. Maybe she shouldn’t sit on the ground again. Looking back up at Abby, she nodded once again.

Abby started walking out of the tent first, holding back the flap for Willa to walk under it next. Orange light flickered out once again, and Willa could hear the gentle murmurings of the other Banditos, alongside the crackling of the fires and torches. It had quickly become one of her favorite sounds.

Sucking in a quick breath, she walked out with Abby. Immediately, her anxieties made her believe she was being stared at, and she kept her gaze down. She didn’t want to make eye contact with any of the others, in case they  _would_ say something to her. With a slight nudge from Abby, however, it made her jerk her head back up again to look at her.

“You’re fine.” Abby mouthed, reassuring Willa once again.

Again, Willa felt thankfulness wash over her, and she hoped that she could repay Abby one day. She hadn’t the faintest idea how she was going to really do that, but maybe showing off the nice haircut she had done was a start.

Walking together with Abby, the two made their way to the large fire. What was most likely the normal meal here, Willa was beginning to realize, soup was being handed out for dinner. She saw the group she usually sat with, minus Harry, and offered a small wave.

She could see the surprise, and shock, on both Evelyn and Brooke’s faces. She didn’t know whether that was a good or a bad thing. Swallowing thickly, she could feel the eyes of the other Banditos on her again, and the urge to bolt filled her again. She was highly considering it when a bowl of warm soup was being placed in her hands.

She blinked quickly as she jerked her head down to the bowl, trying to process how it got there in the first place. She then moved her gaze up again to look at Abby, who was standing with her own bowl, an eyebrow cocked. It quickly dawned on Willa that Abby had placed the bowl in her hands. Willa offered a quick and quiet thanks, and started to make her way over to the small group.

“Willa, you got your hair cut!” Brooke gasped out as a greeting as Willa neared them.

Sitting down on a log next to Brooke, Willa felt her cheeks flush. She offered a small, probably shaky, smile and a nod to Brooke. “Yes, I did. Abby cut it for me earlier.”

“Damn, Abby. You did a really good job.” Evelyn commented, offering a grin to Abby, before moving her gaze to Willa. “It fits you perfectly. I like it a lot better than what you had before.”

“For sure! It seems so much more  _you_.” Brooke added in, a friendly smile on her face as she almost leaned into Evelyn’s side. It seemed they were close too, Willa silently noted.

“Thank you.” Willa responded, her cheeks flushing more from the compliments. She hid her face in her soup, letting the warmth of the broth fill her. It wasn’t the sun’s warmth, no, but nothing would ever compare to that. Although, she couldn’t complain about the warmth of the fire in front of her.

“Of course Abby did a good job.” A male, almost unfamiliar voice, spoke out from beside Abby.

Willa’s head jerked upwards, alongside the other women sitting around her, and saw Harry’s almost cold eyes staring at her. Anxiety and nerves suddenly filled her chest and throat from how he had been this morning. Was he still upset from this morning? Was he going to be rude towards her?

But Abby didn’t seem to mind, and her face lit up with happiness when she saw him. A happy smile tried to grow on her face, but Willa watched as it was quickly hidden with a frown. Had they not made up with each other yet?

“You trying to sweet talk me to make up for what you said?” Abby asked him with a cocked eyebrow.

Willa supposed that they hadn’t made up just yet, no.

Harry’s gaze slightly softened as he looked at Abby. However, he still held a frown on his face, that only deepened as he realized that Abby wasn’t completely overjoyed to see him. Willa could feel the tension starting to grow in the air, tightening on her chest, as she sipped at her soup.

“I’m just being honest, like I always am.” He retorted, his eyes narrowing slightly. His tone was short, and his annoyance was growing on his face. “Can’t I compliment you anymore?” He asked, almost in a rhetorical tone.

“When I’m not still mad at you.” Abby was quick to respond, her eyes also narrowing as she held a defiant expression.

Willa quietly sipped at her soup as she watched the two with that anxiety building up again. Maybe she should leave, as it was obvious enough to her that Harry didn’t like her, and she was becoming more and more uncomfortable with the longer he was standing there next to Abby, obviously upset.

“I apologized, what more do you want?” Harry asked, crossing his arms, his posture practically screaming how upset he was becoming.

“Not a half-assed one while I’m busy working.” Abby retorted, her voice cold and sharp.

“Maybe you should two should talk about this later? In private?” Brooke was quick to suggest, as if sensing the tension like Willa was.

Harry’s gaze moved to Brooke, hardening into a glare that would have made Willa shrink back immediately. But Brooke didn’t even flinch, Willa noticed.

Evelyn sat up straighter from beside Brooke, cocking an eyebrow with a frown deepening on her face. “Why don’t you go get some air? Then you can talk to Abby later.” Evelyn suggested, her tone light, contradicting her serious expression.

Harry seemed offended, and let out a quiet scoff shaking his head. “I thought you newbies respected those who had been here longer than you.” He retorted, his voice cold, then his gaze moved to Willa, ignoring the looks of shock from Evelyn and Brooke. “Do you have anything to say too, or are you gonna keep being silent?”

She swallowed thickly, and instinctively wanted to shrink down, make herself smaller and unseen. Her throat felt like it was being choked, and she felt like she couldn’t get air to her constricting chest. At the first sign of conflict, she always ran. It protected her, and she should’ve just stayed in her tent.

“Leave her alone, Harry. She doesn’t have to talk to you when you’re being an asshole like this.” Abby retorted, her voice growing harsh. “Maybe I don’t want to talk to you because you’ve become so mean lately.”

Willa felt shame and embarrassment wash over her that she had to have someone else stand up for her, making her cheeks feel hot. But she didn’t drop her gaze from Harry’s face, forcing herself to not look down. She didn’t have to look at him for very long, because his gaze quickly moved from her to Abby.

A look of hurt flashed on his face before it hardened once again. He shook his head, not saying anything, and took off in the other direction, moving away from the small group. Abby stared after him with a hurt expression on her face, before she swallowed thickly and looked down into her bowl of soup.

Her shoulders were tense, Willa immediately noticed. Gently, Willa placed a hand on Abby’s shoulder, trying to give her the same comfort that she had given earlier. “Abby, are you okay?” She asked, leaning forward slightly to try and look at the other woman.

Abby let out a shaky breath, and pushed herself back up to look at Willa. Her eyes looked watery, but a forced smile was on her face. “Yeah.” She responded, her voice giving a small crack. She cleared her throat, and shook her head slightly, looking away. “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I think - I think I just need to go on a walk. Get some air.” She responded.

Willa understood that, much too much. She nodded, offering a small smile again. “I think that’d be a good idea.” She responded with, and briefly looked to Evelyn and Brooke, almost seeking silent support. They nodded in agreement, reassuring Willa that what she was doing was a good idea.

“Yeah, Harry is just being an ass. I wouldn’t take it personally, Abby.” Evelyn spoke out, offering her own smile as Abby looked back at her. “Maybe Josh or Tyler can talk to him, and see what’s bugging him. He’s bringing down all of us.” She added on, a thoughtful look growing on her face. 

Willa nodded, looking back at Abby. The other woman’s eyes were still watery, and a tear fell down her cheek. It surprised Willa, as she hadn’t taken Abby as the type to cry, at all. Abby let out a quiet laugh, but it sounded sad in a way, before wiping her cheek.

“Look at me, crying over him.” She mumbled out, shaking her head again. “He’s so dumb, why did I have to catch feelings for him, out of everyone?” She asked rhetorically, wiping her eyes again.

Willa didn’t know about relationships at all, so she could only offer a gentle pat on Abby’s shoulder, hoping it would be enough to help. “I don’t think you can choose who you get feelings for.” She commented quietly, removing her hand to hold her bowl of soup with both hands.

Abby let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head. “No, no you don’t. That is definitely for sure.” She responded, then let out a sigh, looking at them all. “I’m sorry that you all had to witness that.”

Brooke gave a small shrug, and Evelyn shook her head. “Nah, it’s fine. It’s not like we all haven’t seen him go off on someone already.” Brooke responded, offering a smile in a joking manner.

“Who went off on who now?” A new voice called out, and Willa turned her head to see Josh standing next to their small group. He had a slightly confused, and concerned, expression on his face. He looked tired, maybe even frustrated, and Willa briefly wondered if Tyler had talked to him about Nico being outside of Dema.

“Harry, again.” Evelyn responded, before taking a sip of her soup.

Josh let out a quiet sigh, moving his gaze to look at Abby, who ducked her gaze slightly. “Try to talk things out with him, okay?” He suggested to her. “If you need a mediator, I can try to help or Tyler can if I’m busy.” He told her, his tone not unkind. His gaze then moved to Willa, and he offered her the small smile. It didn’t reach his eyes however, further making her think he knew about what happened.

“I’ll try to.” Abby responded, letting out a quiet sigh. “He’s… well, you know how he’s been lately.” She was quiet, and shook her head. She sipped at her soup to avoid talking more about it.

Willa hadn’t known how he had been before she had arrived, but from what she could gather, Harry hadn’t always been as mean as he was being now. What had made him become so mean? It seemed the others didn’t know, and Willa definitely wouldn’t know either. She had hardly been here that long, not when she really thought about it.

“Yeah, I know.” Josh sighed out. “Like I said, if you need help, find me or Tyler.” He placed his hand on Abby’s shoulder, patting it. “You don’t have to do it alone.” He smiled down at her, reassuringly.

“Thanks, Josh. I appreciate it.” Abby responded, smiling up at him.

“No problem.” His gaze moved back to Willa, and she could tell there was a question he wanted to ask her, by the way his eyebrows furrowed slightly and his mouth was pursed slightly. He probably had multiple questions for her.

Willa couldn’t avoid him forever, and she didn’t really want to either. She finished off her soup, and stood, setting the bowl down on the ground gently. She brushed off her pants, offering a smile at the women around her. “I think I’m going to take a walk before I go to sleep.”

“I’ll join you.” Josh said, offering her a smile. “Or, well, um, I can walk you to your tent, I mean.” He almost stumbled out quickly, his face turning sheepish.

Willa couldn’t help the small grin on her face at his quick reiteration. It didn’t do much to ease the anxiety growing in her again, but she found that it helped, just a little bit. “Thank you.” She responded, stepping away from the small group, to stand next to Josh. She turned her head back to look at the group, offering a quiet goodnight. It was repeated back, and then the two were off, walking away from the main fire.

And as they did, her anxiety only grew, knowing that Josh was worried. From the quick glance she took at his face, she could see how his eyebrows furrowed, a frown on his face. A Bishop outside of Dema, especially the most ruthless one of all, could only mean that he was becoming even more angry. And Willa couldn’t help but feel like she was the cause of that. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowie sorry for the delay alkjsdhfalkjs  
> work kills me 
> 
> but enjoy the 6000 word chapter instead  
> this isn't really proofread so sorry if there's spelling mistakes ; w ;   
> ilu guys and thank you so much for all of the reads and the comments  
> they brighten my day so much 
> 
>  
> 
> stay alive  
> || - //


	8. [7]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for mention of scars

 

**[7]**

 

The two stopped at the edge of the camp. It was mostly quiet, the sounds of most of the Banditos behind them, mixing in with the sounds of the small fires that were lit around them. Torches casted lights that danced across the tents, yet it didn’t pierce the darkness that was starting to lurk in from the scenery of Trench in front of them.

It was becoming a cloudy night, the moon’s light becoming faint behind the darker clouds that blew through the night sky. The stars were hard to see, and it made Willa sad, almost. Usually she could see the stars and the moon’s light reflecting the stream below them, but now, it looked dark. A wind blew through Trench, and Willa couldn’t help the shiver going through her. She shoved her hands into her pockets, and thought that it was much colder too.

“It seems like it’s going to rain soon. It smells like it, almost.” Josh commented, tilting his head up and shutting his eyes. His eyebrows were furrowed, as if he were worried about the rain too. With rain, there’d be no fires, no warmth for them, Willa thought. “Guess we’ll have to prepare for that again too.” He let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head. He moved his gaze to look at Willa, his brown eyes catching hers. He looked worried. “Tyler thinks we’re going to have to move the camp soon.”

Willa swallowed, nodding as she moved her gaze back to Trench. A pain, similar to that of when she read the book earlier, was slowly filling her head. It was, however, just a normal headache, she presumed. “He mentioned that to me, yes.”

“We’ll have to start scouting soon for a new location.” He spoke out, quietly, as if he were scared that one of the Banditos near the main fire could hear their conversation. “I don’t want to lie to them and not tell them why we’re moving, but the mention of Nico coming into Trench, well…”

“It’s almost terrifying.” Willa finished for him, dropping her gaze.

“I can’t imagine how it felt to be chased by him.” Josh commented, and she lifted her gaze to look at him. His eyebrows were tilted upwards, his mouth set in a concerned frown. It was odd, seeing worry come from someone that was for her. “Tyler told me you were able to hide pretty well, however.”

Willa nodded, moving her gaze back out into Trench. “Yes. I hid in a crevice until I knew he was gone.” She dropped her gaze, shaking her head. “I still don’t know how I managed to do that.”

“Sometimes it’s just instinctual.” Josh responded with. “We were never meant to be trapped in those walls, and some of us realize that. We, for lack of better words, wake up, I guess.” Josh let out a quiet sigh, his shoulders relaxing just slightly.

Willa moved her gaze to look up at him again, furrowing her eyebrows slightly. What he said made sense. Before she had discovered those flowers, all she could remember was meaningless tasks given to her by the Bishops, a grey and boring life. It was, in fact, like a dream, only seemingly endless with no escape.

“I… that makes more sense than I would have thought.” Willa spoke out, quietly, her eyebrows still furrowed with thought. “Everything from there was the same, grey and lifeless. Everyday was the same.” Willa felt sick to her stomach almost. “And to think people are just… okay with that.” To think  _she_ was okay with that at one point made her sick.

Josh turned his head to look at her, offering her a sympathetic, almost sad, look. “They don’t know any better. They think what little they do feel is wrong, because of the control the Bishops have over them.” His face hardened, and he turned his gaze away back to Trench. “They have to have control over everything.”

Willa understood that too well. She moved her gaze back to Trench as well. Many thoughts filled her, and she was surprised to find anger filling her again, at the Bishops for what they not only to her, but to everyone they still controlled. Was it this anger that pushed Tyler to try and rescue more people?

“Nico can come out here, but he won’t find us.” Josh spoke out, his voice quiet but firm, determination evident. Willa watched him out of the corner of her eye. “He doesn’t control us. Dema doesn’t control us. Not anymore.” His jaw clenched, and he shoved his hands into his pockets, shoulders tense again. He looked older, more experienced with leading this group, all of a sudden. Anger aged people.

It was quiet between them again, but Willa’s mind was racing. She was more than sure Josh’s was too. That throbbing in her head was coming back, and she could only blame her over-active mind for that. Her eyes looked over Trench, as if trying to seek a place that they could go to next. She didn’t know what was out there, no idea what rested in those cliffs. Did Josh know? Did anyone really know what was out there? It was a terrifying thought, to want to go blindly into something new. But she had done it once before already, hadn’t she?

“Willa,” Josh spoke her name, and she turned her gaze to look at him, “I don’t want you to worry too much about this, okay?” His expression was softer now, more concerned. “Nico leaving Dema was bound to happen sooner or later.”

Willa bit the inside of her cheek at his words, her eyebrows furrowing. No doubt she hadn’t helped the situation by picking a lock to a door she had found as a child in the first place. No, it most likely did not help at all. “Does he go after everyone through the tunnels?” She asked him, her voice quiet.

Josh let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head slightly. “No, but he hasn’t gone after those who have escaped from his region in quite a long while.” He was quick to say. “But that was because-” He paused, swallowing thickly for a moment, and his expression grew more worried, almost. “Tyler was with them. He knows ways to get out without being detected.”

Willa knew this, but still, an overwhelming feeling of guilt started to fill her. She tried to believe his words, for her sake, but it was too hard of a lie to just accept. Was it a lie? To her, it seemed like it was, but maybe it was the truth. Perhaps she’d have to ask Tyler about it, to see what he said. For now, she closed her eyes, letting her own head shake slightly.

“It was why both of us were surprised when we realized you escaped on your own. That… it hasn’t happened in a while.” Josh added on, and she opened her eyes to look back at him. His eyes looked open and honest, and Willa swore she could almost see what looked like fear inside of them still. “People are losing hope, or they’re losing their memories of us. I don’t know what’s happening in there, but…” He let out a sigh, shaking his head again, more forceful this time, and glanced behind him, as if he was worried about someone overhearing him. “Anyways, we were surprised.” He spoke out, looking back at her.

His gaze had lost that openness, she noticed. He was closed off, once again.

“I’m guessing you were surprised too, since Tyler told me you almost hit him with a stick?” He asked, his voice taking a much lighter tone.

Obviously he was shifting the conversation from a serious topic, and Willa didn’t know whether to feel relieved or frustrated. She still felt that guilt inside of her, making her almost feel sick again. That anger had dissipated into that nauseating feeling too, only adding to it.

Willa shook her head. “In my defense, he snuck up on me. He scared me.” She told him, dropping her gaze from him. Embarrassment filled her that Tyler had managed to sneak up on her not only once, but twice now.

She was surprised to hear a small chuckle come from Josh, and she glanced up at him to see a small smile on his face, reaching his eyes this time. “He’s lucky you didn’t end up actually hurting him. I’ve told him before he needs to not sneak around so much, at least, not while in the camp.”

Willa let out a short breath of air, blowing her newly cut bangs. “Yes, well, I think he needs a reminder.” She muttered, almost under her breath.

Josh let out another small chuckle. “I’ll be sure to do that when I see him next.” He reassured her. “Or,” he started, “you could tell him. After all, if you’re becoming a scavenger, I’m sure you two will see more of each other.”

Willa jerked her head to look at him. Had she… Had she actually heard him correctly? Scavenger? She furrowed her eyebrows slightly in questioning. “What?” She asked him, her voice displaying her confusion.

He offered her a smile. “I think from what Tyler has told me, you’d be better fitted for a scavenger role than an assistant to Abby in the med tent.” He tilted his head slightly, pursing his lips in thought. “Of course, you’ll have to be cleared first by Abby to make sure you’re healthy enough to go out with the other scavengers.” She saw his eyes move down to her hand, which last he saw, had been wrapped in bandages. But now, it was healed.

The only thing that could be stopping Willa was perhaps the bruising on her side. That was the only thing that was, at least physically, not healed quite yet. And with Abby knowing about it, it wasn’t like Willa could hide it from her if she asked. Annoyance filled her at the prospect of having to wait to explore yet again, but excitement and nervousness also filled her. She didn’t have to wait much longer, did she?

“You’re okay with switching roles, right?” Josh asked, a hint of uncertainty growing in his voice.

Realizing she hadn’t answered in a few moments, she felt embarrassment make her cheeks flush. She felt a small grin grow on her face as she looked back at Josh. “Yes.” She nodded, answering quickly, her excitement starting to break through. “I-I’m more than okay with it, I think.” She responded, and she dropped her gaze, shaking her head slightly at herself for how excitable she had become.

“Oh, cool, then! I’m sure some of the other current scavengers will appreciate someone new coming in.” He glanced towards the camp, the smile fading slightly. “Some of them are very worn out.” He mentioned, almost off-handedly as his expression grew almost concerned again. But for the second it was there, it was gone the next.

Another cold wind blew, this time stronger, and a few things fluttered in the camp behind them, fighting against the posts holding them down, fires flickering. Ashes scattered in the air, and then disappeared, burnt into nothingness. Although, she supposed, they weren’t really  _gone_ , but they were transformed into something else.

Unable to help a shiver, she hunched her shoulders slightly, moving her gaze to stare back out into Trench. For a quick moment, the moon shined brightly, fighting the clouds hiding it. Then, it was gone, plunging Trench into darkness once more.

“It’s getting late, and cold.” Josh commented, obviously noticing how Willa had shook. “I shouldn’t keep you much longer.” He took a step away from the edge of the camp, turning his body to face hers. He nodded his head towards the camp. “You got a busy day ahead of you, I’m sure.”

Willa was sure she did too. Taking one last glance of Trench in front of her, she decided maybe it was a good idea she wasn’t just running blindly through it, instead going with a group and being, well,  _prepared_. Turning her back to it, she pushed away those untamable feelings of running, and fell into step beside Josh, heading back to the heart of the camp once more.

The two walked with quiet between them, yet Willa’s mind was racing once more. So many thoughts filled her, and that almost nauseating feeling filled her again, alongside her headache. Was it the fear of the unknown or excitement for being able to run? Was it truly excitement, when she felt her heart start to be uncontrollably, her hands growing clammy in her pockets? To her, that sounded all too much like when she became anxious.

It was almost enough for her to ignore the stares of the other Banditos as she walked back into the camp.

She moved a hand from her pocket, lifting it to raise her hood over her head. It was still an instinctual thing, to hide away, to not be noticed. As she did, she noticed Josh look at her, a questioning expression on his face. Yet, it also seemed almost… understanding, in a way.

“Did Abby cut your hair?” He asked her, curiosity in his tone.

Willa nodded, pausing in her movements to lift the hood up. “Yes, she cut it this morning. I, um, like it a lot more than my old haircut.” She was almost embarrassed  _to_  like her new hair so much. Perhaps that embarrassment came from being under the Bishops’ rule for so long, still so used to hiding how she felt.

Josh gave her a small grin, nodding. “Yeah, it looks really nice on you.” He commented, almost off-handedly, before he blinked quickly, adding on to what he said. “I mean, it um, it seems to suit you better. You look more like one of us now.” He clarified.

His words, for some reason, made her flush deepen on her cheeks, and she ducked her head slightly. Whenever someone complimented her now, it seemed she felt that flush on her cheeks. A small grin grew on her face, however, and she shook her head. “Thank you.” She responded, her voice somewhat quiet.

She saw him nod in the corner of her vision, and then the two stopped in front of her shared tent, the torch burning brightly. She lifted her head to look up at Josh, still with that smile on her face. Maybe it was from the way the light flickered off of his face, but she swore she could almost see a hint of a blush on his cheeks. But she brushed it off, as what could he be embarrassed about?

“Thank you for walking me to my tent.” She told him. He hadn’t needed to do that, as he could have just gone off on his way after speaking to her, confirming what Tyler had said about her escape. She knew it stressed him out more, but he knew what had happened, at the very least.

He gave a small, almost sheepish shrug of his shoulders, a grin coming to his face. “Ah, well, it was no problem really. It’d kinda be a jerk thing of me to do if I just talked to you about important stuff and then left you alone.” He explained to her.

“Well, I really appreciate it, still.” She found herself saying, and she truly did.

Again, she swore she saw a flush on his face, but he ducked his head shaking it slightly. This Josh was more lighthearted, the one that liked to play those instruments with his close friend, who didn’t have to worry about keeping a whole group of people safe.

Again, guilt and that headache returned, almost violently, making her almost short of breath. She could only hope that she hadn’t doomed everyone here by unintentionally having Nico chase her, leading him to Trench. Would he come after her, or deem her a loss cause like he seemingly had with everyone else?

“You’re very welcome, Willa.” Josh responded, lifting his gaze to look back at her. His eyes, though not hardened with anger like they were earlier, looked more worried than they had before they had spoken. He blinked, and then it was gone. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? We can go over some of the scavenger routes, and I can pair you up with someone to go out with once you heal.”

Willa nodded once at his words, finding her smile to be fading just slightly with the fact that he had seemed so worried. The throbbing pain was relentless, and she almost wanted to find Abby to see if the other woman could help. More than likely, she just hadn’t eaten enough today, she lied to herself.

“That sounds good.” She responded, her voice going somewhat quieter. “Goodnight, Josh.” She offered him a smile, one she hoped that didn’t showcase the pain she was trying to ignore again. 

He offered her a smile back, seemingly oblivious. “Night, Willa.” He offered back, and then turned away to walk back through more of the tents.

Willa watched him walk for another moment, before she turned her back, ducking inside of her tent. Noticing she was alone, she let out a sigh, gripping the roots of her hair. An expression of pain was marked onto her face, eyebrows furrowed harshly. What was wrong with her? What could have caused such an intense migraine?

Swallowing thickly, to try and ignore the pain in her head and the nausea rising with it, she lifted her head slightly. Making her way towards her bed, she almost collapsed into it. Practically shrugging off her jacket and pants, she kicked off her boots before curling up underneath her blanket, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. Sleep overcame her quickly, a welcome relief to the throbbing in her head.

 

_.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-_

_Faded green grass was grasped in slightly chubby fingers, and then the blades were released, gently floating downwards. Again and again, she did this, finding herself so curious as to why the blades continued to fall. Why didn’t they try to fly away? Wasn’t that what they did in the wind? In some of her stories, they did, at least._

_“My child,” a voice called to her, and she looked up from the grass, “what do you think you are doing? Playing in the grass is not becoming, you know.” The voice belonged to a blurry face belonging to a tall person, she noticed, but it did not bother her in the slightest, she found. Not when the voice held hidden mirth._

_“The grass doesn’t even want to leave here.” She responded with, giving a small shrug of her shoulders as if that could explain anything. “They must think it’s perfect here too then, right?” She asked, tilting her head curiously._

_“Perfect?” The voice repeated, mirth gone. “What an... interesting word to use.”_

 

The overwhelming feeling of sickness in her stomach is what woke Willa from that dream. Her eyes squeezed themselves shut tightly, and a quiet groan left her mouth. Lifting her hands, she rubbed at her eyes with her palms harshly. At least, she told herself, the pain that she had last night was somewhat gone.

It didn’t do much to ease the nauseating feeling that, at one point, she had thought that Dema was perfect. She had thought that everything outside of Dema was terrifying and  _wrong_. All she had known was Dema, the  _safety_  that the Bishops had been more than willing to provide. The safety that those damn walls trapped her with, suffocating her.

Willa was free now, but what of those that were still there? Had there ever been anyone who had willingly gone back there, so much fear filling them from being here, in Trench? Those thoughts made her sick too, and she swallowed thickly, trying to push them aware. Was the person with the blurry face stuck in Dema, still too? She had no idea.

Dropping her hands from her eyes, she opened them, met not with the growing sunlight, but with an almost dull grey color outside of her tent. The sound of quiet rain filled the air, hitting the tarp above her. It took her a moment to realize that it was, in fact, raining outside of her tent. The chances of seeing the sun today were slim to none, a depressing thought.

Regardless of that, she swallowed thickly, and pushed herself up. The blanket fell from her shoulders, filling her with a chill over her arms. All she wore underneath her jacket was a tank top, and she was glad that Abby wasn’t in the tent to see the scars from her life in Dema. Last thing she wanted was for someone to notice those, to worry even more.

Quickly grabbing her hoodie from where she had hung it over the side of her bed, she slid it on, doing the same with her pants and shoes. Then she slid on her jacket, finding a chill to still be in her bones. Fluffing her hair a bit, she found it easier to manage than what her old hair cut had been, which brought a small smile to her face, at the very least.

An itching feeling filled her, left behind by the dream she had just had, the dreams she had been having since she had escaped. Despite her calling them dreams, she knew they had to be memories, coming back now that they were being pushed away by the Bishops. With the fear filling her that she could forget about them once again, the idea of writing down what she remembered didn’t seem like that bad of one.

Pushing herself out of her bed, she straightened the blanket on top of it, before kneeling down. Pulling out her backpack, she unzipped it and pulled out the other book that was inside of it. Pushing herself back up, she sat on her bed, holding the faded blue journal in her hands. On the cover, an old ink pen was tied onto it.

She had hardly written in this book prior to finding the flowers in her desk, but once she had, this book had been written in when her books did not help ease her growing suffocation. She was sure once she opened the book, she’d find her old writings, and the feelings she poured out into them.

Flipping the book open to the last written page, she skimmed over what her last entry had been. It talked of her plan to escape, how she’d been planning it for months. Sucking in a quick breath, Willa flipped over to the next clean page, ignoring the feelings growing inside of her again. Briefly, she wrote down how she had successfully managed to escape, how she was now living in the Bandito camp, and then she started to write about the memories coming back.

Her writing, which had once been so straight and neat, was becoming more and more of her own, filled with emotions as she wrote. It was almost hard to read, she thought to herself as she finished writing, it wasn’t like anyone else but her would be reading this book. She’d rather burn it than let someone else read it.

Shutting it with a quiet snap, she then tied the pen to the front of it once again. It gave her a sense of ease, knowing that if her memories tried to fade again, she had them written down. She didn’t know that was ever a fear to have, that her memories could go away, that she might never regain any memories again, due to the Bishops. Her grip on her book tightened for a moment, before she was lifting it off of her lap, sliding it into the pack.

After zipping up the backpack, she then stuck it back under her bed. It was the safest place for it, and she doubted anyone really knew she even had it still. Except perhaps Abby, if the other woman had seen it under Willa’s bed. Shaking her head slightly, she pushed herself up. She didn’t need to worry about anyone going through her things, on top of everything else. Yet she still did, of course.

Making her way towards the entrance of the tent, she was surprised to hear two familiar voices almost… arguing? Furrowing her eyebrows, she silently crept towards the closed flap, straining her ears to try and listen in the early morning rain.

“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” Abby’s voice scoffed out, incredulous. Willa could imagine the other woman had her arms crossed over her chest, an eyebrow cocked. “You can’t be acting like an asshole to everyone just because you’re  _jealous_.”

“Jealous?!” Harry’s voice exclaimed quietly, shock evident. “You think I’m jealous?!”

“Well, what else could it be?” Abby retorted. “Since I’ve started helping out more in the med tent, helping Josh more, you’ve been more and more snappy!”

“Is it wrong for me to get upset when I never get to see the woman I-I care for?” Harry defended himself, his voice growing quiet again. It was the first time Willa had heard him stutter over his words.

For a moment, Willa had thought they were going to start arguing, yelling at each other again. She was lucky Abby hadn’t come in when she was writing in her journal. Willa doubted the other woman would want to read through her personal thoughts, but… Willa couldn’t be more careful with it.

“That’s not my problem here, Harry. My problem is that you’re taking out those feelings on everyone.” Abby’s voice was quiet, soft almost. “I’m sorry I’ve been so busy lately, but you know how things get when it gets colder.” She insisted.

“I know.” Harry responded, his voice a sigh. “You keep falling asleep in the med tent. I just - I wish I could help you somehow.”

“You can help by just - just being patient, I think.” She responded. “We have to work on the times we can spend together, but I don’t want to spend time with you when you’re so-” She paused, as if trying to find the right word.

“Angry.” Harry responded, just as Willa had thought it. “I.. I know I’ve been an asshole, I just - I don’t know where this anger is coming from, Abby.” His voice almost sounded scared, and Willa could only wonder what type of expression he was making. “I don’t - I don’t want to hurt anyone with that anger, especially not you.”

“C’mere.” Abby’s voice was quiet, and then it was quiet between them for a few moments.

Willa assumed they were hugging, which made her wonder if she’d ever been hugged before. Her eyebrows furrowed, suddenly taken by that thought. She shook her head slightly, pushing it away as she heard Abby start to speak again. She also briefly told herself that it was wrong to be listening in.

“Whatever’s going on, we’ll figure it out, yeah? We always do, and we always get through it. But you have to talk to me, talk to others. You can’t just… be an ass and push everyone away.” Abby spoke out, her voice growing more determined.

“I-I’m sorry, Abby. I’m trying.”

“It really doesn’t seem like it lately, but I’ll try to take your word for it. Maybe you should take a break from scavenging for a while, just stay around the camp and relax, yeah?” Abby suggested, her voice easily displaying concern.

“Who would take my spot, though? We need everyone we can right now to keep bringing stuff in for us to use, to eat.” Harry responded, his tone questioning.

“Josh told me that Willa is going to become a scavenger soon. Of course, she’s still new but Tyler and Josh both told me that she’s going to start going out with you guys. Maybe there’ll be a chance for you to take a break.”

Willa felt her heart leap into her throat at being mentioned, and she swallowed thickly, hoping that they didn’t hear how her heart beat loudly. So Josh  _and_  Tyler had both come to Abby, telling her that Willa would be a scavenger? Why did both of them come? Did that mean that Josh had told Tyler? Would Tyler be showing her how it worked, like Josh had seemingly suggested? 

She heard Harry let out a sigh, one that could almost be taken as relief. “I can only hope so. Who is going to help you out, then? When she’s out in Trench?” Harry asked, his voice displaying concern once more.

“I’ll figure it out, I always do.” Abby immediately responded, like she had it rehearsed. She probably did, Willa thought to herself. How many times had she been alone in that tent, handling bloodied Banditos by herself? 

“I could try helping, once I can actually stick around more often.” Harry suggested.

It was quiet again, only the sound of the rain filling the air outside of Willa and Abby’s shared tent. It hit her that she  _really_  shouldn’t be eavesdropping like she was, but she hadn’t really meant to, in her defense. She found that she wanted to make sure that Abby was okay, that Harry wasn’t going to start yelling at her again. Not that Willa could do much, but she could run and get Josh or Tyler if she had needed to.

“I would really like that.” Abby responded, her voice somewhat quiet, soft almost.

After hearing Abby agree, Willa decided that things were probably okay between them for now. Stepping away from the tent flap, she let out a silent sigh of relief. After the pain in her head from last night, she didn’t want to have another headache so suddenly after waking up again. But more than that, she was relieved that Abby didn’t have to deal with fighting with Harry.

Turning her back to the tent flap, she made her way, silently and slowly, to the back of the tent. She had just started to undo the tent flap there when she heard Abby’s voice rise to that of a normal conversation.

“Willa, are you up? I think Harry wants to talk to you.” Abby asked, and the front tent flap started to open.

Willa was immediately out of the tent the next moment, practically speed walking away. It wasn’t that she wanted to avoid Abby, no, and maybe it wasn’t even that she wanted to avoid Harry. It was just that, well, she didn’t really know what it was. Maybe she just didn’t feel like talking to anyone today, just like how the sun didn’t want to shine through the rain today. Maybe she didn't want to admit it, but maybe the dreams were starting to get to her, the blurry face burned into her memory, no Bishops to take it away now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> plot???  
> plOT???  
> im just as surprised as you all 
> 
> just jking, i have all of the chapters planned out now ;3c  
> early upload because i have work this weekend again, so enjoy!  
> this also really isn't proofread that well, but i tried x - x 
> 
> also go play the bandito game  
> it's really good  
> i cried 
> 
> stay alive friens  
> || - //


	9. [8]

**[8]**

 

Hood up, Willa made her way through the camp, somehow avoiding both Abby and Harry as she did. It was an overcast day, rain lightly falling still. A chill filled her, biting her fingers and toes through her boots. There weren’t a lot of other Banditos out today, it seemed, many hiding out in their tents. Most were probably sleeping, and that was Willa felt like doing, if she were honest. Without the sun to give her warmth, she almost felt lost in her thoughts again.

She supposed she was heading towards Josh’s tent, but really, she let her mind wander while her feet just took her wherever they wanted. Her eyes weren’t really seeing in front of her, as her mind kept wandering back to the blurry face. Twice now, she had seen whoever that was, and it unnerved her that they had once been in her memories, but she couldn’t remember them.

Who else had the Bishops taken from her?

“Earth to Willa!”

Willa jerked, her shoulders hunching as her head snapped upwards. Wide eyes quickly landed on the culprit of the voice, chest almost heaving from sudden panic. She let out a shaky breath when she saw it was only Brooke. Offering a small smile, one that felt more forced than anything, she at least was thankful that her sudden panic was for naught. “Sorry.” She sheepishly said.

“Are you okay?” Brooke asked, tilting her head slightly, hidden underneath a hood of her own. “You were like, totally space out there.”

Willa swallowed thickly, and nodded. “Yes, I’m alright. Just was… thinking.” She responded, taking a quick glance around her to get her bearings straight again. She was close to Josh’s tent, at the very least. She needed to talk to him about scavenging, so she supposed it was a good thing she had actually ended up here instead of on the other side of the camp.

“Must have been some heavy thinking for you to be so out of it.” Brooke commented, her eyebrows furrowed slightly.

Willa shook her head, shutting her eyes for a moment. “You could say that.” She responded, voice quiet. She looked back at Brooke, offering a small smile. “Anyways, did you need me for something?” She asked, thinking of why Brooke could have possibly stopped her.

Brooke shook her head, offering her own small smile. “No, I just wanted to make sure you were alright. You were frowning pretty heavily.” She studied Willa’s face for a moment, her light blue eyes showing concern. “If you ever need to talk, I’m usually around, you know.”

Willa was surprised by the comment. She hardly talked to anyone else than Abby, but still, Brooke offered out an ear to listen. Willa didn’t think that talking to someone about the haunting blurry face she kept seeing, however, would be something she could just easily talk about. It wasn’t something that people saw often, she assumed.

Offering a thankful smile, Willa nodded in response regardless. “Thank you. I… I really appreciate that.” She told the other girl, pausing for a moment. “I know I’m still new here, but I can try to listen if you ever need someone too.” She added on, almost awkwardly even.

Brooke’s smile grew. “Thank you, Willa. For being new, you fit in pretty well with the rest of us.” Someone called her name, and her attention was grabbed by another Bandito Willa didn’t know too well, poking his head out of a tent. “Looks like I’m being summoned to help prep food again.” She commented, turning her head back to look at Willa. “I’ll see you later at dinner!”

And then she was walking back into the tent, and Willa was alone, once more. She felt something tug at her in her chest, but she refused to acknowledge it, refusing to let it grow anymore than it had already. Swallowing thickly, she went on with her walk, making her way towards the main fire.

As she cut through the tents, she saw the fire, undeterred by the light rain above. Of course, it wasn’t a roaring fire, but it still burned the wood below it, a sign that it was still alive, in an odd way. The pile of wood and sticks Willa had helped contribute to the prior day had been moved, presumably inside to a tent, to keep it from getting wet. Willa didn’t know a lot about living like she was now, but she knew, at the very least, that wet wood was incredibly difficult to burn.

Grabbing a handful of berries, she started to eat them, making her way towards Josh’s tent. Again, she noticed there weren’t a lot of other Banditos out, and, in a way, it made her feel a little less alone in what she was feeling, knowing that others didn’t want to come out of their tents either. But she had to talk to Josh about her new role, then see Abby, to tell her news she already knew.

Stopping in front of Josh’s tent, she hesitated on announcing her presence, as she heard a quiet conversation inside of it. If she strained her ears, she could hear what sounded like both Josh and Tyler almost whispering with each other. It sounded almost like how Abby and Harry did just a little while ago, but this time, Willa didn’t want to eavesdrop. Not while she was out in the middle of camp, of all things. Besides, it wasn’t like she could really understand them with how quiet they were speaking.

So, she took in a steadying breath before letting it go. Interrupting someone’s conversation made her palms clammy once again, so she wiped her free hand on her pants. With the hand that had the berries in it, she popped them all into her mouth, scrunching her face at the sour ones, quickly chewing and swallowing them. Then she wiped that hand too, shoving it back into her pocket again.

Clearing her throat, she opened her mouth to announce her presence. “Josh? Are you in there?” She asked, already knowing that he was.

She heard the quiet conversation stop, and then shuffling. A moment later, Josh was pulling back the flap with a small smile. “Hey, Willa. I was just thinking of coming to see where you were at.” He commented, then looked behind her at the grey morning outside of his tent. His mouth tilted downwards slightly. “I would say good morning, but…”

Willa felt a small smile grow on her face. “It’s a rainy one instead, it seems.” She responded, glancing upwards slightly at the rain coming down through the light grey clouds. She hoped that the sun would break through, at least for a little bit.

Josh let out a quiet chuckle, then took a step to the side, pulling the tent flap back with him. “Well, c’mon in before you get a cold. We can talk about the scavenging routes on our maps, anyways.”

Willa nodded, moving her gaze back to him before stepping inside of the tent. It was warmer inside of the tent, she immediately noticed, and she pulled down her hood. Running a hand through her hair, her eyes saw Tyler sitting on one of the beds. She offered a smile to him as Josh let the flap close behind her. “Hi, Tyler.” She greeted him.

He offered her a smile back, holding a rolled up piece of paper in his hands. His brown eyes looked almost tired, as if he too was affected by the rain outside. “Hey, Willa. I heard you’re a scavenger now, yeah?” He asked her, tilting his head slightly. His eyes narrowed slightly, as if trying to figure something out. “There’s something different about you…”

Willa felt a spike of anxiety grip her heart and her throat, before she remembered that Tyler hadn’t yet seen her new haircut. She let out a quiet laugh, trying to rid the choking feeling, ducking her head slightly. “I got my hair cut by Abby yesterday evening.” She told him, feeling her cheeks flush from the attention to her appearance.

“Oh!” He exclaimed, and she looked up to see him shake his head. “Should’ve been more obvious. Anyways, I think it looks really nice on you.” He told her, catching her eyes and offering an almost soft smile.

She felt her cheeks heat up more, and was thankful for Josh moving to sit at his desk. Her attention was grabbed by all of the different, all faded maps on it, all marked for what she assumed were different things.

“Anyways, yes, Tyler, Willa is becoming the newest scavenger. She still needs to be cleared by Abby, but next time you go out, she can tag along.” Josh commented, starting to move around those papers on his desk. “Willa, Tyler has a map already with some places marked to travel, but I’m going to give you one too, just in case.”

He stopped at one map, which had outlined in black trails made through what she could assume were parts of Trench the Banditos had explored. He smoothed it out, and Willa walked to the desk to get a closer look at it. Multiple lines lead through it, with almost scribbled handwriting identifying different things.

A throbbing pain reemerged in her head and she furrowed her eyebrows slightly with thought. This map, at least this type of map, seemed so familiar to her. It felt like it was on the tip of her thoughts, however it was that she remembered this from, but it was too difficult to think of it. Frustration filled her, but she pushed it down, thinking that perhaps Tyler and Josh would pick up on her facial expressions.

Josh pointed out a location on the map, and Willa tried to memorize where it was at. It wasn’t too far from the where Bandito camp was marked to be at, she noticed. “This is where you two will go as soon as you’re cleared to try and find some supplies for us. I’m sure you know what to look for, right?”

Willa internally told herself  _not_  to grab sticks, if the amount that the other scavengers had grabbed was any reminder of that. She nodded, however, in response to his questioning. She assumed they would be looking for food they could save for the winter, if there were any to be found. She didn’t know, but the thought of going outside of the camp again, going out into Trench once again, was exciting.

“Good. I shouldn’t need to tell you to be careful while out there, and watch each others’ backs?” Josh asked, looking up at Willa from his seated position.

Willa shook her head, looking up from the map to him. “No, I think that is self-explanatory.” She responded with, trying to reassure him that she a little bit of survival skills. They were limited, of course, but they were there. Hopefully.

“So no climbing rock walls by yourself.” Tyler chimed in, his tone almost teasing.

Willa moved her gaze to look at him, trying to hide a smile and look questioning, but failed. She shook her head, hiding her smile, moving her gaze back to Josh, who had his own small smile on his face.

“Yeah, no rock climbing by yourself. Make sure you pick up some gloves from Abby too, that way if you do have to rock climb, you won’t cut up your hand again.” Josh commented, before moving his gaze to Tyler. “You still got your knife?” He asked.

Willa was reminded that she did, in fact, have her own knife in her backpack. It was, of course, only for defense and cutting things like clothes or bandages, but she couldn’t help but still feel nervous about the idea of knives.

“Yep.” Tyler responded. “I doubt I’ll actually need to use it, but-” He shrugged slightly.

“It’s still good to have it with you, yeah.” Josh finished for Tyler, nodding. He moved his gaze towards Willa. “Before you go, it’d be a good idea to grab one, just in case.”

Willa dropped her gaze to the maps on the desk, almost embarrassed. She didn’t want to lie, to act like she didn’t have one when she actually did. “I, um, actually already have one.” She answered, almost quietly even.

“Really?” Josh asked, surprise evident in his voice.

“Man, I’m really lucky you didn’t pull that out on me when we first met.” Tyler almost muttered out, and Willa saw him shake his head slightly in the corner of her vision. It almost helped ease the anxiety growing inside of her.

“How’d you get ahold of that?” Josh asked, ignoring Tyler’s comment.

Willa swallowed thickly, shutting her eyes. “I-I stole it when I was still trapped there.” She admitted, almost wishing she could shrink down, disappear into the rain outside of the tent. She hadn’t expected to have this conversation right now, or at all, really. She couldn’t help but feel like she was being interrogated, even though she probably wasn’t.

“Really?” Josh asked again, his voice incredulous. “From who?”

“A guard.” She answered, then was quick to add on more to her statement, the memory flooding back the more she thought about it. The pain in her head returned, a throbbing in her forehead. “He was sleeping in the library in Nico’s section, and I… I just took it from him.” She shook her head.

“Wow.” Tyler was the first to speak. “You really are something different, Willa.” He commented, his voice quiet. The quiet, almost surprised tone in his voice, made Willa lift her gaze to look up at him. His eyebrows were furrowed slightly, as if with thought, while his brown eyes almost studied her. “Escaping on your own, stealing from a guard? Especially one from Nico’s region? Citizens in Dema don’t do that anymore.”

Willa swallowed again, looking back down at the map. She didn’t  _want_  to be different, to be noticed. Yet that was what kept happening, and she kept digging herself into that hole. It was no wonder she had lied so much before to protect herself. “They didn’t have the flowers in their desk to wake them up.” She responded with.

Tyler was quiet, and Willa briefly wondered if she had said something wrong. He let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head slightly. “I guess you’re right.” He responded with.

“With how quiet you can be, Willa, it doesn’t surprise me that you were able to steal from a guard, especially one that was sleeping.” Josh commented, and she lifted her gaze to look at him. His own expression was filled with thought. “Makes you all the better fitted to be a scavenger, yeah?”

Willa nodded, hoping to push back the anxiety growing in her stomach, trying to will away the pain in her head. She didn’t know where they were coming from, but maybe if she ignored it, it would eventually go away.

“Who knew librarians could be so dangerous.” Tyler spoke out, his tone light. It was, of course, a joke, but Willa didn’t really feel like laughing.

“Librarians have the power of knowledge on their side, Tyler. I think that makes them one of the most dangerous, yet powerful, jobs of all.” Josh responded back in his own joking tone, shifting to stand up before starting to roll up the map. His brown eyes moved from Tyler to Willa again, and he offered her a small smile. “Right, Willa?” He asked her, handing her the rolled up map.

Willa offered a small smile back, hoping it hid how sick she felt to her stomach. The anxiety and pain in her head made her nauseated, to say the least, and as soon as she was done here, she was going to go back to her tent to calm herself down. They were dancing dangerously close to the fact that she hid her own secrets, and she didn’t want to talk about them, give them more reason to question her.

She took the map holding it securely in her hand. Another sense of familiarity washed over her, confusion quickly following it. Where had she held another map before? What was familiar to her in this situation? More questions filled her, but she couldn’t think too heavily on them, considering she was still in the presence of Tyler and Josh.

“Well, now that that’s settled, you can get checked out by Abby, and you’ll be all set for tomorrow.” Josh broke her out of her the thoughts that were trying to drag her back in again.

“And leave getting food and water for tomorrow on just me?” Tyler responded with, mocking surprise.

“Yep.” Josh immediately responded with, a grin breaking through on his face.

Tyler rolled his eyes, but a quiet laugh left him, before he pushed himself off of the bed. He walked towards the entrance of the tent, stopping by Willa. “C’mon, Willa. Let’s get you checked out, and I can get us our supplies.” He nodded his head towards outside of the tent.

Willa really wanted to go back to her tent for a few minutes, at the least, to try and ease the dull throbbing in her head. She supposed she couldn’t mention that, however, as that would probably keep her from going out and exploring. All she wanted to do was run, and she was so close to doing so. She’d push back the disorienting memories rising and the dull pains she kept getting if it meant she’d get to do just that.

Ignoring those feelings, she offered a smile to Tyler, nodding. She turned her gaze to Josh, offering the same smile. “Thank you.” And she meant it, so she hoped that her expression and voice conveyed that.

“No problem, Willa.” Josh responded with, that grin still on his face.

He looked happy, Willa noticed. It was as if making sure that the other Banditos’ were happy made him happy, or maybe it was because he and Tyler had a friendship that ran so deep just being around each other made one another happy. Willa didn’t know what that was like, and didn’t know if she’d ever know what that was like. Regardless, seeing both of them happy, laughing freely like they didn’t have a worry in the world, it made Willa almost happy, a warmth starting to grow in her chest once again.

Following Tyler out of the tent, she felt that coldness on her head again. It was still raining lightly, and she felt cold rain drops on the top of her head. Pulling up the hood, she put the map into the pocket on the front of her sweatshirt, holding it there with her hands. She noticed Tyler pull his own hood up, sticking his own map into his pocket.

“It’s still raining?” Tyler asked, tilting his head upwards, eyebrows furrowed with his lips almost in a pout. “I thought the sun would have broken through by now.”

Willa gave a small shrug of her shoulders, looking up as well. “Guess it’s hiding away today too.” She murmured out, not expecting Tyler to look back at her with an almost questioning expression. “A lot of the others are hiding today, it seems.” She explained to him, glancing over at him.

Tyler moved his gaze from her to look around the main area of the camp, where a lot of Banditos usually were at. Only a few were scattered here and there, many in front of their tents, hidden under layers of clothing. Tyler let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head. “The rain usually makes people lethargic, want to lay in bed all day.” He told her, his voice quiet. “They grey reminds them of, well, you know.” His gaze moved to look at her, and she saw what almost looked like concern. “You seem to be doing alright, though?” His statement was more of a question.

Was she alright? There was that dull throbbing that reemerged once again at the forefront of her mind, making her nauseated and almost dizzy. Then there were the memories that kept trying to push themselves forward, the odd, random feelings of familiarity she kept getting. Not to mention, the dreams she kept having kept trying to remind her of who she once had been, back in Dema.

She had the chance to tell Tyler all of this.

“I’m tired, but yes, I’m alright.” She told him instead, offering a smile up at him. On one hand, she was more alright than she’d been in Dema. It was like what she told herself when she had just escaped the Bishops. She’d rather feel terror than feel nothing at all. If she ignored her pains, then perhaps they’d go away.

He studied her expression, as if seemingly trying to make sure she wasn’t lying. After a moment, however, he smiled back, yet it was quiet, subdued almost. It was as if the rain was affecting him too. His brown eyes didn’t shine like they had with the sun, she noticed.

“Well, good. Maybe you can get some rest tonight that way we can head out as soon as this rain breaks.” He responded with, starting to walk towards the med tent.

Willa fell into step beside him, holding onto the map in her pocket as she did. “You don’t want to rock climb in the rain?” She asked him, attempting to joke around with him.

She seemingly succeeded, as he let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head. “Nah, I don’t think I could do that. Maybe you could though, since you seem to be known as the resident rock climber now.” His elbow gently bumped hers in a teasing manner.

She felt her mouth drop slightly, bumping her elbow back to his. “Is that what I’m known for?” She asked him, eyes widened slightly.

A grin cracked on his face, his eyes squinting slightly. “Oh yeah, for sure. ‘Willa the Rock Climber’ has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” He teased her, glancing down at her. She could hear the laughter in his voice.

She shook her head, face flushed. “No!” She responded with, her tone incredulous. “I can’t climb a rock wall to save my life!”

“Shh, we don’t want them knowing that!” He responded with an over exaggerated whisper. “You can’t let your new found title fail now!”

She turned her gaze to look up at him for a moment as they walked, her cheeks still flushed. He still held a grin on his face, and it only grew when he saw her deadpan expression. She watched as he couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore, and it left him, echoing throughout the otherwise quiet camp.

She bit her lip to try and hold back her own smile and laughter, moving her gaze away from him so he wouldn’t see. As she did, she noticed they were coming up to the med tent, and that smile faded. Nervousness suddenly filled her, the thought of having to reveal her bruises to Abby and the idea that she couldn’t go scavenging worrying. Not to mention, could she lie about the throbbing pain in her head, that seemingly kept coming and going?

Tyler’s shoulder gently bumped hers, and she tore her gaze from the tent to look up at him. He wore a questioning expression on his face. “You seem nervous.” He commented.

Willa let out a quiet sigh, closing her eyes and shaking her head slightly. “It’s… irrational.” She told him. “Silly, even.” A hand moved from her pocket to rest over her side.

“Hey, you convinced me that my thing about not liking the smell wasn’t silly, so I’m sure whatever is making you nervous isn’t silly either.” He reassured her, his tone almost gentle.

Willa opened her eyes to look back at him. Internally, she debated whether or not to tell him what was making her so nervous. She decided that perhaps it would be for the best if she didn’t, keep him from worrying about her, thinking about her. After all, she didn’t want to be memorable.

“Okay.” She responded with, offering an almost shaky smile.

He studied her for a moment, his expression concerned. Then his eyes were moving away from her to the tent. She could see that he was still nervous too, his shoulders tense, jaw set. Swallowing thickly, she gently bumped her shoulder to his, a silent reassurance. He looked back down at her, offering a thankful smile.

Willa offered her own smile back at him, then took a step forward to pull back the flap. “Abby?” She called out, stepping inside.

Tyler followed behind her, and Willa caught sight of the other woman, who was quickly jumping up from a seated position beside Harry. Both looked tired, and Willa briefly wondered if they had been falling asleep together on the bed. She felt guilt fill her at the thought that she had disturbed that.

“There you are!” Abby greeted Willa, a tired grin on her face. “I was looking for you this morning.”

Willa knew this, and again, guilt filled her that she had purposefully avoided the other woman. To be fair, she hadn’t been in a talking mood when she had first awoken, and that haunting blurry face flashed across her vision for a quick moment, reminding her of just why that was.

“Josh and I were talking to her, sorry about that.” Tyler responded with, giving a small shrug.

Willa nodded along with Tyler’s words, as they weren’t exactly a lie. “Which is actually part of the reason I came to talk to you.” She spoke out, her words quiet. She could feel Harry watching her, so she felt that nervousness rise up again. Abby might have liked him, and perhaps they had gotten off on the wrong foot, but Willa couldn’t help but remember how he had glared at her the other morning.

“Oh?” Abby responded with, cocking an eyebrow slightly.

“I’m actually, um, becoming a scavenger.” Willa responded with, offering a small, almost nervous, smile.

Abby’s grin grew on her face again. “That’s awesome!” She immediately responded with. “I’m not surprised, considering how you’re known for climbing a rock wall now.” She teased out, her voice light.

Willa ducked her head, embarrassment on her face again. She was happy, at the very least, that Abby wasn’t upset that Willa had become a scavenger, and wouldn’t be around much to help in the med tent anymore.

“She’s gonna teach me her ways.” Tyler responded with, his own tone light.

Abby let out a laugh, and grasped Willa’s hands with her own. “I’ll miss having you around all the time, but when you’re not out and about, you’re more than welcome to hang out with me still.” She spoke out, her smile faltering slightly for a moment. “I’ll be stuck with all these dudes around.” She added on, her smile turning into a slight frown.

This time, Willa heard Harry quietly chuckle from behind her, who had gotten up from the bed. “There’s other girls around, Abby, you just have to talk to them.” He commented, and then turned his gaze towards Willa. He offered a small, almost awkward, smile. Maybe it was a bit thankful too, she thought to herself, remembering the conversation he and Abby had shared this morning.

She offered a small smile back, still feeling that tenseness, that almost tightness in her chest. However, it was lessened somewhat by seeing Harry attempt to be friendly. Maybe it was a form of an apology?

Abby turned her head to look back at him slightly, sticking her tongue out at him in a response. “Maybe if you didn’t hog all of my free time I would be able to hang out with the other girls.” She retorted, her tone teasing once again.

Tyler coughed, obviously not wanting to watch the two flirt with each other. If Willa was honest, she thought it was very sweet to see them be friendly with each other again, but she didn’t want to watch it when she had other business to attend to.

“We’re actually planning on heading out tomorrow, so I needed to grab a few supplies.” Tyler commented. “And Willa needed to be checked out to make sure she’s healthy enough.” His brown eyes moved down to look at her. “Although, I think she’s pretty good.”

Abby’s eyes narrowed at Tyler slightly. “Taking my supplies, again? You better make sure you bring something that isn’t sticks back with you, unlike the other scavengers.” She cocked at an eyebrow questioningly.

“I’m scared if I bring back sticks, Willa will hit me with one.” He retorted, glancing over at Willa with a knowing grin.

Willa looked back up at him with a deadpan look, which made his grin grow wider, if possible, and she saw him try to hold back laughter. She shook her head, moving her gaze back to Abby. “I’ll make sure he doesn’t do that.” She commented.

Abby glanced between the two of them, as if silently trying to figure out what Tyler was referencing. But, she gave up, looking back at Willa. “Good, or I’m holding you responsible.” She responded with, the smile on her face making the tone she used completely invalid. “Harry, could you help Tyler get what he needs while I check out Willa?” She asked him, turning her gaze to look back at him.

He nodded, offering her a small smile, before looking at Tyler. He nodded his head towards the other side of the tent, silently asking Tyler to follow him to where the items were probably at.

Tyler offered a smile back at Willa, before he followed Harry. Willa watched as the two walked to the other side of the tent, where Harry grabbed a notebook, the same one she’d seen Abby holding the other day, taking down inventory. Before she could watch them anymore, she was being tugged gently by Abby, who still held her hands.

“You’ll have to tell me how scavenging goes when you get back tomorrow evening.” Abby mentioned to her, a grin growing on her face. “And why Tyler grins at you the way he does.” Her voice had taken on a quieter tone.

Willa did a double-take, and stared at Abby with wide eyes, trying to make sure she heard her correctly. “What?” She responded with, confusion and shock filling her features.

Abby laughed quietly, tugging Willa over to the beds. “Maybe you haven’t noticed it yet because you’re still new around here, but he doesn’t grin like that very often.” She paused for a moment, glancing towards the flap of the tent, where grey light streamed in. “Especially on days like today.”

Willa furrowed her eyebrows, shaking her head. “I think you’re still tired from being woken up from your nap, Abby.” She commented, moving to sit down on one of the beds. She swallowed thickly, trying to push away both the nervousness of being checked over by Abby, and the thought that she was someone Tyler noticed. It made it harder to think about running, knowing she’d be leaving behind people who seemingly cared. But maybe that was a good thing, a quiet voice told her.

Abby shook her head, grabbing a pair of stethoscopes. Letting them hang around her neck, she pulled up the two ends, plugging them into her ears. Lifting the cold, metal end, she lifted it towards Willa. “Alright, I’m going to need you to breathe in and out for me as you normally would, and then deeply, okay?”

It had been quite a long time since Willa had gone to see a doctor, as she had always kept herself in decent health. And, of course, she hated the smells. She supposed, however, since she was out here, she’d have to deal with it if she wanted to go out into Trench. She nodded, shutting her eyes as her hands gripped onto the bed sheets.

Memories were trying to come back once again, and these ones were much more focused than the prior ones. She was jerked out of those by Abby placing the stethoscope over her chest. Willing herself to try and calm her heart, she breathed in and out, as normally as she could.

“Alright, deep breaths now.” Abby instructed, voice quiet.

Willa complied, taking in deep breaths. A dull ache filled her from her side where she had bruised it, but it was more than manageable. It was much better than what it was before, she reminded herself.

“Alright, you’re good on that.” Abby commented, pulling the stethoscope away. Willa opened her eyes as Abby stepped away slightly. “Any pains while breathing?” She asked, eyebrows furrowed slightly. “I know you mentioned that you had hit your side while rock climbing, is there any bruising?” She asked.

Willa swallowed thickly, again. “No pains.” She lied. “And there is just a small bit of bruising left over. It’s mostly healed now.” She told Abby. As far as Willa was concerned, it was mostly healed, at least.

“Do you mind if I take a look at it, just to make sure?” Abby asked.

Willa internally sighed, but nodded. She didn’t remove her jacket, as she didn’t want Abby to see those scars, and she didn’t know if Harry or Tyler were still on the other side of the tent. She lifted the jacket, hoodie, and her tanktop on the side of her bruising. Glancing down at it, it was an ugly brown color, and she looked back up to Abby.

Her eyebrows were furrowed as she kneeled down slightly to take a look at it. She was quiet, and Willa could see that she was thinking heavily. “I’ve seen worse,” she started, “but I don’t know if you can go exploring with that large of a bruise.” She commented, her voice quiet. “I’m sure it’s still sore, yeah?”

Willa shut her eyes, letting out a quiet sigh as she nodded. She couldn’t help the disappointment and sadness filling her. She knew that the bruise was going to keep her from exploring, she just thought that she’d be able to hide it, lie about it more. But she didn’t want to lie to Abby, not when that guilt felt so heavy.

“I think we should give it a couple more days to heal before you go running out there.” She told Willa, her voice apologetic. “We don’t want you damaging your ribs because of strain. That’d be a lot harder to deal with than just a bruise.”

Willa knew that what Willa said was true, it just didn’t help the disappointment in her stomach. She dropped her clothes over top of her side again, knowing there was nothing else that could be done to help heal her quicker at this point. She just had to wait, yet time was never something she had been friends with. After all, she was supposed to leave tomorrow with Tyler, and her bruise wouldn’t heal by then.

“Thank you, Abby.” She spoke out, quiet. She pushed herself off of the bed, and turned, not seeing Harry or Tyler where they once had been. They both were probably finding supplies for a day trip Willa couldn’t even go on now. She supposed she should find them, to stop them from wasting their time.

“No problem. Don’t worry, you’ll be able to go out before you know it.” Abby reassured her, offering a small smile.

Willa forced one back, knowing it didn’t reach her eyes this time. “I’m going to go find Tyler. Probably should let him know that I can’t go tomorrow.” She swallowed thickly, forcing herself to keep her voice even. She turned, starting to walk towards the exit of the tent.

“I’ll see you later at dinner.” Abby called out, her voice hopeful.

Willa nodded in response, continuing to walk, until she was pulling back the flap and was out of the tent. It was mid-afternoon, she guessed, by the sun trying to break through the grey clouds. She pulled up her hood again, however, still feeling light raindrops on her face. She was quick to wipe away those raindrops. She didn’t want others to see her cry, or to think she was crying when in fact, she wasn’t.

Maybe she wanted to cry, out of frustration, but she held that in. Pulling up her bandana, she avoided eye contact with many of the other Banditos. More had come out, she noticed to her slight annoyance, since the rain had lightened. It made it harder to hide, to sneak away to her tent. Turning a corner, she shoved her hands into her pockets, and was reminded of the map again.

Frustration and familiarity filled her once again. Squeezing her eyes shut as a throbbing pushed its way through again, she held in a groan. She opened her eyes again, eyebrows furrowed harshly downwards. She made her way to her tent, opening the flap and shutting it behind her.

Lifting her hands out of her pockets, she lifted them to her eyes. Palms rubbing harshly, she finally let out a groan. It was a groan of frustration, sadness, and most probably pain. She was more than annoyed too, she found. She was annoyed at herself, annoyed that she had hurt herself to the point where she had to wait to explore something she’d been dreaming most of her life. It was more than frustrating when she was so close, to where she could smell it on the breeze.

Dropping her hands from her eyes, she dropped to her knees, pulling out the backpack once again. Hastily unzipping it, she reached for her journal. Untying the pen, she flipped open the book to the next blank page. Her handwriting was scribbled and messy, but she continued to write about the familiarities of the map. She squeezed her eyes shut, lifting a hand to her head as she paused in her writings.

It hit her suddenly why the map was so familiar to her.

Sucking in a sharp breath, her fingers shook as she turned the page to the very last one in her journal. Perhaps she was just remembering things wrong, that maybe it had just been a bad dream. Out fell a faded map, however, contradicting her hopes and confirming her memories, almost looking similar to the one she had just received from Josh. She knew, with the memories flooding back, it was different. Picking up the map off of her lap with her still shaking hands, she slowly unfolded it.

The underground of Dema stared back at her, the tunnels that had helped escaped marked and labeled. No wonder she had known which tunnel to travel to, she had this map. But why had she forgotten about it, the night of her escape? It didn’t make sense, and it made her sick to even stare at it.

Josh might have been teasing when he spoke of any secret maps she might have seen while a librarian, but who knew that she actually had one for herself. She’d stolen this map, risking practically her life to get it. Squeezing her eyes shut, the feeling of bile traveling up her throat, she folded it back up quickly, pushing it back into her journal to be forgotten about again.

Why did guilt fill her so heavily? Was it because she was choosing to hide this map from Tyler and Josh, knowing Tyler could use it in Dema? Could he really use it? Would it be a good idea to show him, having the knowledge that it worried everyone in the camp when he went back there? The thought of him returning worried her, and maybe that was the reason she hid the map once again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wowie look ploT  
> ooOOOoooOOO  
> no but rlly im super pumped because some interesting stuff happens soon ;3c  
> also should i make some social media for u all to follow me at?  
> i have some but do i want people to know i wrote a fanfiction hhh 
> 
> enjoy this 6653 word chapter  
> aLSO JOSH AND DEBBY GOT ENGAGED AAAAAAAAAAA  
> i cried when i saw the pictures they look so damn HAPPY 
> 
> anyways  
> i hope you all had good holidays and by the time i post again, it'll be 2019  
> i'll see you all there, okay?   
> and thank you so much for all of the reads and comments   
> it encourages me to keep going with this 
> 
> stay alive frens  
> || - //


	10. [9]

**[9]**

 

Sitting on the edge of the camp again, Willa’s eyes stared out into Trench. The sun, which would soon be setting, kept trying to peek through the clouds above, to make the water in the stream sparkle and make the moss on the rocks a vibrant green again. But, the grey clouds kept it hidden, subdued, and she couldn’t help but think, even if the sun was shining, would it truly help lighten her mood?

Willa didn’t think it would.

Her thoughts were broken when she heard someone come up behind her, and she turned her head to see Tyler.

“Hey, there you are! I was wondering where you ran off to.” The smile that was on his face faded when he saw her expression, and his eyebrows furrowed with concern. “What’s wrong?” He asked, moving so he was sitting down beside her.

Were her emotions so blatantly expressed on her face? She couldn’t help but feel slightly shocked that Tyler immediately knew that something was wrong, and then guilt, for making him worry. Which was, she silently reminded herself, still something new she was dealing with.

Trying to ease his worry, she offered him a small smile, but it felt forced, almost. She dropped her gaze after seeing the concern only increase in his features. “I, uh, well, I can’t go out scavenging tomorrow.” She told him, shutting her eyes with a sigh leaving her. “When I was running, I hit the rock wall, and it bruised my side.” A quiet laugh left her, although it sounded more sad than she had expected. “Guess the rock wall won.”

“Oh.” Tyler let out, and she looked back up at him. He gave a small shrug and offered her a smile again, reassuring in a way. “There’s always another day, Willa. We don’t want your bruises getting worse, after all.”

Willa tried to hold those words to her, that there was always another day. Perhaps it was because it was so gloomy to begin with, the dreams and the discovery of the map now hanging over her too, that not being able to go out and explore just made the day all the worse.

“Yes, that’s what Abby said. I just…” She turned her gaze out into Trench again, letting out a heavy sigh. She wanted to run, to be free, yet it was terrifying still. But that was part of it, wasn’t it? She didn’t know, just yet, and her thoughts felt scrambled and disorienting. Her feelings were almost overwhelming once again, making her chest feel tight if she continued to think how she was. She simply shook her head, cutting herself off from speaking more.

“I know what you mean.” He responded with. “Some of the others don’t seem to understand that this is great, yeah, but… Is this where we’re meant to stop?” He asked out loud, yet his voice was quiet. It seemed like he was going to say more but let out a quiet chuckle instead, shaking his head. “I don’t wanna bore you with those thoughts, though. Anyways, we can go scavenging soon, Willa. Don’t worry.” He reassured her, bumping his shoulder gently with hers.

Her gaze moved from Trench to look up at him again, and she saw his bright smile. It was hopeful, happy even, and Willa found a warmth growing in her chest again. Without thinking, her own smile grew on her face, this one not forced. “Alright, I’ll try not to.”

His smile brightened to a grin, his eyes squinting at the corners. “Good! Everyone else is all gloomy today, I was worried you were actually affected by it too.”

Willa was, partially, but he didn’t need to really know that.

“I’m just tired, Tyler, don’t worry.” She reassured him, offering him a small smile.

Partial relief filled her that what she told him wasn’t a total lie, that she was actually just… tired. Was exhaustion a better word for what she was feeling? Perhaps, but maybe saying that would make Tyler worry again. Guilt was a feeling she was becoming all too familiar with, much too quickly. It was something she didn’t like, perhaps disliking it even more than the numbness the Bishops forced her into.

He nodded, seemingly studying her face again. “I noticed.” He lifted a finger to point under his own eyes, where he had light bags under them. “You got some of these still.”

Willa dropped her gaze, shaking her head. “Then maybe I should be asking you if you’re tired, then?” She retorted, lifting her gaze with a slight eyebrow cock. Maybe Abby was starting to rub off on her, she briefly thought to herself.

Tyler almost looked surprised, but a quiet chuckle left his mouth. “Set myself up for that one.” He commented, shaking his head. “I’m alright, Willa. Sometimes I think too much instead of sleeping.” He gave a small shrug, as if it wasn’t too important.

Willa almost asked him what he meant by that, but with the roar of a fire, the two turned their heads back to look. Dinner was being started, it seemed. It would probably be, as what was the normal here; soup. Not that Willa minded too much, it was filling and warming, especially with the colder nights starting to come in.

Willa glanced back out into Trench, hints of orange peaking through the grey clouds. Was it already getting that late? Glancing up at the sky above, she saw the clouds darkening, no more sunlight to illuminate them. Would they clear at all so she could see the stars tonight, or would it be a very dark night? The thought of that was one that made a sudden feeling of anxiety almost choke her, memories of darkness in Dema filling her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block them out, block out the pain forming in her head.

“Hey, are you okay?” Tyler asked, his, once again, concerned voice breaking her out of the dark red and black memories.

She sucked in a quick breath through her nose, the smell of the fires around them and the rain helping to ground her. She opened her eyes to look back at him. “Yes.” She lied to him, again, another feeling of guilt hitting her. It wasn’t as strong as it would be lying about other things, however, as she reminded herself it was to help both him and her in the long run. “I just have a bit of a headache, that’s all.” She nodded her head up towards the light, almost mist-like rain. “Probably from the weather.”

He let out a hum in understanding, though his eyes still looked almost questioning. He pushed himself up, however, a moment later. “Well, maybe some fresh hot food and some rest will help you will that.” He offered her a smile and his hand, extended out for her to take. With his sleeve pulled back slightly, she saw what looked like three black lines going across his wrist.

Curiosity filled her as to what that could be. Was it a tattoo? She’d only heard about them in whispers because, of course, they were seen as a sign of self-expressiveness, of breaking away from the control of the Bishops. She’d only ever seen a few tattoos in her life, and she wondered where Tyler could have gotten one done, if it even was that. Had someone here given it to him, or had it been done in secrecy in Dema? What did it mean?

Brushing away those thoughts for now, she placed her hand in his. His fingers, warmer than hers, wrapped around hers, and he started to pull her up. She pushed herself off of the log with his help, and offered a thankful smile at his help. His hand in hers was warm, and that warmth spread throughout her arm. She took a step back from him, however, at the noise her stomach made, the warmth leaving her. Embarrassment filled her instead, her cheeks burning even more as Tyler let out a quiet snort.

“Can’t be happy if your stomach is growling like that.” He teased lightly, starting to follow beside her as she started to walk towards the fire.

She shook her head, burying her hands into her pockets again, momentarily forgetting about everything that she had bouncing around in her head. “You think so?” She responded with, a tone of what she could only describe as sassiness in her voice.

He nodded firmly, an easy grin on his face. “Oh yeah, for sure. People get grumpy and grouchy when they’re hungry. Maybe that’s why Harry can be grumpy sometimes, because he always forgets about breakfast.” He teased lightly.

Willa felt her own smile grow on her face, and she shook her head again, hiding her face underneath her hood. “Is that your number one reasoning behind why someone is grumpy, then?” She asked him, her voice lighter than what it had been.

“Completely and totally.” He responded, his tone even but the grin on his face gave it away that he wasn’t serious in the slightest.

Willa felt her smile increase in size, and a quiet laugh left her, the warmth growing in her chest again. “If you say so, I guess I’ll have to believe you.” She teased him, her voice mirthful as the approached the main campfire.

“As you should. I’ve never lied and never have lied.” He spoke dramatically, shaking his head.

That feeling of guilt suddenly hit her once again like a truck, the warmth immediately fading from her chest. She knew he was joking around, being silly, but it just reminded her that she had lied. And even if she hadn’t lied about the map, she hadn’t told him about it either. Would telling him about the map, showing him the map, ease some of the guilt she felt? Would it get her in trouble, make Tyler upset with her?

Willa was dragged from her thoughts when she heard someone calling her name. She blinked, and saw Abby grinning at her from her usual spot, surrounded by Brooke, Evelyn and Harry, all lit up with the warm glow of the fires around them. She also noticed Josh sitting by them, which she couldn’t help but feel was unusual, even if he offered her a friendly smile. However, she couldn’t think much of it, as she was being handed a warm bowl of soup from Tyler. He smiled at her then nodded his head towards the group.

She offered him her thanks, following alongside of him. There was an open spot on a log beside Josh, one next to Abby, who was sitting next to Harry, and one next to Brooke, who was sitting by Evelyn. She assumed Tyler would sit by Josh, as they were close friends. Awkwardness filled her, and she gripped her soup bowl as she mentally debated her options.

She knew Abby and Harry were most likely a thing, so she didn’t want to sit next to them and cut into their time together. She didn’t know if Brooke and Evelyn were a thing, but she knew they were close. If she sat by them, it’d be less awkward, perhaps. Swallowing thickly, she offered a smile at everyone and sat down on the log next to Brooke, while Tyler sat down next to Josh like she knew he would.

“So I heard you’re a scavenger now?” Evelyn asked, leaning forward slightly to look at Willa, a bright grin on her face.

Brooke blinked in surprise, looking between the two. “What, you are?” She asked, incredulously. “Already?”

Embarrassment filled her cheeks again, and she lifted the bowl to her face, to help try and hide it. Maybe it was a little quick after her arrival to be deemed a scavenger, but they didn’t know what she had done to escape. Josh and Tyler did, which is why Josh had deemed it appropriate she become one.

“Hey, don’t complain, Brooke.” Harry retorted, and Willa lowered her bowl to see him staring at the brown haired girl with a cocked eyebrow on his face. “If we get a new scavenger in, it means one can stay in the camp and rest.”

“Yeah, so I could stay in.” Evelyn chimed in, nudging Brooke.

Brooke looked back at Evelyn for a moment, before sighing slightly. “Yeah, okay.” She responded with. “But still.” She insisted.

“Yeah,” Evelyn started, “it is pretty soon for you to be given that role.” This time her gaze moved from Willa to Josh, a questioning expression on her face. “Did her tales of defeating the rock wall impress you that much?” She spoke lightly, but there was still questioning on the tip of her tongue, no doubt.

Josh let out a quiet laugh, and then ducked his head, shaking it slightly. He looked back up a moment later, his soft brown eyes meeting Willa’s then moved to Evelyn’s face. “Well, I’m trusting what both Tyler and Willa have told me. Tyler believes she’d be better suited for a scavenger from what he saw of her while they were leaving, and as soon as she’s ready, she’ll be going out there.”

She watched as Evelyn and Brooke’s gazes moved to Tyler, who gave a small shrug, seemingly unaffected by the sudden attention on him. “Listen, when someone is as good as climbing rock walls as Willa, you know they’re a keeper.” He spoke out, his voice nonchalant, but an easy smile was on his face.

Willa was thankful to both Tyler and Josh that they did not go into detail how Willa had escaped Dema on her own, without Tyler’s help. Last thing she needed was to explain how she did that, how she had stolen a map of underground tunnels and then had forgotten about it. She sipped at her soup, hoping that it would calm the nauseating feeling growing in her stomach.

Evelyn let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head before looking at Willa. “Well, Willa, if we’re ever out there at the same time, you’ll get to show me, right?”

Willa nodded, offering back a smile. She didn’t know if she’d be paired with someone other than Tyler to go out there with. It hadn’t been something she’d thought about, but maybe it should be, considering how much guilt she felt every time she was near Tyler now.

“You’ll get to see why she’s the best rock climber here.” Abby cut in with, a grin on her face. She sat close enough to Harry that their legs were touching one another's. “She’s so quiet, you’d probably see her one minute at the bottom, then the next she’d be up on the top of the cliff.”

Willa let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head again before she sipped more of her soup.

“Meanwhile, we all can hear you Abby.” Evelyn retorted, a teasing grin on her face, matching her tone. “Maybe you should take some pointers from the newbie.”

Abby let out a gasp in fake shock. “Wow, I can’t believe you just said that.” She shook her head dramatically, placing a hand over her chest. “Maybe I should just stay quiet, give everyone a break from my complaints of too many sticks.”

“But without your voice, how would we know what your laugh sounds like?” Harry commented, a small smile on his face as he looked at Abby.

Abby’s mouth dropped slightly, and Willa swore she saw a flush on her darker skin. She was at a loss for words, which didn’t happen very often, it seemed.

“Ha!” Evelyn let out a victorious laugh, and when Willa turned her head to look, the woman had her arm slung around Brooke’s shoulders. “I win!” She commented, a smug grin on her features.

Brooke rolled her eyes, and what appeared to be a flush appeared on her pale skin, but it could’ve been just from the fires. “Yeah, yeah, I noticed.” She responded with, trying to shrug it off.

“Win what?” Abby responded quickly, her expression confused, eyebrows furrowed. “Did you guys  _bet_  on if I could become speechless or not?” She asked, her voice growing even more shocked.

Brooke hid her face, almost, in Evelyn’s shoulder, while the other woman grinned. “Maybe. Brooke didn’t think Harry could do it.”

“In my defense, I didn’t think it was possible for Abby to become speechless, not for Harry to make someone speechless.” Brooke clarified quickly, her voice almost muffled.

“Wow.” Abby responded with, shaking her head slowly, eyes staring at the two. “I think I’ll decide if I’m upset or not after you tell me what you betted with.”

It was Evelyn’s turn for her face to flush, and she let out an awkward laugh, almost. “Oh, well, uh, you see -” She started to stammer out.

Abby’s mouth dropped slightly. “Did you guys’ bet on a date, finally?” She asked.

Evelyn’s expression turned nervous almost, and Brooke lifted her head from Evelyn’s shoulder. “If I won, we’d go out on a date, if Evelyn won, she’d get a kiss on the cheek.”

“That is actually so cute I can’t be mad for you guys’ using me for a bet.” Abby responded with, a grin on her face. “Although,” she turned to Harry, eyes squinted slightly, “did you know about this?”

Harry looked almost worried for a moment, as if he was going to face her wrath. “What? No! I had no idea that they had used us for a bet.” He defended himself.

“Hm.” Abby hummed out, as if trying to decide whether she believed him or not. “You’re lucky that I kinda like you.” She responded with finally, making a small, almost sheepish grin appear on Harry’s face.

“Ew gross, you guys.” Tyler cut in, his voice with fake disgust. “I leave for a few days and suddenly there’s couples popping up all over the place!” He shook his head, although Willa could see he was fighting off a smile.

“Oh, you’re just jealous because you can’t find someone.” Evelyn retorted back.

Tyler placed a hand over his chest, shaking his head. “Yep. I’m so incredibly lonely, and jealous of all the couples I see. You’ve got me all figured out.” He responded with, his voice deadpan.

Willa let out a quiet snort alongside the others’ laughter before sipping more of her soup. At least she wasn’t the only one who wasn’t in a relationship, or that close with someone. It made her feel just a little less alone while she was literally surrounded by two couples.

“Don’t worry, you’ll find someone.” Josh responded with, bumping his friend’s shoulder.

Tyler gave a small shrug in response. “It’s not really something I’m really looking for. I don’t see myself as the type of person to be in a relationship anyways.” He leaned back slightly, sipping more of his soup.

“Well, I think you deserve a relationship.” Abby responded immediately, her mouth set in a frown. “Everyone does here, and that includes you, so don’t be acting all mopey because you haven’t found that special person yet.”

“That’s nice of you to say, Abby, but what I’m saying is that-” Tyler cut himself off, shaking his head again. “What I’m saying is that I… I have other responsibilities to take care of before I can consider that.”

The silly, joyfulness that had surrounded the small group was dissipating, it seemed. Willa noticed, and it seemed everyone else was starting to notice to, if tensing shoulders and appearing frowns were any sign. Willa had always tried to avoid tense, even awkward, situations like this mostly by walking, or running, away. That urge filled her once again, and she instinctively shifted her feet so they were more steady on the ground, in case she needed to get up.

Tyler, noticing the tenseness too, let out a small, almost formed, chuckle. “Besides, who’d want to date me when I have horrible morning breath?” He joked around, trying to relieve some of the seriousness that had settled over the group.

Josh shook his head, a chuckle leaving him. “It is pretty bad, dude.” He responded with.

“Thank you, Josh.” Tyler looked almost pleased with himself that he had gotten Josh to agree with him, but then his eyes squinted slightly. “I think?” He responded with.

Evelyn let out a snort, and Abby shook her head, obviously not too happy with the outcome of the conversation. Willa couldn’t help but feel thankful that he had changed the subject, quickly, as whether or not Abby had meant it, the conversation had become serious so quickly. She knew what Tyler’s responsibilities were, and she was reminded, once more, of the map she held inside of her journal. More questions and guilt filled her about the map, but she tried to brush them away, focusing on what was in front of her.

The group had relaxed, but each had gone into their own quiet conversations. Willa could hear Evelyn and Brooke talking about what they each had planned for things they could do together. Glancing over at Harry and Abby, she saw them doing the same. Moving her gaze to Tyler and Josh, they were also talking together, and Willa felt an overwhelming feeling of aloneness. Even though she was sitting there with the other Banditos, hearing them around her, the weight of feeling alone came crashing down, and suddenly, it felt hard to breathe.

Who was she to them, really? Was she forgettable, like she had wanted? Would they notice her if she slipped away? Would they notice right now? After all, Abby had said Willa was so quiet.

Setting down her bowl of soup, mostly finished, she quietly turned her body away from the fire, before she got up. In the corner of her vision, she saw Josh’s head move in her direction. She saw a questioning expression on his face, but he didn’t say anything. However, it caught Tyler’s attention too, who turned his head slightly to look at Willa.

She forced a small smile on her face, knowing it didn’t reach her eyes this time.

“Night.” She mouthed to them, not wanting to interrupt the conversations happening beside of her.

She watched their expressions turn almost worried, before she was turning back fully towards the rest of the camp. She was quick to start walking away, going towards her tent. Her head was bent down slightly, hood pulled up with her hands in her pockets. She was exhausted, if she were honest, yet restless at the same time. She felt… too many things. Too many overwhelming things, feelings of a choking weight in her chest, making her breaths short, of guilt, of loneliness. 

The throbbing in her head was coming back once again, reminding her that either she truly did have a migraine, or perhaps it was from a memory. When had she felt this? When had she been  _allowed_  to feel these things while in Dema? Who had made her feel so lonely, and who had made her feel such guilt?

Turning the corner, she approached her tent quickly, ducking inside of it. Pulling her shaking hands out of her pockets, she lifted them to press against her eyes, letting out a quiet groan. She’d write in her journal in the morning. For now, all she wanted to do was sleep. After removing her outer clothing, she curled up into her cold bed, waiting for sleep to come for her. She didn’t need to wait long, as she fell seamlessly into the darkness behind her eyelids.

 

_.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-_

_She could feel the tears rolling down her cheeks, and she didn’t understand why they wouldn’t stop. What was she feeling that was causing this pain to her? Had she disobeyed the Bishops and this was why she was feeling this pain? Hadn’t she followed their commands?_ _Willa lifted her hands to press against her temples, trying to get the voice to stop. She didn’t want to think about the memory of telling him what she had been commanded to do. She didn’t want to remember the expression he had so openly wore, one that tore into her heart._

_“Stop.” She whimpered out, almost begging. The Bishops couldn’t have been wrong in their decision, they were never wrong. Their Gifts made sure of that._

_“My child.” A voice, gravelly yet comforting, called out to her, and she opened her eyes, looking upwards. His black hand was reached out to her in her blurred vision. It was an offering, a gift, one that would take away this pain, his voice in her head._

_“Willa.” His voice became distorted, deeper than what she was used to. What was once a comforting blur of white, black and red, now suddenly filled her with dread and fear. His expression, which once seemed so kind, suddenly seemed like death, hollow and empty. Weights were suddenly on her shoulders, and she was being dragged backwards, violently._

Her eyes opened with a snap, a loud gasp leaving her mouth as she jerked up, trying to get whatever was on her off. Panic filled her, thinking it was a Bishop, trying to drag her back to Dema.

“Willa, stop!” A familiar voice called out to her, and strong hands grabbed her bare arms. “It’s me, Abby!”

Willa blinked through her blurry vision, which she realized was from tears going down her cheeks, seeing dark skin and worried brown eyes staring at her. “A-Abby?” She repeated, her voice cracking.

“Yeah. Yeah it’s me.” The other woman reassured Willa, her hands lessening on their firm grip. Her eyebrows were furrowed upwards with concern, her mouth set in a worried line. “You’re okay. You’re in the Bandito camp.” She spoke slowly.

The Bandito camp, she silently repeated to herself. She had escaped, she was free of the Bishops now. She was safe from them, as safe as she could be. She let out a long, shaky sigh, dropping her head into her hands. Wetness coated her hands, but she ignored it, trying to remember how to breathe normally. She tensed at the hand on her back, but relaxed after a moment, the hand starting to move up and down, gently.

“You’re alright.” Abby spoke, her voice quiet. “It was just a nightmare.”

Willa wanted to believe those words. She wanted to believe in those words so damn much, it almost hurt her chest to think of how much she wanted to force herself to believe it was just a nightmare. But she knew, with a sickening feeling pooling in her stomach, that it hadn’t been a nightmare. What had happened in her dream had once happened to her, and she knew now where she had felt guilt, albeit less so, before.

She had chosen to forget. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome to tren- i mean 2019.  
> i hope you all are having a good year so far, and i hope it stays a good year. 
> 
> i don't have much to _ay for this not_, except that i am excited for what is to com_.  
> please remember that i appreciate and love all of y_u and all of the comments/kudos, not to mention the bookma_ks.  
> t_ey warm my _rozen dead heart.  
> anyways, i'll stop _yself from ramblin_ too much longer. 
> 
> c_me back nex_ week for another chapter, if you'd like!
> 
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	11. [10]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: mention of blood and scars

**01 9   01 m o o n   12**

.-. ..- -.

**[10]**

  

“Are you okay now?” Abby asked quietly, sitting on the other end of Willa’s bed.

Was Willa okay? She didn’t know, as her heart was still beating irregularly from the memory that had decided to come back. What had caused her so much pain she had chosen to forget? Who could she talk to about this, without them thinking she was crazy? The only one that had even briefly mentioned it was Tyler, but could she trust him with this? Could she trust anyone, really?

Glancing towards the flap of the tent, she saw it was shut, and it was still dark out. The sun had yet to rise. There was barely any light for Willa to see with, but she could see Abby sitting across from her, expression tired but concern so clear on her face. Willa couldn’t help but feel bad she had woken Abby up from sleep, especially when it was so early.

Willa let out a quiet sigh, dropping her gaze to her hands. She ran her thumb over her scar on her palm, trying to think of the correct words to say. “I… I think I will be.” She finally answered, voice so quiet she was basically whispering.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Abby asked, her voice gentle, kind even. She was practically whispering like Willa was, and she appreciated it. She didn’t think she could handle loud noises right now.

“No.” Willa was quick to respond, and shook her head again, hoping that Abby was offended by how quickly she had responded. “I just - I want to move on past it.” She tried to clarify, while attempting to keep her voice steady. She had almost said she had wanted to forget it, once again, and felt sick to her stomach. Shouldn’t she want to keep her memories, keep what kept her defined from the Bishops?

“I understand.” Abby responded with, her voice still gentle, to Willa’s relief. “Just know that if you ever want, or need to talk, I’m here.”

Willa looked up at Abby. A small smile grew on Abby’s face, an attempt to further reassure her, she was sure. Whatever the reasoning behind it, Willa appreciated that too, immensely so.

“Thank you.” Willa responded with. She lifted a hand to rub at her eye, feeling soreness behind it from crying. There was a dull throbbing behind it, which would probably lead to a headache later on, much to Willa’s annoyance. “I’m sorry I woke you up.” She apologized.

Abby gave a shake of her head. “Willa, if you ever need me, don’t feel bad for waking me up. I’d rather stay up and talk to you than sleep.” She was quick to respond with. “I’d rather you talk to me, anyone really, than hold it all in.” Abby paused, watching Willa’s reaction. “About anything, okay?” She asked. “If you ever want to talk about those-” she nodded her head toward Willa’s bare arms, which had scars on them, “-or anything, then I’m more than willing.”

Willa felt tears well up in her eyes again, and her throat felt thick. She swallowed, and nodded, shutting her eyes and ducking her head, holding her arms close to her. She didn’t want to think about those scars, why she had them. It was why she hid them, all the time. She lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes again, wiping away those tears that tried to roll down her cheeks again. “T-thank you, Abby.” Willa responded, her voice cracking slightly.

“Don’t worry about it.” Abby said, a yawn breaking through her words. She shook her head, to try and make it go away faster, a shiver running through her. “I don’t know why we don’t have people relight the fires in the middle of the night.” She muttered, rubbing her bare arms. “I’m gonna lay back down, but if you need me, feel free to wake me up.” She told Willa, before sliding herself off of the bed.

Willa offered her a smile, wiping her eyes again and sniffling quietly. She felt tiredness pull at her, but she didn’t think she wanted to go back to sleep again. She was scared that she’d see a Bishops’ face again, see another blurry face that would haunt her with dead eyes. Or get another memory returned to her that would make her question more and more of her reality.

She watched as Abby slid into her own bed again, covering herself with the blanket on top. Willa laid down herself, but knew she wasn’t going to sleep. She covered herself with her own blanket, shutting her eyes. She would wait until Abby fell asleep again before going for a walk. Perhaps it wasn’t the best idea to go for a walk in the dark, but maybe the cold air would help her clear her head more.

She didn’t have to wait long for Abby to fall back asleep, as the other girl was breathing slowly and deeply within a few minutes. Willa waited even longer, just to make sure Abby was sleeping, before she started to move. Pulling off the blanket, she, as silently as she could, pulled on her boots and slid on her hoodie. She didn’t bother with the jacket or the bandana, as she was just going to take a small walk.

Pushing herself off of her bed, she winced at the creakiness of it. She turned her head to Abby, her wide eyes staring at the other woman. Thankfully, she was still sleeping, and Willa let out a silent sigh, before pulling her hood up over her face. She walked silently and slowly towards the tent flap. With a pull back, she was out into the darkness.

A few torches were burning here and there, but the main source of light came from the moon that was partially still hidden behind clouds. Its’ position in the sky told her that morning would come within the next hour or so, and she held onto that fact. At least she wouldn’t lose too much sleep.

With the coming and going white light, she walked through the sleeping camp. She passed by a few other Banditos who were awake and on guard duty for the night, but other than that, she was alone. The silence around her was not truly silent, not like how it was in the city. She could hear the crackling of the torches, the wind that gently blew through the valley below the camp, and if she focused, she could hear the sounds of the other Banditos sleeping. It was so much more alive than the city could ever be.

Turning a corner, she breathed deeply in, smelling the smoke from the fires, and as she approached what was quickly becoming her favorite spot overlooking the valley, she could smell the wind carrying the fresh life down below. There was also an odd smell, one she couldn’t identify. It almost smelled like the rain, but it was different, almost… quieter, in its’ own way. Softer, kinder even. It was as if even the world around her was trying to stay quiet, in these odd hours between the true darkness of night and the bright light of the morning sun, rising in the East.

As she approached the log she sat on, it hit her why the Banditos spoke the phrase that Willa had seen painted onto the underground walls. The sun rose in the East, and with the sun, it brought life and happiness. No wonder the Bishops punished those who spoke the phrase, why the city was so grey and bleak. They didn’t want people to feel that, such a unique and freeing feeling, one that would surely break everyone away from under their control.

It made Willa sick to think she was once like that. She had once thought the Bishops truly cared about her and the others, wanted to protect her and knew what was best for her. How wrong she had been. But she hadn’t known anything else, not that she could remember, at least, and briefly she wondered if there  _had_  been something early on her life that hadn’t been the Bishops and Dema.

What else could there have been?

Sitting down on the log, she stared out across Trench. All she could see was the great expanse of the unknown, and she watched as the moon’s light moved across it. There was no way to know what was out there, know if there was anything, or anyone, else out there. Was the city, filled with numbness and Bishops, and this great unknown in front of her the only things in this world? Were they all doomed to go back to the city, either by their own will because of fear of the unknown, or because they were dragged back?

It was hard to keep a positive mindstate when that fear, that this was all there was, filled her. She felt that choking feeling grow in her throat, and she lifted a hand to it, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. It was as if she couldn’t breathe, like someone was choking her. She sucked in a shaky breath, and told herself it wasn’t a Bishop choking her this time.

Letting out a shaky breath, she opened watery eyes to the scenery in front of her. Even if there was nothing out there, she was here for now. She told herself that being out here was better than being in there. Yet again, however, she asked herself what the point was, if they all were going to end up in a neon graveyard either way.

No, she couldn’t think like that. She wouldn’t let the Bishops lead her into something they had manipulated her into believing was normal, was accepted. She was free of them now, she told herself again. How many times did she have to tell herself that until she believed it?

“Couldn’t sleep either, or did you want to watch the sunrise?” A voice called out gently to her from her right.

Willa jumped, almost falling off of the log, her head snapping to see the owner of the voice. Her tense shoulders relaxed slightly when she saw it was only Tyler, and she dropped her hand quickly to rest over her rapidly beating heart. “You have to stop sneaking up on me like that or you’re going to give me a heart attack.” She responded, voice quiet, shutting her eyes for a moment to try and further calm herself.

“Sorry, Willa. Force of habit.” He let out a quiet chuckle, and she heard him moving. She opened her eyes to see him sitting on the log beside her. His head turned down toward her, an almost questioning expression on his face. His expression made her realize he had asked a question, one he wanted an answer to.

She didn’t want to lie to him, but she didn’t want to cause him to be more worried about her. Internally, she fought with herself on what she should say to him, if she should tell him of her nightmarish memories. Would he understand them, understand what she was remembering, or would he think she was crazy? Could she even trust him?

“I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep. I thought maybe a walk would help clear my thoughts.” She responded to him, finally. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the full truth, an odd middle grounds for the two things.

He nodded, moving his gaze out to Trench again. “Yeah, that’s why I’m out here too.” He let out a quiet sigh. “Too many thoughts in my brain again, I guess.”

Willa picked at her thumb again, an anxious feeling growing in her at the thought of telling Tyler what she was seeing in her dreams. Would he understand her? Would anyone ever really understand her thoughts, who she was?

“Me too.” She admitted, her voice so quiet.

“Yeah?” He asked, his gaze moving back to look at her. There was almost relief in his tired expression. “It’s… it’s nice to hear sometimes that I’m not alone in having restless thoughts.” He dropped his gaze, shaking his head. “It’s something to keep those other thoughts out of my head.”

What had Tyler gone through before becoming a Bandito? She knew he had been taken back to Dema a few times, a cycle he had managed to break. What memories had he been forced to give up, to keep? Did he remember what Nico had done to him when he had been taken back? She knew what Nico did as punishments, and to imagine that Tyler had gone through that, multiple times, was almost painful to realize. What scars of his own did he bare from that?

“What do you do to keep those thoughts away?” She asked him, hoping he could give some insight as to what she could do to keep her own thoughts away.

His eyes moved back to her, and he gave a small shrug. “It gets easier the longer I’m away from there, but on nights like these, usually I’m alone here on this log, looking out into Trench. The sight of that, knowing there’s more beyond what we know, it helps to keep me going.” A small smile grew on his tired face. “Playing music with Josh helps too, knowing others relate to the things I’ve written.”

Willa had assumed he had written the music of the song they played the other night, or someone else here at the very least, had. Had he written the lyrics to make himself, and others, feel better in times like these? Was he feeling happy when he wrote them, or was it just out of the blue he had written them? She didn’t know, and part of her wanted to ask, but she told herself it might be invasive to ask why he had written what he did. Besides, it’s not like writing music would help her with her thoughts.

She let out a quiet hum in response, moving her gaze out into Trench again too. “It’s… exhilarating and terrifying at the same time, to think of going out there and exploring.” She spoke softly. Perhaps her tiredness made her mouth looser with words, made her guard fall somewhat. They both were vulnerable, in a way, tiredness and fear clouding their judgements. “Since I found the flower you left behind, I’ve been dreaming of being out here, being free.” She admitted as her eyes stared out into the valley, trying to see beyond what she was, as if that could tell her what else was out there. “But now that I’m free, I…” She let out a sigh, trying to find the correct words to speak in her tired state. “I guess I’m still adjusting.” She finished with, shaking her head.

“There’s a lot to take in.” Tyler responded with, and a quiet chuckle left him. “Sometimes I still have to take a moment to take it all in again.”

Willa was surprised to hear that he felt similar things, even still. It made her feel less alone, but on the other end, it made her worried that maybe she would never get past these feelings. What could she find, besides writing her thoughts in her journal, to help her cope? She turned to look at him, to see him looking at her.

“Usually I’m alone on mornings like these, but I’m glad I’m not today.” He commented, offering Willa a small smile. There was something there, behind his tired brown eyes in the slowly growing light, that looked like he was trying to hide. Was it sadness, fear even?

It wasn’t fair for Willa to ask that outloud, however, when she was hiding her own things.

“I… I’m glad I can help, Tyler.” She offered him a small smile back, regardless of those lingering feelings of her own fears. Despite those feelings, ones that tried to suffocate her, for the moment, she felt at peace.

Tyler’s smile widened, yet his eyes remained almost soft as he looked at her. “Me too. It sucks that neither of us could sleep, but at least we can not be alone.” He bumped his shoulder to hers, a grin growing on his face as he lifted his other hand to point across the valley. “Hey, look. The sun’s rising.”

Willa turned her gaze towards Trench, and saw he was right. The darkness was fading away, replaced by brilliant, bright colors chasing it away as the sun was slowly rising over the horizon. It took her breath away as everything suddenly became  _alive_  once again, the stream catching the multiple colors down below, the trees bathed in the morning light. Fog rested over the moss on the cliffs, almost sparkling with the light growing.

Maybe if this was all there was outside of the city she could learn to live with it.

 

 

Willa lifted her hand to try and cover the yawn that escaped her. Apparently it didn’t work too well, however, as Abby turned to look at her from across the tent with a cocked eyebrow. Willa gave her a sheepish expression, dropping her gaze to finish sewing the coat laid across her lap.

“If you keep yawning, you’re not gonna be able to keep sewing those clothes up.” Abby teased lightly.

Willa pulled the thread and needle through the jacket sleeve again, pulling it to tighten it. “Don’t worry, I’m being careful.” She responded with, holding back another yawn. Who knew missing out on an hour of sleep would make her so tired? Though, she could admit to herself, the sleep she was getting probably wasn’t the best sleep, because of the nightmarish memories coming back to her.

“You better be. I don’t want to have to use that needle to sew you up next.” She retorted, a tone of sassiness mixed with concern lacing her voice as she organized the medical items. “You’re sure you got enough sleep? You were out of the tent before I was, which meant you got up pretty early.”

Willa poked the jacket again with the needle, watching as the thread she was using went through and sewed the torn pieces back together again. “I’m fine. I wanted to watch the sunrise and I ended up talking to Tyler for a little bit.” She told Abby.

The conversation the two had felt special almost, and it put a warm feeling in her chest. She was sure it was nothing but feeling like she wasn’t alone, but regardless, it was a nice feeling. A smile had grown on her face without her really even realizing it.

“Oh?” Abby asked, suddenly turning her body in the direction of Willa. “What did you two talk about?” She asked, her tone teasing once again. Willa looked up at Abby to see her with a smirk growing on her face, and the other woman wiggled her eyebrows.

Willa let out a quiet groan, shaking her head, feeling her face flush. “No, Abby, we didn’t talk about anything to do with what you’re probably thinking.” She responded with, moving her gaze back down towards the jacket she was sewing up.

“What do you know what I’m thinking about? I could be thinking about you two talking about scavenging together!” Abby tried to defend herself.

Willa looked back up at Abby with a deadpan look, her expression displaying that she didn’t believe the other woman in the slightest.

“Okay! Maybe I was thinking about the two of you being a couple.” Abby relented, going back to organizing her items. “You two would be so cute together, and like I said, I think he already has taken a liking to you. He only hangs out that much with Josh, and I’m pretty sure neither of them like each other like that.” She explained her reasoning.

Willa shook her head again, dropping her gaze and ignoring the flush on her cheeks. “It’s not like that, Abby.” She insisted.

Maybe the two had a connection, both feeling like they had to keep going, but… Willa couldn’t even consider that, not with the things she was facing with and the things she was hiding from not only Tyler, but everyone. Guilt filled her chest, making her heart feel heavy again.

“I’m just saying, you two already seem close. Tyler hasn’t really gotten close to anyone but Josh.” She commented again.

Willa didn’t really know much about Tyler, now that she thought about it. They had a few things in common, it seemed, but those things seemed like things that most people had in common. He didn’t know much about her, neither did Abby, and that was for the best. What was in the past was supposed to stay in the past, despite the memories coming back in Willa’s mind.

“We hardly know each other, Abby.” Willa insisted. “He’s just a guy who helped me escape where we all once was.” She could admit to herself, however, that he had kind eyes, if not tired. Seeing him this morning, it made her realize that he did put up an act around the other Banditos, trying to stay positive but aloof, as if…

As if he didn’t want anyone to get attached to him.

“Ow!” Willa let out, dropping the thread and needle into her lap as she lifted her thumb into her mouth. Immediately, the iron taste of blood filled her mouth, which made her feel almost sick to her stomach.

“Did you actually just stab yourself with the needle?” Abby asked, her tone incredulous.

“No.” Willa responded, immediately, pulling back her thumb. “...Maybe.” She admitted, her voice quiet as she dropped her gaze. She looked at her thumb, and saw a pinprick of red, blood slowing oozing from where she had, in fact, stabbed herself.

Abby let out a short sigh, but when Willa looked up, she saw that Abby had a smile on her face, shaking her head. “Regardless of your clumsiness, I think there’s something there between you two. Whether or not that grows into something more, that’s up to you two.” Abby gave a small shrug of her shoulders. “I still think it’d be cute.” She added on as a cheeky comment, followed by a cheeky grin.

Willa rolled her eyes, trying to ignore the flush on her cheeks from thinking about a relationship with Tyler, and trying to ignore the worrying feeling growing inside of her from realizing just why Tyler was why he was. Was he scared he was going to get dragged back to Dema again? Did he not want to get close to anyone so he didn’t hurt them again? Maybe Willa was just overthinking things again, and maybe Tyler was just quiet and kept to himself.

Internally, she sighed, trying to push away those thoughts. But she couldn’t shake the odd feeling inside of her that Tyler was like her, or she was like him, in the fact that they didn’t want to get close to anyone. Of course Willa feared that she’d be captured by the Bishops again, but…

An ache filled her chest, a longing that reminded her of when she was still in Dema. An ache that told her that she needed to go, needed to run, she needed to see everything that had been forcefully hidden from her. With the thought that there was a chance that she could be dragged back to Dema, it made it almost feel like she was limited on time. How long did she have to go out there into Trench before she couldn’t? She didn’t know, and mentally she added that to the list of things she didn’t know, which was growing more and more the longer she was her own person.

She finished sewing the hole back up on the jacket while she was lost in her thoughts. Holding it up, she deemed it fully sewed back together, and looked over at the pile of clothes that still needed to be sewed back up. With a small sigh, she set the jacket down in the considerably smaller sized pile of clothes she had sewed back up.

Stretching her arms over her head, she let out a relieved sigh when her back popped. She had been sitting, cross-legged on a bed for most of the day, sewing up clothing. She needed a break, but taking a quick glance towards the flap of the tent, it looked like there was more light from fires than from the sun. With the thought that dinner would be starting soon, it made her hungry.

“I think if I sew anymore clothes, my fingers will fall off.” She retorted out loud, bringing her arms back down to her sides.

Abby glanced over at her, and the piles of clothes she had. “For someone who helped me all day, it doesn’t look like you got much of that done.” She commented, raising an eyebrow.

Willa felt embarrassment heat her cheeks, and she gave a small shrug, ducking her gaze. “I never said I was good at sewing clothes.” She responded quietly, trying to defend herself.

Abby let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head. “I know. I’m just teasing you. As long as the clothes are sturdy enough, they’ll be fine.” She gave a small shrug. “Worse comes to worse, we have some tape we can use.”

Willa let a small laugh of her own escape her lips. “I don’t know if using tape on someone’s behind to fix a rip would be a good idea.” She responded with, and gestured towards a pair of pants that someone had, in fact, ripped down on the bottom.

Abby looked at the pair of pants then busted out laughing. She raised an arm to grip over her stomach, almost doubling over with the amount of laughter escaping her. “Who the hell did that?” She asked in between laughs.

Willa was finding she was having trouble hiding her own giggles, a grin stretching across her face. “I have no idea.” She responded, her tone light, chest feeling less heavy than it had the past day or so. Instead it was replaced by a warm feeling once again.

Abby let out another laugh, shaking her head in disbelief. After taking a moment to regain her breath, she stepped away from her organization. “C’mon, you can work on those tomorrow, let’s get ready for dinner, yeah?” She suggested, a grin on her face. She nodded towards the tent entrance, and started making her way towards it.

Willa was more than willing to agree to that, and pushed herself off of the bed. She stretched out her legs, feeling the blood circulation return to them. Letting out a sigh of relief, and wiggling her toes in her boots, she smiled at Abby, and followed beside her.

After Abby pulled back the flap, Willa was met with the smells she had come to know so well in such a short time; smoke, cooking soup, and the faint smell of the wildlife around them. For the moment, that gave her some peace, and she followed alongside Abby to the main fire. She offered smiles to other Banditos that had already started to gather around, and was surprised to find part of her looking for Tyler.

Instead, she caught the eyes of Josh near the soup cauldron, who offered her a grin and a smile. He was sitting on what looked like a tall box-type thing, and she was surprised to see not that he was wearing a short-sleeved shirt, but the colorful display of colors on his arm. She was almost taken aback by it, not expecting to see such a vibrant tattoo, well, ever. She couldn’t see all of it, hidden by the sleeve, but from what she could see, it was just as colorful as when the sun shined on Trench.

“We’re having a music night again?” Abby asked, a happy tone in her voice.

Josh grin didn’t fade, it only increased if possible, and he nodded. “After the gloomy day we all had with the rain, it seemed like a good time for it, yeah.” He responded with, giving a small shrug.

“Are you gonna be singing?” Abby asked, a teasing tone to her voice.

Josh let out a quiet snort, shaking his head. “In front of everyone? Nah. Tyler’s the singer, I’m just the guy who provides the beat.” He responded, tapping his hands gently against the box he sat on. With each tap, quiet, different noises of a beat were played out.

Willa furrowed her eyebrows slightly. “Wait, if you hit different parts of that, does it make different noises?” She asked, her curiosity evident in her tone.

Josh’s eyes almost turned excited, as if he was more than happy to explain to her what exactly he was sitting on. “Yeah! Isn’t that cool?” He responded with. “Do you want to try?” He asked, already getting ready to shift himself off of it if she said yes.

Willa immediate answer was no, but she hesitated on answering, thinking about it. On one hand, she could try to imitate what Josh did the other night, but on the other hand, she could easily embarrass herself.

“You should definitely try it, Willa.” Tyler voice came from beside her.

She jumped at his sudden appearance, tensing her shoulders. She turned her head to look at him as her shoulders relaxed, offering him an incredulous look. He simply responded with a grin, and part of her thought maybe he did that on purpose. He still looked tired, but whatever she had seen in his eyes this morning was gone, hidden probably.

“Tyler, what the hell!” Abby almost shouted out, a hand over her chest. “Stop sneaking around like that! Geesh.” She breathed out, shaking her head. “You’re gonna give both me and Willa a heart attack.”

“Whoops.” He responded, but Willa didn’t think he was very apologetic, before his gaze returned to Willa. “You should try it, you could replace Josh as my music partner.”

Josh let out an exaggerated noise of hurt, looking at Tyler with his mouth open, yet the edges were tilted up with a smile he was trying to fight. “Wow. I thought we were music partners for life, dude.”

Tyler let out a quiet laugh, Josh following alongside him. “You are, until I find someone better.” He teased, lightly, his tone light with humor. It was such a different Tyler than Willa had seen in the morning.

Josh let out another laugh, before he pushed himself off of the box-thing. He then gestured for Willa to take a seat on it. She gave an almost apprehensive look to him, then Tyler, then Abby. All of them gave her encouraging grins, and she almost felt peer-pressured into doing it. Letting out a sigh, she caved in.

“Okay, okay. When you all look at me like that, it’s hard to say no.” She relented, stepping forward to sit on the box. Taking a moment to adjust herself, she looked up at Josh. “What do I do, do I just hit it, or-?” She asked, almost feeling dumb in that moment.

“Yeah!” He responded, nodding his head. “You can try beating out a simple beat, like this.” He used his two hands to beat out what seemed like a simple pattern on his legs, moving them up and down as if to simulate the different areas on the box. “Or you can just do what feels right to you.” He shrugged, a grin growing on his face again.

“You gotta relax your shoulders, get into the groove.” Tyler added on.

“Gee, I wonder why she’s tense, you practically gave her a heart attack.” Abby retorted back, moving her elbow to hit into his side.

“Ow!” He responded, jumping and placing a hand on his side, a pout appearing on his face. “I’m gonna have bruised ribs next!” He almost whined out.

“Good!” Abby retorted, almost childishly.

Josh cleared his throat, a small smile on his face as he cocked his eyebrow. He didn’t have to say anything to them, as both of them settled down quite quickly. Then Josh’s eyes were back on Willa, alongside Tyler and Abby. She couldn’t help but feel that nervousness well up, but she swallowed it back.

What did she have to lose? It wasn’t like she could really embarrass herself doing this, unless she fell off of it. That would be really embarrassing, especially in front of some of the few people that talked to her. Shaking her head slightly, she shifted herself again, and tried to repeat what Josh did on his legs, looking down at the box.

The noises that left the box were soft and slow, a lot less fluent than Josh. It sounded almost clumsy, but a sense of wonder filled her that she had made the noises regardless. A grin slowly grew on her face, and she looked up from the box to them, catching Josh’s eyes. “That’s- that’s actually a lot of fun.” She responded, her voice quiet, full of almost wonder. Had anything ever actually been fun for her in her life before?

Josh’s grin grew on his face again, his eyes squinting with happiness. “Yeah, exactly! It’s fun to just let yourself go and beat out a pattern. I’ve done it so much, it’s just natural to me at this point, but it’s really fun, yeah. M-maybe we can practice more before you go out scavenging.” He suggested, his tone almost turning nervous.

Willa nodded before she thought about what she was doing, before she could question just why Josh would seem nervous. “That sounds like a nice ide-”

Her sentence was cut off by a bowl shattering, which echoed throughout the camp, silencing what once was filled with laughter and light conversations. All Willa could hear was the sounds of the fires burning as she, and the others around her, turned their heads towards the source of the commotion.

Sickness filled her, freezing her body while her heart raced in her chest, echoing in her ears and blocking out all other noise around her. Her fingers, which had been gently resting on the box, now gripped it so tightly, her knuckles were turning white. Her brain registered Josh moving toward the source of commotion in her peripherals, Tyler moving to stand in front of her. She hardly noticed, her eyes wide and staring at the reason the bowl had shattered.

No amount of red light casted from the fires could account for the amount of blood she saw, seemingly oozing down his side, from the side of his head. The dark red, reflected by the lights of the fire, only seemed more stark when his pale blue eyes met her eyes, from the entrance of the camp where he weakly stood, as if a simple wind could blow him over. Things almost were going slowed in time, as if her cruel brain  _wanted_  her to remember this. He opened his mouth, but she couldn’t hear him.

_‘East is up.’_

Then she watched as his eyes rolled back inside of his head, and his body slumped forward, limp and lifeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hi there, how're ya doing friendos?  
> did you all enjoy the chapter?  
> i hope so. 
> 
> anyway_, t_er_'s some more _un stuff c_ming soon  
> i'm glad willa's sta_ting to finally _et and l_arn wha_ having different feeling_ are really like, aren't _ou?  
> feelings _f f_n, of happiness, and _rue terr_r of the bish_ps. 
> 
> stay alive friens  
> ||-//


	12. [11]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; blood, dry-heaving

 

**[11]**

  
Where everything once had been so slow, as if frozen in time, the ice that had contained them all, shattered as his body hit the ground. Chaos erupted across the camp. Banditos scattered like shattered pieces of glass everywhere, some yelling, others frantically shouting. Blurs of greens, browns and that bright color raced in and out of Willa’s sight.

Yet her wide eyes couldn’t focus on those colors, not when all she could still see was his bloodied face, his pale blue eyes that were seared into her brain, her memory, seemingly forever. Her heart thrummed in her ears, her throat felt tight, and all she could smell was the smoke. What once was comforting to her, was now seemingly choking her, and she couldn’t breathe. The short-lived peace she had found in the camp was gone, and no longer did she feel safe. She needed to leave.

She needed to run.

But a hand gripped her arm, breaking her out of her trance. She flinched backwards, eyes wide with fear, expecting a Bishop to be standing there, to drag her back to Dema. Instead, she saw Abby’s own panicked yet determined expression, staring back at her.

“I need your help, c’mon!” Abby insisted, tugging on Willa’s arm.

Willa couldn’t go see the bloodied stranger. Panicked eyes whipped around, trying to find someone else, anyone else, that could help her, but she couldn’t focus on any one person. All the colors were blurring together, blending together in one giant, moving mass of colors. Where had Tyler gone? Her head ached, her eyes seemingly burning. It hurt to look at it, and she squeezed her eyes shut.

“Willa, please.” Abby’s pleading, almost desperate voice reached her ears again, over the sound of her racing heartbeat. “I need you.”

Willa swallowed thickly, and felt her head nodding, almost on its own. She opened her eyes to see Abby’s relieved expression, and then was being dragged off of the box she was frozen onto. She almost stumbled onto her feet, and then struggled to keep up with Abby’s hasty pace she had set, practically running towards the medical tent.

Together, they pushed their way through the other Banditos, most who were starting to crowd around near the medical tent. She could hear yelling coming from inside the tent, sounding like Harry and Josh’s voice. Commands were being barked out, and she felt fear settle deep in her bones again, making that nauseated feeling grow inside of her once again.

Abby whipped back the tent flap, and let go of Willa’s hand to rush forward, leaving her frozen at the entrance of the tent. Abby rapidly made her way towards where multiple Banditos were already surrounding the stranger, who was on one of the beds, his shirt torn off to reveal the ugly gash going up his side. There was so much red, it consumed her vision. It was staining the ground where she stood in spots, all leading in a trail to where he laid in the bed, motionless. Willa could so strongly smell the chemicals being used to clean his wounds, smell the blood so much that it was almost like she could taste it.

She couldn’t do this.

Willa’s frozen body moved on its own, breaking off from the spot she had been rooted towards. Then she was running, her legs taking her away from the chaos of the camp that the bloodied, pale blue eyed man had brought with him. Shouts filled her ears, and briefly, she thought she had heard someone call her name. But she didn’t stop, she couldn’t stop. She took a sharp turn through the tents, trying to push her way past other Banditos, who were all trying to rush towards the source of the commotion, rush towards the disgusting amount of red. Chest heaving, she was forced to stop at the edge of the camp, resting her hands on her knees, doubling over.

Nausea filled her, and she struggled to still breathe. Heaving out, nothing came out of her mouth, despite the burning sensation inside of her. Squeezing her eyes shut only showed her the red of his blood, the red of the Bishops, the memories that kept trying to come back and haunt her. She shook her head, violently almost, trying to get it to stop. Why wouldn’t it stop?

Panic bursted from her skin, her eyes wide. She could feel her chest struggle to get air inside of it, still seeing the amount of blood on the stranger. She had been assigned to help Abby in the tent, and she had some experience with wrapping up wounds, more than she ever wanted to know. But those wounds, they had just been small cuts, not gaping wounds like the stranger had, blood oozing out of them. There was so much red.

“Willa!” A voice called her name.

She jerked her head up, stumbling backwards and falling on her bottom, as if expecting a Bishop, coated in the red of the stranger, to be standing there. She expected to be dragged back to Dema, to be trapped once again like she had been for so long. Was it really a surprise that she only felt confusion when she realized it was Tyler? Where had he come from? Where had he gone before?

“Willa, hey. It’s just me.” He spoke out, voice calm, eyebrows furrowed with concern, kneeling down. His hands were held out in front of him, palms up in a meaning of no harm. “It’s okay, you can breathe.” He reassured her, gently.

How could she believe him when she could still hear the chaos of the camp behind them? When there was a man, severely injured and from Dema, who had showed up out of seemingly nothing? When there was so much blood? How could she believe Tyler when she didn’t even know who he was?

Yet he didn’t know her, but still followed after her.

“But he-” She hoarsely spoke out, her wide eyes focusing on him again. “He looked-” She sucked in a quick breath. “There was- There was so much-” She couldn’t finish her sentence, before she felt tears blur her vision. She couldn’t breathe. “I need to-” She started to stammer out. “To- To leave.” She almost whimpered out, so much fear inside of her.

She saw what looked like an apologetic and sad expression flash across his face. “I know.” He spoke out quietly. “I know.” He repeated, his voice soft. “C’mon, let’s get you away from there. Get you some air, yeah?” He suggested.

She wanted to get so far away from here. It wasn’t safe anymore, it was chaos, and more yelling behind her reminded her of that. She flinched again, and moved her hands to rest over her ears. She shook her head violently, squeezing her eyes shut, trying to stop from hearing the yelling of the other Banditos, of the Bishops who told her she was wrong, that she had disappointed them.

Gentle hands gripped onto her hands, pulling them away from her ears. “Willa, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Tyler repeated, his words gentle, yet loud enough for her to hear them. “C’mon.” He insisted, and pulled her up.

Her legs felt frozen, locked by fear, and she stumbled into him, into his warm body. He stumbled backwards slightly, her following with him. His arms gripped onto her, pulling her back slightly. She kept her eyes squeezed so tightly shut, her hands clenched into fists, and there was wetness on her cheeks from where tears spilled over.

“I’m gonna take you someplace quiet, okay?” He told her. “Can you walk at all?” He asked.

“I-” Willa choked out. “I don’t - I don’t know.” She practically whimpered out. She knew she needed to get out of here, go somewhere safe. Her legs were frozen, however, locked up from fear. How could she run if she couldn’t even stand on her own? She was easy prey for the Bishops, easy prey for their Death Eaters, their Watchers, their vultures. How could she survive? She’d be just like the stranger, injured and probably close to death.

“Alright.” He responded, his voice loud enough to still be heard over the other Banditos behind them. “I’m gonna need you to open your eyes for me for a minute.” He almost asked her, his hands still holding onto her, keeping her from falling.

Could she do that? What once seemed so simple, like walking, seemed so difficult when this much fear and panic overwhelmed her. Never before had she felt such strong, horrible feelings, even after she had discovered the flower that woke her up from the Bishops’ control. But out here, she wasn’t under their suffocating influence, so all emotions were true and uncontained. Is this why some willingly stayed under control of the Bishops? Is this why she had been so desperate to forget the painful feelings before?

She peeled her eyes open for Tyler, and they ached with the force. She was scared to look behind her, to see the chaos behind her. She could still hear the yelling, even if it was less so now. Her reddened eyes met Tyler’s brown eyes, which looked so open and honest, so different than what she was used to.

A faint smile appeared on his face. “There you go.” He responded, and slowly took a step away from her, holding his hands out as if he expected her to fall over.

She thought she was going to fall over again. The fear made her sick to her stomach, made her dizzy, made her head throb, her chest tight. She was suffocating on her own fear.

He kneeled down, gesturing his head towards his back. “C’mon. Hop on.” He told her.

A part of her, deeply hidden underneath the panic and fear constricting her heart, her legs, told her that this was further making Tyler worry for her, and that guilt grew. However, it was quickly pushed down by the fact that she could hardly even walk, and if she didn’t want to suffocate on her own tongue, she had to let him carry her. Her panic blinded her to the fact that she didn’t know him, didn’t fully trust him, and she practically stumbled over to him.

Within a moment, he was gripping underneath her knees and she had her arms wrapped around his neck. He stood up, holding her securely, so that she wouldn’t fall. She swallowed thickly, and opened her mouth to say something, but with another outburst of yelling, she flinched. She hid her head in Tyler’s shoulder, her hands turning into fists as more tears filled her eyes.

“Let’s get you someplace quiet. Someplace with fresh air, yeah?” Tyler rhetorically asked, before he started moving, walking while holding Willa up.

She kept her eyes closed, kept her head resting on his shoulder as he walked, scared to open them and see blood again, see that stark bright red, the sign of the Bishops. She tried to focus on anything but the noises around her, the thoughts racing in her heart. Instead, she focused on the warmth from Tyler, how it felt to be carried like she was. Part of her wondered if she rested her head on his back instead, if she would hear his heartbeat instead of the quieting noises of the camp around them, telling her they weren’t in the main section of the camp now.

“We’re almost there, Willa.” He told her.

She didn’t answer, keeping quiet as she gripped onto him still. Her heart raced, beating against her chest like it wanted to escape, and she had trouble breathing still. But she tried to focus on him, his voice, instead of the panic inside of her.

A cold wind blew from the East, further telling her that they weren’t near the camp anymore. She tried to focus on what she was smelling, but all she could smell was Tyler; what she guessed was pine, dirt, and sweat, mixed in with smoke. But in an odd way, it was comforting to her, something other than just the smell of smoke and fire.

It was quiet now, only the sounds of the Tyler breathing softly filling her ears, alongside her own, still, uneven breathing. He had stopped walking, yet his hands didn’t let go of her just yet.

“I’m gonna set you down, okay?” He spoke out, his voice much quieter, now that he didn’t have to practically yell to be heard.

“Okay.” Willa finally responded, her voice hoarse.

His hands slowly let go of her legs, and she tried to steady herself on her feet as they touched the ground, letting go of her arms from around his neck. Her feet hit the grass below her, wild and untouched, and her hands resisted the urge to steady themselves against his back. She took a step back, moving her gaze from the back of his jacket to the area he had stopped in.

She could see the camp a little ways away, close enough to get back within a fairly short amount of time, but far enough away to where she couldn’t still hear all of the chaos there. They were in a wide open field, atop of a cliff, with grass and moss growing on it, standing in a sort of clearing. There was a small pile of old firewood, unused in a firepit, and a few logs on the ground. Bushes were dotted here and there, and when she looked up, she could see the moon above them, casting light for them to be able to see in the otherwise dark night. She shut her eyes, breathing in the smell of the nature around her, holding her hands to her chest as she tried to calm her still rapidly beating heart.

“Willa?” Tyler’s voice called her name, and she opened her eyes again to look at him. “Are you... okay?” He asked her, his voice gentle, filled with worry and concern.

She wanted to lie, to tell him she was okay, that the amount of blood she had seen hadn’t bothered her. She didn’t want to worry him even more, to avoid that guilt of having him worry for her when she hid things from him, but she couldn’t bring herself to force out that she was okay. She was so very far from fine.

“I-” She started out, her voice hoarse, shaky.

She squeezed her eyes shut again, shaking her head. All she could see was the blood, the red on the stranger’s face, the lifeless look in his eyes before they rolled back into his head. She felt tears leak from her eyes again, and she wrapped her arms around herself, unsurprised by the trembling her body was doing.

“I tried - I tried to help.” She stammered out. “But the blood-” Her breath hitched, and she swallowed thickly, shaking her head again. She couldn’t get the imagery out of her head, the sickness that it made settle deep in her stomach. “There was so much.” She breathed out.

“I tried to keep you from seeing him. Obviously I wasn’t quick enough.” He responded with, his voice quiet. “I’m sorry you had to.” He apologized to her. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t stop Abby from dragging you to the tent.”

His apology broke through a layer of her increasing panic. She shook her head again, trying to blink away the tears in her eyes as she opened them to look at him, seeing him with an expression of increasing worry. “No, you - you don’t need to apologize.” She spoke out, her voice still shaking, still so scared. “You didn’t - you didn’t know.” She insisted to him.

Tyler’s eyebrows were still furrowed with concern, his mouth set in a frown, as he took a step towards her. “I know, but what happened, to make you bolt like you did, it shouldn’t have happened.” He spoke quietly. “I don’t-” He let out a quiet sigh. “I wish I could lie to you and tell you that this hasn’t happened before, that it won’t happen again.” He started, his eyes watching her carefully. “But it happens now and then. To be fair, it used to happen a lot more often, and hasn’t happened in a long while now, but it- this isn’t a first-time event.” He told her, gently, as if expecting her to bolt again.

Would Willa ever feel safe in the Bandito camp, then? Should she just run and never look back like she originally had planned? What was the point of staying if she couldn’t feel safe?

“Then why-” She breathed out, staring at him. “Why was everyone so scared?” She asked him. So much chaos had erupted, wild and untamed; a Bishop’s worst nightmare.

“A lot of them haven’t seen that.” He responded. “A lot of them, they’re in the same boat as you, Willa.” He spoke gently. “They’re scared and they don’t know what’s going on, only that there’s a bleeding stranger in their home.” He explained to her.

So what made her so special? Why had he sought her out, brought her away from the chaos of the camp, when there were so many others that needed help too? Surely there were others who needed help more than she did, like the stranger, for the love of everything!

“I don’t-” She started, shaking her head and taking a shaky step back. “Why did you help me, then?” She asked him, trying to understand all of the expressions on his face. What had she done to deserve to be given this moment of quiet, of peace away from the chaos? Nothing, she told herself. She had lied, yet somehow that lead her to this.

He let out a quiet sigh, his brown eyes studying her face. His eyebrows were furrowed, as if he were thinking of his next words. “Everyone else has somebody to help them. You… you’re still so new, you don’t really have anyone that would immediately notice if you bolted.” He spoke out slowly, as if understanding where she had been before. “But us loners, we gotta stick together, don’t we?” He spoke out, a small smile on the corner of his mouth, but it felt empty.

She furrowed her eyebrows, blinking as she tried to understand what he was saying. “But you have Josh, don’t you? Everyone in the camp seems to care about you so much.”

He let out a sigh, dropping his gaze as he shut his eyes. “They do, and maybe that’s the problem.” He lifted his gaze back up to her. “You still have that urge to run, to explore the rest of Trench. They - I think they all forgot.” He responded, moving his gaze out towards the open expanse, illuminated by the moonlight above. “There’s more out there, we just have to go out there and discover it.”

She swallowed thickly, shutting her eyes and ducking her head. Willa didn’t have any other words to say to him, because she knew she couldn’t figure any out to say to him. She hadn’t been in the camp long enough to really determine if the others’ really were happy about staying in one place.

She shook her head again, squeezing her eyes shut as she did. Yet all she could see was the blood on the stranger, again, and she opened her eyes to look at Tyler. His brown eyes were so different than the haunting, cold pale blue of the newcomer’s, and she found warmth in the brown.

“That’s not really the point though.” He sighed out, as if to put himself back on track with his words. “I just didn’t want you running off out here all on your own, because you were scared.” He told her, taking a step towards her. “But I knew the fresh air would help.” He offered a small smile. “Right?” He asked.

Willa sucked in a deep, shaky, breath. Being away from the chaos, it did help, in a small way. She nodded, lifting her hands from being clutched around her to rubbing at her eyes. There was an ache there that wouldn’t leave, from the crying, the yelling that had been around her, and the adrenaline leaving her now that she was in quiet.

“Do you want to sit down?” He asked her, his voice quiet.

She nodded from behind her hands, exhaustion filling her body.

“There’s a log behind you that you can sit on.” He commented, and she felt a hand gently touch her arm.

Again, she couldn’t help the flinch, but let Tyler lead her to the log below her. She felt his warmth from where he sat beside her, but she felt more tears leak from her tired eyes, and continued to hide her face. She bent her body forward slightly, feeling her bottom lip tremble as more tears leaked through her fingers, hitting the grass below her. She was still so scared, not just of what had happened tonight, but the fact that it possibly meant a Bishop could be coming for all of them.

Was this a message to them all, a sign that Death himself was coming? Was Nico coming for them, to drag them back to their graves? Or were they trying to scare them all into coming back to Dema, where they offered a numb way of life, so that they didn’t have to feel any of this?

A hand gently resting on her back made her flinch again, jerking her head out of her hands to stare up at Tyler with red, wet eyes. She saw his mouth set further into a frown, his eyebrows furrowing upwards. She was making him worry, letting him see her like this, letting him get attached to her. Guilt hit her chest once again, almost knocking the breath out of her again.

“You’ll be okay, Willa.” He told her, his words gentle.

How could she be alright when she was so scared? She stared at his eyes, trying to read the emotions inside of them. He’d been in her position before, hadn’t he? Was he alright now, or was he lying to everyone, including her, about how he was? Too many questions raced around in her head, and all she wanted was for them all to stop.

She dropped her gaze, resting her head in her hands again. There was something oddly familiar about this moment, and she knew a memory was lurking there, waiting to pounce on her in her sleep. Had it happened with someone she had forgotten?

“How-” She started, desperate for an escape to that memory. “How do you deal with the fear?” She asked him, her voice so quiet, so shaky. “The fear that they’re coming to get us all, drag us back there?”

She heard him let out a quiet sigh, and she opened her eyes to look up at him again. He was staring up towards the moon, his expression one of thoughtfulness. He was quiet for a few moments, as if trying to find the right words to say to her. “I try and take it one day at a time.” He spoke out, his voice quiet. His gaze moved back down to look at her, and he offered her a small smile, patting her back gently. “I find thinking about my future, the future of where we’ll be and what we’ll be doing is, well, terrifying. It’s better to just… think of today, and try not to worry about tomorrow.”

She had wanted an answer, but she hadn’t thought that would have been it. She couldn’t help but feel maybe he didn’t know how to cope with his own fear, other than taking it one day at a time. Maybe that’s why he went into Dema, she thought again, to try and conquer his own fear.

“I try and remind myself that the sun is a good reason to keep going. It keeps me fighting, keeps me alive when I remember that there’s no sun in Dema. There never has been, and never will be any form of true life there.” He continued on, moving his gaze towards the East, removing his hand from her back.

Willa couldn’t help but find a sense of peace in the idea that the sun would always rise the next day. As long as she was free, she would still see it. It didn’t help much with the fear that the Bishops could get them, but it helped to keep her going, helped ease some of her rapid, panicked thoughts. She closed her eyes, letting out a long sigh through her nose.

They were both quiet after that, listening to the sounds of Trench around them. Even if it was just them, there was no pure Silence, no absence of life. In Dema, they revered Silence, towers built to their concept in honor. Those who disobeyed were thrown into their towers, either to be saved by their Bishops if they accepted Vialism as their gospel, or fed to the Death Eaters if they refused to rejoin their society. But here, there was so much life around them, it almost made her forget about how scared she still was of those towers.

Hastily, she wiped at her eyes again, almost feeling embarrassed for how much she had cried, how even still she felt shaky. “I’m sorry for crying so much.” She apologized, her voice quiet.

“What? Why’re you apologizing to me?” Tyler asked, his voice one of shock as he turned his gaze to look at her. “You have nothing to apologize for, Willa.”

She felt more embarrassment coat her cheeks and she ducked her gaze. Her thumb ran over the scar on her palm. “I feel like I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did. I saw the blood and I just-” She swallowed thickly and shook her head. What had Abby done after Willa had ran? Did Abby have enough help?

“Willa, can I tell you something?” He responded with, moving his head down to try and catch her gaze again.

She moved her aching eyes to look up at him, wondering what he had to say to her.

“Having a fear of blood is much more reasonable than having an irrational fear of the medical tent.” He told her, his tone serious. “Or of the woman who runs it.” He added on, adding in a shudder for added dramatical effect.

Willa, despite the circumstances, and how tired she was, felt a small giggle leave her mouth. She watched as a grin grew on his face, one that he quickly tried to hide with a seemingly offended expression. It only seemed to make a louder giggle leave her, and she covered her mouth with a hand, trying to hide the fact that she was in fact laughing.

“I can’t believe I just shared one of my deepest fears with you, and you’re laughing at me.” He let out a scoff, shaking his head, but a grin was fighting its’ way onto his face again.

“Oops.” She responded with, her voice lighter with what was now laughter.

He shook his head again, but his own quiet laugh left him, and he bumped his shoulder against hers gently. She bumped his shoulder back, an easy smile resting on her face as they laughed quietly with each other. They sat there next to one another on the log, staring out at Trench together like they had done before.

“I’m serious about that, Willa.” He told her, and she turned her gaze to look at him again. “Whatever fear you think you may have, it probably isn’t as dumb as your brain makes you think it is.” He told her, offering a reassuring smile to her once again.

“Then don’t think your fear of the medical tent is dumb, either, okay?” She asked him, quietly.

His smile faded slightly, but he let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head slightly. “I can’t promise you that, Willa, but I can try.” He told her, lifting his gaze to look back at her.

“Then all I can do is try too, right?” She responded, her voice quiet.

He looked at her, with a mixture of what almost looked like sadness and understanding, yet a small smile was on his face. He nodded. “Sometimes, that’s all we can do.” He responded with.

Another sense that he understood her more than the others did, that maybe she understood him more, washed over her again. That terrified her, that someone else could possibly be feeling what she was, that someone wanted to get close to her, to know her, like Tyler seemingly was. He obviously cared about her, whether that was from just friendship or a moral duty to not let her be alone like perhaps he once was.

Exhaustion pulled at her, pushing away those thoughts for the moments, reminding her that she would need to rest soon. She doubted it would do much to help ease the ache behind her eyelids, the throbbing in her head, but maybe she could at least attempt to sleep when she got back to the camp, if things were calmed down by then. She didn’t know how long that would take, and let her eyes close, trying to ease some of the pain behind them.

“Do you want to head back?” Tyler asked her, his voice quiet. He must’ve noticed how she had shut her eyes.

“No, not yet.” She told him, her voice quiet with exhaustion now evident in it. How much sleep had she truly been getting the last few days? The memories, nightmares, whatever they decided to be, were getting worse, and she doubted her mind would be kind to her tonight after seeing what she did.

For right now, all she wanted to do was sit here in this quiet part of Trench with Tyler, who she somehow she trusted and didn’t trust at the same time. But she found that she’d rather sit with him like this than be surrounded by people she felt like couldn’t understand the feelings inside of her, not like Tyler seemingly did. Would he understand more about her if she was truthful about herself with him, though? Or would he leave her alone in the cold Trench, to fend for herself like she feared? She swallowed thickly, and pushed those thoughts away again. She was too tired to think about that on top of everything else that had happened to her.

But once again, she couldn't help but think about how Tyler was so kind to her, after she had lied about so many things, it felt like. The guilt rested heavily on her chest, but she couldn’t tell Tyler, she couldn’t tell anyone. Would he mad at her if she showed him the map she had brought with her from Dema, or would he be ecstatic? Would he want to go back to Dema again, to try and rescue more people, putting himself in danger?

“Alright.” He responded, breaking her out of those thoughts.

She couldn’t tell him.

It really wasn’t that important of a thing, she tried to tell herself. She had left that in the past, and that’s where it should stay, forever, trapped in Dema like she had once been. If she thought about it, perhaps that part of her was still there, and the Bishops would be content with that. That was wishful thinking, however, as she knew the Bishops would not stay dormant, hidden in their comfortable city for much longer. How many would Nico let escape before he came after his escaped prisoners?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not too sure how i feel about this chapter  
> please let me know if you guys like it, because i rewrote it three different times 
> 
> but hm  
> thi_ was anot_er int_resting chapter, wasn't it?   
> willa and tyler have a _ew things in c_mmon, it seems   
> and willa lea_ned that she can't handle seein_ that much blood, but who r_ally can?
> 
> _here's more to come _oon   
> i hope to _ear from you all   
> my day gets br_ghter when i see you all co_menting  
> they thank you for the support and your cooperation in this matter
> 
>  
> 
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	13. [12]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; blood

**[12]**

 

Willa and Tyler walked back towards the camp together, a comfortable quietness between them. The moon still shined overhead, although it had moved in position, telling the both that it had been a little while since they had left the chaotic camp. It had gotten colder too, which is another reason Willa had finally decided to come back with Tyler.

With her hands shoved into her pockets, she could only hope that enough time had passed between the stranger arriving and them coming back. If she ever saw that much blood again, well… She just hoped she didn’t have to, ever again. She was thankful she wasn’t going to be assigned to the medical tent much longer, despite the guilt that plagued her, reminding her that she had left Abby alone with the other Banditos. Her brain, as exhausted as it was, couldn’t help but have those types of thoughts running rampant in her brain. She almost wanted to talk to Tyler, but that guilt about lying to him filled her chest again, and she brushed the thought aside.

As they approached the entrance of the camp, Willa could smell the smoke of the fires again, but she couldn’t really hear any laughter like she normally would have. It sent a nervous feeling towards her, and she picked at her thumb in she saw a guard near the entrance. Willa didn’t know the guard’s name, but watched as the the guard’s expression turn into one of relief at seeing both Tyler and Willa.

Immediately, the guard was jumping up from her spot, and yelling out behind her that Tyler and Willa were back. Then the guard was almost rushing towards them, a relieved grin growing on her face. It was more like she was rushing towards Tyler, it seemed, which of course made sense. Tyler had been there longer, he was more known. Willa, like Tyler had said, was a loner.

Willa’s chest constricted, and she felt her legs lock up again as the guard approached them. Would she be yelled at for abandoning Abby? Could she explain to Abby that she couldn’t stay in there, not without fainting from lack of air?

“You guys are safe!” The guard breathed out a sigh of relief, staring at both of them. She had strawberry blonde hair, pulling back tight in a ponytail, high cheekbones and green eyes. She was pretty, but there was a hardness to her that Willa noticed most people having.

Tyler nodded, offering a reassuring smile to the guard. “Yeah, we, uh, had to get some air. It was too much chaos for us to really hang around.” He responded, shrugging, as if it was such a casual thing for him to just… disappear into the night. It probably was, if what she had gathered about Tyler was indication of that.

The guard nodded. “Understandable. Still, Josh was kinda freaking out when he realized you two were gone.” The guard spoke out, her voice lowering a notch. “With this appearance, you know he’s going to be on edge even more.”

If the guard was trying to guilt trip Tyler about his leaving, it wasn’t working very well. “I know. This isn’t my first time this has happened, Josie.” He told her, his tone growing slightly harder, yet a smile still remained on his face.

Willa was all too familiar with that type of smile, seeing the Bishops do it more than once to those that had misbehaved. She was more than sure now, however, that all of those smiles they had wore were empty, fake. Everything in that city was fake, grey and lifeless.

“No, but it was others’.” Josie responded with, crossing her arms. “You can’t just go running off in situations like this.” She told him, as if lecturing him with a cocked eyebrow.

With the tension growing between the two, Willa couldn’t help but feel as if she should suddenly bolt again. Where would she go, to her tent? Or back out into Trench again? Her eyes were carefully watching Tyler and Josie, going back and forth between the two.

Tyler looked as if he wanted to say something in response, the smile on his face falling quickly, but Willa barely had time to see Josh approaching the two of them, quickly and rapidly, before he was practically tackling Tyler in a hug. The two stumbled backwards, and Tyler blinked a few quick times, as if processing what was happening. It jarred Willa out of the thoughts of bolting again, to say the least.

“Josh, man, I’m happy to see you too.” He responded, lifting a hand and patting the other on the back. “I’m - I’m okay.” He reassured the other man, his voice almost cracking from the surprise. Willa was reminded by how Tyler thought Josh didn’t understand him, yet saw just how much the two cared for each other.

Josh pulled back, holding Tyler by the shoulders. “I can see that  _now_ , but I tried to find you, and I couldn't. I thought-” He cut himself off, sucking in a breath, shaking his head. “I’m just happy that you’re okay. But let someone know next time!” He shook Tyler’s shoulders gently, as if trying to get it to stick in Tyler’s head.

Tyler held onto Josh’s shoulders, as if trying to stop the other man from shaking the life out of him. “Okay, okay. I’ll try to next time! Stop shaking me! You’re gonna make me sick.” He retorted, but a hint of a smile was growing on his face.

Josh’s eyes narrowed slightly, and gave one more large shake of Tyler’s shoulders, before looking over at Willa next to him. His expression turned even more relieved, if possible. “Oh good, you were with him.” He breathed out, a small grin appearing on his face. Willa only had a moment to process him coming towards her with his arms open, before he was wrapping them around her.

Willa felt her shoulders tense up in what was supposed to be a hug, eyes wide in shock. Had she ever been hugged before? Warmth practically poured off of Josh, distracting her from that thought. She hesitantly lifted her hand to pat his back in response, not exactly sure what it was she was supposed to be doing. Her wide eyes looked over Josh’s shoulder to meet Tyler’s eyes, as if silently pleading for him to help.

Tyler just grinned, and before Willa could silently curse him, Josh was pulling away.

“I’m glad you both are safe and back home.” He spoke out. He looked, despite the relief in his expression, exhausted and tired. He turned his gaze back to Josie, giving her an almost stern look. Maybe he had heard what Josie had been saying to Tyler before he had walked up to them. She gave a brief glance at both Willa and Tyler, a hardness in her eyes, before giving her own nod, and going back to where she had been sitting before. Yet she still watched.

Willa tried ignore the growing guilt in her chest. She could ignore how Josie probably didn’t like her because she was with Tyler out there, alone. However, she couldn’t ignore how she had, inadvertently, made Josh even more worried and panicked than he probably already had been. Tyler had been worried about her and taken her away from the camp, where Josh couldn’t find him, or to a lesser degree, her, making him worry about them both. She hadn’t wanted more people to worry, she hadn’t even wanted  _one_  person to worry for her, not when this guilt was increasing. Would there never not be any guilt?

“Are you both okay?” Josh asked. His worried gaze moved between both of them, as if trying to figure out exactly what had happened.

Tyler nodded, sticking his hands in his pockets again. “Yeah, we’re both okay.” He responded. “We just needed to get some air, get away from the chaos until it calmed down.” He gave a small shrug, as if what had happened was nothing. Maybe for him it was nothing, he had been out here for so much longer than Willa had. Who knew what he had seen?

Josh nodded, a look of understanding on his face. His gaze turned to Willa. “I’m sorry our lesson got interrupted.” He apologized to her, offering a small smile. It looked almost forced on his tired face, however.

Willa had completely forgotten that once wondrous feeling of making her own music, the memory tainted now by the sight of all of the red. Would she be able to look at the box thing again without remembering that?

She shook her head. “It’s okay.” She answered, quietly, looking back at him. “You didn’t know.” She told him, finding her gaze traveling to where the medical tent was at. Was the stranger still in there? Was he even still…? She found she couldn’t finish that thought without being reminded of the amount of blood on him, everywhere, and she quickly moved her gaze away from that area.

Josh let out a quiet sigh. “Yeah, I know. But still, I know that wasn’t something you all expected to see.” He responded, nodding his head backwards towards the rest of the Bandito camp. “Especially during a night that was supposed to be lighthearted.”

“We can just do it another night, Josh. Maybe tomorrow night, since everyone is so scattered and unnerved right now.” Tyler responded with, his brown eyes moving over the part of the camp they could see.

Usually where there’d be people walking about, talking and laughing, there was no one and it was quiet. The camp almost looked deserted, if not for the flickering torches around to light the area. Even the smoke plume of the main fire looked smaller than it had been, meaning no one was even around to keep the fire continuously lit anymore. They were all hiding, scared, like Tyler had mentioned before, many not knowing what was going on.

Josh let out a sigh, which almost turned into a yawn, Willa noticed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Tomorrow morning, I’ll gather everyone and let them know what’s going on with the stranger.” He lifted a hand to run it over his face, and Willa swore she saw a flash of red on his sleeve.

Before she could really think about lies to tell herself as to what exactly that red was, he dropped his hand, looking at them both again. He looked almost older, in the flickering light of the torches, tiredness and exhaustion evident on his face. He looked so much more like the leader of the rebellious people than he had earlier, when he had looked so much more filled with happiness, with light and laughter. How much weight was truly on his shoulders to keep these people safe?

“You two should get some rest. Today has been… different, to say the least.” Josh said, his voice quiet.

Tyler let out a quiet scoff. “That’s for sure.” He agreed, shaking his head. He lifted his gaze to look back at Josh, lifting a hand out of his pocket to pat his shoulder. “You get some rest too, okay? Our fearless leader can’t lead us if he doesn’t get his beauty sleep.” He responded, his tone lighter as an attempt to probably help lessen the heavy situation around them all.

Josh let out a quiet chuckle, ducking his head and shaking it slightly. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.” He responded, lifting his gaze to look back at them again. “I’ll see you both tomorrow at the morning meeting.” He told them, as if silently asking for their confirmation or denial they would even be joining them.

“Yeah.” Tyler responded. “I’ll see you in the morning, man.” He dropped his hand off of Josh’s shoulder, letting it fall back down to his side.

Josh nodded again, and took a step away from them, turning to head back towards his own tent. He turned back slightly, however, towards them, offering a small wave with his hand, flashing that red stain on his sleeve again, making Willa pale as he turned away again.

“He must not have noticed that blood on him.” Tyler murmured out, watching as Josie and Josh exchanged a few quiet words of their own, before Josh was heading into the main camp. “Are you okay?” He asked Willa.

Willa felt Tyler’s gaze on her, but she didn’t look up to meet it. She didn’t want to look him in the eyes when she lied to him about how she felt. “I’m okay.” She told him, her voice quiet again. In actuality, she felt like she was going to be sick, either from the guilt settling in her stomach or from the nausea rising from seeing blood, but he didn’t need to know that.

“We should get some rest before tomorrow.” He commented after a few moments of quiet between them again. “I’m sure it’s going to be an interesting day, to say the least.” He sighed out, and she saw him shake his head in the corner of her vision.

That was something Willa could believe, and she started to walk beside him as he started. Finding that they were going in the direction of her tent with Abby, it made her think again of how she had abandoned Abby. Was the woman sleeping in their tent, or was she still in the medical tent, tending to the stranger? More than likely, Willa thought to herself, she was in the latter option.

As they walked through the camp, it was almost unnerving how quiet it was. Here and there she could hear hushed conversations inside of tents, but other than that and the sound of the fires crackling, it was quiet. How fast things had changed, all because of a stranger. Would things be normal again in the morning? Had things ever really been normal here, or was it just a place that wasn’t Dema? Dema wasn’t home, but Willa didn’t know if this place was home yet either. With this event, she didn’t know if it would become home.

They stopped in front of her tent, and Willa looked up at Tyler, realizing he had walked with her there. Despite how tired, and sick she felt with guilt, she offered a small smile up to him. “Thank you.” She told him, and found that she already owed him so much.

He was the one who left the flower behind in Dema, had found her in Trench, and had, yet again, helped her tonight. Was it just because of the shared feelings they had, in that urge to run? Or was it because maybe he knew more than he let on about her? Did he know her lies and was waiting for the perfect opportunity to throw them back against her? Would he do that?

Too many questions plagued her exhausted mind, and she tried to push them away, to instead focus on what was happening now. She focused on how Tyler smiled in response, tugging the corner of his mouth upwards and making the corners of his eyes squint slightly. It also, however, accented the bags underneath his eyes, the shadows dramatic because of the torches.

“You’re welcome, Willa.” He looked as if he wanted to say more, but held his tongue. Instead he shook his slightly, before looking at her again. “I hope you sleep well.” He told her, his voice quiet, the same small smile on his face again. It was the same smile he had offered her when it had just been the two of them, out in Trench alone. Did it mean something different than his other smiles?

“You too, Tyler.” She responded, hoping her small smile was enough to reassure him that she would sleep well enough. She didn’t think she would, and wished she was still naive enough to believe in those types of hopes spoken from others.

He gave her a nod, and then was turning away from her, and she was turning from him. Gripping the edge of the tent flap, she turned her gaze back to the direction Tyler had gone in. Her eyes met his form as he was rounding a corner, and perhaps it was just the way the light from the torches was casting onto him, mixed with her own exhaustion and paranoia, but his neck appeared suddenly so dark and black. As if he had been Smeared, touched by the Bishops’ deathly hands.

She was quick to go into her own tent, letting out a long, shaky sigh, squeezing her eyes shut. Pushing the imagery of Tyler with the mark of a Bishop out of her head, she was almost guiltily relieved that Abby wasn’t in the tent. Moving to her bed, Willa ducked under it, silently relieved that her backpack was still there. Again, she reminded herself, it was the only constant in her life, it seemed.

As she unzipped it, the urge to run again filled her, telling her she could just leave now, before things got worse. Before her lies, her mind told her, destroyed any part of a relationship she could have with anyone. Sucking in a shaky breath, she ignored it, again, instead pulling out her notebook and pen.

Hastily, she flipped through the pages to try and find the first blank page she could find, her eyes catching over words she had written while trapped. Bishops’ names hastily written with shaky hands, reminded her of what they had done, what they still continued to do. Her vision blurred, and she hastily blinked to try and clear it, flipping past the page with Keons and Nico’s twisted gospels written on it. Then, she began to write on the blank page about what had happened in the past two days to her, finding her hand to be shaking once more as she wrote, making her letters shaky and wobbling.

As she finished writing, she felt a cold chill spread through her from sitting on the ground, and squeezed her eyes shut, swallowing back the tears. It was too similar to the coldness of the Bishops, that they brought with them everywhere. It was a tell-tale sign of their gospels of death.

Opening her eyes, she closed her book, re-tying the pen to the front and shoving it back into her backpack. Pushing that back underneath her bed, she was quick to strip off her outer clothing, and curl up into the cold bed. She knew sleep wouldn’t be kind to her tonight, as her eyes closed from exhaustion, finally plunging her into darkness.

 

 

_.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-_

 

_She was playing with someone taller than her, a woman whose face was blurred. They were running together, holding hands as they raced down the nighttime alleyways of the city that they both loved. A giggle wanted to break out of her mouth, but then she’d lose the game. They both had to stay as silent as they could if they wanted to find the secret! Willa had been promised that the secret was better than anything she had seen before, and she couldn’t wait to see it._

_But it didn’t look like the taller, older, woman, was having much fun, a worried frown on her face. Willa felt her own frown grow on her face as the older woman pulled her into a alleyway, holding her close to her body. It was a warm embrace, familiar._

_Willa pulled her head back, looking up at the older woman with her mouth opening, but the older woman shook her head quickly, lifting a finger to her lips. The two quickly turned their heads towards guards that were yelling, running past their alleyway, and Willa was confused. Didn’t they know the point of the game was to stay quiet? They were going to ruin the surprise for everyone!_

_“Don’t stop running.”_

_Then the woman was gone, and Willa was alone._

With a jerk, Willa awoke, her eyes flashing open with an ache filling her heart. Her wide eyes stared up at the dark tent above her, yet they had trouble focusing on what was in above her. Lifting a hand, she rested it over her chest, to make sure her heart was, in fact, still beating despite how heavy it felt. Tears filled her eyes, that ache spreading into a pain. She struggled to breathe for a moment, until a shaking exhale left her before quickly being inhaled.

The Bishops had told her that she had no parents, both had died when she was young. She couldn’t remember her father, but she could remember now the embrace of who she assumed had been the role of her mother. It frustrated and pained her even more, however, that she still could not remember her mother’s face. The Bishops had most likely taken that memory early on, to make her forget. Perhaps they wanted her to forget that her mother had seemingly tried to escape with Willa when she was young.

She lifted her hands to her eyes, harshly rubbing away the tears. Her bottom lip trembled with the force she was using to hold in her sobs. It didn’t matter that she remembered, though, did it? Both her parents were dead, the Bishops had made sure of that. They had made sure Willa had remembered that fact, out of everything else that they had taken from her.

Would she ever remember her mother’s face?

Sucking in a shaking breath again, she tried to let it out slowly. She couldn’t wallow in her bed, in these memories all day. She had things to do, things that weren’t controlled by those horrible Bishops.

Pushing herself out of bed, she felt cold air hit her bare arms, causing goosebumps to rise, yet it further helped pull her out of the grips of that painful dream. She was quick to pull on her hoodie and jacket in the dark morning, then slip on her pants and shoes. She was just surprised she could even see as well as she could in the dark, early as it was.

The sun hasn’t risen yet, or it had just begun, Willa noted as she pushed open her tent flap. The torches were burning no longer, and the sky had just started to grow lighter in the East, pale blue emerging from the black, sleepy night, until that grew into pinks and oranges from the sun rising. Clouds looked like white streaks in the sky, reflecting the sun’s growing light. The view from her tent wasn’t as good as it was from the spot she and Tyler sat at, but it was still more than decent enough.

Breathing in a deep sigh, she headed towards the medical tent, hands in her pockets. She felt almost alone, not seeing anyone else in the camp awake and out of their tents yet. Again, she felt that odd feeling of being alone, yet not at the same time. It was almost peaceful to be alone like she was, to take in the world around her with no one to interrupt her. It helped keep her grounded, keep her in the world she was in when her brain wanted her to remember the past that the Bishops had taken from her.

What would it really change? All she would feel is more hurt and pain from the memories coming back to her, and with no way to change what had happened to her. Maybe she should have felt more relieved that the memories were coming back, that she could fill in the blank pieces of her life, but before she had left the city, it was like she didn’t know pieces  _had_  been missing. Who knew how much the Bishops had influenced her without her even realizing it? They had made her forget her own mother, for crying out loud! The amount of power they held over the people in their city made Willa sick to her stomach to think of.

It also made her sick to her stomach to approach the medical tent like she was. The main fire was just a pile of smoking logs, and she tried not to let the memory of seemingly choking on the smoke fill her again. Tyler wasn’t around to help her, and she knew she couldn’t go into the medical tent to apologize to Abby if she was panicking once again. She tried to remember what was around her, trying not to let the fear of all of that blood fill her again.

Sucking in a deep breath, she opened her eyes as she stopped in front of the medical tent. She could just go in quickly and apologize, then leave, without ever having to look at where the stranger had once laid, if he still laid there now. Josh hadn’t even said whether or not the stranger was alive or not, and Willa was almost scared to find out. But she couldn’t hide, not without facing repercussions she knew would damage one of the few relationships she had in the camp. That would only give her more reason to run and not come back.

Squaring her shoulders, she pulled back the flap, and stepped inside. Her eyes adjusted to the soft lighting provided by a lantern on a table, warm and almost that bright color she now wore. Yet again it was something she still could not remember, if she had ever been taught what it was called. Breaking herself out of those thoughts, she first saw Abby, laying haphazardly over a bed, curled up with a blanket hastily wrapped around her. It was obvious enough that she hadn’t intended on falling asleep in here, and Willa felt guilt well up inside of her that she had bolted. Abby had needed her help, and Willa was too scared to do so.

Her eyes moved over to where the stranger had once been, despite her best intentions, as he was the reason behind the blood that caused her fear. She felt her heart constrict tightly, her breath leaving her as her eyes widened considerably so. Not only was he still laying there, bandages wrapped around him, some slightly redder than others, but his pale blue eyes were staring directly at her. He was awake, and very much alive. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was _horter, and i'm sorry about that  
> this c_apter was harder to write than what i thought it would be but h_y  
> plot
> 
> also ned is my new _avorite deject p_kemon son  
> clancy is seemingly t_apped in dema a_ain  
> and in this world, willa is... afraid and a liar, tir_d and seeing _hing_
> 
> wha_ do you all t_ink will happ_n next? 
> 
> thank you all so _uch for all the amazing comments <3  
> i haven't been feeling good mentally lately because i work so much now, so seeing those helps brighten my day a lot
> 
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	14. [13]

**[13]**

 

“Who are you?” Those were the first words that left his mouth, hoarse and shaky. They were quickly followed by, “Where am I?”

Confusion, even possibly a small amount of fear, was evident on his young face, his pale blue eyes quickly moving back and forth around him. It was more than obvious he was trying to figure out where he was. Then his eyes, ones that seemed so cold, moved back to Willa, watching her as if she had all of the answers to his questions. As if she was a threat to him.

She swallowed thickly, trying to remember how to use her voice again. She was trying not to see the blood again, even if there was none on him now. “You’re in the Bandito camp.” She told him, her voice calm, and she took a step forward into the tent, towards where Abby was sleeping. “My name is Willa.” She answered his other question, trying to ignore her own growing panic.

His eyebrows, a dark blonde color matching the short hair on his head, furrowed considerably. “Willa?” He repeated, that confusion seemingly only increasing in his voice. “Bandito camp?” He again asked her, pale blue eyes watching still as she moved towards Abby’s bed.

“Yes.” She told him, quite simply compared to what that actually meant. There was no way she was experienced enough to handle telling the newcomer about what was going on here, as she barely knew half of the time. Which, even as the guilt filled her, she stopped next to Abby’s bed, trying to ignore the smells of the chemicals, the faint smell of iron from the blood. Abby probably would want to be woken up, to know the newcomer she had likely spent all night trying to keep from passing over, was awake. Yet Willa hesitated on waking her, her own eyes carefully watching the newcomer.

He seemed more confused than scared, which Willa was silently thankful for. She hardly knew about how the camp worked, let alone how to deal with a newcomer, recently escaped from Dema, now in the camp who was confused. To try and comfort one that was scared, fearful even, she didn’t even know if she could say she wasn’t still scared. That’d be a lie, not only ot herself but to him. Convincing him they all were safe outside of the city wasn’t something she could do, not when Nico had come out to chase her.

“What’s your name?” She asked him instead, her voice still a feigned sound of calm as she started to lift a hand to place on Abby’s shoulder to wake her.

“Clancy.” He responded, his pale blue eyes seemingly studying her. It was almost as if-

A coldness suddenly washed over her, making goosebumps rise over her skin, despite the layers she wore. Sickness filled her as another feeling accompanied that coldness, one that she had come to despise so strongly. Willa’s hand rested on Abby’s shoulder, and part of her knew she was shaking the other woman, yet her mind was racing once more. The urge to run filled her, and she felt that urge make her chest tight once more. She tore her gaze from Clancy as a groan left Abby’s mouth.

“Let me sleep, Harry.” She muttered out, obviously not fully awake yet.

“Abby, wake up. He’s up.” Willa was quick to say, swallowing thickly, and watched as Abby’s brown eyes flashed open. Willa stumbled backwards as Abby was jerking upwards, ripping off the blanket, and her attention was turned towards the newcomer.

“So he is.” Abby responded, suddenly blinking quickly to try and get all of the sleep out of her eyes. She turned her head to face Willa. “Go get Josh.” She spoke out, voice quiet, as if trying to make sure Clancy didn’t hear. Her brown eyes were serious, yet Willa saw the slightest bit of worry inside of them.

Abby pushed herself up off of the bed, and moved towards Clancy, pushing a somewhat friendly smile on her face. “Hey there. You gave us all a scare last night.” She spoke out, her voice so easily friendly, such a drastic switch from the serious, low voice, it made Willa how many times she had done this. How long it had taken for her to perfect that fake feeling outside of the Bishops’ control?

But Willa didn’t hesitate on doing what Abby said, stepping away from the bed Abby had slept on, heading towards the entrance of the tent. She was more than willing to leave, not only the tent, but the camp. Clancy felt too familiar than the map had felt, something directly from Dema, and she didn’t want to stick around and find out why that was. Why had he been staring at her as if he was trying to remember something?

Swallowing thickly, she turned her gaze to look back, finding Clancy’s blue eyes staring at her again, and that coldness filled her once more. She turned her back to him and Abby, pushed past the tent flap, and found herself in the early morning air. The sun had risen more, and bright light filled her vision. She wished she could stay and feel it on her face more, really take it in, especially after the rain and last night’s panic, but she couldn’t stop moving. Her chest was constricting, and she didn’t know how much longer she could control this panic, this overwhelming fear.

She quickly made her way to Josh’s tent, her eyes rapidly moving around, as if looking for an escape route. She only saw other Banditos, sleepy and getting ready for the day. Some looked more worried than others, almost reflecting how Willa felt inside. She had almost forgotten that many of them were possibly just as scared as she was.

There was another stranger in their home, both having made their ways out of Dema by themselves, yet one was more obvious about it than the other.

Swallowing thickly, she squeezed her eyes shut as she made her way to Josh’s tent quickly. There was that tightening feeling growing inside of her chest, increasingly rapidly. She opened her eyes as she almost ran into Josh, who was just coming out of his tent.

His brown eyes widened considerably when he saw her, and it made her realize her panic, her fear, was probably written all over her face. His hands lifted, hovering as if to catch her if she stumbled. “Willa, what’s wrong?” He asked quickly, his eyebrows furrowed with worry and concern.

She sucked in a quick breath, trying to get some air into her lungs. “The newcomer, he- he’s awake.” She told him, her voice shaking, her wide eyes staring at him. Her hands shook, clenched tightly by her sides to avoid gripping at her head.

Josh’s own eyes widened considerably, and he turned his head back into the tent. “Tyler, tell everyone the meeting is postponed until later.” He quickly spoke out to the other man obviously inside of the tent, before turning his attention back to Willa. His eyes had hardened with seriousness, a frown growing on his face. “Get some air, Willa.” He told her, his voice somewhat softer, before he was stepping around her, most likely heading towards the med tent.

Willa took a shaky breath in, her knuckles white as she turned towards her own tent. She heard Tyler moving inside of the tent, and swore she heard him call out her name, but she was already making her way to her tent. She couldn’t deal with him right now, not when she was so close to breaking again, and he would see. Again. She couldn’t deal with that guilt on top of her own panic, her own fear.

Other Banditos were awake, some heading towards the main fire for breakfast and the morning meeting, now postponed until later. Willa weaved in-between tents to avoid them, knowing she was only going to last a little longer until her breaths became shorter, her vision started to go black around the edges, and that urge to run became no longer defeatable. Even now, she wanted to run, wanted to leave.

Was all of this in her head?

Sucking in a panicked breath, she pushed into her tent, and barely made it a few steps before she was crouching down to her knees, holding her hands over her head. She was trying, so hard, to stop the pain from growing inside of her head. A quiet part of her told it was from the lack of air to her brain, but the larger, much louder part of her told her it was because memories were trying to re-appear.

Willa, once again, sucked in a shaky breath, her body trembling uncontrollably. It was like coldness had taken over her body, from the moment she had seen those frigid blue eyes. That coldness turned into a choking feeling, rising into her throat, as if a Bishop had his hand around it. And all of this fear, she sarcastically told herself, was because of a feeling that Clancy had once known who she was. All based off of a look she thought she might have seen in his eyes.

What was wrong with her?

How could anyone recognize her from who she had once been? She knew she had changed, so much in such a short amount of time, yet still she feared the past catching up to her. Why couldn’t she be free of that fear? Why couldn’t she be free of the memories the Bishops had taken from her? All they had brought was pain and hurt to her.

Would she ever be able to break away from that fear that someone knew who she had once been? She was sure there were some that knew of that person, but did they know that’s who  _she_  had once been? That instinctual part of her brain told her told her that she’d never be free of that fear unless she was alone. She’d be free if she ran from it all now, and disappeared into Trench. No one would notice her leaving, she told herself, they all were focused on Clancy.

She needed to run, but could she - could she just leave everything behind? Was there anything else truly out there?

Sucking in a shaky breath, she slowly released it. Lowering her hands from her hair, she rested them over her eyes, rubbing them harshly to try and get rid of the pressure, and the tears, building there. If she wanted to run, she couldn’t do it if she couldn’t even breathe.

Letting out a shaky breath, she dropped her hands, opening her eyes. She shifted so she was crouching in front of her bed instead, and reached under. The dark grey backpack was pulled out, and she hated that the only constant in her life was from that city. She unzipped the backpack, almost desperately, pulling out the journal and the book inside of it. She set the journal aside, instead focusing on the pale, faded, green cover of the book. Opening up the book, her eyes scanned over the words of the page she had randomly opened to.

“‘I hear the sound I love, the sound of the human voice.’” Willa breathed out, her voice shaky and so soft. And she thought about Tyler’s voice, how he sang so nicely. She’d never hear that again if she left.

“‘I hear all sounds running together, combined, fused or following.’” She continued on, and squeezed her eyes shut as she remembered the sounds of the guards, of Nico, chasing after her. She sucked in a shaky breath, and continued to read, trying to continue to calm herself.

“‘Sounds of the city and sounds out of the city, sounds of the day and night.’” She had never know a difference between the sounds of day and night before she had been free. She had only know the silence of the city, casted over them like a death sentence, suffocating. But in the Bandito camp, she had known laughter, singing, true happiness. She didn’t want to leave, not forever. “‘Talkative young ones to those that like them, the loud laugh of work-people at their meals, the angry base of disjointed friendship, the faint tones of the sick.’”

“‘The judge with hands tight to the desk, his pallid lips pronoun-cing a death-sentence.’” She mouthed the words, but no sound left her throat. It was no wonder that the Bishops had wanted this book destroyed. To one who was ‘awake’, this book would show them that their once loved leaders were nothing but bringers of death. After all, vultures were such a huge part of their culture, named Death Eaters.

She squeezed her eyes shut again, sucking in a still shaky breath, but it was slower than it had been before. Maybe all she needed was air, like Josh had suggested she get. Maybe she didn’t have to leave the camp completely, maybe she should just… stay low, until she knew for sure just who Clancy was, what he knew. Would anyone notice if she went out exploring on her own for a day? Again, she told herself they wouldn’t notice at all.

Her eyes traveled to the other backpack resting on a post of her bed, dark green like much of the Bandito clothing, given to her by Tyler with the thoughts they both could scavenge together. She knew there were supplies in there, supplies that would keep her safe out there if she was careful. She could go now, leave the camp and go exploring Trench.

Sucking in a deep breath, she decided that fresh air would be a good idea.

Willa pushed herself to her knees, closing her book and sliding it back into her own original backpack, and instead pulled out the pocket knife and lighter she had taken from the city. She slid both of those things into her jacket pocket, and stared at the journal. It almost stared back at her, mockingly, as if taunting her to leave it behind. She knew she couldn’t do that, and quickly picked it up, shoving into the new backpack. After grabbing the bandages, and her bottles of water, she shoved those in her new backpack and zipped it up. Slugging it over her back, she pushed herself up to a standing position.

She sucked in a shaky breath, and then glanced over her shoulder. She could hear people gathering for the morning meeting, quiet conversations outside of the tent. No one would notice her leave, and that only furthered her resolve to leave for a few hours. It would be fine, she could calm down, and clear her head.

Pushing herself out of the back of the tent, she glanced over her shoulder, to see many of the other Banditos heading in the opposite direction. None of them were paying attention to her, just like how it had been in Dema, the night she had escaped. Pulling up her hood of her hoodie, she then pulled up the bandana around her face, effectively hiding who she was once more.

She started walking towards the back entrance of the camp, trying not to look too suspicious. The outer edges of the camp seemed deserted, yet even still, she was careful of where she walked, who could see her. She slid behind a tent as she saw Josie come around a corner, coming towards the main area of the camp. Her head remained peaked around the corner, keeping an eye on the guard.

Willa’s eyes widened as she watched Josie pause in her movements, then start to turn her head in the direction Willa hid. Willa ducked her head behind the tent, holding her breath and squeezing her eyes shut. Her panic only increased, heart beating rapidly in her chest and in her ears, as she heard footsteps agonizingly slowly coming toward her. What would Josie do if she saw her sneaking away like this? How much trouble would she get in?

“Josie, where are you going? The meeting’s this way!” Another bandito, a guard Willa had seen once or twice, called out to the blonde. What would two guards do if they caught her sneaking around? Especially after there was a bloodied stranger that had approached the camp the night before?

Willa heard the footsteps stop, yet Willa still held her breath. It was too similar to when she had almost been discovered in Dema, hidden in the entrance to the steps that led her out here. The feelings were practically the same, only more intense without the Bishops’ control, without their influence.

“Yeah, I know. I just thought I’d seen something.” Josie responded with, her voice much closer than Willa would have wanted. She feared if she poked her head around the corner again, she’d see Josie standing in between the tents.

“You need some more sleep. You’ve been up all night.” The other guard responded. “C’mon.” He urged, his voice friendly but taking on a tone of concern.

Willa felt relief flood her, releasing her tightened muscles, as Josie started to walk away from where she hid. As her footsteps faded away, blending into the other sounds of the tent, Willa let out a audible sigh of relief. She opened her eyes, and looked around the corner again where Josie had once been. With the coast clear, she continued on her way towards the back of the camp.

Her footsteps were light, almost silent as she padded softly over the dirt, her eyes constantly looking around her for anyone that might try and stop her. The sun shined brightly, warming up the morning air already, although a chill still lingered. She stayed near the little pathways created by the tents, avoiding the main pathway and the bright sunlight, where she was sure there would be more Banditos. Even if, she thought to herself, most had already left for what they assumed would be the morning meeting. By now, Willa told herself, all of them were there, but still, she couldn’t be too careful.

Pausing by an empty tent, her eyes looked over the area where guards usually would stand. There was no one she could see, and she could only guess they were shifting guards, so that Josie and the other guard could go to the meeting with two others taking their place. She was so close, a sense of fear and exhilaration filling her.

Could she go through with this?

Again, she reminded herself it’d only be for a few hours she’d be gone. It wasn’t like she’d be gone forever, she just - she needed air away from the camp, away from everyone. She had to get away from that fear-induced feeling that Clancy might know who she once had been. That fear had been dormant once she had settled in the camp, but now? It felt like she was choking on it. She needed fresh air.

Sucking in a breath from underneath her bandana, she glanced over her shoulder once again, before darting forward. She quickly left the tents surrounding her, leaving her to move around the large, green hills the tents were nestled in. Once she did that, she was free.

Yet, she couldn’t help but freeze at the sight in front of her. All of Trench was in front of her, and she was free to go explore it. The sun shined over the land, revealing the rich, vibrant green of the moss and grass all over the cliffs in front of her. In the distance, she could see a stream going through two of the giant cliffs, reflecting the light above it, shining so brightly. And off in the distance in front of her, she could see woods, faded with the amount of distance between them. An almost giddly-like feeling grew inside of her, almost like she imagined being a child would be like.

A grin grew underneath her bandana, and then she was off, with no regards to what was behind her any longer. She was free, and that was all that mattered to her. Everything else could wait until later, as she couldn’t possibly think anything was more important than this. All of the fear, the choking feelings and the panic, faded the more she walked away, and she couldn’t help herself before breaking into a run.

Adrenaline filled her, alongside excitement, which fueled her to run farther away from the camp, from the fear, and from Clancy. The grin only grew on her face, and a bubbling feeling grew in her chest, her feet hitting the grassy ground below her. She stopped at a clearing, the same one she’d been at last night with Tyler, and pulled down her bandana. Shutting her eyes, she tilted her head up towards the sun, the hood falling off of her head, and a breathless laugh left her. A fresh wind blew through the valley below her, and she breathed in deeply. Then, she opened her eyes, releasing her breath, a large grin still resting on her face.

It was all here, all waiting for her. Everything that had been in the camp, everything she had been worried about, it all seemed so small now. How could she be worried when she had the view in front of her like she did? She had only had the grey, dullness growing up in her life, and now she had all of this in front of her, all of this color, all of the  _life_.

She moved her gaze in the opposite direction of the camp, looking into the Unknown of Trench. What was out there to explore, what would she see? How far could she get before she’d have to turn back? She never wanted to turn back, she wanted to keep going, keep running and exploring. Fear filled her at the idea of finding nothing, but it was pushed back with the idea of just… being able to explore.

And so, with a glance back towards the camp, she sucked in a deep breath, and started to walk forward, farther away. There was so much daylight left, she had more than enough time. With an excited grin on her face, she continued walking along the edge of the cliff she was on. There wasn’t much out here, bushes scattered across the tops of the cliffs. There were a few crevices leading down into little caves, some probably leading to paths worn into the cliffs she stood atop of. In the distance, she could see the forest, but she doubted that she’d be able to get to that today. Regardless, she was happy she could just… be out here.

Her pace was that of a leisurely walk, but she slowed to a stop when she approached one of those little crevices, jutting out from the cave wall below her. She crouched down, moving the top of her body almost over the edge of the cliff to see into the little crevice. Perhaps others were scared of heights, and maybe part of her would be scared too, were it not for how excited she was. The last time she had been in a cave, it was when she had been hiding from Nico, bleeding. It wasn’t like she had gotten a chance to really explore it.

Willa could see down the cliff wall as she looked, seeing the different layers of the earth within it, shining with the bright sunlight, still seeing the stream below. Her grin only grew, if that was possible, and she placed her hands down on the dewy grass, to try and lower herself further to look into the crevice that had piqued her curiosity. Her head was almost hanging off of the cliff, but again, she hardly noticed.

“I think when Josh told you to get air, this isn’t what he meant.”

Panic filled her, and her gaze snapped back behind her toward the voice that spoke out, but it quickly snapped back in front of her as her hands slid in the grass. Eyes wide with panic, adrenaline filling her, she squeezed them shut, expecting her chest to hit the edge of the cliff and her head to go over it. However, it never came. Instead, she felt a hand grip the back of her jacket tightly, keeping her from hitting the ground, and then an arm wrapped around the front of her shoulders, pulling her back further. She felt her legs almost slide below her, until she dug her heels in, securing herself in the dirt underneath the grass, steadying herself as she sat back on her bottom.

She opened her still panicked eyes, looking up slightly to see Tyler crouched now beside her, removing his arm from around her. She lifted a hand to rest over her chest to try and calm her racing heart when she saw who it was. Her widened eyes met Tyler’s inquisitive brown ones, reassuring her it was not a Bishop all the way out here, trying to drag her off like in her nightmares. She let out a shaky sigh, shutting her eyes with relief as she did.

“This is why we always travel in pairs.” He breathed out, almost sounding as relieved as Willa was that she hadn’t just fallen over a cliff to her death.

“Thank you.” She told him, her voice shaky with adrenaline and fear. “Although you were the one that made me stumble.” She added on, letting out another uneven breath.

“Maybe announcing myself to you wasn’t a good idea when you were leaned over the edge of the cliff.” He sighed out. “Sorry, Willa.”

She opened her eyes to look at him, seeing him with his eyes staring at his boots. “It’s okay, Tyler.” She quietly reassured him, resisting the urge to bump her shoulder with his. Was he angry that she had come out here, alone, putting herself in a situation like that? “How long were you following me?” She asked him.

“Not very long.” He responded, his eyes lifting to look at her. “I had to tell everyone the morning meeting was delayed, then when I didn’t see you around, I figured by how panicked you sounded when talking to Josh, you’d be out here.” He commented, his shoulders starting to relax, but his eyes were watching her. It was as if he was scared she was going to run off again, or get herself in a dangerous situation, which, she thought to herself, was a valid fear.

“I…” She started, an attempt to explain herself, but sighed, looking back out towards Trench. He wasn’t wrong, he was completely right. However, he could not guess why she had been so panicked, why she had bolted. “I didn’t think anyone would notice me leaving.” She admitted, quietly.

“You’re lucky that I did.” He retorted, his voice growing more serious. “Willa, I know you want to explore, and I know how you feel, trust me I do, but it’s… It’s dangerous to come out here alone without telling anyone.” He sighed out, and Willa looked back at him to see him running a hand over his head. “What if you had slipped and fell over the cliff, and no one was out here to catch you?” He asked her, his voice quiet, but she could hear the fear inside of it. “No one would know where you had gone.”

Willa looked away from him, at her hands that rested in the grass. She felt guilt fill her, and it reminded why exactly she didn’t want anyone to know she had left, even if Tyler had brought up a valid point. She shut her eyes, trying not to think about how it would feel to fall to one’s death. “It… it was only going to be for a few hours.” She told him, trying to defend herself.

He let out a sigh, quiet next to her. “I believe you, Willa. I just… I wish you would have grabbed me before you had left.” He responded.

“But you were busy, and I didn’t want to interrupt or inconvenience you.” She responded, opening her eyes to look back up at him.

His eyes looked up to meet hers again, and an apologetic look grew inside of them, almost. “Willa, I’d rather come with you to make sure you’re not alone out here, than do whatever Josh tells me to do for the camp.” He told her, his voice matching what she thought she saw in his eyes; honesty and openness.

Willa didn’t know what to feel from that statement. Guilt was obviously there, from the fact that he would rather come out here than take care of the camp he was apart of. But there was also a sense of gratitude, thankfulness, even, that came from the statement. She hadn’t wanted anyone to notice her, to see her come out here, yet that was exactly what had happened. Of course she felt panic grow inside of her that someone was even noticing her in the first place, but it… She didn’t know how to feel with knowing this. She had never wanted it, nor expected it, assuming she’d be completely alone for the rest of her life once she broke free of Dema. She had never expected companionship, let alone knowing someone who understood partially what it was she was feeling.

It was overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time.

“Thank you, Tyler.” She told him, her voice quiet as she looked up at him. She truly meant it, for she did have a lot to thank him for. Again, she reminded herself, were it not for his flower left behind, she would have never have woken up. She still would be trapped there, and she knew she’d never be able to repay Tyler for that.

He offered her a soft smile in return. “You’re welcome, Willa.” He responded with, his voice quiet like hers. He then started to push himself up, and offered her a hand as he stood. “C’mon, us loners gotta stick together, right?” He responded with, offering her a grin.

She couldn’t help the warm feeling growing in her chest, and offered him an almost shy grin back with a small nod, putting her hand in his. He pulled her up, and she steadied herself on the ground below her before letting go of his hand, almost missing that warmth from it. She ignored that and glanced back towards the camp, feeling dread form inside of her from the thought of re-encountering that panic, that fear, that Clancy had seemingly brought back to light.

“Y’know, we don’t have to go back right away.” He told her, and she broke her gaze away from the camp to look at him again. He had an almost excited look on his face, his eyes alight with the sunlight shining down on him. “I’m assuming since you’re out here in the first place, you’re all clear to go scavenging.” He told her, cocking an eyebrow almost challengingly.

Of course Willa wasn’t. When had she gotten the time to ask Abby to check her bruise? She had been busy with Clancy.

“Do you think I would be out here if I wasn’t?” She asked Tyler, almost sassily, cocking her own eyebrow, a small smile on her face. “I’m fine.” She reassured him, which, she told herself, was a lie and was not. She wasn’t directly saying her bruise had healed enough for her to go scavenging, but she felt like it was. She felt like she could run and never stop. But, she didn’t want to directly lie to Tyler, not after he had helped her in different ways.

His grin widened, and then he bumped his shoulder against hers. “Well then, what’re we waiting for?” He responded with. “C’mon, let’s get some exploring done, yeah?”

Willa pushed away all of the fears, the lies, and the panic, deciding she was going to just focus on exploring this new land with someone she thought she was beginning to trust. She pushed away the fear, and the warmth, from thinking of that too. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello  
> i hope you're all doing well and enjoyed _his chapter
> 
> say _ello to clancy  
> it is so nice of him to finally join us in our end_avors, is it not?   
> i hope he is treated well by _ou and the others 
> 
> in other news, i almost have enough money to get myself tickets to go see ou_ boys in columbus in jun_.   
> are you guys going? it'd be nice to _eet som_ more fellow clique _em_ers 
> 
> anyways, thank you v_ry much all for you_ support and love  
> it keeps me going with this.   
> i love and appreciate you all so much. 
> 
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	15. [14]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; arguing, blood mention

**[14]**

 

The sun’s warmth shined down, counteracting the cold wind blowing over the top of the cliffs in Trench. The grass and moss around them was a bright green color, the black and grey color of the cliffs reflecting the sunlight down into the valley between the cliffs. The stream shined brightly, sparkling with freezing cold water. Willa knew all too well just how that cold water felt, and it was why she was so thankful for the sun shining in the otherwise brisk early afternoon air.

Her excitement filled eyes took in the area around her, trying to commit it to memory while also trying to watch where she walked. Some of the grass and moss was slick, still holding onto that morning dew, but she didn’t want to trip and almost fall. Again. Not when she was out here, walking and exploring the unknown around her, feeling so free and alive. Especially with someone with her that had so much more experience doing this than she did.

Tyler climbed up on a rock formation in front of her, easily making his way up, showcasing that experience. His hand lifted over his eyes as he stared out across in front of them, looking for something, obviously, another hand on his hip. Willa almost worried about him falling forward, but reassured herself he’d be fine. Meanwhile, she started to make her way around the small rock formation, choosing to not attempt to climb up the rock formation like Tyler had.

She didn’t need more scars on her hands, after all.

Willa stood in front of the rock formation, leaning back against it with her hands in her pockets. She shut her eyes, tilting her head up towards the sun. Her hood fell off of her head, revealing her hastily pulled back hair. They had been walking for a while, since the early morning, so it was nice to just… stop for a moment and feel the sun. A smile was on her face, and she breathed deeply, smelling the fresh air around them. She felt so alive, so excited, yet so at peace too. How odd it was, she thought to herself, that she could be so exhilarated yet calm at the same time.

“I think I can see in the distance where the forest starts.” Tyler’s quiet voice told her, breaking her out of her thoughts. “That’s kinda where I was thinking of heading.” He commented.

There hadn’t been much talking between the two of them while they were traveling. Mostly because they didn’t need to talk to each other while walking together, but… There was also that nagging fear Willa had that the Bishops would hear them, even all the way out here. It was a ridiculous and irrational fear, but it was still instilled in her from when she lived under their control.

She opened her eyes to check the sky. If her eyes weren’t scanning the sky, she would have otherwise appreciate the clear blueness of it. In the distance, she could see clouds, but they were thin wisps of white, nothing to truly worry about.

When she didn’t see what she was looking for, she felt relief flood her. Although she couldn’t help but wonder; had any Death Eaters ever actually come out this far before? Or was this paranoia just something she was so used to having, so used to be watched by the Bishops and their vultures? Would she ever feel like she didn’t have to watch her back?

Her vision of the blue sky above her was interrupted by Tyler moving to stand above her on the rock, tilting his head as he looked down at her. She could see a questioning look grow on his face, his head tilting more to the side. “What’re you looking for?” He asked, his tone questioning.

Willa stared up at him for a moment before ducking her gaze, staring out across Trench in front of her. Her cheeks almost burned with embarrassment from why she had been staring so intensely at the sky. “Well, uh-” She started out, picking at the edge of her thumb nail again. “I was just, well… worried that we were being watched.”

She heard Tyler start to climb down the other side of the rock, and then he was standing beside her. “By who?” He asked her, moving to stand in front of her, as if trying to catch her gaze. “By a vulture?” He paused in his words, as if wondering if he should say them. “A Bishop?” He asked her, his voice quieter, as if scared by mentioning one, he would show.

She lifted her gaze to see him glancing up at the sky now, his lips pursed in thought.

“Yes.” She admitted, and glanced away again as his eyes moved back to her. “It’s a silly thought, considering how far out we are, but… I just guess I can’t help it.” She admitted, letting out a quiet sigh.

“Well, you’re still getting used to be being free, right?” He asked, and she lifted her gaze to look at him. He had a somewhat serious look on his face, yet his posture was relaxed in front of her. “It’s normal for you to feel like that still.” He gave a small shrug. “Being cautious isn’t a bad thing, Willa. You’re just being safe.” He told her.

She shook her head slightly. “It’s nothing, considering we’re not actually being followed.” She told him before she lifted her gaze to look back up at him again, offering a small smile. “But, thank you.” She told him, her voice quiet, sheepish even. She said that a lot, didn’t she? She supposed she had a lot to be thankful for, especially towards Tyler. He had helped her with so much.

A smile grew on his face, matching hers almost. “Of course, Willa.” He responded with, his voice kind as he leaned up against the rock beside her.

Willa held his gaze for a moment longer, noticing how his smile was soft again, like it had been the other night. Why did she find herself wondering about what that smile meant? Why was she wondering who else had seen that smile, and why did it make a warmth grow in her chest? She noticed how his brown eyes crinkled in the corners with his smile, the sunlight reflecting off of them, making them look warm. She turned her attention towards the forest in the distance, wanting to ignore those growing thoughts, the feeling in her chest. “So what were you looking for in the forest?” She asked him, curiosity filling her.

“Well, it’s kinda one of the reasons why Josh wanted me to stick around for a while.” He started, his voice growing more serious again. “With things that have happened lately, we’re going to move the camp sooner rather than later.” He let out a quiet sigh, and Willa glanced over at him to see him leaning back against the rock. His eyes had hardened, a concentrated look on his face. “He wants me to scout out new locations that we could possibly use for the camp, farther away than what we already were.” He nodded towards the forest, off in the distance. “I’m thinking there’s somewhere in there we could stay.” He told Willa.

Her gaze traveled back towards the forest, and her mind started to think of what could possibly be in there. Wild animals, different plants, new scenery, all she was sure of, but would it feel the same as being out here, in the wide open? It was exhilarating and terrifying to be out in the open like they were, but if there were hidden in the trees, they would be more hidden, would they not? She could understand Josh’s reasoning for it. It was a way of safety, especially when there was so much chaos seemingly surrounding the camp.

“The only thing is,-” He started again, “it would be harder for escapees to find us out here if we’re so far away.” He sighed out. “Then again, what happened with Clancy hasn’t happened in a long time. People aren’t escaping on their own anymore. But two finding us, within such a short amount of time one another, it makes us hesitate.”

Willa moved her gaze to look at him, to see him staring at her. His eyes were questioning, his eyebrows furrowed slightly. “An escapee from Nico’s region and one, almost dead. We can’t just ignore those two signs and that Nico came out after you, and most likely will come out again.” He told her, yet his eyes still continued to look at her as if she knew more than she said she did.

She ignored how the guilt surged up inside of her, making her chest tight again.

He shook his head slightly, as if forcing himself to stop that conversation. “But, we really don’t have to worry about it right now,.” He spoke out, almost sounding forced with the lightness in his tone. “It’s your first time out here, scavenging, so I think we should just explore instead of worrying about what’s going on back there.” He continued on to say, offering her a smile that looked like his voice had sounded.

That had been the reason she had come out in the first place. But now, she didn’t know how well it was working out, considering she was, once again, worried about what trouble that not only she had brought upon the Banditos camp, but what Clancy had brought upon them too. She was the one that Nico had chased out into Trench, however, Clancy had appeared on the edge of Death’s doorstep. Willa didn’t know who or what had done that to him, yet both had brought troubles to the Banditos, whether they knew about it or not. The other Banditos didn’t know about Nico chasing her out into Trench, did they? She didn’t think they did, otherwise she could imagine there’d be even more panic.

“You’re lucky you have me as your partner out here. I know a lot about this area.” He told her, bringing them back onto their original conversation. “And, us partners watch each other’s back.” He explained to her, glancing up once again towards the sky. “Even if there were vultures out here, we’d know.” He tried to reassure her earlier fear again, offering her his words with a kind voice.

Willa hummed in response, her thoughts running wild still. What he said made sense, but what didn’t make sense was how she had been assigned to him, when he seemed like he was so experienced in scavenging. At least, he was extremely sneaky at sneaking around and scouting, which was why he had been chosen to find a new place for the camp in the first place. Perhaps it was because of her own ability to sneak around that she assigned to be his partner out here. After all, she had managed to sneak out of the camp, although Tyler had noticed her disappearance.

“Who assigns partners to one another?” She asked him, almost voicing part of her thoughts, leaning back against the rock again before she looked slightly up at him.

“What, do you want to get rid of me?” He asked her in a serious tone again.

“What?” She responded with, her expression turning incredulous. “N-no, that’s not what I meant at all!” She responded, her eyes wide, an apology ready to be spilled from her lips as she turned her head to face him. It never came out, however, because she saw the grin growing on his face, illuminated by the sunlight above. It caught the almost mischievous glint in his eyes, and her lips formed into a slight frown, her eyes narrowing at him.

He let out a quiet laugh, such a sharp contrast to how serious he had been, shaking his head. “Sorry, Willa. I couldn’t help it.” He responded with, his voice light with laughter. “I saw an opportunity and I took it.”

Her eyes were still narrowed at him slightly, but a small smile fought its’ way onto her face, despite her best efforts for it not to, despite the panic and fear inside of her. “Mhm.” She responded with, crossing her arms over her chest.

He bumped his shoulder with hers, and that smile broke through her face, and she dropped her gaze down toward the ground, trying to hide it. She might’ve also been trying to hide the fact that she wasn’t really mad with him. She heard his quiet chuckle, however, meaning he had seen it.

“To answer your question, Josh assigns our partners for scavenging. He might’ve been influenced by someone who knows him well, but I guess we’ll never know.” He commented nonchalantly.

So Tyler had requested that they be partners? She couldn’t help but wonder just why that was, but was somewhat grateful for that too. Although she didn’t think she had anyone close enough to consider a friend, perhaps Tyler could become that in the future if things permitted that. But then again, she lied so much, and that guilt came washing back over her about what she had done and lied about. Maybe entertaining the thought of having a friend was one she shouldn’t do, as it seemed to only bring her sadness when she had bolted from the camp to escape that.

“So Josh knows we’re out here right now?” She asked Tyler, glancing over at him while trying to ignore the feelings growing inside of her again.

She watched as his face paled. The small smile that had been on his face quickly faded and his eyes widened as he stared at his feet. Then his gaze snapped up towards Willa, and the panic in his normally calm brown eyes made Willa’s own panic increase.

“I forgot to tell Josh.” He spoke out, his voice quiet.

Willa stared at him with wide eyes, not truly processing what it was that he said. Why did he looked so panicked? Was it truly something so panic-inducing to not tell Josh about where they had gone? She quickly thought to herself how relieved Josh had seemed when they both had come back the prior night, which made her think how worried he had probably been. He had even hugged her, and that should have told her all she needed to know. If he was worried then, how worried was he now?

Swallowing thickly, she broke herself out of her wide-eyed stare by blinking quickly. “Do-do you think we should head back?” She asked, feeling almost stupid for doing so.

Tyler seemed to break out of his wide eyed stare at her question, nodding quickly. He pushed himself off of the rock, and started to quickly head around it, leaving Willa to almost stumble after him. She blamed the panic, the fear even, filling her chest from how she stumbled.

“I’m sure Josh won’t be too mad.” Tyler spoke out as they walked quite quickly, almost a jog, back toward the camp. “...I hope.” He added on as an afterthought, his voice almost a whisper.

That hardly did anything to ease Willa’s growing panic. Not only was she going back to the reason that made her bolt in the first place, but now she was going back with the idea that Josh would be upset at both of them. And, she reminded herself, it was her fault in the first place.

 

 

 

Tyler and Willa sat next to each other in Josh’s tent, who stood on the other side of his table with his arms crossed. His shoulders were tense, a heavy frown set on his face with his eyebrows furrowed harshly. If his body language didn’t provide information that he was upset, his words did that duty.

“You didn’t think to tell anyone where you were at?” He asked them both, his tone incredulous as he almost yelled. “Especially after what just happened?”

Tyler, from beside Willa, gave a small shake of his head. “It wasn’t like we meant to not tell anyone.” He tried to defend both of them. “It just… happened.” He tried to explain.

“You can’t just run off, Tyler!” Josh retorted. “Do you know how dangerous that is, especially with how Clancy had showed up? What if whoever hurt him got you too?” He practically demanded of him.

“I know how to take care of myself out there, Josh.” Tyler was quick to retort in a defensive manner, a frown on his own face. “Regardless, I had Willa with me, it wasn’t like I was alone out there.”

Willa wanted to bolt, throw up, or curl up into a ball and disappear. She hated this, truly and honestly she did. She felt all that guilt, all that panic, welling up inside of her, and she picked harshly at her thumb again, uncaring of the pangs of pain coming from it. This was her fault. Both times Tyler had left the camp without telling anyone was because of her. Why was he getting in trouble for her?

Josh shook his head, before running a hand over his face. “It doesn't matter that you had someone else with you, the point is that we didn't know what had happened to either of you!” He responded, his tone frustrated, upset, even angry. “You two just disappeared!”

Tyler opened his mouth to respond, probably in his own raised voice, but Willa spoke before him. “It's my fault, Josh.” She told him, her voice quiet, shaky, even scared. She wanted to run again, hide somewhere no one would find her. Guilt made her feel so sick, and it made her wonder why Tyler thought that she was worth getting into trouble with his closest friend.

Josh turned his gaze to her, and she saw it soften just the slightest when he seemingly saw how wide she felt her eyes probably were. Could he tell how guilty she felt, how apologetic she was that she had made him worry? She hadn’t wanted anyone to worry for her, not Tyler, not Josh, not even Abby. She hadn’t wanted to be noticed at all, yet that was proving to be a want that she wouldn’t have fulfilled. The opposite was in fact happening, much to her fear.

“It was my idea to go out there in Trench last night. If anything, that's my fault.” Tyler retorted, and Josh’s gazed moved from Willa to Tyler. It was as if he was trying to defend Willa, almost, from all the blame she was trying to put on herself. It wasn’t that she was just trying to put the blame on herself, she was to blame for this.

Josh let out a long sigh, seemingly deflating his anger slightly. “I understand last night. Everyone was… flustered, to say the least.” His gaze moved from Tyler to Willa again, and his look was questioning. “So why did you both leave today without telling anyone?”

“That is also my fault.” Tyler interjected before Willa could even open her mouth. “I forgot to tell you we were going out for a few hours.” He responded, and Willa saw his frown deepen. “I didn’t realize that it would be this big of a deal.”

“Tyler, you both were gone.” Josh responded with immediately, his frustration growing again. “The guards hadn’t seen either of you leave, and the last I had seen either of you was seeing you, Willa, panicked and out of breath.” He retorted, moving his gaze back to Willa. His brown eyes searched her eyes, as if trying to figure out why she had been like that without directly asking. “Neither of you can just leave here without telling someone.” He spoke out, his voice firm.

Tyler’s expression grew upset, his eyebrows furrowing harshly. “I’m sorry I _forgot_ , Josh. I was more concerned with other things than letting people know I was heading out.” He responded, his tone growing frustrated once again.

“It only takes a moment to let someone know that you’re heading out. What could be so important you could forget to do that? Forget one of our few rules?” Josh retorted, furrowing his eyebrows again.

Tyler didn’t respond immediately, just simply shook his head, frustration evident on his face. He and Willa both knew what that reasoning was, that he had been so concerned with making sure she wasn’t out there in Trench alone. Yet he didn’t say why, simply kept his mouth quiet. Willa didn’t know whether she should feel relieved or more worried that he decided to keep that between them. It meant that she wouldn’t get in more trouble with Josh, however, it meant that they were both hiding something from Josh now, something on top of her own secrets. Tyler was hiding something from Josh, one of his closest friends, if not his only friend, because of her. And that made the guilt so hard to breathe through.

“Whatever the reasoning, it better have been good, then.” Josh finally retorted when Tyler didn’t answer.

“I’m trying not to say something I’ll regret.” Tyler responded, his voice sharp. He sucked in a breath through his nose, releasing it, as if to try and calm himself. “I think... I think I need to get some air.” He added on a moment later, running a hand over his head before pushing himself up off of the chair.

“We’ll talk more later, Tyler.” Josh responded, and if it wasn't for how firm his voice sounded, one could almost think there was concern inside of it.

Tyler gave a curt nod, turning to head towards the entrance flap. He gave a quick glance to Willa, almost apologetically, but she understood. It was almost suffocating being in here, and she felt was either going to suffocate from the tension that was once in the tent, or from her own panic. It was not hard to tell that these two had this conversation before, that Tyler doing this wasn't something new and unexpected. Then, Tyler was out of the tent, practically free once again.

Willa could almost think she was jealous of him.

Josh gaze moved to Willa again, his expression the same, if not more questioning. “And what was your reason for leaving without telling anyone, Willa?” He asked her, his voice quieter, an eyebrow raised as his brown eyes studied her face, as if that would give him the answers to the questions he was asking.

Willa ducked her gaze and shut her eyes, feeling that urge to bolt once more. She didn’t think either Tyler or Josh would really understand just why exactly she had needed to run, to leave when she did. They would question why she had ran after learning the stranger’s name, why it made her so panicked. And, much to her own frustration and fear, she didn’t know the answer to their questions. She didn’t know if she had known Clancy in Dema, someone like him, or just couldn’t help but remember him as she first saw him; coated in his own blood. Thinking of that made her want to run now, nausea building inside of her.

“I, well, um-” She stuttered out. She didn’t know how to explain to him what she had felt, why she had needed to run, to be free. “It-” She started again, sucking in an almost shaky breath, shaking her head again. “I-I was scared.” She decided to tell him, the picking continuing on her thumb. “I didn’t want to leave permanently, I just- I just needed to get out of the camp for a while.” She continued on, swallowing back the bile rising in her throat. “It was my fault we left today, and really, it-it was my fault we left last night too.” She couldn’t help but stutter the words out, her almost full-blown panicked state making her admittance easier than it should have been.

“You were scared again? Why?” He asked her, his voice growing softer, almost in concern. Before Willa could answer his first question, he was asking her another. “What happened to your thumb?”

She heard him moving around, and she opened her eyes to see him holding a somewhat clean looking rag in his hand and a bottle of something that would probably clean injuries. Confusion briefly filled her, then she glanced down at her thumb, and saw blood coming from where she had picked too hard. She stared at it for a moment, her eyes growing wide once again, before she squeezed them shut, sucking in a shaky breath. She was trying so hard not to let the bile escape her. “I-It’s nothing.” She tried to reassure him, tell them both it was nothing. Memories of when blood had escaped her before filled her, much to her displeasure, and she was disgusted with not only herself, but the Bishops that they hadn’t taken those memories from her.

“If it’s nothing, then you won’t mind me taking a look at it then.” Josh responded with, his voice soft, yet filled with worry.

Willa opened her eyes to see him kneeling down in front of her, looking up at her with brown eyes. They were a different shade than Tyler’s, she noticed, but she also noticed that he had a hand held out for her to place hers in. She hesitated, almost pulling her hand closer to her chest, to protect it like she had what felt like so long before.

She didn’t want Josh to worry about her, but… She didn’t want to look at the blood. She knew if it didn’t get taken care of, it’d get infected and that was a whole different issue she couldn’t deal with right now. Gingerly, almost hesitantly, she placed her hand in his.

A faint smile grew on his face, before he moved his gaze down to her thumb. His fingers, warm as they held hers, propped up her thumb so he could take a better look at it. He was so gentle, yet he had seemed so much older and more strict earlier. Willa couldn’t help but wonder, even in her slightly panicked state, who he truly was.

“This might sting.” He warned her, uncapping the bottle, getting ready to pour it on the rag he had.

She recoiled slightly at the smell, squeezing her eyes shut again as more memories tried to wash over her. Too many times she had cleaned her own wounds, but to have someone else clean one, even a minor one such as the one on her thumb, was something definitely different, some so foreign. Then she felt the rag, now wet with what was obviously some sort of chemical, was being placed on her thumb. A quiet hiss left her mouth, and she instinctively tried to pull her hand from Josh’s warm one, snapping her eyes open to stare at him when his grip tightened somewhat on her hand to keep it in his.

“I know, I’m sorry. I hate it too.” He responded, sympathetically, his brown eyes flashing up at her before moving back down again. His eyebrows were furrowed with slight concentration as he gently wiped the blood off of her thumb, his mouth set in a small frown. She could almost see the faint freckles on his face, the dark curly brown hair trying to peak out from underneath his hat. From here, he looked so much younger. How had he gotten to be the leader of the rebels against the city they had all grown up in?

Pain from her thumb brought her out of her thoughts, and she bit her lip to avoid hissing out again. Despite the sting from the chemical, it… it wasn’t an unpleasant experience, having her hand held by Josh. An ache filled her chest, however, reminding her that she had made him worry, that he was helping her out of pity instead of anything else. And why wouldn’t it be anything else?

“I’m… I’m sorry you felt scared, Willa. So much so you felt like you had to leave our camp to be safe.” He commented quietly as he wiped off of her thumb. “I’m also sorry you saw Tyler and I arguing like that.” He sighed out. “But, you two have to follow the rules.” He spoke gently, reiterating once again, sounding more tired now however, what he had before. “If you need to get air, that’s fine. Just make sure you tell the guards and have your partner go with you.” His brown eyes moved from her thumb to look up at her, lowering the rag as his fingers wrapped around hers more, something she didn’t miss. “We have to protect our own, even when they’re out there.” He explained to her, his tone quiet. “When we start to just… disappear, we fear the worse.” What point was he trying to put across, minus the fact that Willa had broken one of the camp rules? How many had he lost? How many had been dragged or even chose to go back to Dema?

Again, his brown eyes searched her eyes, as if trying to figure out answers to questions he had and probably hadn’t asked. She had questions for him too, questions that didn’t relate to their current situation and questions that did. What had happened with Clancy? How much information had Josh gathered from him? Why was she feeling so much guilt from hiding information from everyone? Would her memories ever stop coming back to haunt her? Why did his fingers feel so warm in hers, and why did his kind action make more guilt well up inside of her chest? She knew she couldn’t ask him most, if any, of her questions.

If she didn’t want others getting close to her, she couldn’t let them know how she was feeling, what questions she had. She couldn’t let them know she was scared, not only of the Bishops finding them, but of her memories coming back, of Clancy, whoever he might be. She found, however, that was much easier said than done, especially when Josh looked at her with such open emotion in his soft brown eyes, almost reminding her of someone she thought she had once known. It was so hard to lie to them when they had done nothing but accept her with open arms and true kindness, something she had craved, even needed, since she had awoken.

Yet, she couldn’t help but think to herself, they would never accept her if they knew the truth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> o o ps  
> i guess tyler is forgetting things now too  
> also oooo josh got a little mad and he and willa had a moment ;3
> 
> anyways, i _on't like this chapter as much as I should, but i d_n't want to keep you guys waiting any longer ; w ;  
> i fear i might be loosing m_ steam to work _n this story, because i'm always working and i almost never had time to work on this.  
> i fell asleep writing this earlier today w h o o p s  
> anyways, should i make a social media account for this fanfic? i'd love to talk to more of you guys outside of the comments area here .
> 
> regardless, i hope yo_ guys enjoy this chapter!
> 
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	16. [15]

**[15]**

 

Willa felt a throbbing forming in her head. For once, she told herself, it was not because of memories resurfacing, no. Rather, it was from the yelling that her tentmate had done, after she had bursted into the tent to Josh kneeling in front of Willa, cleaning her thumb. Regardless to say, she knew it was probably going to come up later in a discussion with Abby, once she calmed down enough. She didn’t know which one was worse, but both made heat flood her cheeks and ears in embarrassment.

Right now, Abby stood in front of Josh’s desk, her arms crossed over her chest, a heavy frown on her face, eyebrows furrowed harshly. She had finished her yelling only a few moments prior, and now tension filled the tent the longer the stretch of silence went on.

Josh, who had moved behind the desk, almost as if to protect himself, stared at them both with widened eyes. He probably hadn’t expected Abby to yell like she had, and Willa definitely hadn’t either. Guilt made her chest heavy, hard to breathe, nausea rising up inside of her. It was her own fault, she reminded herself, for getting close to any of them in the first place to warrant this amount of emotion, even if it was anger.

“I… I’m sorry, Abby.” Willa responded with, dropping her gaze as she gripped at her hand. She was trying really hard to not pick at her thumb, especially not after Josh had just cleaned it, but the urge was there. Anything to distract her from the awful feelings inside of her, which just kept growing.

She heard Abby let out a heavy sigh, and she glanced up just in time to see Abby kneeling down slightly, before her arms were being wrapped around Willa. Her eyes widened in shock before she looked up to Josh, who had an almost relieved look on his face. Willa supposed she felt relieved too, if not for the amount of shock filling her at the sudden, tight, hug.

“I was worried sick, Willa.” The other woman commented, pulling back but holding onto Willa’s shoulders still. “You left, without being cleared on top of that, and with Clancy here, I just-” A frown grew on Abby’s face, and she shook Willa’s shoulder. “Don’t. Do. That. Again.” With each word she spoke, it was accompanied with a shake.

Willa lifted her arms to rest on Abby’s shoulders, squeezing her eyes shut to try and avoid the overwhelming nausea. “Okay, okay, I get it.” She responded with, and was silently relieved when the shaking stopped. She opened her eyes to see Abby staring at her with slightly narrowed eyes, even still.

“You better. Or else I’ll come out there myself.” She retorted, and gave one more squeeze, one that Willa didn’t know was meant to be of reassurance or threatening. Then, Abby’s hands were off of Willa’s shoulders, and she was pushing herself back up. “I gotta get back to make sure Clancy is okay.” She let out a quiet sigh, and looked back at Josh, giving a small nod. “I’ll see you both later.” She spoke out, and gave Willa one last look before heading out towards the exit of the tent.

Then she was gone, and Willa shut her eyes, letting out a long sigh. Now she knew how Tyler had felt last night when Josh was shaking him. She wondered if Tyler felt guilt for making Josh worry, or if he was so used to it at this point that the guilt just… never came anymore. Willa certainly felt guilt for making both Josh and Abby worry. Had it been selfish of her to run when she had? Or was it a form of self-preservation, fueled by fear?

Her thoughts were interrupted when she heard Josh’s quiet chuckle, and opened her eyes to see him shaking his head slightly. “I wouldn’t be surprised if Abby went after Tyler next to yell at him the same way she did at you.” He commented, meeting her inquisitive gaze. “I doubt she’ll be able to drag him into the med tent, though.” He shook his head again, shutting his eyes for a moment. He opened them up to look back at her. “She’s been practically glued to that place since Clancy arrived.”

The reasoning for her bolting, she reminded herself, her gaze naturally moving towards the tent flap where Abby had left through. Whatever those feelings were, they were rising once again. She swallowed thickly, as if trying to settle them back down, but with the headache from Abby’s yelling and the nausea still there from the shaking, it wasn’t working too well.

“He’s… the reason you bolted, isn’t it?” Josh asked her, his voice quiet, yet questioning still. Willa’s head jerked back to look at him, seeing his eyebrows furrowed and a slight frown on his face, heavy with thinking.

Willa couldn’t help the panic that rushed over her that she had been so obvious in why she had, well, bolted. Of course someone would have noticed, she chided herself. But they couldn’t have known the feelings that filled her when he woke up, when his name had been revealed to her. She dropped her gaze, avoiding his look of questioning.

He let out a quiet sigh, and she knew that with how she had dropped her gaze, it confirmed what he had asked. “Why?” He asked her, his confusion plain in his voice. “Did you know him?” He asked, again.

Willa didn’t know what to answer. She felt as if she almost did know him at one point, but did she? Did she possibly know someone who was similar to him in Dema? She couldn’t remember anything of having a friend, yet the cold feeling of familiarity that had washed over her when he had spoken his name said something else. Was it a lingering fear of seeing blood everywhere, or was it the overhanging fear that someone knew who she once had been? She didn’t know, and that scared her.

“I… I think it’s because of the blood.” She told Josh, not exactly lying. She breathed in shakily, squeezing her eyes shut and shaking her head. “When he woke up, I just- I guess I panicked again.” She admitted, her voice quiet.

“I see.” Josh responded with. “I can understand how that can feel.” He sighed out, going quiet for a moment. “He seems harmless, however.” Willa’s eyes opened to stare at him, seeing he was still watching her, as if trying to see if anything else slipped through her expression. “He said he came from Keons’ region, so I doubt you actually do know him, Willa. You said you were from Nico’s region, right?”

Willa forced herself to nod in affirmation, however the new knowledge that Clancy came from Keons’ region only made more sickness build in her stomach. Why had he showed up how he did, then? Keons never did any of the dirty work like that, it was always Nico. Keons always seemed to hold himself above that brutal work, rather preferring to appear as the kind and benevolent Bishop, when in reality, perhaps he was just as awful as the others.

“Did - Did he say how he got so hurt?” She asked Josh, part of her hoping that it had just been an accident, that he had just been walking and tripped, hurting himself. With how extensive his injuries seemed, however, with all of the blood, she doubted that it had been just an accident.

Josh’s expression morphed into a more worried, more serious one, which only made the sickness increase in her stomach. “He saw Nico chasing after him, and he ran, falling down a cliff.” Josh looked away from her, towards a corner of the tent. “Nico came out here before, looking for Tyler and I.” He spoke out, his voice quiet, eyes distant. “And with you saying that Nico chased you out here, he’s becoming more violent again.” He commented, quietly, shaking his head, as if to try and clear himself of those memories before looking back at her. “Regardless, I think it just puts more emphasis on why we need to move the camp soon.” He moved himself from behind the desk. “And, why you and Tyler need to let us know when you’re going out.”

Willa could care less about being lectured again about leaving. She got the point, and now there was truly a good reason for why it was so dangerous out there. If Nico had truly been in Trench again, then all of them had more important things to worry about. She gripped her hand, tightly, trying to ignore the fear creeping into her. Was it still even safe here? Was… was anywhere truly safe?

Even if they did move the camp, farther away from where Dema resided, would  _she_  be safe in the camp? Knowing now where Clancy had lived in, it made that overhanging fear that someone knew her while she was in Dema come back in full force. It was almost hard to breathe. She had last lived in Nico’s region before escaping, but that did not mean she hadn’t been in other regions prior to that. The possibility of her knowing Clancy was still a plausible one, however, she could not let Josh or Tyler know that. That would make them suspicious of her when Josh was already seemingly wary of Clancy to begin with. Her new life was already possibly being threatened by someone from a region she had once been in.

It wasn’t that she was scared of someone from Keons’ knowing who she once had been, no, it was the wave of familiarity that had washed over her when she had seen him, heard his name spoken. Not just anyone from Keons’ would know who she had been. Yet she couldn’t remember if she had once known him or not, and that… that left too many things open, too many things could happen to where her past life could come back to haunt her, destroy who she was now. She couldn’t let that happen.

If she was never in the camp, then it wouldn’t happen.

The solution came to her, and it seemed, in theory, a simple one. He looked as if he was trying to remember something when he was looking at her, so perhaps if he never saw her again, he would never actually remember who she once had been. If that is even what he was trying to remember in the first place. All she had to do was to remain a scavenger, to always be outside of the camp. Of course, there were times she would have to come back, but if she could sneak around the guards, then she could avoid one person.

“Willa?” Josh asked, breaking her out of her thoughts and she was jerked forward to the present, looking up with slightly widened eyes at him as he stood in front of her. “I hope that what happened, what you saw, doesn’t happen again.” He spoke out, his voice honest. “This camp is supposed to feel safe, so I hope that it can continue to be that for you.” He offered her a small smile, however, his eyes looked tired.

Willa swallowed thickly, trying to avoid that nausea, that panic, once again. She pushed herself up off of the chair, the backpack still on her back from earlier in the day. Despite those feelings almost suffocating her, making her chest feel tight, she couldn’t help but feel thankful that Josh wanted to make sure she was okay. Was it just his duty as the camp leader to make sure everyone was okay, or was it because he did actually care? She couldn’t see him  _not_  caring, as he was so unlike the Bishops that had led them all.

“Thank you, Josh.” She responded, her voice quiet.

She was reminded of what Tyler had said, that this wasn’t the first time this had happened. Perhaps it wouldn’t be the last, either. Perhaps what Josh said was just… him projecting his hopes that it wouldn’t happen again, that someone wouldn’t show up as injured as Clancy had. How many times had he seen that happen? Of course, she was sure others had appeared to the camp, injured and seeking a safe haven, however, he had seemed just as shocked as the rest of the camp last night.

His smile seemed more real this time, almost less tired even, and he nodded. “Of course.” He responded, before both turned their heads to outside of the tent when they heard others talking, quite loudly, about what they were going to do for dinner.

She heard Josh let out a quiet chuckle, but she was reminded how she hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch, for that matter. Her stomach had been too full of nervousness and fear to really remember to eat. No wonder she felt nauseated, she chided herself. She turned to start walking towards the tent flap, set on heading back to her tent and then back out to the main fire for dinner.

“Wait, Willa.” Josh’s voice stopped her, as did the warm hand on her shoulder. She turned her gaze back to look at him, seeing his brown eyes staring at her as he removed his hand. They were open and honest, full of concern and care. “If… if you ever need anything, just know that you can talk to just about anyone in the camp.” He responded, pausing a moment, watching her expression. “Even me.” He offered her a small smile once again, almost seeming nervous, once again. It almost looked like he had more to say, but he held his tongue.

Once again, the guilt rose up inside of her, but she tried to ignore it this time. If Josh knew what she had hid from not only him, but everyone else, she did not think he’d be offering what was practically an open ear for her to talk to him with. She tried to remind herself that what she had done was in the past, that who she had been was in the past, but… With the memories coming back to her, it was so hard to try and dive into her new life, her new identity. Were it not for Clancy, perhaps it would have been easier to do just that. She had just started to settle into the camp, but now with him here, she was so paranoid once more.

However, she hid all of that from Josh, instead offering him a small smile in response. “Thank you, Josh.” She responded with, again, her voice quiet. “I… I really appreciate you saying that.” She added on, hoping that her fears, her anxieties, weren’t leaking through.

He had seen her breakdown once before, as had Tyler and Abby. They were getting too close to possibly figuring out she wasn’t as alright as she told them she was. Tyler she couldn’t avoid, and she found that she almost didn’t want to avoid him, as he was the only one who seemingly understood how she felt about running. He also had briefly mentioned how memories sometimes came back, and wondered if he had to experience that too. But, she also found, that she didn’t want to avoid the others either. Especially with how Josh’s smile grew in front of her, making the corners of his eyes crinkle, giving his once tired expression seem lighter almost.

“It’s nothing.” He told her, then nodded his head towards the entrance of the flap, where she could hear the other Banditos moving about, getting things ready for dinner. “You going to dinner?” He asked her.

She was about to answer, but the growl that emerged from her stomach answered for her. A rush of heat flooded her cheeks in embarrassment, and a hand rushed to cover her stomach, as if that could help muffle the noise.

But the damage had been done, as Josh let out a quiet chuckle before lifting an arm and gesturing towards the entrance flap. “Well then, after you, Willa.” He commented, his voice full of mirth.

She shook her head, but a hint of a smile was trying to break through her face, because despite everything else she was thinking, it  _was_  a little funny. She turned towards the entrance of the flap, and walked toward it, Josh behind her. She pushed open the canvas material, holding it open for him. He thanked her quietly, and she gave a nod in response, before her attention was taken by the activity in front of her.

It seemed that the event that happened last night didn’t affect many of them now, not like it still did for Willa. Although, she supposed that many of them had made it to the morning meeting that Josh had probably had, which had probably eased some of their fears. What he had told her, however, had done quite the opposite. Regardless, it was almost… reassuring to see the camp full of life and activity once again.

Banditos moved about, carrying different supplies in their arms. Some were already sitting near the main fire, which was steadily rising as the sun started to set, while others were preparing the food near the fire. She could feel the heat of the fire, the brightness of it so pure and full of life, it helped ease how she felt inside. It wasn’t the cold, artificial lights, ones she had despised so much.

“Willa!” A familiar voice called out, and she saw Evelyn waving to her from a log near a smaller fire. There was a relieved grin on her face, with her other arm around Brooke’s shoulders. Quickly, Willa remembered that the two were supposed to spend some time together on an outing, and wondered if they had gotten the chance to yet. They certainly seemed closer.

She offered a small wave back, putting what she hoped was a friendly smile on her face. How…  _normal_  this all seemed, even though she had only been in the camp for such a short time, was astonishing to her. Compared to her own rapid thoughts, this all seemed almost inconvenient to what was happening.

“Seems like you’re being summoned.” Josh responded, and she glanced slightly up at him to see him staring at Evelyn and Brooke with a smile. He noticed her looking up at him, and met her gaze. “You go on ahead and enjoy dinner.” He told her, nodding his head towards the two girls.

She furrowed her eyebrows slightly. “What about you?” She asked him, a slight frown growing on her face in her questioning.

He let out a quiet sigh, but kept his facade of a smile on his face, so that if another Bandito looked over at him, they would seem him smiling. Perhaps when one was in charge, they had to appear happy, so that their followers would not worry. Perhaps the Bishops couldn’t convince their subjects, and that is why they forced feelings of numbness over them.

“I’m gonna try and find Tyler.” He told her. “Hopefully he’s calmed down, and I can talk to him about, well, y’know.” He explained to her, and he didn’t need to go into detail.

“Oh.” She simply responded, and found part of her sad that he wouldn’t be joining her for dinner.

At the same time, perhaps it’d be a relief and part of her could relax. She still had to be careful about what she said and did around the other Banditos, however, most of the time the others talked about whatever was going on during the day, silly things. But with last night’s events and today, she wondered what exactly they would talk about.

“I wish you luck.” She told him, offering a small smile in reassurance to him.

He let out a quiet chuckle, shaking his head slightly. “Thanks, I think I’ll need it.” He commented, looking back at her for a moment with a smile, before starting to walk away. “I’ll see you later.” He told her, offering a small wave to her, one she returned, before he was turning fully away, almost blending into the rest of the Banditos around.

She took a moment to herself, breathing in the crisp evening air mixed with the smell of the firewood burning, letting it out. Then, she turned towards Evelyn and Brooke, making her way towards them.

Both of their faces lit up with a grin when they saw her coming towards them, and again, it was a weird feeling for someone to be happy to see her. It was weird to find herself being happy to see them too. With the thoughts of Nico being out here still at the forefront of her mind, perhaps it made her a little more grateful for these seemingly silly, lighthearted moments. In Dema, she would not have this at all.

“So, Willa, I heard you and Tyler went out scavenging today.” Evelyn started, a teasing grin in her voice.

Willa looked at the other woman with widened eyes. Did word travel around that quickly? “W-well, yes.” She responded with, moving to sit on the log opposite them, hands in her pockets. “You guys found out that quickly?”

“Saw you come back together, so I guessed that’s what happened.” Evelyn responded, a grin on her face. “Although, I also heard you guys’ snuck out without telling anyone.” Her grin turned mischievous, almost, an eyebrow cocked.

Brooke rolled her eyes slightly with a hint of a smile on her face. “Evelyn, c’mon.” She responded with, shaking her head. “I’m sure both Josh and Abby yelled at them both when they got back.” She added on, looking back to Willa with her own cocked eyebrow.

Willa felt her face heat up from embarrassment again, and she ducked it slightly, as if trying to hide it.

“Wow, who knew the newbie had some guts inside of her!” Evelyn laughed out, throwing her head back slightly.

Brooke nudged Evelyn slightly in the stomach, rolling her eyes even more. “She’s not even the newbie anymore, Eve.” She commented, then looked back at Willa, offering an apologetic look. “I think it’s pretty cool that she’s already going out to explore. Just means she’s truly meant to be out here, right?”

Willa gave a thankful look to Brooke, giving a small nod at the statement that was practically asked. She did feel like she truly did belong out here, in the free, wildness of Trench. She belonged out here more than she had ever belonged in Dema. From the time she had woken up, seeing the flower in her desk, she knew she had to leave. She had to escape.

Tilting her head up, she saw the sky turning darker, the smoke rising into the almost night-time sky. She could faintly see stars appearing in the seemingly endless dark blue. A faint smile was on her face, that despite everything else that was going on, a part of her soul felt at peace being out here, just as she was. A larger part of her wanted to keep exploring, however, an itch she couldn’t scratch or be rid of just yet.

“With how quickly she was given a scavenger role, I’d definitely say she’s fit to be out here.” Evelyn responded, and Willa dropped her head to look back at the two. “Obviously both Tyler and Josh saw something in you that could be used better out there.” A thoughtful look was on her face as she seemingly studied Willa.

“Well, whatever it was, I’m glad.” Brooke interjected, and Evelyn moved her gaze from Willa to her. “It means you can rest more instead of going out everyday.” She commented, looking at Evelyn with a soft smile on her face.

Willa was silently grateful that Brooke had distracted Evelyn, but now she almost felt awkward being the odd one out. They were perfectly happy to be in their own company, but were they happy with her being here, or was she causing a distraction to them? Again, she was reminded of how she felt the other night when she had felt like an outsider, and couldn’t help but feel like it again. It seemed everyone had someone they were close with here, except for her.

“I wonder if Clancy will be a scavenger too.” Evelyn commented, jerking Willa back to the present.

She supposed he didn’t have anyone here, either. But she could ignore it, thinking of a new possibility she hadn’t thought of prior. What if he became a scavenger too, like Evelyn had suggested? But most scavengers went different ways, didn’t they? It wouldn’t be like she would see him, either way. Her momentary panic was relieved by that thought, but she couldn’t help but wish her overactive thinking would just… stop, just for a little while.

“With how extensive his injuries were? I don’t think he’ll be a scavenger for a while.” Brooke retorted with a quiet scoff, shaking her head. “He’ll be on rest instead, probably.”

It was another relief to hear that he’d be on rest, but she almost felt bad to feel like that. What if all of her panic, all of her plans to avoid him, was for naught? What if it was just an odd coincidence that she had felt that familiarity with his name? Would her form of protection instead just be a form of paranoia? She told herself she couldn’t think like that, to doubt herself like that. That was Reisdro’s speciality, to make one doubt themselves and instead put their faith blindly into the Bishops.

It brought up another good point, however. What all had Josh spoken about during his morning meeting? It was obvious enough to her that most, if not all, of the Banditos knew now what the newcomer’s name was, what his injuries were. But had he told them why he had been so injured, telling them that Nico was behind the reasoning?

“What all happened during the morning meeting while Tyler and I were gone?” She asked, furrowing her brows slightly in thought. “Did Josh tell you guys that he was injured that badly?”

Both stared at her for a moment, before Brooke let out a sigh, dropping her gaze. “He… didn’t end up having the morning meeting, after all. It was postponed since Clancy woke up, and then, well,-” She paused, as if trying to find the right words to say.

“You and Tyler snuck off without telling anyone.” Evelyn finished. “Usually he wouldn’t have been as panicked as he had been, but with Clancy showing up, it really got under his skin, I guess. He was worried.” Evelyn gave a small shake of her head, moving her gaze to look toward the main fire. “He gathered all of other scavengers and some of the guards, almost sending us out there to look for you guys.”

Willa felt more guilt wash over her at making Josh postpone the meeting even later, for having to almost send out a search party for them. She felt more guilt for making Josh worry. She looked towards the direction he had gone too, as if wishing he would show up so she could apologize to him. Again. She let out a long sigh, her shoulders slumping slightly.

“So he’s supposed to have the meeting tonight at dinner.” Brooke added on, trying to distract the topic from the mistake Willa had made, whether intentional or not. She gave a small shrug that Willa noticed. “We heard the information from Harry and Abby. That’s how we know his name, at the very least.”

“Where he came from, why he was so injured; we don’t know that yet.” Evelyn commented, her brow furrowed as she moved her gaze from the fire to Brooke for a moment. She almost looked worried, but a hush settling over the group made all three of their heads turn towards the main fire.

Climbing up on top of the frame of the car was Josh, and then Tyler was following, standing beside him. Both looked out over the Banditos, who, Willa had noticed, mostly all gathered around the large fires. With the light of the fires dancing over their faces, it cast dramatic shadows behind and on them. It made the mood of the camp go from seemingly lighthearted to serious all over once again.

“I know you all were here earlier today waiting for the meeting.” Josh started, his voice loud and clear, carrying across the camp. “I wanted to explain to you all what had happened last night, since quite a few of you haven’t experienced that yet.” He spoke out to them, his brown eyes traveling to look across them. “However, the stranger that arrived last night awoke and I had to take care of that before I could report to you all what was going on.” He spoke, his voice honest. His brown eyes seemingly moved over to Willa’s and caught onto her gaze for a moment.

For that brief moment, she felt her heart seize at the thought that he was going to reveal to the entire camp that she and Tyler had snuck out. Of course, most of the guards and most of the other scavengers already knew what had happened, and no doubt they were going to spread the information around. She had wanted to stay low, stay undetected, but she hadn’t really realized what her earlier action had done. It was why relief filled her when he continued to talk, but not about her.

“The stranger told me his name is Clancy. He is from Keons’ region, and he managed to escape from Dema.” He spoke out, which was not new information to her. He paused in his words, letting them sink into the other Banditos’ minds. “He arrived here as injured as he was because,” he sucked in a breath, pausing once again for only a moment, “he was running from Nico.”

Shocked whispers and gasps moved across the camp, and she could feel the fear rising within the air. Some murmurs were growing louder, and she barely gave a glance to Brooke and Evelyn, who both had let out noises of shock at the announcement. Willa, even though she had already heard the news, gripped onto her hand tightly, running her thumb over the scar on her palm to try and calm her.

“Does that mean he led Nico here?” One Bandito asked outloud, fear and perhaps even anger, in his voice.

“Are we even safe anymore?” Another asked.

Before the murmurs and hysteria could grow louder in fear, and before Willa’s urge to run again became stronger, Josh held up his hands. His expression was almost pleading, as if asking them to quiet down just for a little longer. “Tyler and I have already talked about this, and what we are going to do.” He told them all, his voice calm despite the words he had just spoken, the questions asked of him. “In order to protect ourselves, regardless of whether or not Nico truly had chased him, we are going to move farther away from the city, further into Trench.” He told them all.

Again, more noises of shock spread through the camp. 

“Is it safe?” One questioned.

“There’s nothing out there!” Another shouted.

“This is what we know!”

"We've barely been here long." Brooke murmured out. "And we're not safe here, either?" 

Josh moved his gaze to Tyler, and the other man stepped forward, hands held in his pockets, but his shoulders were squared, a serious expression on his face. His brow was furrowed, his lips in a thin line, accented by the shadows and lights playing on his face. He seemed so much older, so much different. “The locations I have scouted out so far all hold more potential than this place does.” He spoke out, his voice even, but serious. “We needed to move the camp anyways, this just further puts in place our reasoning why.”

There were more murmurs of disagreement, but many had quieted down, Willa noticed. She was sure if she hadn’t been told beforehand what the two had been talking about, she would have been just as shocked, and even more worried, like the rest of the Banditos around her. It briefly made her wonder, however, why she had been let in on this information early. Was it because she had brought Nico out here first? Was it because she had escaped Dema, all on her own? Why did both Tyler and Josh seemingly trust her enough to tell her these things first?

“We will be finalizing a place to move the camp to soon.” Josh took over again, his eyes searching over the Banditos. “Until then, watch each other’s backs.” He told them all. “If we do not keep one another safe, then we will fall apart.” He paused for a moment, then lifted a hand to rest over his heart.

Willa’s eyes caught Tyler’s gaze, reflecting the red and yellow light in his normally brown eyes. She knew the information that had been given, but she couldn’t help but feel like he had too held his tongue on information he knew, as had Josh just a little bit ago. It wasn’t in her place to pry, as she was sure they would both pry into her secrets if prompted. She didn’t need to give them any reason for that, so she wouldn’t give them a reason. That did not stop the uneasy feeling settling in her stomach at the way that the light made shadows dance on his neck once again, making it appear Smeared, like he had been marked by a Bishop.

“East is up.” Josh spoke out, his voice loud.

His voice somewhat jerked Willa out of those thoughts, and her gaze dropped from Tyler’s, instead moving to stare at the fire.

“East is up.” The others repeated, and Willa found that she couldn’t repeat the words, her mind too busy racing.

Who had he once been inside of those suffocating, grey walls? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh scoots  
> we had a lot in this chapter, didn't we?  
> more was revealed about Willa and did _ou all pick up _n the mention of another Bishop?  
> and, will Willa ever get her so_p again? 
> 
> regardless, i'd like to congratulate you all for making it t_rough what is most l_kely the half way point of this story.  
> i'm so happy you guys are continuing to rea_ this and support it. w_ also hit 500+ reads, which is crazy. thank you guys <3  
> _efore i was saying that i thought i was loosing st_am for this story, but seeing your guys' comments really really _elped me. _t remi_ded me why i starte_ this story in the first place. 
> 
> it's a good e_rly birthday present fro_ you guys too~ my birthd_y is on the 20th so the next time i po_t here, i'll be 21!
> 
> i also decided to make an instagram to go alongside with this story and tal_ to you guys more  
> i don't know how often i'll be able to post updates to it, but i will be posting extra things that don't make it into this story~  
> feel free to follow me @/ 018.11.moon.12 
> 
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	17. [16]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw; slight mention of death/suicide

 

**[16]**

 

The sun hadn’t risen yet. The darkness of the night still lingered on, yet Willa knew that it would be gone soon. The bright light of the morning sun would chase away the darkness, wash all its’ haunting thoughts away. The sun would once again chase the moon around the sky, never getting close but never getting farther away either. It was an endless path, a circle that all who were living were witness to. If they payed attention, of course.

Did those in the city think about what the sun’s light truly felt like? What true warmth felt like? Did they think for themselves at all, really? Were there some that thought about more than just the early death the Bishops, the ones they so blindly followed, had planned for them all? How could they, when each Bishop made sure to keep their citizens placid, content with the unfulfilled lives they were living?

Just in Willa’s own experience, living in Keons’ region was suffocating, even more so as she grew older. Perhaps that was why one did not see many older people inside of the city. Many could not take living underneath the suffocation. Living inside of Nico’s region, however, was no better. It was worse, if anything. The stressfulness of trying to please a Bishop who was almost always ready to snap either at someone or snap their bones was even worse. She understood that better when she found the flower shortly after settling into her apartment. From then on, it became her goal to escape the city, to escape the horrible pressures and gospels of each Bishop. If she had stayed, she feared she’d die to a Death Eater or by her own hand.

Breathing in deeply, she smelled the fresh life around her. From where she sat on the edge of the camp, she could still faintly smell the smoke of the dying fires, but she could also smell the dirt and the grass. It was the smell of the ground they walked upon, especially strong after a shower of rain. Perhaps that was her favorite smell.

Opening her eyes, she saw the first colors of the morning start to bleed into the sky, much like blood would. Except this was much more beautiful, more vibrant, and something she wanted to see. Oranges, pinks and reds, and that color she wore, yet still could not remember the name of, started to fill the sky. She tilted her head up towards the inky blackness of the sky above her, and watched as it faded to a pale blue, the white, twinkling stars disappearing. She let out a breath of air, watching as it danced in the cold air around her.

Then she felt the warmth start to slowly glide across her face, warming her almost painfully frozen cheeks and nose. She let her eyes close, and felt that same warmth dance over her eyelids, and from behind them, she could still see the bright light that burst forth from over the tall cliffs of the horizon. She was sure if she looked down in between the two sets of cliffs into the canyon, the stream, which had frozen in the cold air of midnight, would start to dethaw, sparkling with life once more. The already vibrant grass and moss would become an even more vibrant green, and the camp behind her would rise again with the sun, just as alive, if not more.

As feeling returned into her fingers, frozen from the bitter cold of night, she wiggled them slightly to quicken the feeling of warmth spreading through her, and turned her body away from the sun, back towards the direction of the camp on the log she sat atop of. She opened her eyes, and saw movement in between the tents. Other Banditos were starting to awaken, and perhaps it was time for her to get up too. After all, if she was going to go out scavenging again today, she needed to regain feeling in her frozen toes.

Pushing herself up, she wiggled her toes in her boots, and stretched her arms above her head. Feeling the warmth rush through her frozen and once stiff limbs, she dropped her arms to her sides, and started to walk forward toward the inner part of the camp, her boots quiet on the worn dirt path below her.

After the main announcements both Tyler and Josh had made, it was also announced that before the scavengers headed out in the early morning, they all should meet up. Josh wanted to see them off, it seemed. She doubted this was an unusual thing to begin with, as Josh didn’t seem like the type to not want to see part of his camp off into Trench. Now more than ever, it seemed like this was more heavy than perhaps it should have been.

It was quieter than it usually was, and she had no doubt it was because of what was announced last night during the meeting. Willa could feel the air was heavier than it was prior, that whatever change was coming, it was a serious, and perhaps even fearful, one. Of course she felt the fear of a Bishop coming out here, to destroy this safe haven that they all had stumbled across. If they wanted to protect it, and each other, however, moving farther away, more hidden, was seemingly the best option.

She told herself it was not only because of her, but because of Clancy as well, that Nico had come out into Trench. It hardly did anything to help ease the guilt eating away inside of her, however. She had been the first in a long time to escape without outside help, as Tyler had told her. She was partially responsible for Nico coming out to chase after her, so the least she could do was try to help find a new location for them all to move to.

If Tyler was still her partner today for scavenging, that was.

Would he go out on his own, on his own mission from Josh, or would she be allowed to travel with him? The thought of being paired with someone else made her nervous, almost, as she knew she’d have to put up even more of a facade than she did around Tyler. Despite her best intents, he had seen more of her than she would have wanted. Yet even still, that was such a small, small part of who she was. Or was it who she had been? Who was she now? Yet again, she was reminded of what she had seen not only last night, but a few nights ago. The shadows dancing on Tyler’s neck made her think of who he had once been, what his role perhaps might have been. Was her subconscious trying to remind her of something, or was it all in her own paranoia?

Willa decided, as she turned a corner around a tent to take a short-cut to Josh’s tent, that it was too early in the morning, not to mention too cold, to be thinking like this. She had to focus on what was going on right now, and that was seeing other Banditos starting to gather around the main fire pit. It was less quiet here than on the pathway however, the cold air was more tense than it had been on prior mornings. There was an overhanging fear of a Bishop coming for them now, all because of who they thought was solely Clancy’s fault.

She supposed they were all scavengers, as she saw Evelyn and Harry standing around too. She was surprised to find herself looking for Tyler’s warm brown eyes, despite her own quiet fears. He was, after all, the one she had spent the most time with.

Grabbing a handful berries from the bag near the main fire, she popped a few in her mouth, chewing on them as she waited for Josh to come out and speak to them. She scrunched up her face as she tasted a sour one, while at the same time Evelyn noticed her, as did Harry. She heard Evelyn’s laugh, and felt heat come to her cheeks in embarrassment. She saw Harry roll his eyes, and turn his back towards her, before heading towards the medical tent. She tried not to take it too personally, remembering that sometimes he was naturally a standoffish person. That’s what Abby had told her, after all. She could only hope that’s all it was. With how on edge she was, however, with everything that had happened, she couldn’t help but feel like it was more.

Her thoughts were distracted however, by Evelyn casually walking over toward her. Her hands were in her pockets, a grin casually on her face. She looked tired, as if she was still affected by what Josh and Tyler had said last night during the meeting. It was something hard to realize, that everything they had known, something that could possibly even be their home, was perhaps not safe anymore; what they all had escaped could be coming to drag them all back by their throats.

“I see you’re not a fan of the sour ones.” She commented, her tone lighthearted.

Willa was reminded of the berries in her hand, and she gave a small, almost sheepish shrug. “Not my favorite ones, no.” She responded with, her tone matching the shrug she had given. “I prefer the sweet ones.” She added on, moving her gaze down towards the berries, as if she could try and figure out which ones were sour and which ones weren’t. All of them looked like they were the same, perhaps just a shade or two of difference.

“Yeah, I like the sweet ones too. I usually just grab a handful and eat ‘em all at once, though.” She gave a small shrug of her own this time. “It kinda helps with the sourness.” She offered to Willa.

She hadn’t really thought about trying to eat them all at once before. She remembered Josh saying that mixing them together with other things made it taste better, but there hadn’t been much of a chance to mix the berries with other food. Once again, she was reminded of the cold growing around them, and even how little the other scavengers had brought back in terms of food for them to eat. Would moving to the forest provide more of an opportunity for food?

“Anyways, are you gonna show me how you rock climb today?” Evelyn asked, her tone teasing.

Willa’s, now widened, eyes looked at her, an almost incredulous look on her face. She gave a small shake of her head. “I, uh-” She started to stammer out. “I don’t think that I’d be a very good teacher.” She responded with. Not everyone needed to know just how  _great_  she was at climbing rocks.

Evelyn let out a small laugh. “Abby seems to think you’re some master rock climber from what you’ve told her.” She shook her head slightly, the grin still on her face. “I was just curious to know how you kept up with Tyler out there.”

Again, she was reminded as to how the other Banditos didn’t know she had escaped on her own. They thought she had escaped with Tyler, but did they know that she was from Nico’s region? Did they think she had caused Nico’s more activeness, alongside Clancy? With how friendly Evelyn was being with her, however, she doubted any of them knew anything about how she had escaped Dema, who she had once been.

“There’s a reason she’s a scavenger, you know.” A familiar voice spoke from behind Willa.

She jumped slightly, her heart seemingly faltering for a moment as she was startled. This time, however, she didn’t pop the berries in her hand, much to her relief. She turned her gaze to the side to see Tyler, who stopped walking to stand beside her.

He offered them both a friendly smile, however, she couldn’t help but think that perhaps he looked more tired than before too. What weight did he now publicly bear on his shoulders now that he had announced what he was doing?

Evelyn cocked an eyebrow in response to Tyler’s words. “Oh? What impressive skills did you see from her while you guys were out there together?” She commented, her tone becoming somewhat teasing, even suggestive. “Alone?” She added on, and this time, Willa knew she was not mistaking the suggestive tone in her voice.

Evelyn had been talking to Abby perhaps too much, it seemed.

With her cheeks burning, from embarrassment of what Evelyn was suggesting and the fact that she was saying it to Tyler, of all people, Willa ducked her head, shaking it. She opened her hand, pretending to be so interested in the berries resting in her palm, instead.

“I have yet to see any of these fantastic rock climbing skills you’re rumored to have, Willa.” Evelyn commented, turning her attention back to the red-faced woman.

Willa, to avoid speaking, instead quickly shoved the handful of berries into her mouth. She still could taste the sour berries, but her face didn’t scrunch up as much as it did before, as it wasn’t as strong. The sweetness of the other ones helped to counteract it, much to her thankfulness. It was only a momentary distraction, however, as she heard Tyler let out a cough, one he was trying to use to disguise a laugh, probably. She glanced to him, her cheeks puffed up with the berries, and swore she saw his own pink tint on his cheeks.

“And I have yet to see you take Brooke out on that date of yours.” Tyler retorted, a level of what could only be sassiness entering his tone, one of his own eyebrows cocked now, a smirk growing on his face.

Willa, still chewing the literal mouthful of berries, almost choked at the tone Tyler had suddenly taken, a laugh wanting to force itself out. Thankfully she swallowed some of the berries, before she found herself staring at the amused, yet smug expression on Tyler’s face for a moment too long. His brown eyes moved to the side, catching her staring at him. The smirk on his face seemingly increased, and she was quick to turn her, perhaps even redder, face toward Evelyn.

It was the other woman’s turn to have her face go bright red too, and she stuttered out a response. “W-well, you know why I haven’t yet!” She responded, her voice going slightly higher in pitch as she crossed her arms. An almost grumpy expression appeared on her face. “With everything going on, there hasn’t really been a good opportunity for us to go somewhere outside the camp together!” She defended herself.

“You know I’m happy spending time with you here in the camp.” Brooke’s voice chimed in.

All three turned their heads towards her voice, and Evelyn stood frozen in shock for almost a moment. Then, she shook her head, ducking it and then covering it with her hands. “You weren’t supposed to hear this conversation.” She spoke out, muffled.

Brooke let out a small laugh, lifting a hand to rest on Evelyn’s arm. “Whoops.” She responded, but from the tone of her voice, it didn’t sound like she was very sorry. “I just wanted to see you before you went out for the day.” She commented, her voice more kind now. She looked back at both Willa and Tyler. “I hope you guys have good luck out there.” Her voice had grown more serious, as well as her expression, and her look lingered on Tyler.

To have the amount of pressure of finding a safe place for everyone, Willa couldn’t imagine it. Regardless, she gave a small nod in response, as did Tyler.

“Thanks, Brooke.” He responded, offering a reassuring look, one that seemingly hid all of his worry, if he had any to begin with. Was he that confident in his skills to find a good place for them all, or was he just good at hiding his feelings? Willa imagined it was the latter, but she had yet to see him seem stressed or upset.

Part of her hoped she didn’t.

“C’mon, Willa.” Tyler spoke to her, and she moved her gaze from the couple to look at him. He nodded his head toward Josh’s camp, offering her a small smile. “Let’s go check in with Josh before we head out.”

Willa nodded, and found herself happy to still be going out into Trench with him. She turned her gaze back toward Evelyn and Brooke, and offered them a smile. Seeing them together like they were, simple as it was, it made an ache fill her chest, as if there was something missing from her life. Was it what love truly was? Perhaps it was just companionship she was seeking, but how could she even have that if she couldn’t trust anyone? So, she pushed that ache down, trying to ignore it.

She followed Tyler through the lingering Banditos, some talking amongst themselves while others were staring at the sky, as if trying to figure out what the weather would be like today. The ones with backpacks on like the one she wore, she deduced, were scavengers like her and Tyler. Others, like Brooke, were probably seeing their friends off. Perhaps any other time it wouldn’t have been so many, but perhaps some of them were scared their friends would never come back. Even without the threat of a Bishop, there were still dangers out in Trench.

Yet all she could feel was excitement, slowly growing inside of her stomach. Even though she had been out in Trench before, it was still just as exhilarating as it had been when she had been walking on top of the cliffs, unaware of the camp nestled in between two of them. Perhaps it would even be more so, were it not for the fear hanging over her. She swallowed thickly, and stopped beside Tyler, who had stopped in front of Josh’s tent.

Josh had his back turned to them, talking to another Bandito about something, but he turned his head once he heard both Tyler and Willa. A smile grew on his face, and he turned back to the other Bandito, giving her a nod, and she moved to go towards the other side of the camp. He then turned fully toward the two of them.

“Tyler, Willa.” He greeted both of them. His expression seemed tired, and it almost appeared as if he had bags under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept at all. Yet his eyes seemed almost relieved to see them both, his brown eyes softening at the corners as he looked at both of them. “I’m glad to see you both before you head out there today.” He commented.

Tyler gave a small smile on his own, shrugging his shoulders slightly. “Like we didn’t learn our lesson yesterday.” He retorted, trying to make light of what was once a serious situation.

Josh let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head, as if he wasn’t impressed by the joke, but Willa could see the hint of a smile growing. “I just wanted to tell you both to be careful out there.” He met both of their gazes individually. There was an openness in his eyes again, the concern for the people he was trying to lead. “We don’t know what is lurking out there, waiting.” He told them both. Willa didn’t need to think too hard that Josh was insinuating Nico being out in Trench. “Especially since you two will be going into mostly unmapped areas.” The concern and seriousness had increased in his tone and expression, his voice lowering slightly.

However, Willa couldn’t help another wave of excitement that washed over her, the thought of exploring a new area fueling those feelings. While in the city, even feeling a hint of what she was would send her straight into the towers. Perhaps that was why feeling this excitement, this jitteriness in her hands and legs, was almost overwhelming. It was almost enough to drown out the fear of Nico, yet that reminder dampened her excitement slightly.

Josh’s gaze moved to look at Tyler directly. “I know you want to explore more of the area out there, Tyler, but try to stay focused on our goal today, alright?” He asked him. “Check out the forest today, if you can. Tomorrow you two can check out the one cliffs we talked about before.”

Willa had only heard briefly about the forest. But apparently this wasn’t anything new to Tyler, because he gave a nod, his expression more serious like Josh’s. “Gotcha.” He responded with, then tried to offer a smile to Josh. To Willa, it seemed like it was supposed to be a reassuring smile.

If she couldn’t imagine how Tyler was feeling, she truly couldn’t understand how Josh was feeling. Stressed, she imagined, to say the least. She was sure they had moved camps before, but with this much paranoia and fear surrounding them? How had he handled that before? What was he feeling?

Currently, she found that she felt confused. Why had she been chosen to go alongside Tyler out into Trench to find a new place for them all to live at? She was more than sure there were other Banditos who were more experienced than she was, more of a reasonable partner to go find a new safe location. So why her?

Josh’s gaze moved to her, and he offered her a small smile. “If Tyler goes off track, you yell at him for me, okay?” He asked her, almost in a lighthearted manner.

That didn’t answer her question, but she supposed that it help ease some of the fear hanging over her. Regardless, she nodded her head, and was met with what seemed like a more genuine smile from Josh. “I can try, but -” She held her tongue for a moment, looking at Josh for a moment before looking at Tyler. Should she speak her confusions? Would that be an indication she didn’t want to be out there? She swallowed thickly, and shook her head slightly. “Nevermind.” She instead said.

Perhaps she’d get the answer out of Tyler while they were out there. She didn’t want to ask now, not when they were out in the open like this, where other Banditos could hear them.

Josh looked at her with almost questioning of his own before he nodded. “I think that’s all I had to tell you two.” His eyes moved between both Tyler and Willa, as if thinking over his words again. “Stay safe out there, and I’ll see you both at dinner tonight.”

Then he was pulling Tyler into a hug, one which was returned, Willa noticed, tightly almost. Perhaps neither of them were as okay as they were making themselves out to be. But perhaps she was reading too much into it, as she knew more of what was happening than most of the others.

They pulled away from the hug, and then before she knew it, Willa was being pulled into a warm hug by Josh, once again. His arms wrapped around her, like when he had hugged her before, however, unlike that hug, this one wasn’t full of relief. This hug felt different, that she could tell, yet she could not exactly tell what had spurred this hug on. Perhaps he was fearful of what would happen, either to her or to Tyler. She found that she enjoyed the warmth, however, and lifted her arms to almost awkwardly hug him back.

He pulled back away from her, and his smile was tired, matching his eyes. Tyler had reassured him that they would both be fine, and would come back in one piece, but Willa found part of herself wishing she knew what to say to further reassure him. Would it help at all? Was he more worried about Tyler than her? Too many questions once again filled her mind.

Before she could even begin to think of something to tell him, another Bandito was asking for his attention. He offered both Tyler and Willa an apologetic smile, before giving them each a nod. “Good luck.” He told them, and then he was turning his back to them again, focusing on what the other Bandito was saying.

Tyler nudged Willa’s arm slightly, and she turned her head to look at him. He nodded his head towards the back of the camp, where there was an exit they both had gone through before. He started walking toward it, and Willa followed, only glancing back once at Josh, still feeling as if she wished she knew what to say to him.

Internally, she sighed. Despite what she had already seen, already done and said, perhaps she still was not completely used to being free. With the fears and pressure of finding a new place for a camp, with Nico seemingly breathing down their necks, it only heightened that everything was different out here than in the city. The casual talking between her and Evelyn, the teasing that she had been subjected to, none of it existed within the walls of the city. The thought that all of that could be taken away from her with no warning, it was… terrifying.

Approaching the edge of the camp, the two stopped for a moment. The sun was still rising in the morning sky, and off in the distance, Willa could see clouds, yet could not tell if they were rain clouds or not. Other than that, it seemed like it would be a clear day, perfect for going out for exploring. A wind blew through from Trench, and Willa breathed it in, shutting her eyes. It reminded her that there was so much life out there, so much she hadn’t explored yet. Was this home? What even was a home?

“You ready?” Tyler asked her, his voice quiet.

It was enough, however, to break her out of her thoughts. She opened her eyes to look at him. Was she ready? That excitable feeling still danced around inside of her, yet now it was seemingly laced with nausea, the fear of losing everything she had just so quickly gained fueling it. Would Nico find her out here, would Keons? Fears of her real identity still lingered, only enhanced by Clancy’s appearance.

But then he smiled at her, and the idea of exploring Trench, together, made the fears seemingly disappear, at least for this moment. Then, they both were off, following the morning sun.

 

_.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-_

Willa let out a sigh of relief as they stopped in a clearing, a halfway point between the camp and what she could see as the forest. They’d been traveling all morning, and now, it was seemingly early afternoon. Tyler hadn’t been slow in his pace, not in any sense, so to say Willa’s legs were sore was an understatement.

Taking a seat on the ground below her, she let out a quiet groan, stretching out her legs. It was almost painful, feeling her muscles tighten and then release in her legs. The last time she had been this sore was when she’d literally ran from Dema and Nico. She hadn’t expected to have to keep up a quickened pace while climbing through unfamiliar territory, following someone who was an expert, it seemed.

Tyler let out a quiet laugh from above her, and then he was moving to sit beside her, both facing the horizon in front of them. He stretched his arms above his head, before resting an arm over a knee that was propped up. “I’ve only been out this far once or twice.” He commented, his voice quiet, but there was a happiness inside of it, an excitement.

Willa turned her head to look at him, seeing a soft smile on his face as his thoughtful brown eyes stared out toward the forest in the distance. A wind blew from the canyon below them, and moved the grass around them, almost like it was dancing. It was quiet, but it was not silent. Perhaps that was why she felt so at peace, and that was why Tyler looked so happy. Was that why he was more than willing to scout out new locations for the camp, so he could explore new areas?

Willa shut her eyes, tilting her head back slightly as she leaned back onto her hands. She breathed in deeply and felt the sun’s warmth on her face. Whatever Tyler’s reasoning, she almost felt like she could understand it. The unexplainable urge to run even after leaving the city, whether it was instilled from her mother’s seemingly last words, or from the need to escape the suffocation of the Bishops, it was something Tyler understood. Willa needed to see what was out here, what she had been forcefully deprived of her whole life when she had been controlled.

If she wanted to forget that life completely, she needed to make new memories out here.

“Hey, look what I found.” Tyler’s voice broke her out of her thoughts, once again.

She opened her eyes to look over at him. To her surprise, she saw him holding a flower, one of the same color of the bandanas they both wore, the color of life, the color of the sun. It had just been freshly picked, and Willa glanced down to Tyler’s side to see a few others growing, silently wondering how she had missed that. However, she didn’t have much time to reflect on her own lack of observation skills, before Tyler was reaching toward her, tucking the flower into her hair, behind her ear.

A soft smile was on his face, his eyes seemingly just the same, and Willa felt her heart falter a beat, a flush appearing on her cheeks at the seemingly over-friendly gesture. However, Tyler’s face quickly morphed into a seemingly much, much younger, much blurrier face. She could hear his laughter, almost make out the words that were being spoken to her as he placed a flower in her hair, so painstakingly familiar, but just out of her reach. If she focused a little bit more, would his face come to her? However, when she blinked again, she was surprised to find Tyler staring at her with wide, concerned eyes.

“Willa, hey, what’s wrong?” He asked her, his voice worried, brown eyes scanning her features as if trying to figure out what was wrong.

She was surprised to find tears filling her eyes, either from the memory, or the pain now erupting inside of her chest and her heart. She stared at him for a moment, knowing the boy in her memory was someone different, someone she had once known so well inside of Dema. The overwhelming pain growing inside of her was proof that it was someone she had been so close to, yet she had forgotten him. How could she have forgotten someone who had once laughed with her inside of those walls, something completely unheard of?

“Willa?” Tyler tried again, an edge of further worry sinking into his eyes and his voice.

She sucked in a shaky breath, finally, and then started to shake her head, tears streaming down her face. Her bottom lip trembled, and she lifted her knees, as if to hide herself from him. How was she going to explain to this him? Would he- would he even understand what she was seeing, what she was going through? Would this give him any idea as to who she had once been? 

A warm hand was placed on her shoulder, and she jerked, almost, at the kind gesture. “What’s wrong?” He asked her, again, more worry inside of his voice.

She sucked in a shaky breath again, feeling the pain start to fill her head now, too. He was the one that had mentioned that memories sometimes came back once one was freed of Dema. She could only hope that meant he understood, that he wouldn’t think she was truly crazy, as she could not think of any lie to tell him. She didn't want to keep lying to him, to everyone, but she had to protect herself. But what could she say to him that would make him understand without having his feelings hurt, other than the truth? 

“I…” She started, her voice barely above a whisper, shaky and weak. “Memories they - they keep coming back.” She whispered out, fear filling her voice and her body from the admittance. “They hurt.” She almost whimpered out, holding both hands over her chest, where her heart was. Her eyes were squeezed so tightly shut, as if that could get rid of the haunting blurry face. Would she rather see a blurry face, or who the boy truly was? Which would be more haunting, more unnerving to remember?

And she was so scared to look at Tyler, to know what expression he wore, what he could possibly be thinking. Already, she was set apart from the other Banditos, escaping on her own and being promoted to a scavenger so fast. He didn’t know that she had lived in two regions, not to mention the reasoning behind that, but now he knew that she was getting memories back, at least partially.

What would he think of her now? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tyler and willa head _ut into trench amidst tensions arising  
> will the _orest prove fruitful, or end in fire?  
> i suppose we will just have to wait and see. 
> 
> thank _ou all so, s_ much for the s_pport not only on he_e but _n my insta account <3 it means so much to me.  
> sorry for the delay in posting, i got hit hard with the flu/sinus infection, so i tried to get this out to you guys as quickly as physically possible in my o_n sickly conditio_. keep healthy and _rink some orange ju_ce. 
> 
> also _ad news is, i probably wont be able to see the boys in columbus anymore :( cheapest tickets are $300 at least, plus fees. i'm thankful to have _one to one of their concerts before, but i wo_ld st_ll love to _ee th_m again. 
> 
> anyways  
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	18. [17]

**[17]**

 

 

“What?” He quietly asked, as if he hadn’t heard her properly.

Willa had said it once, and she knew she was not going to be able to repeat it. She had said the truth in order to not hurt his feelings, but a sense a dread had filled her stomach, heavy and nauseating. Was this better than the guilt of lying to him, when all he had done was a gentle gesture of placing the flower in her hair?

She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut tighter, as if that could get rid of the memory, of the face she still could not remember, get rid of the ache inside of her. Who had the Bishops stolen from her, or was it the one she had chosen to forget? She didn’t know, and the more she was out here, in Trench, what she had once known was being proved to all be a lie. It was no wonder that there was a throbbing in her head.

“It’s-” She breathed out, her voice shaky, uneven. “It’s nothing.” She tried to reiterate, ignoring the ache in her chest. “F-forget I said anything.” She forced out, and almost harshly wiped her eyes. She found she hated how much wetness came from them, that now coated her hands as she wiped. Perhaps she hated how she was crying in front of Tyler, after making him so confused and so seemingly worried. Could she have not told him something else?

Opening her eyes, she pushed herself up onto somewhat shaky legs. All the while, she refused to look Tyler in the eyes. She didn’t want to look at him, she wanted to forget that she had said anything. That feeling to run, to hide from what she had done filled her once again, turning into a panic that made her chest feel tight alongside the ache.

“Obviously it’s nothing if you’re crying.” He retorted, finally. His tone sounded worried, but also almost stern. He didn’t believe her words, which further sparked fear inside of Willa.

A warm hand came to rest on her shoulder, and she flinched backwards, almost stumbling back, were it not for said hand tightening on her, keeping her on her feet. Her eyes snapped open at the touch, and she found her wide eyes staring at Tyler’s brown ones.

His eyebrows were furrowed slightly, a frown on his face, but his eyes reflected the sunlight above, making the colors inside of them so  _alive_. It was so different than the cold feeling she had gotten from the face in her memories. The emotion she saw inside of his eyes were so open and honest, and it was almost hard for Willa to try and comprehend them.

“Are you okay?” He asked her, his eyebrows furrowing more, almost matching the questioning tone growing in his voice.

No, she wanted to immediately respond. Would anyone truly be alright with having these haunting faces appear not only in dreams, but now in flashes while awake? She couldn’t remember a time when the ache in her chest had hurt so much, and perhaps that was another attest to the fact that she was free of the Bishops. They were not here to suffocate her feelings, whether they were happiness or pain. But with that pain, came the nauseating worry.

“I-I’m fine.” She responded with, dropping her gaze. She could lie, but could she look him in the eyes, so worried for her, while saying things that were not the truth? “J-just… it’s not important.” 

“Forgive me for not believing you.” He responded with, his voice not upset but truly not pleased, either.

Those words sent another shockwave of panic through her. Her breath hitched, and she moved her gaze to look back up at him, eyebrows furrowed above widened eyes. If he didn’t believe her now, what if more of her lies were found out?

“I can’t imagine having memories come back is something to just brush off.” He added on, his brown eyes studying her, as if he could see what she had just seen.

At her hesitation to speak, she dropped her gaze, shaking her head, trying to tell him, and perhaps part of herself, that she wasn’t, that it was, once again, nothing. She couldn’t lie to him again, not with the state she was currently in, not after he had been kind to her before. Did he deserve to be lied to? He was a far cry from the Bishops, who she thought deserved every lie that spilled from her lips, as they were still the cause of why she lied now. She had to lie about what had happened to her in the city, for she knew that her life now would be shattered.

“Willa,” He started, his voice concerned, but never finished whatever it was he was going to say. Instead, he let out a sigh after a moment of quiet, and his hand fell from her shoulder. She hated how part of her missed the feeling. “If you want to talk about it, I’m open ears.” He told her, and she saw him step away from her in her peripherals.

She lifted her gaze to see him with his head turned away from her, his body partially turned the same. His eyes were staring out into Trench, an unreadable expression crossing over his features once again as a cloud passed over the sun above. His shoulders had gone tense. His eyes looked far away, a frown growing on his face.

Had she caused him to feel like that? More guilt filled her, and she almost wanted to run into Trench, into what almost seemed like oblivion. She wanted to redo all of this, she wanted to know who plagued her distorted memories that was ruining her life now. She hadn’t wanted Tyler to worry, to look like he did now.

“I got my own memories back when I escaped too.” He told her, his expression almost emotionless, yet his voice was quiet, growing wobbly. “Sometimes I still get them.” He admitted, as if it was just him and the vastness of Trench.

Willa felt an ache grow in her heart as she hesitantly took a step toward him, as if wanting to comfort him like he had done with her. Tyler had experienced what she currently was, he was still experiencing it. How much had the Bishops stolen from him, like they had stolen from her? What had they forced from his mind, so that he would stay a loyal and dormant citizen of their Vialism? What had he gone through when they had dragged him back?

“They tried to make me forget what I had seen out here.” He breathed out, and finally she saw emotion crack through on his face. “But they didn’t want to make me forget what they had planned for me.” He shut his eyes as the cloud moved over them, revealing the bright sunlight once more. He tilted his head back towards the light, as if that would wash away all of what he had gone through in Dema.

Willa felt herself take another step toward him, that part of her wanting to reach out to him and admit everything that she had been through growing more. She wanted to tell him that she understood, all too much what the Bishops were like, what Nico and Keons had been like. She understood what they most likely had done in order to keep them both placid, controlled. They both had run from what was planned for them. But the constriction over her heart stopped her from spilling her truth to him.

Tyler opened his eyes and looked over at her, hands in his coat pockets. For someone who didn’t know what he had just been talking about, he almost looked relaxed, normal. But it was given away to her in his eyes. They looked almost watery, red around the edges. There was sadness inside of them, a pain that obviously hadn’t healed fully yet. She recognized it too much, too painfully familiar, as she would stare at her own reflection in her mirror in the city.

“The others have had memories come back, but usually they stop after a while.” He started to speak once again. “I was wondering if you had gotten any back, if they were still continuing.” His eyes seemingly studied her, holding her gaze. “I don’t want to push you talking about them, but I don’t want you to, y’know, suffer in silence either. I understand what those memories can be like, so I just wanted you to know.” He offered her a small smile, and it started to reach the corners of his eyes. “We’re not in there, despite our memories trying to tell us otherwise, so we can talk about anything and everything we want now.”

Willa felt tears well up in her eyes. She swallowed thickly, blinking quickly to try and be rid of the tears growing. How could she tell him about the memories when she didn’t even know who was in them in the first place? She wanted to talk to him, because he seemed to be the only one who understood, despite everyone being from the same place. But could she? Could she be open about something so personal and close to her?

“There’s-” She started, and dropped her gaze, shaking her head again as she shut her her eyes. She took in an uneven breath, and opened her own watery eyes to look back up at him. “Thank you, Tyler.” She responded with, her voice quiet and shaky.

She couldn’t talk to him about specific details, but for now, perhaps knowing that he seemingly knew what it was like to have something planned out for him, it would make it easier to be more honest with her emotions. That would ease the guilt of lying, but would it ease the guilt of making him worry for her? Would it ease the ache and the panic inside of her?

His smile grew slightly, not much in his lips but moreso in his eyes. “Us loners gotta stick together, right?” He responded with, the meaning lighthearted, but it almost sounded too tired coming from his voice.

Again, she didn’t think he was much of an outsider, but perhaps he truly didn’t feel like he could talk to anyone about the memories he was getting back, what he was feeling. Did he really feel like she did? She couldn’t know, so could she trust him? She supposed that if she could lie, anyone truly could. But what would be his motivation to lie? Did he know who she once had been? She had to push down those thoughts, lest she drive herself insane with them.

So, she gave a small nod in response to Tyler’s question, somehow feeling a faint smile grow on her lips. Regardless of whether he was lying to her or not, the feeling of relief that she wasn’t alone in having memories come back was a welcome one.

The smile on his face grew at her response, and then he turned his attention toward where the forest was at. She turned her own gaze toward it, as if just remembering why they had come out here in the first place. Clouds rolled overhead, and casted the seemingly foggy forest in darkness, blocking it out from the sun. Willa was sure it was just because of the lingering panic inside of her and the headache making her feel as if the sight in front of them was an omen of things to come.

“Are you okay to keep going?” Tyler asked her, his voice breaking her out of her thoughts once again.

She wanted to tell him that she was, that she wanted to keep going and never stop. But it was like what he had told her before, it was impossible to do that. She shut her eyes, breathing in deeply and letting it back out. The throbbing inside of her head remained. She had lied to Tyler enough.

She opened her eyes to look at him, giving a small shake of her head. “I’m sorry.” She apologized, feeling the guilt sit on her chest once again. The Banditos needed to move their camp, sooner rather than later, and the task had fallen onto Tyler, and she supposed, in a way, herself. But she needed to rest, as she knew how her headache would grow if she did not. It hardly helped the guilt, however.

“I-I wish I could go further, but-” She started to practically stammer out, feeling that panicked itch grow inside of her once again.

“Willa, it’s okay.” Tyler responded with, interrupting her with a calm voice. His expression matched his tone, and he took a step toward her. “I don’t think anyone is really expecting us to find a new safe place for the camp today anyways.” He reassured her, then turned his head toward the forest, nodding in that direction. “Those clouds look heavy with rain.” A thoughtful look grew on his face as he stared out that way.

At least they would have an excuse to tell the others, to tell Josh, as to what had happened.

Willa let out a quiet sigh, partially of relief, partially to try and ease the guilt inside of her. At least when they got back to the camp, she could write in her journal about what was going on, to try and make some sort of sense from it. Perhaps something would connect between the pages, but from what she did remember and what she was remembering, nothing was making sense anymore. Focusing on her new life was proving to be more difficult when the past kept trying to wrap hands, marked by death, around her neck, and her heart.

 

_.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-_

Colors danced across the front of the canvas tent she laid inside of. Reds, oranges, and colors she didn’t know the names of all flickered and morphed into one another. The sounds of the fire they were casted from filled her ears, crackling in the cold night. The fire mixed with the more somber sounds of the Banditos in the camp, all getting ready for their dinner.

Willa, however, laid on her bed, her book laying over her chest. The flower was held in between her fingers, and she spun it gently. She had just written about her memory that had happened out in Trench, as if trying to make some sort of connection with it, who had been in it. She squeezed her eyes shut, remembering the laugh of the blurred face. It was so familiar, yet it was just out of her reach, frustratingly so. Yet, she had been happy, despite many of her other memories returning to her all being sad or panic-inducing. Who had brought her happiness in that grey place?

“Knock knock.”

The voice broke her out of her thoughts, eyes flashing open, and she jerked herself up into a sitting position on her bed. The book was immediately grasped in her hand and then shoved underneath her hoodie she wore in a panic. She had done so, just in time, as Josh had decided to poke his head into the tent.

He offered her an almost nervous, almost apologetic smile. “I hope I didn’t wake you up or anything.” He greeted with, his expression embarrassed. His brown eyes reflected that embarrassment, and the light from outside.

Internally letting out a sigh, she supposed her panic could look like it was from just suddenly being woken up. Not because she was hiding anything inside of her hoodie, and certainly not the book that held all of her secrets. She shook her head, running a hand through her hair. “N-no, you’re fine.” She tried to reassure him. “I was just… lost in thought, I guess.” She admitted, truthfully.

He nodded, a look of understanding growing on his face. “Yeah, there’s a been a lot to think about lately.” He agreed with her, an almost somber look growing on his face. “Anyways,” he was quick to add on, a smile on his face again, “I just wanted to know if you were coming out for dinner tonight. I know Tyler mentioned that you had a headache earlier while out there.”

Willa swallowed thickly. Tyler wasn’t exactly supposed to mention that, but she supposed he wouldn’t want to lie to his best friend. Not like how she was lying to everyone. Attempting to brush those thoughts away for now, she gave a small sigh. “Yes, I did have one.” She told him. “But, it seems to have faded for now, so maybe I can come out.” She told him, moving her gaze up to meet his again.

His brown eyes crinkled at the corners, his smile widening on his face. “Awesome.” He responded with, his tone sounding happy. “With everyone down lately, Tyler and I are probably going to try and do some more music tonight. Maybe we can practice your skills again.”

Part of Willa wondered how she could have forgotten that he had brought up the idea of her learning to use the box like he did. How could she had forgotten about the opportunity to learn something that would create music? Then she remembered, that night of fun and laughter had come crashing down because of the arrival of Clancy. So much of what little she had grown accustomed to what been torn away from her, because of him. She had become so used to the idea of staying out in Trench, out of the camp, all so she could avoid him and the fear that he might have once known her. Perhaps part of her had forgotten that she had made connections in the camp already, that those she had made connections with would want to see her again. And, she was surprised to find that she had missed speaking to them today, even if their conversations were mundane.

So, she felt a smile grow on her face, and she nodded at Josh’s words. “Yes, that sounds like a fun idea.”

He grinned, and she noticed his tongue sticking out slightly when he did so. “I hope so!” He responded with, and she heard the excitement in his tone, seeing it in his expression. “I’ll give you a few minutes and then I’ll see you out there?” He practically asked.

Willa nodded once again, her smile growing. She was unable to help it, seeing how excited he was. With how tired he had looked the past few days or so, she couldn’t help but think he deserved a night of fun. It was like Tyler had told her, and she had seen it for herself, Josh had so much on his shoulders. Even more now, with the pressures of the camp being worried for their safety. Seeing him excitable and happy was contagious.

He gave her another grin, and then he was pulling himself out of her tent, leaving her alone to her thoughts once again. She shook her head slightly with a small chuckle leaving her mouth. After waiting a moment, she made sure Josh wasn’t going to come back into the tent, before she moved her book out from underneath her hoodie.

She stared at the cover for a moment before shaking her head, and leaning over the side of her bed to pull out her backpack. Unzipping it, she quickly slid the journal inside of her old, grey backpack before zipping it back up. And she slid it back under her bed for safe keeping, before sliding off of the bed herself. Reminding herself that her journal would be safe, as it had been since she had arrived here, she nodded to herself.

Glancing down at the flower still in her hand, she felt a faint smile grow on her face. Even if a memory had come back, the action that had caused the memory to come back was a kind one. Tyler had given her the flower while they were out there together, tucking it behind her ear in her hair. It had been a gentle motion, one that had surprised her but it had been, before the memory had returned, a surprisingly welcome one. She didn’t know where the warmth came from inside of her chest, but she couldn’t help the smile that grew on her face, or the redness she felt growing on her cheeks.

She was quick to shake her head, pushing silly thoughts out of her for now. Last thing she needed was for Abby or even Evelyn seeing her reddened face and teasing her about it. Tucking the flower behind her ear once again, she still held a smile on her face. Taking in a deep breath, she let it out, before turning towards the tent flap where Josh had been.

Pushing it open, she was met with the familiar sight of the torches burning in the cold night. She could see the main fire, along with smaller fires, burning around the camp once again. And although there were less Banditos out tonight than the music night that had been interrupted, quite a few had still decided to come out. Perhaps once they heard the music, more would emerge from their tents.

She started to make her way towards the main fire, letting the smell of cooking soup lead her. She kept to herself, but smiled at other Banditos she saw out and about, seeing no reason not to at least offer a smile. Many of them looked tired, but some offered smiles back to her. Turning a corner, she was greeted with the sight of the main fire, growing in size and warmth, not to mention casting those beautiful colors across the tents around it. She was also greeted with Brooke and Evelyn sitting nearby, who seemed to be engrossed in their own conversation once again.

However, she also saw Abby and Harry standing and talking to one another. She couldn’t see Harry’s face, as his back was somewhat turned to her, but by the expression on Abby’s face, it wasn’t a pleasant conversation. Abby looked more tired than Willa had seen her thus far, and she could only imagine it was because of Clancy and his condition. Guilt filled Willa once again at the thought that Abby was trying to care for him without help, but there had to be help, didn’t there?

Within a moment of her watching the couple, however, Harry was shaking his head and walking away from Abby, back toward the medical tent. The dramatic lighting of the fire made his expression seem deeper, angrier, even, but before Willa could really study it, he was gone, inside of the tent. Her gaze moved back to Abby, who was running a hand over her face, shoulders slumped slightly.

Hesitantly, Willa approached the other woman, a concerned look growing on her face. It felt like it had been so long since she had talked to Abby, when in reality, it had only really been a day or two. It was hard to tell sometimes, but regardless, Willa knew their last conversation had included Abby yelling at her. She hoped that there wasn’t still anger left between them.

“Abby?” Willa asked, almost shyly and cautiously. Perhaps part of her was still scared that Abby would yell at her once again.

Abby dropped her hand from her face, and her tired eyes met Willa’s. There were bags growing underneath her eyes, and her hair was pulled back, only seemingly highlighting the pure exhaustion in her face. “Oh, hi Willa.” She greeted, trying to put enthusiasm into her voice. “How’re you doing?”

“Despite everything happening, I’m surprisingly fine.” She responded with, hands in her hoodie pocket. She tilted her head slightly, that concern still on her face. “What about you?” She inquired, gently. “Are you okay?”

Abby let out a long sigh, placing her hands on her hips as she shifted her weight. “Do I look like I’m okay?” She responded with, her tone obviously stressed.

Willa supposed that her question wasn’t the wisest to ask, especially after seeing her argue with Harry, but she didn’t think she deserved the almost snappish tone. She couldn’t help the almost hurt feeling that spread across her chest, and took a step back, her eyebrows furrowing.

Abby shook her head slightly. “Sorry, Willa.” She apologized, looking up at her with a truly apologetic look. “With Clancy showing up, then with the announcement Josh made, it’s-” She shook her head again, and lifted it to look at Willa. A small smile grew on her face, but it reflected that tiredness. “But hey, at least you’re back in one piece.” She responded with. “I should be thankful for that.”

Willa offered a somewhat small smile back, trying to help lighten Abby’s mood and trying to ignore the snappish comment.

“And, with a cute flower in your hair.” The smile on Abby’s face turned into an almost mischievous smirk with an eyebrow raise. “Where’d that come from?” She asked, her tone matching the look on her face. It was as if Abby was trying to change the subject, brush off what it was she had said.

Willa felt a rush of heat come to her cheeks again, and she gave a small, almost sheepish shrug. “J-just found it out there.” She responded with, trying to avoid talking to Abby about what would, without a doubt, give her more fuel to add to the teasing.

A grin broke through Abby’s face. “Oh, did you find it or did Tyler find it?” She asked, her tone further that of a teasing one.

Willa rolled her eyes, trying to ignore how her cheeks grew even more red, which made a laugh escape from Abby in front of her. Willa couldn’t help the small smile on her face, despite the light teasing, knowing that Abby truly didn’t mean any harm by it.

“Either way, I think it looks cute on you. It suits you.” Abby added on, the teasing tone fading from her voice. “It brings some more life into the camp, that’s for sure.” She commented, and her gaze turned toward the other Banditos gathering around.

Willa followed her gaze, once again noticing how they looked tired like Abby did. Perhaps Josh was right that they all needed a night of lightheartedness. Willa could only hope that this time, it wasn’t interrupted by an unexpected visitor. Whether that be someone else like Clancy or someone much, much worse, she did not want either.

“Hopefully things perk up again here soon.” Willa spoke out, her voice quiet, somber, almost. She turned her gaze out toward where the exit of the camp was, in the direction of the forest. Even if she couldn’t see it, she knew it was out there, waiting for them. How different would the forest be from this place, in between two large hills? She supposed she wouldn’t know until she and Tyler arrived there.

Hushed whispers broke her out of her thoughts, and her attention snapped back to where Josh was setting his box down in front of the fire once again. Tyler followed, with his small instrument Willa still did not know the name of. She’d have to remember to ask him about that later on.

“Oh, I guess they’re gonna start soon.” Abby spoke out, her tone somewhat surprised. “I didn’t know they were actually going to do this tonight.” Willa saw the other woman shrug out of her peripherals. “We should probably find a seat, then.”

Willa nodded, and started to move her gaze away from both of the two men setting up. Her eyes caught Tyler’s brown ones, and she watched as his eyes caught onto the flower she still wore in her hair. His smile grew into a grin, and perhaps it was just the lighting from the fire, but it almost looked like there was a hint of a flush on his cheeks.

She had a faint smile on her face directed at him, before her attention was taken by trying to find a seat next to Abby, who was walking slightly in front of her. Again, there was that warm feeling inside of her, growing from her chest, that made her feel happy. Despite how exhausting the morning and afternoon had gone, perhaps she felt closer with Tyler. After all, he knew a part of her not everyone did. He knew that she had escaped on her own, and now he knew that she was getting memories back like he was. It was hard not to trust him, it seemed. Even still, despite this warm feeling inside of her, she had too much hanging over her still to further pursue whatever it was Abby loved to insinuate.

She wouldn’t have the faintest idea about how to go about that anyways.

Following Abby, the two found their spots next to Evelyn and Brooke. They sat close to one another on their log, arms wrapped around one another with Brooke’s head on Evelyn’s shoulder. Both of them smiled, yet they too were seemingly plagued by the tiredness that had encompassed the camp.

Evelyn cocked an eyebrow slightly at Abby. “Is Harry not joining us again?” She asked, her tone seemingly judging of the man.

Abby let out a sigh, sitting on the log across from the couple, with Willa following suit. “No. He’s keeping an eye on Clancy for me for a little bit so I can have a break.” She responded with, however the expression on her face looked less than pleased. She almost looked sad, alongside upset.

“Oh.” Evelyn responded, her voice quiet. “Well, I’m sure Clancy will be healed up soon enough to where he won’t need to have someone helping him all the time.” She tried to be positive.

Abby shook her head slightly, shutting her eyes. “Even when Clancy heals, I think the two of them knew each other in the city. They seem like they’ve known each other for years now.”

Coldness washed over Willa like a tidal wave. Suddenly, it felt hard to breathe and she briefly wondered if there was a Bishop’s hand tightening around her neck once again. Had Clancy and Harry known each other in the city? Had Harry known her? No, she told herself, she would have remembered him. Wouldn’t she? Were the dirty looks he had been giving her  _because_  he knew who she had once been, or were they just because that was who he was? She didn’t know, and perhaps she didn’t  _want_  to know. Was Harry yet another person to avoid?

“So you’re scared you won’t get to spend time with him anymore?” Brooke responded with, her tone gentle. It broke Willa out of her momentary panic, at least for the moment.

Abby let out a small chuckle, but it sounded emotionless. “Is it that obvious?” She asked, her question rhetorical. “Maybe it’s just because I’m exhausted and sleep deprived, but yeah, I guess so. He’s just… he’s become distant.” Her voice had grown quiet, even wobbly.

Willa, hesitantly, lifted a hand and rested it on Abby’s shoulder, as if to distract herself further. Her eyes met Abby’s, and Willa was surprised to find them almost watery looking. How did she comfort someone who was crying over a relationship, something she had no experience in?

“Oh, honey.” Brooke spoke out, her tone spewing concern and sadness. “If Harry really cares about you, he’ll come back around.” She reassured. “I see how he looks at you, he’s hopelessly fallen for you.”

“If he doesn’t come back around, well, you have just about the entire camp to beat him up.” Evelyn added in.

That made an uneven laugh break out of Abby, who then lifted her hands to wipe at her eyes. “Thanks. That- that helps to hear.” She responded with, offering them all a weak smile, yet it held true gratefulness.

“Anytime.” Evelyn responded with.

“Of course!” Brooke added on.

Willa offered her own, hopefully not shaky, smile at Abby. She gave a few pats on the other woman’s shoulder, opening her mouth to speak, but was interrupted as a few test beats echoed throughout the air.

The camp went quite once again, and everyone’s attention was turned toward where Tyler and Josh had set up in front of the main fire. The two men looked at each other for a moment, before nodding. Then, the two were moving in synchronization with their instruments.

Once again, Willa was taken back to when she had first heard music, the feelings it had washed over her. Before she could truly think about that, however, Tyler started singing quite almost immediately after the two had started their beats.

“ _I’ll keep on trying,_ ” he started out, his voice singing out with a higher tone, “ _might as well._ ”

Everyone was engrossed by his singing, including her. Out of her peripherals, however, she could see some people swaying to the beat that Josh created, or tapping their hands on their knees. She however, sat almost perfectly still, trying to absorb as much of the music as she could, trying to forget the panic inside of her.

“ _If you decide,_ ” he continued on, his eyes closed, “ _all is well._ ”

Willa watched, listening as he repeated himself, continuing on with strumming his instrument, as if it was as easy as breathing. The swaying in his body was completely natural, and it was almost as if he was leading the rest of the Bandito camp in their swaying. Willa found her head moving along with the music, unable to help it.

“ _I don't mind at all,_ ” He started as the song slowed to just Josh’s drumming, opening his eyes to look at the Banditos watching them both.

“ _Lean on my pride, lean on my pride, I’m a lion!_ ” The ones around her, and around the camp, all shouted together, as if they hadn’t a care in a world. Like there was no fear about Nico coming to get them, that they weren’t worried about where their new home would be. Perhaps their fear fueled them to be so loud, as if challenging Nico and the other Bishops to come find them.

The energy around her was almost static, and it filled her in the oddest way. Part of her wanted to be reckless like the others around her, to yell out carelessly into the night. She wanted Nico to see that they weren’t afraid of him, that she was no longer scared of him. And perhaps that was true, at least for him. However, a quiet part of her knew she would not be able to face the one that had practically raised her, yelling about like the others were. That quiet part of her told her she was still scared, still connected to the city, despite her best efforts to cut herself off. And she knew it was right.

A prickling feeling made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. It was the same feeling she had gotten when she had been out in Trench for the first time, realizing Tyler had been behind her. Except this time, she had no stick to defend herself. She sincerely hoped that she wouldn’t need a stick to defend herself while in the camp, a place that was supposed to be safe for everyone.

Swallowing thickly, she blinked her eyes, moving her once almost vacant stare from Tyler and Josh to the side. Cold blue eyes met hers, seemingly freezing her heartbeat while goosebumps rose on her arms. She couldn’t help the feeling of familiarity that washed over her as she stared at Clancy, who stood near the edge of where everyone was gathered, Harry next to him. And, adding to the nausea quickly growing in her stomach, it seemed he was feeling something similar to what she was, if the confused yet questioning expression on his face wasn’t enough to reinforce her growing fears.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter w_s a little all over the place i feel, but i got through some _asty writer's block to get this out to you guys  
> i di_ enjoy some parts of this, and i hope you enjoyed and picked up on little hints  
> things are growing, building and changing, with a gro_ing rapidness
> 
> im still _olding onto that h_pe that i'll get to see the bo_s again, but   
> we kn_w how that goes. hopefully one day i'll get to see them again live and preform c_t my lip live //shakes fist tiredly  
> im th_nkful fo_ the chanc_ i had to see _hem _nce, as seeing them in clevelan_ live inspired me to write this story 
> 
> _nyway, i hope _ou all have a good week  
> until next time
> 
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	19. [18]

**[18]**

 

The flickering torches were the only light casted in the otherwise dark night. The moon and the stars were hidden by the rolling clouds above, bringing a cold wind with them. A change was coming, hanging heavy in that wind. She couldn’t have been the only one to feel it, but perhaps the others never came out during this time like she had taken to doing.

Perhaps that was why Willa continued to write in the worn journal she had taken to becoming so secretive over.

Normally, she would have never had brought her journal out like this. Thinking of doing so any other time brought a massive wave of anxiety crashing down onto her. The other Banditos would see her journal, would know she had it, and then become curious of it. The last thing she ever wanted, ever needed, was for someone to read her journal, read the secrets she had hidden from everyone, and everything, else but the journal.

She had only brought the journal out with her from her tent because she knew it was silent within the camp, all asleep in the cold, quiet night. The chances of her seeing another were slim to none, especially as she was on the edge of the camp, sitting on the log overlooking the valley of Trench below. The only other one that she had ever seen come out here was Tyler, but as far as she knew, he had gone to bed to try and prepare for another day of exploring Trench after he was done singing for the others.

With the thought of him, she was reminded as to another reason for why she had brought her journal out to write in. Too many thoughts filled her mind of who he truly was, his actions toward her. Why was there this warmth inside of her chest when she thought of his smile, his kind eyes? How could she feel that toward someone she had seemingly seen with the Smeared neck?

She was quick to remind herself that it had just been the lighting that had done that, made her already panicked mind see something that perhaps was never truly there. But could she truly know that? She hadn’t known Tyler in Nico’s region, and she knew it was probably because he was already gone by the time she had been placed to live there. After all, it was his old apartment she had been placed into by both Keons and Nico. His decision to leave the flower there when he had last escaped was the reason she had escaped.

Perhaps it was gratitude she felt toward him.

Whatever it was, whoever he had been, she wrote down her thoughts, her fears and her worries into that worn journal. The sound of her writing and the sound of the flickering torches faded into the back of her mind, as she focused into getting her thoughts down, lest she try to go back to her tent to sleep and faced the same dilemma once more. Rampant thoughts filled her mind, too cruel to let her sleep anymore until she wrote them down, but even that hadn’t helped her much. A walk, fresh air, had been needed.

Only the sound of a branch cracking under someone’s foot snapped her out of her focus.

Whipping her head back as she snapped her book shut, she almost expected to see Tyler’s warm brown eyes, crinkled with amusement as he startled her once again. However, her sudden panic only solidified when she saw cold blue eyes staring at her instead.

The blue eyes were attached to a face that looked almost timid, as if Clancy were just as startled as she was. He looked as if he would bolt at any given chance, like she still sometimes felt like. There were dark circles under his eyes, as if he hadn’t slept since he had arrived here. He stood on his own, however, without Harry, which meant he had either snuck away from the tent, or was allowed to wander on his own now.

She didn’t think too heavily on the reasoning, as he was still standing in front of her, eyes wide and scared. Had he purposely been trying to sneak up on her?

She held her journal with a white knuckled grip as she stared at him, more than painfully aware that he perhaps could have seen it, that him sneaking up on her was to see the journal. Her eyes stared at him, trying to understand if he was just lost around the camp, or if he had known this place was here, known  _she_  was here.

“S-sorry, I didn’t - I didn’t mean to startle you.” He almost stammered out. The flickering from the torches made his blonde hair almost appear red and orange, shifting and changing. It reminded her too much of the Bishops’ blood red cloaks.

With a jolt to her chest, she realized this was the first time she had actually heard him speak normally. Before, she had only seen his mouth move and his voice before had been hoarse. The realization that his voice was now familiar to her wasn’t something she ever thought would happen. The sinking feeling that the possibility of her once knowing him was growing, making her chest feel tighter, making it harder to breathe.

Willa had to get out of here. She had to avoid him. She couldn’t let him know who she once had been.

“I-it’s fine.” She spoke out, her voice quiet, and she hated how it reflected her panic. “I was just leaving.” She pushed herself up off of the log, pushing her journal into the internal pocket of her jacket.

“Oh.” She couldn’t help the feeling of guilt that hit her from nowhere with the sound of his voice, along with a wave that perhaps this had happened before, in a place much more grey. He almost sounded disappointed, sad, even, that she wasn’t going to stay. “A-are you sure?”

She tried not to think about how he was trying to adjust to living out here, trying to deal with being chased by Nico. She tried not to remember that everyone knew that he had seemingly brought a Bishop closer to their safe haven, tried not to think of the dirty looks he had most probably received. She tried not to think too much about the memory of someone with a voice identical to him crying out for her to stay, of the feeling of seeing an expression on a blurred face that had tore into her heart.

But with no Bishops near them now, she felt everything in full, perhaps for the first time. An ache filled her panicked heart, and she fought to keep the tears behind. Was he the one that had given her the flower when they were younger? Had she trusted him as her childhood friend growing up, telling him all her secrets?

She didn’t want to remember anymore from that life.

She didn’t want to remember who she had once been, what role she had been given to fill out by the Bishops. She didn’t want to know if she had once been friends with Clancy or not, she wanted to forget all of that life. She wanted to run and never look back to that grey place, filled with broken sobs and crushed flowers.

So she did.

Pushing her feet to walk past him, she did so without looking at him again. Perhaps he wasn’t who she thought he was, but all of the signs were pointing to the fact that he could easily be the one she had chosen to forget. And perhaps that was another reason why she did not want to believe he was that friend, because she hadn’t wanted to deal with remembering his pain and ache when she had told him she had to move. She couldn’t look him in his haunting blue eyes without remembering that feeling, without feeling that heavy guilt and panic, and that is why she didn’t.

“W-wait, I just-” His voice stammered out again.

At the feeling of a hand gently touch her shoulder, she recoiled, snapping backwards, and jerking her head up to finally look at him. Coldness had filled her from when he had briefly touched her shoulder, almost like it had been dunked into freezing cold water. Her eyes, wide with panic and now, perhaps even fear, looked up at him, seeing his own eyes just as wide.

“D-do we know each other?” He asked her, his wide eyes staring into her own.

Willa never had wanted to become a liar. She had never wanted to be trained to have a silver tongue like she had now, she wanted to leave that behind with the ones that had trained her. But, she never wanted her past to follow her out here. She didn’t want to lie to people while staring them in their eyes, but she knew, all too well, just how to do that.

With the bile rapidly rising inside of her, she stared Clancy in his hauntingly familiar eyes. She opened her mouth, and she lied.

 

_.. .- .... .-.. --- / ..-. --- .-.. .. -. .-_

 

Pushing herself up to a standing position, she brushed off her hands on her pants. Glancing back behind her, she could see where she had climbed up, her footprints still lingering in the otherwise frozen moss that had grown on top of the rocks. However, she could already see the moss was pushing back up against the imprint, against the frost that had turned the once lavish green landscape into a paler version of itself.

Pulling down her bandana from around her face, she breathed out, watching as her breath danced in the cold morning air in front of her for a moment before dispersing. The bitter air danced on her now bare face, stinging her nose and cheeks. But she needed to breathe in the fresh air, even if it burned her throat and her lungs as she breathed it in.

She needed to know that life was still out here, even if it looked frozen.

“Your rock climbing has improved.” Tyler’s mirthful voice broke through her thoughts. She turned her head to glance over at him standing beside her, his own bandana now pulled down. He had a teasing smile on his face, his eyes crinkled in the corners.

She rolled her eyes slightly at the comment, but a hint of a smile grew on the corners of her lips. She was surprised to find she could smile, after the early morning meeting she had with Clancy. Part of it felt like a nightmare, but the nausea and panic she still had lingering around reminded her that it had, in fact, been something real.

Once again that panic filled her the more she thought of what his question meant. She had lied, directly to him, but would her lie be believed forever? Would he regain his own memories that told him the truth, like it had seemingly done with her? Part of her wanted to so desperately hold onto the belief that he wasn’t who she had chosen to forget, chosen to leave behind, but everything was fitting together too well.

Was this a form of punishment sent by the Bishops for her escaping?

“Willa?” Tyler asked, breaking her out of her thoughts.

She blinked quickly, turning her gaze from Trench to look at him, seeing he had taken another step closer to her, as if concerned. “Yes?” She asked, confusion and questioning filling her voice and expression. Why did he look somewhat concerned all of a sudden?

“Did you hear what I said?” He asked, tilting his head slightly, seemingly studying her face.

Heat flushed across her cheeks and the tops of her ears, although, perhaps in the cold, they were already pink. She ducked her gaze, shaking her head slightly. “S-sorry, I was lost in thought for a moment there.”

“I could tell.” He responded with, his voice quiet. “It’s why I just thought I’d make sure you were still, y’know, here.” He told her. She glanced up to see him with faint pink on his cheeks and nose too, and she told herself it was from the cold, like her own.

Regardless of her own embarrassment, she offered him a small smile. “Yes, I’m okay.” She told him, trying to tell herself she was okay in the process. Perhaps she could lie to others, but could she continue to lie to herself? “What were you saying?” She asked him, to further distract herself from her own thoughts.

He gave a small shake of his head. “I was just commenting on how much colder it’s gotten.” He turned his head back toward the grey sky, a thoughtful look on his face.

Willa followed his gaze. Her own eyes could see the dark grey sky above them, as if the sky was heavy with rain. Or possibly even snow, something she had never seen, only read of. It never snowed inside of the city, but she thought that perhaps the white snowflakes would match it. She felt like, however, the grey sky today was a matching fit for the place they had escaped from. 

“Hopefully the rain holds out until we get back to the camp tonight.” He commented, then pursed his lips in thought. “Hopefully it doesn’t snow just yet.” He added on, as if he were thinking out loud, his voice quieter.

His gaze turned toward where the forest lay, off in the distance. Her own gaze moved toward it too, seeing how it was almost hidden in the grey haze around them. She had no idea if they’d be able to make it back before it rained, as it was hard to tell just how long they had been out today. The sun was hidden, seemingly making time stretch on forever. But with Tyler’s comments of snow, it made other thoughts fill her head. Would they be able to move the camp over to the forest before the snow stayed? How long did they have until it stuck to the ground beneath their feet?

“We should keep going then, before it does rain, right?” Willa suggested, moving her gaze from the forest to look over at him. The thought worried her that perhaps their backpacks could get wet, and that meant her journal could get wet. After the encounter she had experienced with Clancy, she was not about to leave something so important to her behind, even if it would stay dry inside of a tent.

Tyler met her eyes and nodded. “Probably would be a good idea.” He breathed in deeply once again, before releasing it, moving his gaze over Trench. He looked tired, she noticed, and even as if he had more to say, but simply shook his head. Instead, turned to look back at her, offering a smile. “Let’s go explore something new.” Then, he was pulling his bandana up, hiding who he was once again.

Part of Willa wanted to ask him what he could possibly be thinking, but she imagined it wouldn’t be fair to ask him. He hadn’t asked her what she had been thinking so deeply about, something she had appreciated. Regardless, she pulled up her own bandana around the bottom half of her face again, and with his arm gesturing out for her to go ahead of him, she walked across the top of the rock they were on.

Giving a quick glance down, she could see they weren’t too far up, unlike the other side where she had to really pull herself up. So, she simply hopped down, landing firmly on the ground below her, boots crunching into the frozen moss. She glanced up at Tyler for only a minute before he was hopping down and landing beside her.

He gave a quick glance over at her, as if to make sure she was still okay, and after she gave him a nod, he started walking. She followed along beside him, her eyes casted more downwards to watch where she was watching. Although, she could see him walking beside her in the corner of her vision. It was a nice reminder that, even though they both were quiet, they weren’t alone with that quietness.

They walked for a little ways, the sky growing more dark above them and the forest growing closer. Once again, she was filled with that uneasy feeling settling in her stomach. Perhaps it was just from how dark and foreboding the trees looked in the minimal lighting provided. Or, Willa thought to herself, it was from how it was the fact that it would be something new, not only for her, but for Tyler too. Did he know what to expect from inside of it? Would they find a place inside of the woods to stay?

“Hey, wait just a second.” Tyler’s voice spoke quietly.

She jerked her head up to look at him, seeing he had stopped walking. Instead, his gaze was focused on the edge of the cliffs to Willa’s left. She followed his gaze, and saw small bushes like the ones she had first seen when she had entered Trench. Curiosity filled her, and she started to walk toward the bushes. “Are these berries?” She asked Tyler, not bothering to glance back at him to see if he was following her.

“Yeah, I’m surprised to see so many out here though together.” He commented.

Willa kneeled down in front of the bushes, reaching a hand out to pick one of the berries. Lifting it to her nose, she smelled it. It seemed like it was the same type of berries that were in the camp, so tentatively, she placed it in her mouth. Biting down, her nose scrunched up at the sour taste. Yes, it was definitely the same type of berry.

“Well, the one I just ate was one of the sour ones if you like those ones.” She retorted with, forcing herself to swallow the thing. It lingered in her mouth though, making her almost regret eating it in the first place.

She heard him chuckle from behind her. “Well, grab a few of those and I’ll be right over here, okay? I want to see what other plants we might be able to scavenge.”

Willa glanced over her shoulder to see what direction he was going into, and gave a nod. He was just going over to the other side of the short ridge, but she knew when she stood again, she’d be able to see him still. She then turned her attention back toward the berries in front of her. Shifting her backpack so it slid off of her shoulders, she unzipped the front pocket. Inside was a little canvas bag with a string around it to tie it shut if needed. That is what she decided would be used for the berries in front of her.

It took her longer than she thought it would have to fill up her bag, and by the time she was done, her heels ached from how she had been kneeling down, and her back hurt from how she had been bent over. Taking a quick glance at her fingers, they were stained a dark purple now from the juice some of them had been oozing out. She tried to ignore how they almost looked like a Bishop’s hands. Quickly, she tied the bag, and slid it back into her backpack, before zipping that up and shifting it back up.

When she stood, her eyes moved to travel over the vast landscape in front of her. A fear crept into her chest when she did not see the familiar color she wore herself. Again, she looked over the frozen green and black rocks, and the fear increased. Tyler was gone.

Her feet started to push themselves forward, her head snapping to side to side, as if she could see where he could have gone. He hadn’t left her here, had he? She quickly told herself she would have been able to see him if he had continued on up ahead, yet it did not do much to reassure her overactive mind that he was just  _gone_.

“Tyler?” She called out, her voice shaky. She hated how scared she sounded, how tears burned her eyes. All she could hear was her voice echoing in the quiet, greyness of Trench.

She walked around the ridge, where she had seen him walking to, her wide, panicked eyes trying to make sense of where he could have just gone. Fear filled her at the thought that he could have fallen. She told herself that she would have heard him, but it didn’t stop her frantic footsteps in the frozen moss below her from taking her to the edge once again. Wide eyes looked far down into the valley below her, trying to spot anything that would resemble Tyler. She couldn’t see anything, but she doubted that the tears blurring her vision helped any.

Over her own rapid heartbeat in her ears, she could hear a footstep crunch in the moss behind her. Filled with fear and sudden adrenaline, she whipped around, bringing a fist up to defend herself against whoever, whatever, had snuck up on her. Her panicked eyes met wide brown ones as her fist was caught by a hand, blocking it from hitting his bandana covered face.

“I guess I should be happy it wasn’t a stick this time.” Tyler muttered out, his eyes holding hers, darting quickly back and forth across her face. His hand gently, but firmly, lowered her fist from near his face. “And that you don’t know how to punch properly.”

That broke her out of her frozen shocked state, and she jerked her hand from his warm one. Her watery eyes were now filled her anger, confusion, that feeling only reflecting what was rising inside of her. “I thought you had fallen off the cliff, and you’re going to joke around?” She retorted with, raising her shaky voice, almost yelling.

“Willa, I-I’m okay.” Tyler responded with, his eyes wide still, as if he hadn’t expected her reaction. 

“Yes, I can see that now.” She retorted, then let out a sigh, shutting her eyes. She lifted a hand to run through her hair, trying to calm herself down. “I just- I thought-”

“I know.” He interrupted with, his voice quiet. “I should have told you what I found before I actually went to explore it.” He sighed out this time. “I didn’t mean to scare you.” His voice was apologetic, more so than she had heard it before.

Willa opened her eyes to look up at him, and saw him with his eyes downcast. She felt a pang in her chest for making him look so sad. Was it really her fault, however, when he had been the one to disappear in the first place? Perhaps she could have handled it better, but she had been so worried, and so scared, she still felt it lingering.

Breathing in slowly, she let it back out. Gingerly, she lifted her hand to gently rest on his shoulder. His gaze lifted to meet hers, and she felt her heart falter at the way his eyes looked at her. She willed her heart to stay calm, and was silently thankful for the bandana covering her reddened cheeks. “It’s fine, Tyler.” She told him, her voice quiet. “Whatever you found must’ve been really something special for you to have not told me first.” She added on, trying to lighten the atmosphere between them.

She saw relief flood his eyes, then watched as they crinkled in the corners. She knew, without having to see the bottom half of his face, that he was smiling. “It was one of those little caves.” He told her, and she could hear the smile in his voice.

She felt her own smile on her face, and dropped her hand from his shoulder, starting to walk forward. Part of her still felt upset that he had just disappeared into the cave without telling her, but she could understand that urge to just explore, without really thinking of the consequences. “Well, was there anything interesting inside of the cave?” She asked him, heading in the direction she thought the small cave would be in.

He followed behind her, catching up to her. He hesitated, but gave a small shake of his head. “No, but… it had a really nice view of the valley and the river down there.” He admitted, almost sheepishly.

Willa turned her gaze from him, rolling her eyes slightly, but her smile grew underneath her bandana. “So was the view worth me punching you?” She asked him in a slightly teasing tone, knowing that her punch had done nothing to hurt him, obviously.

She heard him let out a quiet, relieved laugh as he caught up with her, walking beside her now. “Oh yes, it was totally worth the completely hurtful punch you delivered.” He responded in the same tone she had taken. “I didn’t know you were so good at rock climbing  _and_  punching, Willa.” He teased, bumping his shoulder against her own.

She bit her lip to keep from chuckling at his comment, but she bumped her shoulder against his. “You startled me!” She defended herself. “And I didn’t have a stick this time to hit you with.” She added on.

“So if I  _didn’t_  startle you, you’re saying you could easily hit me?” He retorted.

Probably not, Willa thought to herself, but he didn’t need to know that. “Probably.” She responded with, giving a small shrug of her shoulders.

She didn’t expect Tyler to take a few quick steps, and stop in front of her, making her suddenly stop before she ran into him. She looked up at him with questioning eyebrows, her eyes narrowing slightly. Before she could ask him what he was doing, he was lifting his arms, cocking his own eyebrow.

“Since I scared you, I think it’s only fair you get one good hit on me.” He told her, and gestured for her to hit him.

Willa blinked quickly, taken aback by his words. “Wha-” She started, cutting herself off. “Tyler, I’m not going to hit you.” She responded with, shaking her head slightly.

“Really?” He responded with, tilting his head slightly. “I know a handful of people that would love to hit me.”

She rolled her eyes at his comment, trying to walk around him, to avoid doing just that. However, he stepped in front of her again, cocking his eyebrow once again. She looked up at him, and she could easily see the mischievous look he had in his brown eyes, and even without seeing the bottom half of his face, she knew there was most likely a smirk on his face.

“If you’re trying to make me become one of those people, I don’t know if it’s working too well.” She retorted, staring up at him. She noticed how he was standing closer than he had been before, as he hadn’t taken a step back when she had taken a step forward. The realization of that made a blush rise on her cheeks again, knowing she could almost feel the warmth come off of him.

“Hm…” He hummed out. “Well, I have to do something to make up for scaring you.” He finally added on, and she saw his eyes crinkle at the corners again. “How about I teach you how to punch?” He suggested.

Willa gave him a deadpan look, although he could only see the top half of it. Did they really have time to be talking like this out here, with the rain seemingly hanging above them? On the other hand, the trees didn’t seem like they were too far away now. She could start to make out distinct trees, some taller than others, and the green color inside of it. And, she was enjoying being seemingly silly with Tyler, without having to worry too much about what was going on back inside of the camp. She could almost pretend that she was hiding nothing.

“You think I can’t throw a punch?” She asked him, crossing her arms. She couldn’t, but he didn’t need to know that. When would she have ever been taught how to punch properly while in Dema? No, she was taught things the Bishops wanted her to know.

“Based off the one you threw at me before, and that now you’re refusing to hit me, I don’t think you can.” He responded with, a fake cockiness in his tone.

She stared up at him from under her eyebrows for a moment, before rolling her eyes and turning away from him, intent on continuing forward. “Not all of us were trained to be able to fight like that, Tyler.” She responded with. From what she knew, only the guards knew basic self-defense, among other attacks. She knew that Nico knew not how to attack, but to manipulate and destroy.

“That’s why I’m giving you the opportunity to learn now.” He responded with, taking a step away from her as she took one forward, holding his arms out for her to hit him. “Better late than never.” He added on.

She sighed internally, dropping her gaze slightly. He was right, that she knew, and with her only weapon being a knife, she supposed that learning to punch wouldn’t be a bad idea. What if she did accidentally hurt him though? “Alright.” She finally responded, and turned her body back to face his more.

She knew he was grinning, and he gave her a eager nod. “Alright, so you’re going to want to lift your arms up like this.” He started off, and held his arms up in front of him, almost in a defensive manner, his hands loosely forming fists.

Willa did the same as he did, trying to mimic what he was doing. She couldn’t help but feel like she looked silly, even awkward. After all, she wasn’t a fighter, nor had she ever been a fighter. She’d rather run and hide.

Tyler lowered his arms, his hands coming to gently move her elbows into the right position. “This is to protect your face before you attack.” He explained to her, his eyes focused on moving her arms up slightly. “If you have a broken nose, or you get hit in the eye, it’s hard to come back from that in a fight.”

Willa tried to focus on what he was saying, instead of the warmth coming from his hands, seeping into her own arms. She nodded in response to what he was saying, watching the concentration in his eyes. He seemed to have quite a lot of experience in fighting, which made her wonder just how many guards he possibly could have fought against to escape Dema.

“Good.” He told her, nodding. “With your fists, you never want to keep your thumb inside your fist.” His eyes lifted to meet hers. “Trust me, from experience, you will break it.” He responded with, trying to put some humor into his voice. “Instead you want to keep your thumb near the bottom of your fingers. You want it to feel natural, so that when you go to punch, you’re punching downwards.”

He showed her his fists, how he was holding them, and then how to throw a punch. She watched as he did, in fact, aim slightly downwards instead of upwards. However, it was still generally aimed to be at face height. “You also want your feet to be steady, shoulder-width apart to support you as you go into a punch.” He told her, and she glanced down to his feet, seeing that they were, in fact, like he explained to her.

She adjusted her own feet, and adjusted her hands like he had showed her. “Like this?” She asked him, pretending to throw a punch into the air.

“Almost.” He responded with. “Here,” he said, then his own hands were grabbing hers. His fingers gently wrapped around her own, and then were adjusting and moving them. “Does that feel natural?” He asked her, then removing his fingers.

Was he asking about his fingers wrapped around her own, or how he had actually moved her fingers? She broke herself away from that thought, ignoring how her heart was racing and the warmth from his fingers. Once again, she was so thankful for the bandana on her face, for she knew it was heavy with red. She tried to focus on how her fingers felt in the position he had put them into. She gave him a nod in response, not trusting her voice just yet.

“Good.” He responded with again, and then took a step back from her. “Now try to punch me.” She couldn’t hear the grin, or the teasing, in his voice anymore. He was being serious about her punching him, and held his arms open for her to have a free hit, which further solidified her thought.

Willa gave him a questioning look, as if asking him if he really wanted her to hit him, to which he gave her a nod. She took in a steadying breath, and moved her arm forward to hit him, aiming for his shoulder instead of his face. However, she stopped just short of hitting him, not wanting to actually hit him. Opening her eyes, something she hadn’t really realized she had done, she instead gave his shoulder a gentle push.

She heard a chuckle come from Tyler, and she took a step back to look at him. “You need practice still, but I think you’ll be a fighter yet, Willa.” He told her, his brown eyes looking at her. There was almost a faraway look in his eyes, as if he was thinking of something else than what was going on in front of him. She recognized the look too easily.

But instead of pushing it, she rolled her eyes, dropping her fists to her sides. She started to walk forward, toward the trees once again. “I think I’m more cut to be a runner than a fighter, Tyler.” She retorted with.

He gave a quiet snort, and fell into step beside her. “Speaking of which, for someone who’s lived in Dema her whole life, you’re pretty good at running.”

She turned her gaze to look up at him, almost questioning how he could have come to that conclusion.

“When I saw you running into Trench, you were running pretty fast.” He explained to her.

She moved her gaze from his, once again watching where she was putting her feet. Fear made her do things she didn’t think she could. "It's probably just about the only thing I'm good at."

Running and lying, she reminded herself. Both of things had gotten her to this point in her life, and she didn't know whether or not it was a good or a bad thing. Well, she supposed, being free of Dema and of the Bishops was a good thing, but having to lie to those she was growing close with, well... That was probably the bad thing.

She glanced up at him once again.

How long could she continue to lie to Tyler? How long could she continue to herself? How much time did she have left before her lies were found as just that? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> th_s chapter wa_ supposed to be a lot longer,  
> so i decided to split it into t_o parts  
> b_nus chapte_ 
> 
> i hope you all enjoyed thi_ on_, as i enjoyed wri_ing most of it.  
> _owever, ch_pters might come a little slower, as i have fi_ally decided t_ en_er the twenty one pilots poster contest.  
> i _ope i can com_ up with a good idea, but w_iting has been easier _han drawing as of late so we w_ll have to see //shakes fist  
> _aybe i'll post it h_re, maybe i won't
> 
>  
> 
> anyway_, i hope you all have a good week, and i will try to see you again soon  
> stay alive frens  
> ||-//


	20. [19]

**[19]**

 

The tall trees loomed overhead, blocking out what little light and little warmth had been provided in the sky. It was quiet, but with every gentle breeze that came through, the branches rustled. Alongside that unfamiliar and almost otherworldly noise, the gentle sounds of boots crunching in the frost covered grass surely would have echoed if it were possible.

It was so new, so untouched and  _perfect_ , it was almost too much like the city. Only the greens of the grass underneath their shoes, of the green in the branches above them told her that this was not a part of the Bishop’s control. It was alive, yet in a quiet way, a peaceful way. It was a different peace than that of the Bandito camp, which practically screamed out how alive it was.

It was yet again, something Willa had to take in with wide eyes and a sense of wonder filling her. The feeling of freedom filled her chest, blooming outwards into her fingers and her feet, carrying her forward even farther. Farther away from those that once controlled her, farther from who she had once been, farther from what she was running from. She was filled with exhilaration, as if breathing in the scents of the forest all around her was fueling her, urging to go even further.

Were it not for the one walking with her, perhaps she would never be seen again.

Finally, she tore her eyes from the trees in front of her, to look to Tyler, who had paused in his walking beside her. His head was tilted backwards, brown eyes staring up at the trees above them. He was lost in thought, perhaps lost in wonderment like she was. He pulled down his bandana, exhaling before inhaling deeply, his eyes closing. It took him a moment, but then a peaceful smile grew on his face. His eyes opened and his head moved back down, turning to look at her. The smile remained on his face, and she could see that emotion reflected in his eyes.

The expression almost looked soft, she thought. He looked happy, yet it was a different type of happy than what she had seen in the camp. She had seen him excitable and full of energy, dancing and playing music, but this happy was… It was quiet, peaceful, even, like the woods around them.

It was look at that made her heart falter, yet a warm feeling filled her chest. It was like the smile he had given her when it had just been the two of them, and she couldn’t help but wonder what that meant. Who else had seen that smile, or was she special in that she had seen it not just once?

Whatever the reasoning, it made Willa’s own smile grow on her face. She pulled down her own bandana, letting Tyler see said smile. And, she told herself, as if to try and stop herself from thinking about that smile too much, it would help her breathe in the smells around her. She almost wanted to speak, to tell Tyler  _something_  that would relate to what she was feeling, but words seemed to fail in comparison to what she was feeling.

But with the look on his face, she could see the understanding in his eyes and that smile, see her own feelings practically reflected back like he was a mirror. She knew, a new feeling so secure inside of her, that she didn’t have to say anything to him. So she didn’t.

Instead, he nodded his head toward the side, gesturing for them to head in deeper into the woods before he started doing just that. She fell into step with him, walking beside him as her eyes, awake with a quiet excitement, tried to take in as much as she can. And part of her wanted to look over at him, as if to memorize that smile too.

She didn’t get her chance, as her eyes immediately took notice of the lack of trees the farther they walked in the woods. Furrowing her eyebrows, she tried to think of what could have happened to make the trees lessen around them. Was it something bad? Was it something natural? Was it something to actually be concerned about?

From where they were, she could see that the trees had cleared around a large circular space, leaving a wide open field. It looked cold, dark even, but she knew that if there was bright sunlight shining down, it would look so much more peaceful and inviting. She had decided that it was a clearing, something she had briefly read about once before.

She started to take a step forward, but Tyler’s arm lifted in front of her, stopping her. Her eyes met his, and he lifted a finger to his lips. He nodded his head toward the clearing, obviously having seen something she hadn’t.

Panic almost filled her at the thought of someone else being out this far, but seeing the excited, happy look in Tyler’s eyes reassured her that there was nothing to be scared of. She turned her gaze to where Tyler had nodded toward, her eyes trying to scan the green foliage, unsure of just what it was she was searching for. Furrowing her eyebrows, she turned her gaze back to Tyler again, silently asking him.

That soft smile only grew, it seemed. He took a step closer to her, and she could almost feel the warmth coming off of him. He lifted his arm, pointing in the direction of whatever it was he saw. “Look closely.” He whispered, so quietly, Willa had to take a moment to realize that sound had truly left his lips. If he hadn’t been standing so close to her, she probably would not have heard it.

Willa was almost more than relieved to move her gaze from Tyler, so he wouldn’t see the flush growing on her cheeks from how close he was standing to her. She tried to ignore how her heart was beating, and instead tried to look at whatever it was he was so entranced by. Her eyes followed where he was pointing now, and what she saw made everything around her seemingly fade to the back of her mind.

On the edge of the tree line was a creature she had only read about. Graceful legs ending in hooves, like that of a horse, supported a light brown body that was still partially hidden by the greens around it. What stole her breath away, however, was when the creature turned its head to face them, ears flickering upwards. Eyes of a rich, earthy color seemingly caught her own eyes. They stared into her soul, into her very being, as if everything she had done to hide herself was see through. The eyes were haunting, ethereal even, filled with something Willa did not know how to describe or perhaps even understand. They were calm, yet alert, if the flicking ears spoke any words.

A gentle breeze carried through the forest from behind them, carrying their scents to the creature. Nostrils flared, and just as silently as it had stood there, it left, disappearing into the trees once more, taking its almost haunting eyes with it.

Willa let out a breath she didn’t know she had been holding. Finally, it felt like she could breathe once more, now that her soul wasn’t on display, wasn’t bare for all to see. No longer was she frozen under the gaze, so she was free to run once again. She took in a deep breath, letting it out once more.

“I haven’t seen a deer in so long.” Tyler breathed out, his voice so quiet.

Willa was reminded yet again that he was standing there so close to her. Once again, her face felt flushed, her heart beating rapidly. She tried to ignore it, instead thinking of the word he had said. Of course she had heard that word before, but only in readings. It was almost never spoken aloud, so it wasn’t a wonder she had forgotten it. “That’s - that’s the first one I’ve ever seen.” She whispered out, matching his volume.

“I could tell. Your eyes looked almost as wide as the deer’s.” His voice was light, teasing, almost.

She jerked her head up to look at him, a smart remark on her tongue, but it died the moment she saw just how close he still was to her. Her breath caught in her throat, as her eyes, very much still wide like the deer’s was, stared at him. She could see that soft expression in his warm eyes again, his lips parted slightly.

She couldn’t help but think that the Bishops were so cruel in what they kept subdued, kept hidden away. She couldn’t understand entirely what she was feeling, but she could never let the Bishops take it away from her. Her throat felt dry, her heart was faltering in her chest, and she knew her face was flushed. Yet, she felt an odd excitement inside of her, an almost nervous feeling, from how he was staring at her.

Perhaps what Abby spoke of wasn’t all blasphemy.

He almost looked like he wanted to lean forward toward her, and like gravity, it was like she wanted to lean forward too. However, a drop of something wet hitting her head jerked her out of her gaze. She looked upward, into the tree branches, seeing the clouds dark and heavy. And then it started to pour.

She couldn’t help the gasp of surprise that left her, immediately ducking her head, as if to protect herself from the freezing rain pouring down. Laughter filled the air, such a warm and lively sound compared to the temperature of the rain, and she looked up, holding an arm over her eyes.

His head was thrown back, eyes shut as the rain fell onto him, a wide grin on his face. She almost thought he was crazy, but before she could voice her thoughts, his hand was grabbing one of her own, pulling her forward.

“Tyler, wh-” She managed to stammer out, her eyes wide as she almost struggled to keep up with his rapidly increasing pace.

“I would say let’s dance, but this rain is too cold to stay out in!” He had to basically yell to be heard over the rain. “We have to find shelter!”

That was something Willa could agree with. The rain was soaking through her jacket, sending waves of cold down her spine. It only seemed to heighten the feelings inside of her, the warmth spreading from Tyler’s hand into her own, one she gripped onto securely. Even if she did let go, he wouldn’t have.

It was much too cold to dance in the rain, but they almost practically did, moving in-between trees and stumps, ducking under branches now heavy with rain. The more they moved into the woods, farther away from the meadow, the thicker the branches became. The rain lessened above them, yet it still fell in freezing cold droplets.

Their pace slowed, but Tyler’s grip on her hand never lessened. Their eyes were searching, trying to see through the rain and the trees, for anything that could be used for shelter. Willa spotted something, and squeezed Tyler’s hand. Pulling him forward this time, she led the way to a rise in the ground near the cliff edge.

They rushed into the small cave, their heaving breaths the only thing to be heard over the sound of the rain outside. Willa bent over slightly, placing a hand on her knee as she tried to regain her breath, regain feeling in her frozen toes. Her other hand was still held by Tyler, and she wished that the warmth from that hand would spread to her other freezing one. She lifted her eyes to look at him.

He met her gaze, and she couldn’t help the feeling bubbling out of her. It started out as a giggle, which caused Tyler’s expression to turn into one of incredulous confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, but Willa’s giggling turned into laughter, and she could see that he was starting to chuckle, joining with her. She didn’t know why she was laughing, especially so hard. Tears were forming in her eyes and her breaths were starting to turn into wheezing.

Perhaps it was because she had been so worried. From hiding who she was, Clancy appearing and threatening the lies she had told, and now everything that had happened between her and Tyler, perhaps she just needed to laugh. She took in a shaky breath, trying to keep herself from laughing anymore. She lifted a hand to wipe at her eyes, getting rid of the tears that had formed there.

Was that the first time she had cried from laughing so much?

She breathed in, more steady this time, and turned her head to look at Tyler. She thought perhaps he would have looked at her like she was crazed, but instead, he was looking at her with a smile on his face, the corners of his brown eyes crinkling. Her hand was still held in his, resting comfortably inside of it, she noted.

“S-sorry,” she breathed out, swallowing thickly as she pulled her hand from his, almost reluctantly. “I don’t know where that came from.”

She tried to ignore the almost sad look that passed so fast over his expression. She could almost think she imagined it. He offered her a shrug of one of his shoulders, the smile still on his face. “If I’m honest, I think I’d rather see you laugh than cry.” It was seemingly his turn to have a flushed face, which was something she almost couldn’t believe.

Regardless, it made her own face flush again, and she remembered how close he had been before it had started to rain. That only furthered the intensity of the heat on her cheeks, and she swallowed again, trying to get rid of the sudden dryness inside of it. A shiver went through her, helping distract her once again.

“Maybe we should try starting a fire.” Tyler commented, obviously seeing how she had shivered. His eyebrows were furrowed in thought as he stared up at the ceiling of the cave. It was sloped, coming to end in a point a little bit behind where they both were standing. It wasn’t very tall, she noted, seeing that if Tyler lifted his arm up, his hand could probably touch it.

The thought of starting a fire, alongside the shivering she was starting to do, reminded her how they had, in fact, ran through pouring rain. Her jacket was soaked, and part of her hair was too. It was almost astonishing that she could forget how cold she was when Tyler was distracting her. It didn’t do much to help her now, however. With how soaked her jacket was, however, panic suddenly filled her that her backpack was soaked through.

She gave a nod to Tyler, but her mind was more focused on whether or not the things inside of her backpack were soaked through or not. As Tyler looked outside the entrance of the cave, she was sliding her backpack off, kneeling down as she felt around it. It was, of course, damp on the top, and a feeling of dread filled her stomach. She unzipped the backpack quickly and was met with the sleeping bag that all scavengers got in case something happened to where they had to spend a night out in Trench. It was wet, she noticed, which hardly did anything to soothe the growing tightness in her chest. Without wanting to unpack everything, she stuck her hand down the backpack, moving it around.

Her hand met a familiar hardcover of a journal, and she left out a audible sigh of relief that it felt dry, shoulders slumping. It hadn’t been in her intention to bring the journal out with her originally, but with Clancy seeing her with it this morning, she couldn’t trust leaving it behind. She didn’t think anyone would go snooping around in her things, no, but… Perhaps she did think that, on second thought.

Moving her gaze back up to Tyler, she saw him looking down at her, with a slight eyebrow raise. Her face flushed in slight embarrassment, and she tried to think of something to tell him without letting him know about her journal. “I wanted to make sure that my sleeping bag wasn’t soaked through.” She explained to him. That wasn’t a lie, not really.

He let out a quiet noise of understanding, his own eyes widening slightly, as if he suddenly remembered his own backpack. Slipping it off, he crouched down and repeated what she had done, letting out a sigh of relief as well. His eyes met hers, and she gave him a small smile, one he returned.

Zipping his backpack back up, he pushed it against the wall, then turned his attention to outside once more. It was still raining, Willa noticed. If they stood too close to the edge of the cave, droplets would hit them, yet even still, the cold air was blowing into the cave from the rain, making it feel almost as if they were still out there.

Tyler pushed himself up. “The rain isn’t too heavy near where we’re at. I might be able to find some wood to make a fire with.” He commented, dusting off his pants of the dirt they had collected.

Willa started to move to get up, intent on helping him, but Tyler shook his head. She looked at him with furrowed eyebrows, opening her mouth to ask him why he shook his head, making her pause in her movements.

“You’re already shivering.” He commented, and she could see the worry inside of his eyes. “I’ve been caught in many rain showers before, I’m more used to it.”

The worry held inside of his voice made her heart falter, but it almost made that guilt rise up once again. He shouldn’t be worrying about her, even if she was shivering underneath her soaked jacket. She bit the inside of her cheek as she tried to think of some sort of counter argument, trying to insist that she would be fine, that she could come out with him to find wood. To her frustration, and growing guilt, she found she couldn’t find one, not when the cold was seeping into her bones, it felt like.

She sighed, silently admitting defeat, it seemed. She lifted her gaze back up to look at him, however, a serious look on her face. “Make sure you hurry out there.” She told him. “I don’t think Abby would appreciate either of us getting ill.” It was more like she would be worried if Tyler got ill, incredibly so, and because he wouldn’t let her help him.

He flashed her a reassuring smile, tilting his head slightly to the side. “You think I’ll let that rain get to me?” He responded with, his voice in a lighthearted tone once again. “Nah. Abby would have to drag me to the tent anyways.” He joked lightly.

Willa could only assume he was doing that to try and ease her own worry for him. Whatever his intentions, it made a small smile grow on her face again, one she tried to hide by ducking her head and shaking it. Another surge of guilt filled her, however. “It’d be me dragging you to tent, I think.” She responded with, unable to help the comment.

It made the smile on Tyler’s face grow into a grin. A quiet chuckle left his mouth, and he shook his head like she had. His brown eyes met her eyes, and his grin softened into a small smile once again. “If I do get sick, I’ll hold you to that. Now, try and stay warm and I’ll be back in a few minutes.” He told her.

Willa didn’t like the idea of him going out alone, but she nodded in response once again. With one more smile, he was ducking out into the rain once again. Willa watched him for as long as she could, until the trees covered his form and he was hidden in the rain. She tried not to let that thought worry her too much.

Swallowing thickly, she finally decided that she needed to take off the soaked jacket from around her. Practically having to peel off the material, she laid it near her backpack on a rock. It wasn't perfect, but at least it was off the ground… Somewhat.

Shivering more, now that a layer of her clothing had been removed, she moved her arm back to feel the back of her sweatshirt. It was damp too, much to her displeasure. Sighing under her breath, she tried to ignore the feeling of the freezing dampness on her back. She had on a long sleeved shirt underneath the sweatshirt, but she didn't want to lose yet another layer before a fire was started. But with another shiver that crawled over her skin, she decided to ignore that thought.

She pulled off her sweatshirt, laying it on the rock beside her jacket, somewhat, and wrapped her arms around herself as the cold air sunk into her more. Moving to her backpack once more, she internally debated about whether she should pull her sleeping bag out or not. Were they stuck in the forest for the night, due to the heavy rain? Would it lighten up and they would travel in the night? They would end up reaching the camp by morning if they did that, however. Biting the inside of her cheek, she decided to wait for Tyler to come back to hear what he thought.

Part of her hoped that they’d be able to get back to the camp by nightfall, for thinking of the alternative made worry come over her. Her eyes looked over the small cave she had found for them to take shelter in. It would only take a few steps from her to reach the other side, if that. The thought of sleeping that close to Tyler, with the fact that she was still having nightmares… He knew that she was regaining memories, that sometimes those memories were like nightmares, but how would he react if he saw her like Abby had seen her before? She knew he had his own nightmares to deal with, but the questioned still remained.

Letting out a sigh, she shut her eyes as she shifted so she was sitting more fully on the ground. She leaned back against the cave wall, then winced immediately, jerking back forward again. The dampness on her back seemingly decreased in temperature by the coldness behind her. Letting a huff of air out, it blew her bangs out of her face, and she turned her gaze out into the woods once more.

It was in moments of quiet like this that her mind started to wander. If she truly thought about what her life had become in such a short period of time, it almost made her laugh in shock. Once, she had been trapped in those walls by the ones she had worshipped, believing they loved and cared for her and their citizens. But she had seen the truth, renounced their Vialism, and broken free.

Was she truly a Bandito now? She wore their rebellious clothing, danced to their forbidden music, yet part of her still wasn’t sure. Perhaps if she truly was just Willa, she could accept herself as one of them. The part of her she had run from still lingered inside of her, yet it was something she was trying so hard to forget and leave behind in those walls. But with Clancy’s suspicions, what she had been trying to do had suddenly become so much harder.

She was thankful she didn’t have to wait very long for Tyler to come back, an armful of wood carried with him. Her thoughts, her feelings, were only increasing in nervousness and panic until she saw his brown eyes meeting hers. She jerked herself off of the cave wall, immediately on her feet and helping him grab some of the wood.

The hood on his jacket was up, but it was seemingly soaked through, like hers was. She could see water droplets on his hands, and on his face as she looked up at him. She noticed water droplets on his eyelashes, and that he almost looked out of breath. He had probably been running. Yet a smile was on his face as he looked at her. “G-got some.” He practically stammered out.

Willa knew there was a frown on her face, a worried feeling overtaking her. “Yes, I can see that.” She retorted. “Let’s quickly make this fire so you don’t turn blue.” She added on, taking another piece of wood from his cold arms.

She set them down in a circular pattern, like how she had seen the smaller fires in the camp. Those, however, had rocks around them to keep the fire from going everywhere. Moving her gaze upward from the pile, she looked inside of the cave to see if there were any large enough rocks she could use. As she heard Tyler shifting behind her, she moved to grab a few of the larger stones, placing those around the wood. She took a step away from the pile of wood and quickly figured that it was much… much smaller than what the small fires at the camp were.

She huffed, pushing hair out of her face again. It wasn’t like they needed anything big, she told herself. And even if the pile didn’t look  _good_ , it was just going to be burned down anyways. And, she further told herself, it was just her and Tyler. No one else needed to know about what was practically a failure of a fire.

Her silent thoughts did nothing to stop the quiet chuckling from Tyler. Nor did it stop the flush on her cheeks from that chuckling. She bit the inside of her cheek, moving her gaze even further away from where Tyler had been standing. “I attempted.”

“I can see that.” His voice was full of amusement, it seemed, as he repeated words she had just spoken. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw him move, and when she turned her gaze fully toward him, he was kneeling down in front of her unlit fire, warm brown eyes staring at it curiously. She noticed his jacket was no gone, leaving him in a sweatshirt like her own. He lifted a hand to rub at the stubble on his chin, humming in thought.

Willa knew that one could use rocks to try and start a spark. However, she also knew she had something else that would help. Going to her backpack once again, she unzipped the front pocket, sticking her hand in. She grasped the old lighter, pulling it back out, yet almost hesitantly. She was sure that Tyler would question how she got it, where it had come from. She hardly remembered where it  _had_  come from, the face of the older woman fading and morphing in her memories.

Regardless, she held the lighter out to Tyler to use. His brown eyes met her eyes, a questioning look inside of them, but he didn’t speak on it just yet. Instead, he offered her a thankful smile and took the lighter. His fingers brushed against hers for a moment, and she blamed the fact that he was just out in the rain for the goosebumps that rose over her skin.

He turned his attention back to the fire. Holding the lighter steady over the pile of logs, he flicked the top a few times. For a few moments, nothing happened, then with another flick, a small flame formed in the otherwise darkening cave. Tyler let out a quiet breath, as if he was relieved that a flame had actually come from the lighter. He then moved it over the wood, trying to catch the flame onto anything.

Willa waited with baited breath, almost frozen with the cold air around them. Would any of the fire actually catch? The wood had been out in the rain, so it was damp at the very least. She had felt and seen that when holding the pieces. She crouched down next to Tyler, staring at the wood as if she could figure out how to make it catch.

Tyler hummed in thought next to her, pulling the lighter back slightly. He stared at it in thought, twisting it around in his hand. He turned his attention to Willa, turning his head slightly to look at her. “Do you have any paper that we could burn to try and get it started?” He asked her.

Immediately, she thought to herself that she had an entire journal that could be burned. As much as she wanted to do that, she knew she couldn’t. It reminded her of what she had ran from, what she should be so grateful to have now. But, perhaps instead of tearing out multiple pages, she could tear out a blank page from the back of her journal. That would let Tyler see the journal in the first place. Already, Clancy had seen it, which was why she had it with her now.

She picked at her thumb as her nervousness rose. Could she trust Tyler not to look into it? Could he even get to it if she had it with her all the time? Letting out an almost shaky breath, she nodded, pushing herself up. Moving back to her backpack, she unzipped it. Reaching down past her sleeping bag, she grasped the journal in her hand. The worn texture was reassuring to her nerves.

Pulling it out, she made sure she held it in such a way Tyler could not see any of the writings inside of it. She knew if he saw anything of what she wrote, everything she had worked to hide would be for nought. It was why she avoided Clancy, avoided what was once who she was.

Willa felt Tyler’s eyes on her, and she was quick to flip to the back pages where no writing had begun yet. The map of the underground of Dema stared back at her, something she was also quick to flip past, her heart beating erratically. With no comment being made from Tyler, she could only assume he hadn’t seen it. Swallowing thickly, she tore a page from her journal, and handed it to him.

He offered her a thankful smile, before he turned his gaze to the fire. He flicked the lighter, casting flame once more. Holding it over the paper, it caught quickly, and he was quick to place the now burning paper into the logs, jerking his hand back before it got burned.

They both waited, with held breath, to see if the wood would catch the fire. With a cracking noise, a piece of the wood was rapidly consumed. Warmth exploded from the fire now brewing, and it casted light across the otherwise dim and dreary cave.

Willa couldn’t help the sigh of relief that left her as the warmth grew. Shutting her book quickly and slipping it back into her backpack, she shifted closer to the fire, holding her hands out to the warmth. She let her eyes closed as her frozen fingers regained more feeling, and a shiver left her, she was unable to stop it. Opening her eyes at the quiet chuckle from Tyler, she looked over at him.

“You’re colder than me and I was the one out there longer.” He spoke quietly, his tone teasing. A smile was on his face, but once again, she could see that there were questions he wanted to ask her.

How much more could she lie to him, looking into those brown eyes that had looked at her with such softness only a little before? She didn’t know how much more she could. Especially with how the fire reflected inside of his eyes, making life dance inside of them. She didn’t know if her heart faltered from his smile or the thought of having to lie to him more.

Ignoring that for now, she gave a small shake of her head. “Some of us don’t go dancing in the rain, Tyler.” She finally retorted with a quiet voice, moving her gaze back to the fire as she stretched and flexed her fingers to generate more warmth.

He let out a feigned gasp, and she saw him place a hand over his heart. “You think I go dancing in the rain?”

She turned her gaze to look at him, an eyebrow cocked in questioning. With the spike of fear now simmering down, she found it hard to hide a smile trying to inch its way onto her face. She was sure she was failing at her attempt to look serious.

Tyler’s own smile broke through on his face. “It’s not my fault I got caught out in it!” He tried to defend himself, yet his expression defied his tone.

Willa shook her head, the smile breaking through on her face as she turned her gaze back toward the fire. “Right.” She answered with, her tone completely believing of his story. “So I suppose camping out in caves in a rainstorm is something you do often too?” She asked him, her eyes moving to look at him out of the corner of her vision.

He let out a quiet, short exhale through his nose, shaking his head. “In all seriousness, yeah, actually.” He responded with. Willa glanced over at him more fully now to see him shrugging slightly. “Before you ask, yes, I did get ill quite a few times.” He retorted, seeing the questioning look on Willa’s face.

She certainly hoped she wouldn’t get sick, then. She supposed the slightly damp clothes she wore hardly helped with that, though. The thought of having to stay in the medical tent, stay in the camp without being able to leave was almost a suffocating one, considering her efforts to try and do just the opposite. She shook her head slightly, hoping that with the fire now going, it would help keep that from happening.

“To be fair, I didn’t really have paper with me to help start fires when I was alone out here.” He commented, his voice growing less teasing and more calm, perhaps even… sad? He didn’t necessarily sound sad, though. “We’re lucky you had that journal with you that we could burn a page from.”

Willa couldn’t think of the feeling perhaps he had, not that she was too focused on that at the moment, anyways. She swallowed thickly, trying to ease the nerves that suddenly rocketed forward, almost making her nauseated once more. She gave a nod in response to his words, not trusting her own voice. How was it so easy to remain calm in front of the others, but not Tyler?

“It was okay that I used that for the fire, right?” He asked her, his voice quiet, almost worried of what she would say.

“Yes.” She responded with, thankful her voice didn’t crack this time from nerves. “It was just a blank piece of paper.” She told him, trying to reassure him and herself that it meant nothing. It meant nothing that he had seen her journal, she tried to lie to herself.

“Well, good.” He hesitated, as if he wanted to speak more, but she saw him shake his head in the corner of her vision again. “I think we’re gonna be stuck in here for the night.” He commented after a moment of quiet, changing the subject, much to Willa’s relief.

She could deal with sleeping in a cave next to Tyler if he didn’t read her journal. However, anxiety-filled thoughts filled her again, and she turned her head to look at him. “Won’t the others back at the camp be worried?” She asked him.

He shook his head gently. “No. Well, at least Josh won’t.” He corrected himself. “He knows how long it can take to come out here, and we both were talking about how it might rain.” He gave a small shrug of his shoulders, as if it this wasn’t the first time it had happened. Based off his previous words, it probably wasn’t. “We’ll head out again in the morning, but for now, I don’t think either of us should be traveling in that rain.” He nodded his head back toward the rain outside the cave.

From what Willa could see, it was pouring even harder now, and another shiver went through her at the thought of walking through that all the way back to the camp. She pulled her arms in close to her, shaking her head. “I don’t think that would be the wisest of decisions.” She agreed, voice quiet.

“Considering how you’re still shaking, I would say not.” He retorted, pushing himself up from his crouched position.

Her eyebrows furrowed and she looked up at him as he took a step toward her. Was she shaking? She didn’t feel  _that_  cold, but glancing down at her shaking fingers proved otherwise. Or, she told herself, it was the aftereffects of her nerves, from the thoughts of Tyler reading her journal, of him finding out about who she was in the past.

She shook her head, shutting her eyes as she did. “I-I’m fine, Tyler.” She tried to insist, but with how she stammered, even she knew it wasn’t convincing. When she felt something soft, and warm, gently hit her arms, her eyes snapped back open. Looking down, she saw Tyler’s sweatshirt now resting in her arms, and she quickly snapped her eyes up to look at him, seeing him in a long sleeved shirt instead as he walked to his own backpack.

She furrowed her eyebrows. “W-won’t you get cold?” She asked him. Concern filled her that he would get ill once again, and that thought led to guilt.

He turned his head back to face her again, and she swore she saw a hint of red on his cheeks as he offered her a quiet smile. “Like I said, I’ve done this a lot before. Go ahead and use it.” He told her, turning his attention back to his backpack as he kneeled down.

With his attention on that, Willa took a moment to look down at the sweatshirt in her arms. A flush grew on her cheeks at the gesture. Worried that Tyler would see that flush, she slipped the sweatshirt over her. It was a little too big for her, but warmth filled her. It smelled like Tyler, she noticed, which made the flush grow more on her cheeks as she remembered why she knew what he smelled like in the first place. It almost felt like a hug from him, or what she imagined a hug from him would feel like.

Trying to ignore that and the fluttering in her chest again, she looked over to Tyler once again as she pulled the hood down. He was setting his sleeping bag up, unrolling it across the cave floor. He smoothed it out, his eyes looking over, as if to make sure everything was okay with it. He must have felt her looking at him, because he lifted his gaze to meet her own.

The corners of his eyes crinkled, a smile growing on his face. That faint red was on his cheeks again as he looked at her, but she was more focused on how her heart faltered once more. Did she look silly in the hoodie? Is that why he was smiling like that? She swallowed thickly, ducking her gaze from his again. “I-I know it’s a little big on me, but thank you.” She told him, her voice quiet, almost embarrassed by how the sleeves hung off her hands.

She lifted her gaze slightly, seeing him duck his gaze from her this time, the flush on his cheeks increasing. “Oh, it-it’s nothing.” He responded with, a slight stammer to his words, and his eyes caught hers again. There was that look again.

It was the same look he had given her while they were out in the forest, with the soft eyes and the soft smile. It was a look that made that feeling grow inside of her again. Her heart was faltering yet racing at the same time, and that nervous excitedness filled her stomach. Her throat felt dry, but what she was feeling was not something bad or unwanted, she found, as she stared into eyes that reflected the life of the fire inside of them.

A strand of her hair fell in front of her face, and it broke her out of her stare. She lifted a hand, the sleeve falling back slightly, to push it back behind her ear, instead moving her attention to her backpack. She could ignore how her heart still raced, how her face was flushed, if she was busy with something else.

Unzipping her backpack, she started to work on pulling out her sleeping bag like Tyler had. She was far from tired, but she could still set everything up for when she actually was tired. With how Tyler and her kept sharing glances, however, she did not know how much sleep she would actually get.

Shaking out her sleeping bag, perhaps with a bit more force than necessary, she smoothed it down. It still was curled up slightly at the end, however, from being rolled up for so long. Sighing internally, she supposed that she’d just have to deal with it later.

But for now, she focused on pulling out what was to be dinner for herself. It was, simply and unsurprising, a bag of berries. She felt like that and soup had been the extent of all she had eaten while she had been out of the city, but she found that she didn’t care. Taking a small glance over at Tyler, she told herself there was so much more to think about.

She could deal with berries and soup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> bring back RAB and NPI, warner music  
> stop being cowards
> 
> anyways, i hope you all enjoyed this chapter! and sorry for such the long wait!  
> i finished multiple posters for the contest, but now that that's over, i'll be updating more frequently again! 
> 
> this chapter wasn't supposed to be split in two, but it would have been over 10k words long. so for now, enjoy this 7k part.  
> how bout that rain, though? it always has perfect timing. 
> 
> but hey, i hope you all have been good! i hope that this chapter brings some joy to your day/night!
> 
> we will speak tø yøu again søøn. 
> 
> stay alive  
> || - //


	21. [20]

 Lighthearted laughter filled the otherwise quiet air of the night. It was such a polar opposite to the cold, rainy night outside of the cave the laughter spewed forth from, but it was perhaps even warmer than the fire the two sat in front of. It couldn’t expel light to chase away the shadows, nor provide physical warmth, but it filled the young woman with a warmth inside of her chest. It was that warmth that helped her to ignore the reasonings why they were outside of the camp in the first place.

Willa watched as Tyler shook his head from where he sat next to her in the cave, a grin still on his face as he tried to calm himself enough to keep from laughing again. His eyes were crinkled at the corners, a hand resting over his chest as he tried to regain his breathing. He expelled warmth, from his laughter and his grin, Willa hardly thought they needed a fire.

Her own smile was on her face, quiet laughs leaving her still at the story he had told her of a joke he had pulled on Josh while they had eaten their dinners. It had involved moving around the box he drummed on constantly, only to leave it back where Josh had left it. It was almost hard for Willa to understand it at first, not realizing exactly that silly little things like that could and did happen outside of the city. It was also almost hard to see Josh laughing along to a joke like that, as he seemed so busy now with being the leader of the camp.

But with how fondly Tyler had told her the story, how much warmth had been in his tone, Willa knew it had to have happened like he had told it. It was no surprise to her to hear the warm laughter come from him, but it was a pleasant and welcome sound nonetheless. Especiall_ in the otherwise unwelcoming night outside of the cave.

Turning her gaze toward the entrance of the cave, she could still hear the rain pouring down, hear the rustling of the wet leaves outside as wind blew through the forest. She could hear the life of the world around them, yet in an odd way, she didn’t want to go out there. Even if it wasn’t raining, it was still cold out there, it was dark, and she wanted to stay inside of the cave with the warmth and the life from Tyler.

Did he realize how much of an impact that he held?

Perhaps the Bishops had, which is why they had captured him time and time again, dragging him back to the city to try and control him. Perhaps it was why the Banditos all respected him so much, why Josh saw him as his best friend. Perhaps that life inside of him pushed him to go back into Dema time after time to rescue more of his kind.

The thought of him being captured again on one of those trips scared her more than it originally did. She cared for Tyler, because on one level or another, he understood her need to run, to be free of everything. With how he had looked at her earlier in the forest, with how close they had been getting, it made her think maybe he cared about her too.

Maybe the nervousness inside of her wasn’t nervousness but excitement.

“Willa?” Her voice was called gently through the otherwise quietness of the cave.

She turned her gaze to look back at him, finding his eyes looking at her from where he sat. “Yes?” She answered back with, curiosity and perhaps slightly confusion filling her features. It was still so odd for her to be so open with her emotions and expression, when while in the city, they had been contained, subdued.

Any of what she was doing now would have been outrageous to the Bishops she once served. Dirt covered her pants, she was sure that she had mud on her face, her hair had been hastily pulled back, and her clothes were rugged and worn. Yet Tyler smiled at her the way he seemingly did with only her, which was quite possibly the most risky action in the Bishops eyes, like none of the dirt or mud on her mattered to him.

With eyes crinkled at the corners, that soft smile resting so easy on his face, illuminated by the dancing fire in front of them, she could hear the gentle laughing in his voice. “I was asking if you were tired.” He spoke as soft as his smile was.

How could Willa be tired when her heart raced with how he looked at her? It would be impossible for her to feel tired right now. Not when all she could think of was how she was still wearing his sweatshirt, how close he had been to her earlier, and how he had looked at her then and how he did now.

“I’m not.” She responded with, a smile on her face, something so naturally easy now that she was free. Her smile faltered slightly, however, as she really took a good look at the features on his face. “You look tired, though.” She gently told him, the worry obviously growing in her voice.

Whether or not it was just the shadows of the lights dancing on his face, the circles under his eyes l_oked deeper and darker. It made Willa wonder just when the last time he had gotten decent sleep was.

He shook his head slightly, dropping his gaze from hers. “I’m alright.” He responded with, but Willa knew too well he was ignoring how he felt. She knew how to spot a lie when one was told, especially when the body language Tyler spoke was more than obvious.

“I can take the first shift.” She started to suggest. “And you could try and get some rest?” She finished, letting the question hang in the air for Tyler to think over.

Her thoughts were running much too rampant for her to even begun to feel tired. Part of her hoped that Tyler would sleep so she could write in her journal, keep him from seeing it once again. As much as it hurt her to hide her journal, she couldn’t allow herself to trust Tyler fully with that part of who she once was. Not now, and perhaps not ever.

“You don’t want to rest first?” He asked her, lifting his gaze to meet her eyes again. However, the end of his question ended in a yawn, and she knew the flush on his cheeks wasn’t from the heat of the fire. “That doesn’t mean anything.” He was quick to retort, busying himself with a pebble on the cave floor.

It had Willa cocking an eyebrow slightly in response, a faint smile on her face. “Right.” She commented, her tone showcasing how much she completely believed him.

“What, you don’t believe me?” He asked, cocking his gaze back toward her with an almost challenging look, a hint of a smile on his face.

“What if I told you I didn’t?” She retorted, surprised by the challenging tone in her own voice.

“Then I’d have to prove to you that my words are believable.” He shot back, his town still challenging but lighthearted. “I told you before, I don’t tell lies.” He added on after a moment.

A pang of guilt and hurt hit Willa in the chest at his words. Regardless of whether he meant them to hurt or not, his words reminded Willa of what she had said to hide her past. She had lied to everyone, and she never thought it would have hurt her this much to have to lie about things she didn’t want to remember.

She rolled her eyes slightly, moving her gaze from him to the fire, settling back against the cave wall behind her more. “Of course.” She responded with, trying to keep up with the challenging tone, but her voice was quieter, to say the least.

“Okay, well, maybe I’ve told a few here and there.” He admitted, almost mumbling it, as if he didn’t want Willa to hear it.

She shook her head gently, a small smile growing on her face again. For someone to say they’ve never told lies was a lie in of itself. From where they all had come from, it made her realize they all had possibly had to lie to escape that city. At least, the ones who had escaped on their own.

That meant that Tyler had to have lied, and it made her wonder, yet again, what all he had to go through to escape the city.

“Then how do I know you’re not lying now?” She responded back, glancing over at him.

His eyes lifted to meet hers. His brown eyes were warm, reflecting the fire’s light in front of them. The lights danced inside of them, showcasing colors Willa thought the ground looked like after a fresh rain. His eyes were rich with life, despite what the Bishops tried to do to him, time and time again.

It made him all the more… admirable? Willa did not know if that was the correct word to use. It was especially hard to think hard about that when Tyler was sitting beside her like he was, and she could almost feel the heat coming off of him. Yes, he was still so full of life, full of happiness.

“Do I look like a liar to you?” He asked her, his eyes crinkled at the corners, a teasing tone light in his voice.

“I think you look tired.” She responded with, repeating her earlier statement. “And I think you need to get some rest.” She added on before he could argue, watching as he shut his mouth, silencing his retort he had planned.

If she really did look at him, especially in this light, it truly was not hard to see the circles under his eyes. The shadows danced across his face, and an uneasy feeling lingered in the back of her mind, thinking of other beings that resembled those dark things. But she found the more she focused on him, the quieter those thoughts became. A warm feeling spread through her chest at seeing his smile, yet it faded once again as he shook his head.

“I could say the same about you, you know.” He retorted with, lifting his eyes to look at her once again. He tilted his head slightly as he did, almost leaning forward toward her more. “I know I have circles under my eyes, but so do you.” His voice had grown softer, concern seeping into the corners, eyebrows furrowing.

She felt her throat constrict at the look he was giving her, so full of compassion. Did she even truly know what compassion, or even true care, was before she had escaped? All of it had been fake. But what she felt now, there was no one that could control that. Not anymore.

“When was the last time you actually got rest, though?” She asked him, her own voice growing softer.

She watched as his eyes grew softer, saw the tiredness creeping into the corners. She couldn’t imagine he had gotten a lot, with everything that was going on that she knew about, not to mention things she knew nothing of. Did his own thoughts keep him up late at night?

“Don’t make me become a liar tonight, Willa.” He responded with, his tone still so quiet yet lighthearted, but it seemed almost weak, exhausted like his expression showed her. It almost sounded like pleading, if her overactive mind thought about the way his eyes looked at her like they were, how his eyebrows were furrowed, how his mouth held the slightest tilt of his lips downward.

Were they sitting any farther apart, perhaps she would not be able to see such miniscule details.

“Then get some rest, Tyler.” She gently told him again. Part of her wanted to reach out and touch his hand, offer a form of reassurance her words could not, but she held back. She could barely understand her emotions, let alone understand what someone else might possibly need.

He stared at her once again, holding her gaze, as if trying to think of something else to say. After what felt like an eternity, he let out a quiet sigh, dropping his gaze as his eyes closed. “Alright.” He relented, but moved his gaze back up to look at her. “But only a few hours, okay?” He asked.

Willa thought he could use a few more than a couple hours of sleep. She opened her mouth to say just that, but she was interrupted before she could.

“Please?”

She tried to ignore how it could have possibly sounded like he was worried. It lingered inside of her however, settling inside of her stomach with a heavy feeling. She looked up at him, hoping that a couple hours of sleep would be enough for him, would help rid him of the darkness under his eyes.

_... . . / -.-- --- ..- / ... --- --- -._

Out there, it was cold, wet, and dark. Willa could only tell it was raining by the noise that filtered into the cave both her and Tyler were in. Other than that, it was like an endless void that stretched on. A sense of uneasiness filled her as she thought of how terrifying it wo_ld be to be standing, alone, in the woods at a time like this, no moon nor stars to guide one to safety, to warmth.

It made her all the more thankful that she had a fire, and a dry place to stay in for the night.

Turning her gaze from the rain outside, she looked around her in the cave she sat in. Fire crackled inside, warmth pouring off of the natural light, illuminating the dark walls she leaned against. Her gaze moved upwards, and she watched as shadows danced on the sloped, uneven, rocky ceiling.

It was imperfect, but in a way, that was perfect. It was impure, it was full of color and life, and that was such a different version of perfect than what the Bishops tried to teach her. They tried to make her think that their Vialism was perfect, that everything outside their grey, suffocating walls was too dirty and impure.

She was alive, like the nature around them, but more than that, she  _felt_  like she was alive.

Opening her eyes, she looked over the fire to where it seemed the only other living thing in Trench was at.

Tyler’s back was turned to her as he laid in his sleeping bag. She could assume he was sleeping, for if she listened carefully, she could hear his steady, calm breathing, as it had been for the past couple hours. She could see, if she looked carefully, his shoulders rising just ever so slightly with that breathing. He had claimed he wasn’t tired, but how quickly he had fallen asleep told Willa otherwise.

Part of her was tired, of course. She was sure she would be sore in the morning, as she had done so much climbing and walking today, traveling farther than she ever had before. A larger part of her mind, however, was still racing with questions, worries and anxieties. It was why she shuffled slightly to look down at the journal in her hand, running a thumb over the cover.

Flipping it open to the next blank page, she took note of the spot where she had hastily ripped out a page to burn. She was glad Tyler had not questioned her on her journal, but she knew those questions had appeared inside of his mind. She had seen them lurking in his eyes, perhaps even on his lips.

Could she trust him?

The thought immediately made her respond with a negative answer. Perhaps part of her  _wante__  to trust Tyler enough to share with him her secrets, to finally get this heavy, almost suffocating feeling off of her chest. But she knew she couldn’t. He wouldn’t understand. How could anyone understand what it was that she had run from? Who it had been that she had run from?

He had gotten too close when he had questioned her about Clancy, about why she had ran from him when he had awoken. How could she explain to him that she had lived in two regions within the city? How could she explain to him that she had  _wanted_  to forget about Clancy?

Her heart ached, and she took in a shallow breath. Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head, trying to will herself to calm before she had another fit. If she could forget about her past, if she could forget about Clancy once again, then everything would go back to how it had gone before.

But isn’t that what the Bishops wanted? Didn’t they want her to forget? What good could come of remembering who she had been, remembering anything of that life, though? How could she think remembering the blood that was hidden within the Bishops’ red cloaks, remembering the crying and heartache of Clancy when she told him she was moving, was good?

It wasn’t good, she was quick to remind herself. But, perhaps it was necessary. It reminded her of why she had escaped, why she had run. It reminded her why she kept her journal hidden, kept her life in the city inside of their walls, left behind.

There was no need to tell Tyler. There was no need to tell anyone, not when they assumed she was just like the rest of them. Perhaps that was why Tyler was so friendly with her, why he smiled at her like he did. He assumed she was like him, still fresh in this crazed, wild, uncontrolled world. She wanted to run, like him.

But, perhaps he had already started to question her, question her words, especially when she told him why she had reacted the way she had with Clancy. Perhaps he questioned why she wanted to run so much, run from everyone.

Perhaps he only wanted to be her scavenging partner because he knew who she once had been.

Sucking in a shaky, uneven breath, she forced her teary eyes open, trying to force those thoughts out of her head. With her vision blurred, she wrote her thoughts down, wrote down those anxieties and fears.

She knew she could give that map t_ help Tyler help others escape, she knew she had the layout of those damn towers memorized, even if she tried to forget. The haunting faces of the ones trapped came back to her in nightmares, and it’s why guilt weighed so heavily on her chest. She could help others escape, but she wouldn’t.

The fear was constricting, wrapping its’ Death inspired claws around her heart and neck. It was the fear of betraying those she had recently come to share freedom with, the fear of facing those she had already betrayed. No matter how far she got from them, they still haunted her.

Her hand shook as she wrote, making her words almost illegible. The words were frantic, emotional scribbles. They shook so much, she forced herself to stop. She set her pen down, lifting both her hands to rub at her eyes, pushing her palms flat against them as she tried to remember how to breathe. She had to remember who she was now, who she was trying to be.

Letting the breath out once again, she swallowed thickly, as she tried to calm down. Lowering her hands, she looked over at Tyler to make sure she hadn’t woke him. He was still sleeping, peacefully from what she could tell, much to her relief.

If she was having a fit over what he thought of her, it would be even more anxiety inducing if he saw and asked her what was wrong. More guilt filled her as she remembered how kind he had been to her, how he had looked at her earlier. How could she think that he knew who she was, wanted to use it against her? How could she think that when she still wore his sweatshirt?

Leaning her head back against the wall, she shut her eyes again, still trying to calm her breathing. Perhaps she was more tired than she thought she was, if all these thoughts were now attacking her, keeping her awake. Usually this would happen, but usually she was too tired to think too heavily.

Letting out another shaky sigh, she lifted her hands to her eyes, rubbing them with her palms again. She could feel the tiredness behind them, a slowly growing ache. She hoped that by rubbing her eyes like she was, it would help to alleviate some of that ache, some of the tiredness that was washing over her quickly. Letting her hands drop, she moved her gaze to Tyler once again.

Guilt sat heavy on her chest, still.

Moving her gaze to look outside once more, she felt her thoughts wonder once again. This time, she couldn’t stop them, too tired to fight against them once again. She felt her eyelids droop, but forced them to try and stay open. Sleep would grant her relief from these thoughts plaguing her, but Tyler was sleeping so peacefully. She would not wake him, if only to help appease the guilt inside of her chest. She refused to fall asleep.

It was why she was jerked awake when her head started to bob forward. Swallowing thickly, she scooted herself into a more seated position than the lounge-like one she had been in before. The cold seeping into her back from the cave wall helped to keep her awake, at least for the moment.

Exhaustion washed over her, however, and she could feel it making her limbs heavy. Her eyelids drooped once more, and she caught herself again, lethargic and slow. It was as if she had been asleep for longer than she thought she was, as the fire was smaller than it had once been, her limbs stiff. However, this time, it was a noise that caught more of her attention, making her heart freeze.

With wide eyes, her gaze snapped over to Tyler. Relief filled her that the noise she heard hadn’t been some sort of wild creature moving around, but sadness was quick to follow that as she realized just what was making the noise.

He had shifted so his body was facing her. His eyebrows were furrowed deeply, his lips set in a frown. It was not hard to see, to understand, that he was having a nightmare. By the look growing on his expression, it was a violent one. Quiet mumbling filled her hearing, torn and shaky.

Willa felt her heart constrict. How had Abby woken her when she had the nightmare? Trying to remember that, and trying to remember how to breathe, she pushed herself from her seated position. She set her journal down, closing it. Carefully, she made her way over to Tyler, keeping her footsteps light.

She could see a sheen of sweat forming on his forehead, his face contouring more and more into a grimace. She still couldn’t understand what he was mumbling about, but she could hear the desperation in his voice, the pleading. She could only imagine what it was he was dreaming of.

Kneeling down, she held her breath as a shaky hand reached out to his shoulder. “Tyler?” She called out, her voice soft, as she placed her hand on his shoulder.

Her action seemingly had no affect on him, as he was still lost in his nightmare. Once again, she called his name, louder this time, and shook his shoulder gently, hoping to pull him from the nightmare. She barely had any time to process his eyes snapping open before he was jerking upward, and she fell backward onto her bottom.

His chest heaved with heavy breaths while his eyes, filled with unshed tears and panic, rapidly looked around. His hands, white knuckled fists, clenched the sleeping bag on his lap. He looked fearful and caged in, like a wild animal. He looked like he wanted to run, to escape something within himself.

Willa’s breathing constricted once again. She knew that look in his eyes too well. She was sure she had that look in her eyes when Abby had woken her. “Tyler-” She called out to him, her voice hoarse, the tight feeling in her own chest making it hard to breathe.

His eyes, blown wide with fear and adrenaline, snapped to look down at her. She could see him processing what was around him, where he was at. Wherever he had bee_ in his dreams, it must have been a stark difference to what it where he truly was at. He stared into her eyes for what felt like an eternity, before he broke his gaze away from her. Dropping his head into his hands, his shoulders shook slightly as he tried to further calm down.

Willa didn’t want to think he was crying.

What was she supposed to do now? What had Abby done with her? Swallowing thickly, she moved over to sit next to him, while still giving him space. She could hear his shaky breaths in the now too quiet cave, see his shoulders shaking. She could see how his knuckles were still white, the tips of his fingers gripping tightly onto the top of his head. Part of her noticed the black lines around his wrist once again, but brushed it off rapidly.

“Do-” Her voice was hoarse again, but she cleared it. “Do you want to talk about it?” She asked him, her voice soft.

“N-no.” His answer was immediate, his voice cracking. “No.” He repeated, his voice firmer.

She knew she shouldn’t have felt the pang of hurt inside of her chest when he said that, yet she still did. It was none of her business to know what it was he had nightmares of, she supposed, as it was none of his business to know what it was she was running from. She swallowed back the hurt she felt, briefly wondering if Abby had felt that when Willa had responded similarly.

“Okay.” She responded with, her voice quiet. She stared at him a moment longer, trying to think of some way she could help him. Swallowing thickly, she was frustrated with herself for not knowing what else to say, what else to do to help him. All she could do for now was offer her company. She moved her gaze from him to look at the opposing wall once again.

At least it seemed he was calming down, if his shaking shoulders lessening was any indication of that.

“I-” She started again, trying to remember what it was exactly that Abby had said to her. “I’m here if you want to.” She told him, softly. As long as he knew that, perhaps that’s all she could do for the moment.

She heard him inhale shakily, releasing that breath a moment la_er. It was quiet after that, minus the sounds of the fire crackling in front of them. Once again, she wished she knew what else to say. Within her journal, she had written so much, but when it came to trying to speak any of those words, she was at a loss. She just wished she could help Tyler like he had helped her, even in the short time they had known each other.

The feeling of something warm resting on top of her hand made her jerk out of her thoughts. She snapped her gaze to her hand, and saw Tyler’s hand resting on top of it. She looked up to his face, only to have her heart constrict once again. His eyes were red and puffy around the edges, and she could see where tears had leaked out, staining his cheeks. He looked so tired, but so haunted. It hurt her to see him like this, to see him look… so hollow.

She didn’t need to speak her question, it was obvious enough in her expression, that he _new.

“C-can you just-” He started, his voice quiet, still shaky. “Can you just hold my hand?” His gaze dropped from hers, to look down at their joined hands. “It- It helps keep me grounded.” He told her, his voice getting even softer, as if he was embarrassed.

She let out a shaky breath of her ow_, and entwined her fingers with his own longer ones. She offered a gentle squeeze, one he returned, she noticed, and her eyes met his own once more. A faint smile grew on her face, trying to further help him. She found she didn’t need to say anything to him now, knowing her action did enough.

A faint smile, albeit shaky and weak, appeared on his lips, and he leaned back against the cave wall. His eyes shut as he let out a sigh. His shoulders were less tense, she noticed, yet he still was heavy in thought, that she could tell.

Regardless, she too leaned back against the cave wall, holding Tyler’s hand still. Despite how Tyler was still calming down, she couldn’t help but feel the warmth pouring off of his hand, like how it had been in the rain. It almost felt peaceful, to have her hand held by him, and to hold his hand.

Once again, that exhaustion slowly seeped into her in the quietness of the cave as the sudden adrenaline faded away. It felt like a heavy lead was filling her limbs slowly in its place, making it hard to move them any more. But she couldn’t sleep, not when she was trying to make sure Tyler would be okay.

“Thank you.” His voice was quiet, reserved, but it was loud enough for her to hear.

She pulled her drooping eyelids open more, looking up at him. He was staring at the fire, but he looked more relaxed now. _f course, he still looked tired, something Willa noticed quickly, but… He no longer looked like he would bolt from everything.

She offered him a gentle squeeze of his hand, once again, leaning her shoulder closer to him to bump it slightly in reassurance. “Of course.” Her own voice was quiet.

It was as if neither wanted to disrupt the tired peacefulness that had washed over the both of them. A realization fell over her, something that she was surprised she hadn’t understood earlier. Looking back on it now, it was so plainly obvious to her. With the panic that she had held with the thoughts of suspicion of Tyler, it made all of that feel so heavy on her chest, guilt rising even more.

Despite her suspicions and anxieties, sitting here with Tyler made her feel peaceful. Holding his hand felt _arm and it… It felt right. How he smiled at her earlier made her heart flutter, and it hurt her heart when she had seen his face look so hollow.

Glancing up at him now, she could see that tiredness lingering in his face, but she could see that he was far too awake now to sleep once again. _hatever nightmare he had, it was obviously enough to fill him with enough adrenaline to keep him from feeling drowsy.

Unlike her, it seemed, as she fought off a yawn. She wanted to stay up with Tyler, to make sure he would be okay. She didn’t know if her body could handle that, however, as her eyes felt heavy and she blinked slowly.

“The fire’s getting low, isn’t it?” Tyler asked, his voice quiet, almost hoarse.

Willa blinked almost let_argically, moving her gaze from him to the fire. Yes, it was lower than what was probably useful for either of them. She knew she was supposed to keep it going while on watch, but she had started to drift off. At least, until Tyler had woken her up.

She hummed quietly in agreement, however, to his question. “Sorry.” She murmured. “I meant to keep it going, but…”

He offered her a gentle squeeze of her hand. “It’s okay.” He told her, his voice just as gentle. “You look exhausted.”

Willa wanted to argue, but she knew it would be in vain. After all, she knew with how sluggish she was, sleep was not far behind. Looking up at Tyler, she knew he could see that. She was sure there were circles under her eyes, but looking up at him, she could see that he still had his own circles still. When was the last time he had slept without a nightmare plaguing him?

“You should have let me take the first watch.” He murmured out, his brown eyes almost studying her face. They looked warm, reflecting the lights of the dying fire in front of them.

She was sure that if she was anymore awake, she would be blushing under the gaze he looked at her with. “If I did, I think you would have let me sleep all night.” She responded with, her voice light despite her exhaustion.

“Would that be a bad thing?” He responded with, cocking one of his eyebrows. “It seems to me that you sleep just as little as I do.” He retorted, his own lack of sleep forgotten.

She let out a quiet sigh, turning her gaze from him as it turned into a yawn. She didn’t want to see the look on his face, knowing he was right. She was too tired to argue against him. Instead she focused her attention on the fire again, but his words stayed with her.

It was no wonder that she could hardly sleep. With how her thoughts haunted her, with how memories came back to her in forms of nightmares, yes, it was no surprise at all. If she had her nightmares of memories, then what did Tyler have his own nightmares of? What had he endured while in the city that kept him from sleeping? When was the last time he had truly slept?

The thought of him having nightmares every time he tried to sleep was _ painful one.

The loud crackling of the fire in front of them both broke her out of her thoughts, making her jump slightly in surprise. She blinked quickly, suddenly feeling much more awake than she had a few minutes prior. With her attention now on the fire, she could see that it was much smaller than it was to begin with, most of the logs burnt almost completely.

There was a gentle squeeze from Tyler’s hand on her own, and then, it was almost reluctantly pulling away. “I’m going to restock the fire.” He spoke quietly, pushing himself up.

After untangling himself from his sleeping bag, and slipping on his boots again, she watched as he moved near the fire, where some other logs of wood had been placed. He kneeled down, and after staring at the dying fire for a moment, he reached down, grabbing one of the logs. Tossing it in, Willa watched as sparks went up from the impact, more heat now pouring off of the fire.

She hadn’t noticed it before, most likely because Tyler had been sitting by her and warmth had been pouring off of his hand, but it had gotten chilly in the cave once again. Even now, with Tyler not sitting by her, she still felt that coldness starting to seep into her once again.

It was quiet for a few moments, the sound of the fire crackling the only noise besides the gentle breathing from the both of them. It was peaceful, which was something she was coming to associate with Tyler. At least, while it was just the two of them. In the camp, he was more outspoken and, of course, he played the music for everyone. But it seemed that perhaps it was a front, almost signifying to people that he was happy and healthy, despite what the Bishops tried to do to him.

“That should do it.” He murmured out quietly, sitting back on his heels as he watched the fire for a moment, as if making sure it would keep burning bright in the otherwise dark night. Willa let out a quiet sigh, which turned into a silent yawn, her shoulders drooping.

“I’m glad we have a fire.” Tyler started to speak after a moment of quiet. He spoke quietly, his eyes staring into the fire with an almost vacant stare.

Willa furrowed her eyebrows, knowing that look too well. It constricted her chest, seeing Tyler look like those in the city, weak and complacent. Tiredly, she pushed herself up from the cave wall, and moved her way toward him. She reached him as he was holding his hands up to the fire, almost too close.

“The fire is… it’s proof of life, isn’t it?” He asked out loud, murmuring so quiet. “It almost makes you want to put your hands into it, just to feel how alive it is. It’s... so much brighter than the towers.”

“Tyler.” She called his name as she sat down next to him, and reached her hand out to his. She entwined her somewhat cold fingers with his warm ones, pulling it away from how close it had been to the fire. She knew what he was feeling, what he was talking about. She knew all too well.

He looked down to her, breaking his gaze from the fire finally. “Sorry.” He apologized to her, seeing the expression upon her face.

She knew there was hardly hidden concern and worry on her tired face. Regardless of that, she shook her head, offering his hand a gentle squeeze. “Why are you apologizing, Tyler?” She asked him.

Memories of her own, of being forced to go inside of the towers herself, played inside of her mind. She couldn’t imagine what he had gone through, what he had seen. “I… I know how they are.” She whispered out, shutting her eyes for a moment. The memories of the haun_ing faces of those trapped, of those dying, washed over her once again, guilt weighing heavily on her chest.

A gentle squeeze on her hand brought her back to the present and she looked up into Tyler’s eyes. They looked watery with tears unshed, red around the edges, yet there was a fire that burned inside of them, perhaps brighter than the one in front of them. However, she still saw the sadness inside of them still, saw the pain and understanding.

“It’s not your fault,” He whispered out to her, “why they threw you in there.”

“I-I should be saying that to you, Tyler.” She responded with, holding his gaze with her own. She hadn’t been thrown in like he had been, on multiple occasions. She hadn’t been tortured like he had. “Whatever you did, they should have never had thrown you in there.” She whispered out, and was surprised to find anger fill her alongside the sadness. She knew that those towers shouldn’t exist to begin with.

Had he ever been inside of the towers when she was inside of them? Or had the Bishops purposefully led her away from where he might have been at?

A faint smile grew on his face, and he let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head. “I escaped so many times, Willa. If that wasn’t enough of a reason for the towers, then helping others escape was.” He responded with, turning slightly so more of his body was facing hers.

She let out a sigh, shutting her eyes as she shook her head this time. “I know.” She whispered out. “It just-” She didn’t know the words to speak, how to explain what she felt. It was almost overwhelming, all of these emotions and feelings inside of her mind and body that was exhausted.

“I know.” He whispered out in turn after a moment of quiet, squeezing her hand gently again.

She opened her eyes to look at him once again. Part of her wished he never knew what those towers were like. If anyone didn’t deserve to know, it was him. He was too kind, too sweet to have to be put through that torture. He risked suffering that again to rescue citizens he didn’t even know.

Part of her was glad he understood how terrifying they were, however, even if she hadn’t been a prisoner inside of them like he had been. Still being inside of them, filled with dying citizens… It was haunting and wasn’t something the Bishops ever wanted her to forget.

“At least the fire reminds us that we are not there anymore.” He spoke again, his voice so quiet and soft. “It reminds us of life.”

She looked up at him as he looked down at her. What truly reminded her of life was the fight she saw inside of him, saw dancing inside of his brown eyes with the flames reflected inside of them. She was reminded of life by the warmth coming from him, from how he held her hand so gently but firm enough to let her know that she was not alone. And she held his the same way.

“It reminds us to fight.” The words were gentle as he spoke them. “It reminds us to keep going.”

Willa had gotten up to comfort him, yet it almost seemed as if he had comforted her as she did with him, just by simply speaking and holding one another’s hand. Perhaps they understood one another more than she had originally thought they had. She didn’t know whether that thought brought her a sense of peace that she wasn’t alone, or sadness and an ache that Tyler had experienced worse than she had. Perhaps no words were needed to be spoken anymore, however, as his thumb brushed gently across the back of her hand and she gave him a soft smile, despite her rampant, exhaustion filled mind.

“It reminds us to keep living.”

 

_.. .----. .-.. .-.. / -... . / - .... . .-. ._

 

“Josh then promised he would never try to play a joke on me again.” Tyler finished speaking, a smug smile on h_s face.

Willa let out a quiet, tired laugh from where she sat next to him. Both their backs were against the cave wall, the fire steadily burning in front of them. After they had made sure the fire would continue to burn, they both had settled, somewhat. Tyler, of course, was wide awake still from the sleep he had gotten, and was telling stories once again to an exhausted Willa.

She didn’t know whether he had started to tell her stories of his and Josh’s silly pranks to take her mind off of her own thoughts or to help distract himself, but she appreciated it regardless. It was interesting to hear of a friendship, a true friendship, that wasn’t controlled or contained by the Bishops. It made the tightness in her chest feel lighter, hearing Tyler laugh.

Had her friendship with Clancy just been fabrication? She didn’t know, and neither did the woman who she had left behind in the city.

“Josh used to be a lot more mischievous, then?” She asked, her voice quiet.

Tyler nodded from beside her, the light of the fire highlighting the almost bittersweet smile on his face. “Yeah, that- that was before he became the leader of the camp” A quiet chuckle left him, but it sounded hollow. “Once he realized he had to worry not only about himself, it became a lot more weight on his shoulders.”

Willa moved her gaze from Tyler to look into the fire again, her mind burning with questions she wanted to ask. Who had been the leader before? What had happened to them? Why was Josh chosen? Was it her place to ask that, to know things that should be kept quiet instead? Perhaps she shouldn’t, to avoid ha_ing questions asked about her own secrets.

He let out a quiet sigh, shaking his head. “But he’s really good at what he does, so I guess there’s not really a reason to worry.” His gaze continued to stare into the fire. “I think once things settle down again with the Bishops and Clancy it’ll be alright again.” His voice had gotten quieter, as if he were getting lost in his thoughts again.

Willa swallowed thickly, thinking of how tense, how terrified everyone seemed to be inside of the camp. She could have almost forgot about it, being out here in Trench alone with Tyler. She was more focused on experiencing life around her for the first time, realizing what the Bishops had taken from her.

“I was surprised that he let himself practically get caught.” He murmured out loud softly, but it was loud enough for Willa to hear him. “He was always so good at hiding.”

She snapped her gaze up to look at him, her eyebrows furrowing with confusion, questions on her tongue. By the way he spoke, it sounded almost as if he had known Clancy before he had stumbled into the camp, bloodied and almost….

It tightened her chest to think of that night.

“You know him?” She found herself asking, unable to stop herself. Perhaps it was her exhaustion blurring her urg_ to keep her questions to herself, perhaps it was the fear starting to crawl its way back through her blood.

“I did know him.” He gently corrected her, his brown eyes looking at her from the corner of his vision. “We would see each other while I was scavenging or on one of my trips.” He started, his eyes moving from her again to the fire. “He didn’t know where he belonged.” His voice had grown soft, his expression reflecting that. His eyes looked like they were in a faraway place once again, as if he was remembering what he had seen, what he had experienced.

“He couldn’t decide if he wanted to go back to what he knew, or face the unknown.”

Willa swallowed thickly, moving her gaze to the fire like Tyler had done. Guilt sat heavily on her chest, and she squeezed her eyes shut. Why did it feel like she had been partially to blame for Clancy’s close encounter with Death himself? Even if she didn’t have all of her memories of them together, she still would have been responsible, as Nico had chased her out into Trench. She had been the one to lead him out of the city.

But why had Clancy almost been killed by Nico, then? Had he gone back to the city, and tried to escape once again? It didn't make sense to her, but she was too exhausted to truly question it.

Her eyes jerked open at the feeling of a hand gently resting on top of hers. Her widened eyes met Tyler’s inquisitive ones, and she could see the questions, the concern, lingering just under the surface.

“You should sleep.” He instead suggested to her, as if he was holding back his own questions. “You look exhausted.” He murmured, his eyes seemingly staring at the circles she knew she had under her eyes.

She let out a sigh, moving her gaze away from him. The fire danced and swirled in front of them, the colors blurring together in her sleepy vision. Yes, she knew she should sleep. But with all of the thoughts running rampant in her mind still, especially now, how could she? Would her body’s needs overtake her overactive mind? They had begun to before Tyler had woken her.

But with the mention of Clancy once again, what had they talked about? Had they even talked to one another? Had Clancy remembered her and asked if she had escaped? But based off of his question to her, he hadn’t remembered, not like she was starting to.

“I’ll…” She started, her voice groggy with sleep. “I’ll be fine.” She managed to get out, her eyes heavy.

“Are you sure?” He asked, his voice soft, almost lulling her into sleep. His brown eyes caught her eyes, holding her gaze. “You look like you’re already halfway there.” A faint, warm smile grew on his face again, the corners of his eyes crinkling.

Again, she thought that smile was warmer than the fire.

She opened her mouth to speak, but then shut it, moving her gaze away from him again. She didn’t want to sleep for multiple reasons. She didn’t want to see what her mind held for her in the darkness, what memories would distort into nightmares once again. Would she see the Bishops again, haunting with their lifeless eyes? Or would she see Clancy again, a reminder of a life she wanted to forget? Would she wake like Tyler had, gasping for air, desperate to run?

She didn’t know. And like a lot of things in this new life she had, that scared her. She was terrified, really, of what she would see, what memories would further try to destroy what she could consider her current happiness. But perhaps she was too tired to really feel truly terrified, to truly think of what she was feeling.

“C’mon, Willa.” Tyler’s gentle voice urged her, a warm hand being placed on her shoulder. “I don’t want you hurting your neck from sleeping in a weird position.”

It made her pull open her eyes, she hadn’t even known they had closed, and drag them to look up at him. All she saw was soft reassurance inside of them, reminding her that it would be alright if she had a nightmare. He wouldn’t leave her alone… Would he? Despite the fears and anxieties stewing inside of her stomach, she knew he wouldn’t. He hadn’t left her when she had bolted from the camp before, after all.

After what they shared tonight, she could only hope that her instinct wasn’t wrong. She hoped that if she did wake up from a nightmare, he would help her like she had tried to help him. She hoped that… if she ever got the courage to tell him of her past, he wouldn’t run away like she had done.

"Okay." She whispered out, giving in. Within a couple of minutes, and a little bit of help from Tyler, as she was sluggish and lethargic, stumbling over her own feet, she was laying down in her sleeping bag. She looked up at Tyler as he sat with his back against the wall, watching as the lights danced across his face, through closing eyes.

She didn’t know him, not really. He didn’t know her, at all. But, it felt like what they did know about one another, what they had shared together, was perhaps enough to support that feeling growing inside of her chest.

Did he feel it too?

 

_-.. --- -. - / - .-. ..- ... - / .- / .--. . .-. ..-. . -.-. - / .--. . .-. ... --- -._

 

_“One day, we will no longer be here.” The voice spoke to her, gravelly and stoic like it always had been. His gaze stared out across the city, white lights cutting through the dark haze of the night. “When that day comes, we must past the roles we have onto those we have picked.”_

_“You will not be here?” She asked, looking up at the figure that had taught her everything they had known, a gracious gift. An uneasy feeling filled her at the thought that she would no longer see them, have them to protect her._

_“Hush, my child.” He murmured out, a deathly pale and dark hand reaching out for her. “There is no need to fret. It is not time yet.” The hand ran over her hair, cold and familiar. It was once a soothing motion, and perhaps partially it still was._ __  
_  
_ _Yet she worried, despite his words. When would her beloved Bishop cease to exist? Who would be the one to take over, succeed not only him but the others?_

_“You will travel to Nico’s region for the time being.” He continued on._

_She stiffened. Nico was so much more brutal and unforgiving than her own Bishop, yet she knew she had to visit all of the Bishops, as that was their wish. She did not question their decisions, as they knew so much more than she, but that did not mean that she was not… was it worried she was feeling? No, her Bishop did not want them to feel worried, did not allow it._

_“You will learn much from this experience.”_

_She looked up to see his face, hidden behind a veil and red cloak like it had been since she was young. It felt like she was going to leave part of herself behind, by traveling away from the region she had grown up in, had always known. Even if she had been in the other regions, it was only for visits. She had never stayed in another, alone._

_“But I will miss you, my Bishop.” She couldn’t help but let out, her voice quiet, almost wobbly. Even if she was becoming an adult, she felt like a little girl, scared all over again and alone._

_“I know, my child.” He murmured out, his gaze finally moving to look down at her. “But you will return as the one we envision you to be.”_

_She was lucky, to be chosen as someone the Bishops paid special attention to. So, she quieted her thoughts, and prepared herself to say goodbye to the older woman who had raised her in the lapse of her mother’s untimely death. There was no one else that she had to say goodbye to before tomorrow’s evening when she would leave. She would return regardless, as her bishop had reassured her, from this trip she was blessed to be gifted._

 

Willa’s eyes flashed open. For a moment, it was almost as if she had forgotten how to breathe. A tight, constricting feeling pushe_ down on her chest, tightened her throat, and she was not certain if she was Smeared or not. As her eyes focused on what was around her, where she was, her body forced her to suck in a shaky, shallow breath.

She had to remind herself she wasn’t in Dema, wasn’t in the city with Keons. The darkness of the cave around her, lit sparingly by a flickering fire, did not do much to help her with that. Yet it was proof enough that it was not the city. It reminded her why she was here.

“Willa?” She heard her name be gently called.

Her back was turned towards the voice, her wide eyes facing the cave wall. It took her a moment to realize that the voice belonged to Tyler. Grogginess and confusion still dazed her, as she tried to further herself from the haze of her dream. It was no wonder she couldn’t recognize Tyler’s voice at first.

A hand gently rested itself on her sleeping bag covered shoulder, warmth seeping into her. “It’s time to get up.” His voice was soft, kind, as he spoke. It was such a stark contrast to the fake kindness of the Bishops.

Yet her heart still ached, it seemed. She told herself it was because of all the time that had been wasted and how long she had been manipulated. She would never get that time back, would she?

There was a gentle shaking coming from the hand on her shoulder, shifting her slightly back and forth. It somewhat helped break her from the haze of her dream, of her thoughts. She let out a quiet groan, squeezing her eyes shut.

There was quiet chuckling from behind her. “Good morning to you too, Sunshine.” Tyler chuckled out, his voice full of mirth.

Her heart faltered at the nickname, and she was glad her back was still turned to him. Her face was flushed, that she was sure of. She could just imagine that he had that smile on his face once again, the corners of his warm brown eyes crinkled, life dancing inside of them. Thinking of turning over to see that look on his face made her face flush more, and duck her head into her sleeping bag.

“It’s too early for sunshine.” She murmured out, muffled behind the material. It was too early for anything, really, it seemed, especially a dream as haunting as the one she had. It unnerved her, and she felt… She felt too many things. With Tyler around, that just further complicated things. Perhaps focusing on  _those_  feelings would be more beneficial than focusing on the others.

“It won’t be in a little bit.” Tyler responded. “The sun will be rising soon.”

The sun would be rising soon… It was a new day, she told herself. It was another day farther from the memories that haunted her, another day to replace those old memories with new, happier colorful ones. It was another day to live freely.

Another day to see a new sunrise.

Opening her eyes, she sluggishly started to push herself up. It was still dark outside, that much she could see as her tired eyes looked, yet it was not the same darkness of night. It was less suffocating, less isolating. Yes, it was true that the sun would be rising soon. Her gaze moved from the entrance of the cave to look over at Tyler.

He was kneeled down in front of her, the flickering fire behind him, and that smile she had thought of was, of course, the one he was wearing. His eyes were soft as they met hers, and the smile grew.

“Hi.” She greeted, almost dumbly. She blamed her grogginess for that and her increasing heart rate.

“Hi.” He responded with, his smile turning to a grin. “How’d you sleep?” He asked, tilting his head slightly.

Considering she hadn’t woken up crying, she could almost consider it a good nights’ rest. Or, well, a partial nights’ rest, at the very least. Even still, despite the memory that had come back to her, she found she was more rested than she had anticipated. She was becoming familiar with the prospect of always being at least partially tired, though.

“It wasn’t the worst sleep I’ve gotten.” She responded with, lifting a hand to run it through her hair, attempting to tame it down. While she was, a yawn broke through her mouth, making it obvious she was still tired.

“No nightmares?” He asked, the grin on his face faltering slightly as he asked, morphing back into one of almost worry.

It hadn’t been a nightmare, not exactly. But it hadn’t been a pleasant dream either. She shook her head slightly, moving her gaze from his again. “It…” She started, that tightening feeling returning in her chest. “It was another memory.” She admitted quietly, hands resting in her lap.

She couldn’t help but think of what that memory meant. How long had it been since she had spoken to Clancy within those walls? She had told him she was leaving Keons’ region, and she remembered the pain in his voice as he begged her not to leave. The pain had been too much f_r her to withstand, and she had gone to Keons, asked him to help her forget.

Then she had left. And now, she was free.

Guilt sat heavy on her chest, thinking of what she had done to him. She had done it under the leadership of the Bishops, believing what they had envisioned for her to be for the best, but she had hurt him so deeply. Perhaps it had hurt him so much, they made him forget. He remembered her less than she remembered him.

“You remembered something else?” Tyler asked, his voice gentle, concerned.

How could she tell him that it was something she hadn’t forgotten, just… brushed aside along with all of the other talks she had with Keons? She couldn’t tell him that she had talked to Keons at all, that she had once lived in his region. Her lie of living in Nico’s region would crumble. It would be a connection to someone she once was. Someone she needed to forget.

“No.” She told him, dropping her gaze to her hands. It was getting harder and harder to continue to lie to Tyler. “It just… it was just something that happened to me.” She managed to get out through the tightening feeling inside of her chest. It was hard enough to think about what she rather would not, lying on top of that to Tyler was almost painful.

“Oh.” The quiet sound left him.

A quiet filled the cave, almost suffocating her on top of the other pressures weighing down on her. She swallowed thickly, closing her eyes as she tried to push away the haze of the memory. She breathed in shakily, letting it out as a quiet, uneven sigh. “I’m sorry.” She found herself saying.

A hand gently grabbed her one of her own, and she opened her eyes to see Tyler’s fingers in-between her own once again. She lifted her gaze to see his brown eyes staring at her, catching her eyes. His brows were furrowed, his lips pursed slightly in a frown. “You don’t have to apologize, Willa.” He spoke firmly. His eyes danced across her face. “It’s like you told me last night, I know how it is there.” His voice softened, his hand gave hers a gentle squeeze.

She was surprised to find hat twanted to the urge to cry grow within her. Perhaps she was overwhelmed with emotions that if Tyler repeating something she had said made her want to cry, she needed to release some of those trapped feelings. But how could he know what she had gone through? She was sure they had different experiences inside of the city, yet perhaps she should lie to herself. Maybe she should let herself believe their pasts were similar.

She offered his hand a squeeze back trying not to let those tears show, her eyes staring into his

A faint smile grew on his face once again at the squeeze she gave, the worried expression in his eyes fading slightly. “We’ll make some new memories so you don’t have to think of those old ones too often, yeah?”

This time, a smile grew on her face, and she gave him a nod. Agreeing to replace her old memories with something happier was something she could easily fall into, something she wanted. Of course, she knew she needed to remember the city. As much as she wanted to forget the things she had seen, she needed them to remind herself of why she ran and why she should treasure moments. The old memories served to remind her why she should embrace what she was feeling.

Tyler gave her hand another squeeze, and then he was pushing himself up. “Speaking of which, we’ll make one by seeing the sun rise from the edge of the cliff.” He commented, a grin slowly growing on his face. “I’ll meet you out there?” He asked.

Willa thought the idea of that sounded… wondrous. Giving a nod to his question, she was answered with a wide grin before he headed out of the cave.

Pulling back the sleeping bag, she was hit with the cold air, despite the flickering fire in front of her. Goosebumps covered her from underneath Tyler’s sweatshirt, that she remembered she was still wearing, and she was quick to pull her boots on. It hadn’t been this cold whe_ she had fallen asleep, had it?

The night prior was hazy with the lack of sleep, but she could still remember most of what she had said. She could remember all of how Tyler had looked at her. Based off how he looked at her still, she knew that she hadn’t said anything that had made him think otherwise of her, despite the war growing stronger inside of her.

Pushing herself to a stand, she almost missed the old, faded cover of a journal, lying on the ground. Her thoughts came to a screeching halt. The cold feeling that nipped her fingers spread into her chest, filling her bones. Wide eyes stared, almost unseeing, at it.

Then the fear broke out inside of her.

Had he read it? How could she have left it out in the open like that, overnight? Had he taken it out of her bag after seeing her with it? Was the map she hid still inside?

The questions were overwhelming, threatening and choking.

With a quick glance in the direction of the entrance to the cave, she snatched the journal from the cold ground, clutching it close to her chest. Sucking in a shaky breath, with trembling fingers, she flipped through the pages. Everything was in order, and the damned map was still there. Shutting her eyes as a quiet exhale left her, she shut the journal once more.

She reminded herself that if Tyler had truly looked inside of the journal, he would have awoken her with questions. He would not have been kind. She feared if he, or anyone, truly knew who she once had been, she would be completely alone. Opening her eyes once again with an inhale, she had half a thought to toss the entire journal into the dying fire in front of her. Within a moment, however, she was unzipping her backpack, sliding the journal inside of it.

Willa knew she needed it.

Letting out a sigh, she tried to focus on what was going on now. While in a crouch, she started to gather her few possessions. After a couple minutes of attempting to push her now rolled up sleeping bag into her backpack, and picking up her now dried jacket, she stood.

Taking another glance around the cave, she could see how the fire flickered weakly, no longer fueled by the wood they had gathered. The weak flames cast light onto the cave walls, yet the cold almost numbed her fingertips. It almost felt like she was leaving something behind, but what, she did not know.

Perhaps she was scared to re-enter the camp where the fear of the Bishops would become real and tangible once again. It was so easy to ignore all of that out here, pretend she did not know why they were out here in the first place. With the laughter her and Tyler had shared, how they had ran together in the woods to escape the rain, it all felt…

Breathing in deeply to steady her overactive heart and mind, she turned away, walking toward the entrance where Tyler waited for the sun. Anything with him made her heart race anymore and her face flush. Again, she thought of what Abby had teased her of.

As she walked, her eyebrows furrowed at what she saw, distancing herself from her thoughts. No longer could she see the dark greens of the woods around them. Even if the sun had yet to rise, she could see the faint colors streak across the sky as she exited the cave proving it would soon. But, she could not see that bright, vibrant green she had associated so strongly with life.

Instead she saw white.

She saw the color the Bishops attempted to plaster themselves in underneath their robes of blood. But their white was dirty, polluted with their death-stained hands. It was fake. The color she saw in front of her now, however, was true white, something so pure, yet so quiet.

Was this innocence she was observing?

Never before had she ever seen something so untouched, so natural in its presentation, yet… Willa thought it was haunting. Her mind briefly went to the deer they had seen, and the thought of seeing it with the wide, unblinking eyes with the white snow around it gave her arms more goosebumps than she already had. Was it the rawness of this new life that made her feel so exposed?

Would her lies and sins turn the hauntingly perfect white ground red beneath her feet?

Her eyes, wide with both awe and perhaps fear, danced around the area in front of the cave, previously unseen in the pouring rain from yesterday. The cave they had stayed in had a ledge that jutted out of the forest, the white-topped trees falling away from it to leave an open space in the sky above them, and in front of them.

She stepped forward, her steps light and cautious on the snow that crunched underneath her boots, and she almost swore the sound echoed throughout the silent trees. She knew Tyler, who stood in front of her on the ledge with his back turned to her, could hear her, even if he kept his gaze forward.

As she approached him, she could understand why.

A quiet gasp left her mouth at the view she saw. Below the ledge and out in front of it, she could see the trench she had grown so accustomed to seeing in its bright greens. Instead, it was coated in the same pureness everything else seemingly was. On and on it stretched, the jagged cliffs jutting out from the land, trees dotted here and there.

“It’s something else, isn’t it?” Tyler asked her, his voice quiet, as if not to disrupt the quiet around them. Or perhaps that was his goal, if the quiet was too suffocating.

Willa found she couldn’t use her voice, not immediately. Instead, she gave a small nod, her eyes still wide, still trying to commit all she saw to memory. A reminder of what true innocence perhaps looked like, not the grey the Bishops coated themselves in. The cold nipping her nose, her cheeks, made it all the more real.

“Wait until you see the sun rise.” He commented, and out of the corner of her eye, she could see him turn his head toward her. “If you look over those two ridges, it’ll rise perfectly between them.”

She turned her head to look at him, seeing his hopeful and somewhat excited expression. It put some of her haunted feelings at rest. Seeing the corners of his eyes crinkle at the side made her own smile grow on her face before she turned her gaze from his and looked out over the ridge.

She could see the colors grow lighter in the sky, now reds and oranges growing more prominent, she could only think of how beautiful it was to watch. The stars now just faint points of light. What felt like so long ago, she had read a line about the stars, and seeing them in front of her, she could almost remember just what that was.

As a bright, warm light burst forth from over the ridge, all thought of the pinpricks in the sky dispersed. She had to shield her eyes, ducking her gaze away from the bright light, as it almost burned, squeezing her eyes shut. Once again, however, she reminded herself she would rather take that anyday over the now empty husks of artificial life the Bishops provided.

“Look, Willa.” Tyler gently urged.

It prompted her to open her eyes once again, lowering her hand. She was met with the bright, almost shimmering sight of the snow encompassing everything. The sun’s light reflected and danced off of the white, shimmering as she moved her gaze over everything.

“Oh…” She breathed out, holding her hand over where h_r heart was. “It’s…” She tried to start, but found herself at a loss once more. How could words ever do something so  _alive_  justice? How could something so white seem so?

“I know.” Tyler breathed out beside her. “It’s breathtaking.”

She turned her gaze to look over at him, only to catch his eyes looking over at her. The soft look was in his eyes once again, that smile playing on his lips. It was the look that made her already flushed cheeks flush more, while her heart faltered. With the morning sun dancing over him, he looked so alive, so young, and so free. Why couldn’t they just pretend, just a little while longer?

With how he looked at her, it was so easy to pretend that the need to find a new home for the rest of the Banditos was non-existent. The fear of being dragged back to the city by Nico was seemingly gone with how he stared at her. With him, it was almost as if none of the fears she had unwillingly carried with her from the city were there.

What was this feeling inside of her?

All she knew was her heart raced, her face was flushed, and she couldn’t help but notice Tyler take a step forward. His fingers gently intertwined with hers.

She took a glance down at them, an almost nervous yet excitable feeling growing inside of her stomach and moving throughout her body. Her fingers almost tingled with the warmth from his fingers, the feeling of the roughness something new and different. Once again, she could see a part of those black lines on his wrist, peaking out from underneath his jacket sleeve. It was a part of him, and it was something that further defined him from what he once was.

Moving her gaze back up to him, she could see his face was closer to hers now, perhaps even closer than it had ever been before. She could see the faint freckles that adorned his cheeks, the slight stubble across his jaw, and take in how the light was reflected in his eyes. Those eyes, full of warmth, danced across her features as hers had done with him. Yet they lingered on her lips for a moment before back up to her eyes.

It seemed as if there was a pull between them, and she felt herself drawn to complete the space between them.

But a noise so terrifying, so jarring and horrifyingly familiar, shattered the dream.

What once was peace filling her was now replaced with a cold, laden feeling, sipping into her soul and freezing her bones. Her eyes widened in fear, unseeing of Tyler’s expression or anything in front of her. Instead, she saw the creatures that were the Bishops’ pets, their faithful Watchers. No words could leave her mouth, nor could any breath come in.

Her eyes met that of the beady, lifeless eyes of the creature as it landed behind Tyler.

The vulture had found her.

They were coming to drag her back.

 

_-.. --- / -. --- - / - .-. ..- ... - / - .... . / .-- .- - -.-. .... . .-._

 

“I can’t believe you raised a vulture from the time it was a chick.” Willa’s incredulous voice spoke out as she climbed over a steep incline.

Tyler’s hand reached out to her as his face poked over the top of the incline. An almost sheepish grin was on his face. “Me  _and_  Josh.” He retorted with. “We couldn’t just let it die.”

Willa took his hand as he helped her get up. “I understand that.” She responded with, pushing herself to stand beside him, letting out a long exhale of breath. “I don’t understand how you just… you just took it in.” She looked up to him, her hand still holding his. “He is literally…” She shook her head slightly.

He looked over to her, and a small, understand smile was on his face. He offered her a squeeze of her hand. “I know.” Turning his gaze upward towards the sky, a thoughtful look crossed his features. “Their symbol of death.” He murmured out. “Now used as our messenger bird.”

Willa couldn’t help but let out a quiet sigh, and followed his gaze. High above them, she could see the outline of Clifford, as the vulture was so normally named, flying above. He was leading them back to camp, it almost seemed. After all, the vulture had a note tied around his leg that was from Josh.

The note itself was simple enough, as it just stated that Josh was concerned, and that he hoped that they would return soon, following the eastern sun. It could have almost been relieving to know that they were missed, were it not delivered by a vulture.

“C’mon.” Tyler’s voice broke her out of her thoughts.

Willa looked back to him, giving him a small nod, and started walking alongside with him. She supposed that the dream of being out in the wilderness with Tyler, away from the worries of the Bishops, of the Banditos, of her past, was over.

Letting out a sigh as they stepped down from the incline, she looked out into trench once more. She knew that the Bandito camp was approaching soon. While Tyler reported in with Josh, Willa was sure that she would be practically ambushed by Abby when they arrived, demanding to know all of the details.

What all those details were, Willa still had trouble figuring them out through the emotions she had felt, and still felt when she thought about how close they had been. But, she supposed both of them had more important things to worry about. After all, she reminded herself with that familiar tightening in her chest, the possibility of Nico coming for them all, for her, was real. The fear that Clancy could remember her was perhaps even more terrifying.

Moving her gaze downwards as she stepped over some rocks, Tyler in front of her, she could have almost missed the burning color in the corner of her eye. Jerking her eyes back up as she paused, she felt her heart constrict, her breath leave her soul.

One would have to be blind. She wished she was blind in order not to see the stark blood red color in the white, pristine snow. The color of the cloak that the Bishop wore, his form immobilized and stiff, down far below. He stood, a bloodstain against the pure white, a symbol of death. He waited, as if for her to drag her back to where they thought she belonged.

And once again, she couldn’t breathe. Except this time, she could not cry out for help or run. Tyler continued walking farther from her. She was paralyzed. Her wide eyes were locked onto the Bishop, knowing that he could turn his head at any moment, and perhaps see both her and Tyler. And she could not do anything to save them. She was trapped in this nightmare, watching the Bishop in a place that once was so terrifying yet freeing of their presence.

She was almost thankful for whatever it was that had caught his attention.

Until she saw the same color she wore on another, standing in front of the one they all had run from. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so so so so sorry for the long wait  
> all i can do is apologize and say that my life has been crazy  
> work has been suffocating and i've barely had time to breathe sometimes, let alone write. 
> 
> that is why i have give you this long chapter.  
> i know it is not a promise, but i hope it is a good apology for making you wait.  
> i hope it helps hold you over until next time i can update.  
> stay with me now, the story is just beginning.  
> also not proofread so i apologize.  
> stay alive   
> || - //


	22. [21]

**01 9   08 m o o n   16**

-.. --- / -. --- - / - .-. ..- ... - / - .... . --

**[21]**

  

“Tyler.”

His name came out in a strained whisper. A hoarse sound almost lost to the noises of quiet life in Trench. Had she actually forced noises from her paralyzed form? She almost worried he hadn’t heard it, but she feared speaking louder. If the red figure saw or heard either of them, she surely knew that they’d be dragged back.

They’d be tortured.

They’d be trapped.

She could almost hear the footsteps coming toward her once again, much  _much_  too loud. The Bishop down below could hear them. He could see them. Her gaze, unfocused on the red down below, couldn’t see Tyler until he was standing in front of her.

A hand gripping her own made her finally jerk her eyes from the blood down below, straight into the eyes that she had come so familiar with. They were filled with worry, with concern for her.

Once she would have felt guilt for seeing that look in his eyes because of her, but now, all she could worry of was the one she feared down below. The one that she thought she would be free of, that she would never see again. Oh, how ignorant of a child she still was.

His mouth moved but she couldn’t hear him. All she could hear was the rushing of her blood pounding in her ears. Her body screamed at her to run, to survive.  _Escape_ , it screamed, from the Bishop below. But she couldn’t move.

She couldn’t breathe.

The hand holding hers squeezed, trying to get her to focus. His mouth moved, and she almost thought she could piece together what he was saying, what he was asking. She still couldn’t speak, her blood cold and lead-like, filling her with the inability to run.

Her hand was lifted to rest over his chest. She could feel the steady beat of his heart. How could he be so calm? Did he not see the Bishop down below?

“ _Breathe_.” He mouthed, again. His eyes, wide with worry, stared at her, holding her gaze in his own.

She could feel the way his chest moved up and down, steadily, evenly and slowly. It was so much more movement than what her own was capable of. But, she tried. She sucked in a quick breath, shaky, hoarse, uneven. It was barely anything. But, it was enough to choke out words.

“He’s there.” She hoarsely whispered out. “He’s-” She couldn’t finish her words, too scared to speak anymore, no air left in her lungs. She was scared to look to her right, to see the Bishop once again.

She watched, through teary, almost blackening vision, as Tyler snapped his head to the right. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he looked back to her. “Willa, it’s okay.” He tried to reassure her. He spoke softly, gently, still holding her hand up to his chest. “Just breathe, okay?”

That sickening feeling grew inside of her stomach, and she jerked her head like Tyler had to look. Sure enough, the Bishop was nowhere to be seen. However, she still saw the one in green, standing there in the snow. A _lone_.

But she couldn’t have just imagined seeing them both down there. The fear that still gripped her chest was too real, too suffocating for it not to have been real. She had seen the blood in the snow. She had seen Death once again. She had seen him.

“It’s one of our one.” Tyler reassured her, his hand gently squeezing her own. “What did you see?” He asked, as if he believed her fear.

She forced herself to suck in another shaky breath, focus on his hand holding her own, grounding her, keeping her from running. “I-I-” She started, her words choking her, making it even harder to breathe. “I thought- I thought I saw one of  _them_.”

His eyebrows, already furrowed, pushed down above his eyes even more. “Are you sure?” He asked her, not needing to ask to know just who it was she was talking about.

Was her fear, her panic not clean enough on her face? Were the tears threatening to leave her eyes enough proof of what she thought - No, she was sure she had seen the Bishop. She wanted to believe he hadn’t been there, she wanted to believe her and Tyler had nothing to run from, no camp to worry about, but this new reality was crashing around her once again.

Willa almost felt like she knew nothing except the fear and the secrets all over again. She felt like it was her first night out alone in Trench, where all she knew was the place she had escaped from and the unknown in front of her. The only thing keeping her grounded was his hand in her own, but with his questioning, how could she not feel hurt by what he said?

She snapped her gaze back to him to give him an incredulous look. Her eyes were wide and her chest was heaving slightly. “Yes.” She whispered out. “I saw one of them down there, with the one down there still.”

Perhaps that was where the fear truly came in. It made those thoughts of hurt dissipate as she looked up at him. For she watched as Tyler’s face paled, his heart faltering. His grip on her hands tightened, and his eyes had a painfully familiar look inside of them, one she sure she held on her own face; fear.

She snapped her gaze back to where the Bishop had once been, and found that whoever the Bandito was, was gone. That chilling feeling, one so painfully familiar and agonizing, washed over her once more, taking hold of her soul and her very being.

_-.-. --- / -- / . / -... .- / -.-. / -.-_

Together, they approached the entrance of the camp as the sun hid behind grey clouds above. It was hard to tell what time it was, everything coated in that grey, the snow accompanying it. All Willa knew was that time seemed irrelevant.

It didn’t matter what time of day it was. Willa had no idea of knowing how long they had before the Bishops came for them all. Had the Bandito she had seen down in Trench been someone she talked to here? Someone she had laughed with? Had they told the Bishop where they all were hiding?

Was what she saw truly there?

Nausea hadn’t left her stomach since she had sworn she had seen the blood in the snow, and it certainly was still there as the guard posted looked relieved that they were back. She hardly noticed him calling over his shoulder, the itching feeling of someone watching her crawling up her back occupying her rapid thoughts. Perhaps they would never leave her now.

She blinked out of her haze when she saw a familiar figure rushing toward them, his brown eyes catching her own. She watched as the grin faded slightly as he most likely saw the fear barely lurking underneath the surface, threatening to choke her. Then his eyes moved to Tyler, and the grin faded completely.

Josh was quick to meet them, in between Trench and the camp. “Tyler, Willa.” He spoke both of their names in a relieved manner. His arms lifted and were wrapping around Tyler within a moment, something Tyler returned immediately.

Her thoughts threatened to overtake her once again, as her gaze moved over her shoulder once more, unable to help but succumb to the itching feeling. Was Clifford still hovering, or was it truly a Bishop even, watching them, watching her?

She didn’t feel safe.

Warm arms wrapped around her, breaking her out of her trance. She had to quickly remind herself that the tight embrace was from Josh, not from anyone that wanted to drag her away. Surprised by the tears she felt burning, she almost hid herself in the embrace, squeezing her eyes shut. Her arms lifted to wrap around him in return. She could almost feel herself shake, whether from the cold or the fear inside of her.

“It’s okay.” Josh quietly reassured her, his voice low and even in her ear.

How could anything be okay? They had to move the camp, yet there could be a Bandito reporting to the Bishops everything they said or did. They had to move the camp because she had led Nico out into Trench in the first place. She had jeopardized their safety, their home, all because of someone she once was.

“Whatever happened, we’ll figure it out.” He spoke again, pulling back from her slightly. His brown eyes looked down at her, his eyebrows furrowed in worry, his lips in a slight frown, his hands resting on her arms. His eyes searched her face, before they moved to Tyler. A question was on his lips, one that was obvious enough to all of them standing there.

“Let’s go talk inside of the tent.” The other suggested before the question could be asked, and his gaze moved from Josh and Willa over to the entrance of the camp.

Willa’s gaze followed, looking over Josh’s shoulder, and she could see quite a handful of Banditos, all waiting for them. She recognized Abby, Evelyn and Brooke immediately, all staring at them with what looked like excited faces. It was almost a relief, seeing them, but more of that nauseating feeling filled her as she thought of any of them being dragged away. The thought that any of them could have been the one with the Bishop.

“Willa, can you handle them until we get into the tent?” Josh asked, and she turned her head back to him to see him looking at her.

She breathed in a shakily, and bit the inside of her cheek. A liar she once was, something she wanted to escape from, yet it seemed that she still needed to be one. How much longer could she continue to do just that? How good was she at lying still? She didn’t want to think she was a master of it, like the Bishops had wanted. Yet here she was, still needing to be just that.

Swallowing thickly, she nodded. “Yes. I’ll be okay.”

He gave a nod, offering a small smile in response, stepping away from her. With him, went his warmth, and a shiver automatically went through Willa as cold air filled the space once again. Her fingers almost felt numb.

Looking over at Tyler beside her, he met her gaze. Giving her his own slight nod, he held her gaze for another moment, before turning it back toward the camp. “Josh and I will do most of the talking.” He told her, and then started to walk forward.

Josh followed, and she had no choice but to follow too.

As they approached, Willa barely had time to plaster a smile on her face before she saw Abby bolting toward her. Then, she stumbled backwards as a body suddenly collided with her own. Were it not for the warm hands suddenly resting on her back to steady her, she would have fallen back, Abby following.

Abby, meanwhile, had her arms wrapped around her shoulders, hugging her tighter than Josh had done. “I missed you so much!” She exclaimed, holding onto Willa as they stumbled a moment to regain their footing.

Willa felt a pang in her heart. Was this what it was like to have a true friend? To have someone truly care? Once again, she felt tears well up in her eyes, and she wrapped her arms around Abby, hugging her just as tight, ducking her head into the other’s shoulder. She did truly miss Abby, even if they didn’t know everything about one another. She had been the first one Willa had really talked to.

“I missed you too, Abby.” She responded with, her voice barely above a whisper.

The two remained in a tight hug for a few moments longer, before Willa heard someone clearing their throat. Moving back slightly, she looked toward the source of the noise and saw Evelyn, her arm slung around Brooke’s shoulders.

“It’s nice to see you back in one piece.” She commented, a grin on her face. “I’m surprised Tyler didn’t push you with a ton of climbing.”

Willa shook her head slightly, stepping farther back from Abby, and the others once again, to stand closer to Josh and Tyler. “He had trouble keeping up with me.” She retorted, trying to put some lightheartedness into her voice once again. But, she sounded tired, exhausted even.

But she wanted to get what she needed to say off of her chest. If they did not get to the tent soon, Willa did not know how much longer she could continue acting like everything was fine. Whatever she had to lie about in Dema was always about hiding her feelings, her emotions she was feeling. But now, what she was hiding concerned so many, so much more than just her. All of this felt almost….  _Wrong_  to be lying and acting like she was.

Tyler let out a quiet chuckle from beside her, rolling his eyes slightly. “She wishes it was like that.”

Evelyn let out a surprised noise. “Oh? Did the rock-climber lose her grip?” The question was directed at Willa, that was obvious. It was also obvious, by the teasing smile on her face.

Willa simply shook her head, taking a step forward toward the camp, toward the large tent. She couldn’t keep doing this, not now. Lying to one person was one thing, having to lie to a group of people, most of which whom she considered friends, wasn’t something she could truly do anymore. On top of the lies she had already told, acting like this felt heavy on her chest.

“Maybe later they can share their stories.” Josh commented, easily, like he wasn’t worried. Although he didn’t know what Willa and Tyler knew. “I think they’re both tired from their trip.” He added on, and caught her eyes once again.

“We’ll let you get settled in then and you can tell us all about what you saw at dinner tonight, right?” Brooke chimed in, offering a pleasant smile.

Was it Willa’s paranoia that made all of their smiles seem plastered? Condescending, even? Fear told her that one of them was speaking to a Bishop, was the one Tyler and her saw down below them in Trench. Any of them could have been the Bandito, could have been a spy for the Bishops. And she would be none the wiser, unaware of just who that was.

Fear constricted her breathing.

“I better hear about the trip later.” Abby retorted with, cocking an eyebrow and giving Willa a slight smirk, a knowing look.

It hardly registered in her mind what Abby had even said, let alone what she was insinuating happened. She shook her head slightly in an affirmative way, hardly aware, and followed Tyler and Josh, who started to walk toward their tent further inside of the tent.

“We’ll meet you all at dinner.” Josh responded with, and almost as if that was a dismissal, the small group headed toward the dinner fire, none-the-wiser of what was truly happening.

Willa walked beside Tyler, her hands clenched into fists in her pockets. Her wide eyes almost jerked around as she looked at the Banditos. Had one figured out who she was? Had one gone to the Bishops, sent a message out, or had one come looking for her?

They all were happy to see the two back, many offering greetings or waves as they headed in their own directions. Most of them, Willa noticed, were heading toward the large fire for dinner. The thought of eating something made her feel almost nauseated. But questions plagued her mind. What if all the smiles were fake? Who among them was the spy? Had she hallucinated the Bishop talking to the Bandito? Was there even a spy?

“Willa.” Tyler spoke her name in a murmur, and she felt his shoulder bump into hers.

Her eyes jerked up to look at him, and caught his gaze as they walked. His eyebrows were furrowed down slightly, and his eyes caught the lights of the fires, dancing inside and showcasing the worry inside. They danced over her face, taking in her expression, and his eyebrows furrowed more in worry.

She tried to hide most of her panic, her fears, but it felt like Tyler could see them so easily, as if they were crawling up her neck in a fashion like one that was Smeared. Was it because he knew now what those fears looked like on her? Was it because he knew what it felt like?

Biting the inside of her cheek, she ducked her gaze from him as they finally approached the main tent. The sounds of the gathering Banditos was almost too much, the quiet murmurings surrounding them as they all were preparing for dinner. The smell of the smoke and the fires, which once was almost comforting to her, almost felt suffocating once again.

Josh pulled back the flap to the tent, and it was almost as if a sense of relief surrounded her. As she walked in, Tyler following behind her, she exhaled as the flap closed behind them. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to rid herself of the tears now threatening to spill.

“What happened?” Josh asked, his voice gentle.

She opened her almost watery eyes at his words, meeting his worried gaze as he moved to stand in front of her and Tyler both. She tried to remember how to breathe past the constriction in her chest. “I… I thought-” She started, but shook her head, ducking it slightly. Lifting her hands, she pressed her palms into her eyes, rubbing them.

The fear of a Bishop coming to drag them all away, of a Bandito she thought she could trust being the one to provide the means to do, fueled her to inhale shakily, releasing once again.

“I thought I saw a Bishop.” She whispered out, as if scared to dare say those words. It was almost cursed, as if speaking them would bring the Bishops down upon them.

It was silent in the tent. The only sounds that could be heard were the faint noises of the camp outside of the tent. But inside, it was as if by speaking those words, all noise had been destroyed.

“Are you sure?” Josh asked, his voice strained now, as if he was trying to hold back his own surge of emotions.

Willa truly couldn’t blame him, or Tyler really, for doubting her. Who wanted to truly believe that a Bishop was so close to where they thought they were safe? She wished that she hadn’t seen one. She wished that the fear that constricted her now was instead replaced with something so much kinder.

“I didn’t see one, but-” Tyler started, and Willa felt his warmth next to her, felt him standing next to her. “I saw one of our own standing there. I looked away for a moment and when I looked back, they were gone, whoever it was.” His voice was quiet, hushed, serious.

Willa heard Josh let out an almost shaky exhale. She lowered her hands slightly from her eyes to look at him. He was rubbing his own hands over his face, as if trying to process what it was that the two had told him. He dropped his hands and his eyes met her own.

“Willa, are you absolutely positive you saw one of them down there?" He reiterated, his voice hushed, strained still. His eyes, filled with a concern she could see, held her own.

The fear and anxiety inside of her, constricting her breathing and words, told her that she had horribly seen a Bishop. She held her hands over her heart, one clenching the other as if that would help ease what she felt. Swallowing thickly, almost struggling, she held his eyes, knowing the fear, the emotion she usually tried so hard to hide, was so easily visible. "I saw the blood red." She whispered out. "I… it was almost burning against the snow. I-" She couldn't continue what she was saying, not without the fresh memory coming forward to seize her heart.

Josh let out a short exhale, as if he couldn't catch his breath. His eyes scanned over her, taking in her appearance, seeing her white knuckled hands. "Willa, breathe." He gently told her, his worried brown eyes holding hers. "You're safe here."

Willa hadn't even realized she had stopped breathing. Sucking in a shuddering breath, she released it, her wide eyes blinking quickly before staring up at Josh, watching as he did the same. How could she be safe here? How could she be safe anywhere if a Bandito was talking to a Bishop? None of them were truly safe. Not unless the Bandito was caught by the Bishop. Not unless the Bandito was dragged back to Dema. Not unless someone she possibly had known had possibly laughed with, had been dragged back to that horrific place.

Josh's worried eyes moved over to look at Tyler, his lips set in a worried frown, eyebrows furrowed to match. "Tyler, you did not see the Bishop, correct?" He asked.

"No. But, a Bishop could easily hide behind other cliffs down there if one was there." Tyler responded with. "Same goes for whoever was down there with him." He was quiet, his voice heavy with thought.

"What if-" Willa started, her voice hoarse, her chest shaking with the force it took to breathe. "What if they were taken back to the City?" It was all she could manage out, before tears threatened to leak from her eyes, which were unseeing of what was in front of her.

"Tyler-" Josh started to ask.

"The Bishop wouldn't let one of ours hesitate behind them. Not without repercussions." He responded immediately, as if he knew exactly what had happened. As if it had happened before. "Unless they chose to go back or they wanted to come back to us." He spoke after another moment, his voice hushed.

Willa's heart constricted. Had the Bandito willingly chose to go back to the City? Was this life too much for them to handle?

Then Willa felt something warm grasp her shoulder, and she jerked her head to the side, meeting Tyler's worried gaze once again. Tears burned her eyes, blurred her vision as he stared at her, as if trying to understand what she was feeling.

With his eyebrows furrowed in concern, he repeated words that had been spoken too much to her today. "Breathe." He spoke firmly, contrasting the worry inside of his eyes. "You look sick." He murmured out.

She felt sick.

"Willa," Josh started, and she snapped her gaze to look at him, watching as he took a step toward her. "Nico won't chase you again." He tried to reassure her. "It'll be okay."

How could anything be okay? She shook her head, watery eyes looking at both of them. "H-how can you say that?" She whispered out, her chest aching with the force it took to speak. Yet, her fear drove her to speak her questions. "The Bishops, they- they could find us here!"

"Willa." Tyler's voice was hard to hear over the sound of the blood rushing into her ears. "Hey. Hey, focus."

She swallowed thickly, almost choking, and tried to remember how to breathe as she watched Tyler do just that. She had almost been seen, almost been taken back like whoever the other down in Trench had been. If they even were. Whatever Bishop it had been, whether it be Nico or Keons or another, had almost seen her. Would they have recognized her? Would they truly have seen her with the color she wore?

She watched as the two shared a look, once again, and Tyler then turned his gaze back to her, giving her shoulder a slight squeeze. "We're moving the camp soon enough, Willa. The forest is deep enough to hide all of us." He tried to reassure her again, his voice gentle.

"A-are you sure?" She whispered out, her voice so quiet, so petrified.

Tyler gave her an affirmative nod, his eyes holding hers. "I promise."

She breathed in shakily once again, letting it out just the same way. "Okay." She responded with, holding his even gaze.

A faint smile, so quiet with the fear hanging heavy in the air, grew on his face. He offered her that smile a moment longer, then took a step back slightly, dropping his hand from her shoulder. His eyes and the receding warmth from his hand seemed to be the only thing grounding her. Were it not for that, perhaps she would have bolted into Trench, deep into the woods.

"Willa." Josh's voice called her name again.

She turned her gaze to look at him, hardly noticing the way his eyes looked over her features again to make sure she was more okay than she just had been. Fear still filled her bones, still made it difficult to breathe.

"We need to know exactly what happened." He finished speaking. “I know you told us, but… what happened up to that point?”

Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked at him. Hadn't she said enough already? Were her words being questioned? Was… was she not truthful enough? She understood their apprehension for believing what she saw, truly she did, but-

"I-" She started, her eyes moving between the two of them. "I was climbing, behind Tyler after we left the forest. I thought I saw something in the corner of my vision and when I looked I-" Her breath hitched once again. She shook her head, almost violently, trying to get rid of the memory. 

The two shared a look, again, and Willa was reminded of something that the Bishops had done, with a sinking feeling inside of her chest. Whenever the Bishops had shared looks like that, it meant that they knew something she did not.

"Did you see his face?" Josh asked.

Willa shook her head, staring at the both of them. "We- we were too far up." She sucked in a quick breath. Her fear fueled her to ask her questions. "Has- has this happened before?" She asked, her eyes darting between the two of them.

There was quiet between them once again. It was that quiet that answered her question, told her all she needed to know. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. Who had it been before? Who had chosen to go back? Who had decided last minute to stay out here, but was dragged back regardless?

“It doesn’t matter what happened in the past, Willa.” Tyler responded with, his voice even. “What matters is that we figure out what is happening now.”

She lifted a hand to run it through her hair, anxiously, her fingers trembling. She couldn’t understand why they did not seem more worried, more fearful of what she had seen. They… they believed her, didn’t they? They had no reason to not believe her.

“Then what is happening now?” She asked, her eyes, worried and wide, looked between them both, her hand coming back down to rest by her side.

Josh looked to Tyler, a somewhat inquisitive expression on his face. He hesitated on speaking, as if waiting. It did nothing to ease the nervous pit growing inside of her stomach.

Tyler gave a slight nod to Josh, and then his gaze moved to Willa. His eyes almost looked pleading, worried almost. “Sometimes when one is out in Trench for so long, they see things that…” He hesitated on speaking more, taking in a steadying breath to support the quiet words leaving him. “That aren’t really there.”

Willa felt that cold wash over her once more. Goosebumps raised on her arms, despite the oversized sweatshirt she wore. She almost thought she had misheard him. How could all of her fears and anxiety have been false? How could what she have seen not truly been there?

She looked to Tyler, seeing so clearly on his face that he was in agreement with Josh’s words. How could he believe that what she had seen hadn’t been real? She had seen the fear on his expression, seen his face pale in what was so haunting. He hadn’t seen the Bishop, but he had seen the Bandito. And then he had seen the Bandito disappear. How could he not believe her?

Anger boiled inside her, burning hot, chasing away her frozen state of fear. “What are you talking about?” She whispered out, breaking her eye contact with Tyler to look over at Josh. She didn’t want to feel this anger toward Tyler, toward Josh. Part of her despised feeling this, knowing how much the Bishops tried to encourage her anger.

And it cut a part of her so deeply that Tyler didn’t believe her.

“While the possibility of a Bishop being out there is a serious threat, especially right now, certain individuals have spoken the same thing as you, Willa, when nothing was truly there.” He responded, his voice firm yet he spoke quietly. His eyes were soft, almost pleading her to listen to what they were saying.

Yet the hurt that bloomed across her chest made it so, so very hard for her to understand. Perhaps part of her could understand why Josh didn’t believe her. He was not there. She didn’t know Josh, not as well as she knew Tyler. Which is why that hurt ached so much that after what she had shared with him, what he had shared with her, he did not believe her.

They viewed her like others.

A deeper part of her scoffed and mocked her, taunting her. She wanted to blend in, hadn’t she? She had wanted to be like the others, yet now that she was being treated as one, it hurt her. How well of a job she had done, convincing them of just that. Maybe if she had shared who she truly once was, maybe they would believe her when she feared that Nico was coming for her.

Yet part of her had thought that perhaps Tyler and her had grown close enough for her to be considered more. Her words to be considered as more. She thought that her emotions on her face, something she still did not fully know how to express, would have been enough.

They all could be dragged to the City, yet even with the recent appearance of Nico, they did not believe her. Yet they had believed Clancy.

A throbbing emerged in her head, pulsating behind her eyes. Nothing made sense, and nothing was grounding her inside the tent.

Shaking her head, as if to try and relieve that pulsating, she took a step back, squeezing her eyes shut. Away from them both. She hated that tears formed behind her eyes from the hurt she felt. “I know what I saw.” She whispered out again, knowing if she spoke any louder, the anger would come through. “I know I saw him. I know I saw one of your own.” She opened her eyes, lifting her gaze to look at Tyler.

Seeing his eyebrows furrowed, a frown on his face, the emotion in his eyes, almost made her choke on her words. But the anger, the hurt inside of her fueled her to ignore how his eyes looked. “You saw the Bandito, and you saw them disappear.”

“Willa-” Tyler tried to start.

But she shook her head again, hating how the tears almost fell from her eyes, how her heart constricted. “I-I’m trying- I’m trying to help you.” Her voice raised slightly, becoming more emotional. “I saw him, yet even with Clancy being chased out here by Nico, you don’t believe that I did?” She asked.

It didn’t make sense.

Did Tyler believe Clancy over her, only because they had briefly seen each other before, perhaps even talk? Did Josh even know of that?

“It’s- It’s not that simple.” Josh almost stammered out. Maybe he hadn’t expected her anger, her hurt, so blatant on her face.

“It seems like it is to me.” She responded with, unable to help the tone in her voice, holding his gaze. She felt like she was going to be sick. She felt like she couldn’t breathe. She needed to leave. “I need-” She started, as the anger crashed around her. She felt like it was crawling up her neck, making her throat tight, as if she truly was Smeared for all to see. “I need air.” She whispered out.

Without waiting for a response from either of them, she turned. And, she all but bolted out of the tent, leaving them behind.

 

_-... . .-- .- .-. ._

 

“I knew I’d find you hiding in here.”

Willa let out a quiet groan at her tentmate’s dramatic entrance, who had flung back the flaps of their shared tent. Willa was quick to cover her eyes with a hand as pain throbbed behind them. It was also to hide that fact that she had been crying, laying alone in her bed. No one had come after her.

Once again, she felt that deeper part of her mock her. Once she had wanted to be forgettable, so no one would come after her, but when it actually happened, she felt such an ache inside her chest.

“C’mon, you can’t have expected to have gone camping in the woods and not tell me anything.” Abby retorted, and Willa could hear footsteps approach the bed she laid on. “Especially when you’re wearing Tyler’s sweatshirt.”

Willa could almost hear both the smirk in Abby’s voice and the sound of her own heart faltering.

She swallowed thickly, hoping that her voice wouldn’t be a complete give-away of her crying. “We got caught in a rainstorm.” She spoke softly, as if unable to speak any louder. “My jacket and sweatshirt were soaked through and he let me borrow his.” Willa was too tired, too exhausted, to come up with some excuse to avoid telling the truth. She had forgotten she was wearing it, even. 

“Oh?” Abby let out a noise of surprise, of intrigue. “And he let you keep it?”

“I... forgot to give it back to him.” Willa responded, letting out a long breath of air.

“So you two camped out together in the woods while you were wearing his sweatshirt?” Abby responded back, a teasing tone in her voice. “Anything else interesting happen?”

Maybe it was because Willa was so exhausted. Maybe it was because of how much fear was still inside of her, how much she was hurting from what had happened when they had gotten back. Maybe she envied Abby for not knowing what Willa had seen. Maybe those were the reasons she felt annoyance grow inside of her.

“We slept in a cold cave.” She retorted, her voice almost short. “Nothing happened between Tyler and I.” Her voice cracked on his name, and she felt tears burn behind her closed eyelids. She wished that nothing had truly happened between her and Tyler. Maybe she wouldn’t be feeling like she was.

What was wrong with her? She hated how hurt she was. She hated how angry she was. She hated how she was taking this out on Abby, and she hated how she…. Hated. It wasn’t  _her_ , but rather another. It was another that the Bishops controlled.

Abby was silent, and Willa feared that she had pushed away one of the few that seemingly cared for her. Then she felt the bed dip down beside her, and a cold hand touched her arm.

Willa lifted her hand from over her eyes. She met Abby’s dark eyes staring at her, filled with concern and worry from underneath furrowed brows matching a frown growing.

“I-” Willa started, her voice thick with those tears rapidly growing. Guilt washed over her like water, almost drowning her in it.

“What happened?” Abby interrupted, her voice soft, reflecting the worry inside her eyes.

Maybe it was because of all of the rapid emotions she was feeling, how strong they washed over her. Maybe it was because she was so, so scared she was going to lose someone she knew, that she could lose Abby to a Bishop. She could lose Tyler. Whatever it was, the tears she tried so hard to hide from everyone, Abby included, leaked finally.

“Oh, Willa.” Abby breathed out, her response quick, shifting back slightly. “C’mere.” She spoke out, holding her arms open, an opportunity for comfort.

And it was true comfort, for it was not from the figures that raised her, claiming they wanted to see her become what they envisioned. It was not influenced by anyone or anything. It was an invitation to let herself cry without repercussions.

And Willa took it.

Pushing herself up, she was wrapped in Abby’s arms in a tight hug. She ducked her head into the other’s shoulder while her own were shaking. And guilt washed over her while her tears made Abby’s shirt wet, because she knew that she didn’t deserve this kindness. She knew that with all the lies hanging over her, she did not deserve the concern, this comfort.

She inhaled a shuddering breath, letting it out just the same while her eyes burned.

“It’s alright, Willa.” Abby spoke out, her words quiet, calm.

But it  _wasn’t_.

Nothing was okay, and perhaps that is why Willa felt another wave of nausea wash over her, followed by more tears. But she couldn’t tell Abby. She couldn’t let that worry crawl its way into her friend, constrict her heart like it was with her own. It wouldn’t be fair, not when Willa had already left her in the medical tent to deal with Clancy, left without saying goodbye to explore Trench with Tyler.

“Whatever Tyler did, I’m going to beat his ass for it.” Abby muttered.

Despite the situation, Willa felt a teary laugh leave her, choked out. It was more of a cough than anything, and she pulled back from the hug, lifting her hands to wipe at her eyes and her face. Her chest was still heaving slightly, and her heart still faltered inside of her chest. That guilt and pain was still there, and Willa knew it always would be until her lies were cleared.

“What did he do?” Abby asked, a hand still resting on Willa’s arm.

Willa shook her head, not knowing how to lie to cover up what had truly happened inside of the tent. “I just - I thought we were closer than maybe we really are.” She responded, her voice weak, quiet. She felt her throat get thick once more, the pain in her heart expanding as she thought of how Tyler hadn’t believed her.

If her lies were exposed, would he believe her intentions were true?

Would anyone?

Abby let out a quiet sigh. “Boys are very thickheaded.” She responded simply. “They don’t - they sometimes don’t see what their words or actions mean.” She let out a quiet snort, which made Willa look up. “When I first got here, Harry was barely settled in. He didn’t really realize that his extra help could be taken as something more, even if he could barely scavenge.”

Willa wiped under her eyes again, sniffling as she listened to Abby. But her eyebrows furrowed. “I thought you’ve been here longer than Harry?” She asked. Maybe she wanted a distraction to what she was truly feeling, to ignore the ache from Tyler’s actions.

Abby shook her head. “No, Harry arrived here before I did, all on his own.”

Willa felt something tight constrict her chest. He was one of the few that had escaped on his own, like she had done, like Tyler and Josh had done. Like Clancy had done. If Harry and Clancy had both truly known each other, then it was possible that they could have met. It was possible that Harry could know of her from there.

Abby’s eyes dropped from Willa’s face, moving to stare at the canvas of the tent. “He was out one day, by himself, and… he never came back.” Her voice was quiet. “We didn’t know what happened to him, and we searched the rivers for, y’know-” She swallowed thickly, shaking her head. “Then a week before you arrived, he escaped with the group Tyler had brought.”

A faint smile grew on Abby’s face, and she let out a quiet laugh, shaking her head. “I gave him all of my anger when he got back. I yelled and yelled about him going off on his own without telling anyone.” She looked back to Willa’s face, a happy smile on her face. “You know what he did to shut me up?”

Willa shook her head.

“He kissed me.” She responded, and shook her head again, dropping her gaze again, an almost soft smile on her face. “I worry about him sometimes, now, though.” She started after a moment of quiet. “Since he got back, he’s been…” She let out a sigh, before looking at Willa. “The point is, whatever is happening between you and Tyler, if anything at all, I think he’ll come around. I think he’ll apologize for whatever it was he did.”

It was Willa’s turn to duck her gaze, looking at her fingers, ones that had held Tyler’s own in the pouring rain and inside of the cave where they had shared secrets. Those moments felt almost too sacred to talk about, and she thought of the moment before Clifford had interrupted. Despite everything they had shared already, he hadn’t believed her when they spoke to Josh. It didn’t sit right with her, and somewhere deep in her mind, an idea started to sprout, bringing with it all of her fears and doubts.

And she was so scared of the idea her brain produced.

The familiar strumming of an instrument broke her out of her thoughts, and both her and Abby jerked her eyes toward the outside of the closed tent. It was a song she hadn’t heard before, and it faded in and out, as if Tyler was walking around with it.

“I guess that’s a good enough excuse as any to get you out of this tent and get your mind off of things for a little while, yeah?” Abby retorted, turning back to look at Willa with a smile.

Perhaps that was a good idea.

After nodding, Willa pushed herself up from her bed, and almost felt lightheaded. Her vision went black for a moment, and for a fearful moment, she thought another memory was going to resurface. But the blackness faded from her sight, and while she still felt hints of that lightheadedness, she could ignore it.

Abby, who now stood beside her, looked over at her with furrowed eyebrows. “Are you feeling okay?” She asked. “You looked like you were about to stumble there.”

Willa gave a small nod, almost regretting it immediately thereafter. “I just got up too quickly.” She replied with, giving a small smile to Abby.

  
Abby hummed in response. “I’ll have to keep an eye on you tonight then if we dance. I don’t want you going too crazy out there.” She retorted, a grin growing on her face again.

Willa couldn’t help her smile growing. Remembering what Abby had said, about how Harry had disappeared into Trench, Willa turned to her. “I understand now why you were so mad at me when I came back from out there the first time.” She spoke out. “I- I’m sorry.” She apologized, her voice quiet.

Abby gave Willa a quiet smile, the grin quieting, and shook her head. “It’s alright, Willa. You know not to do it now, and you ended up being out there with Tyler anyways, so nothing bad happened. I don’t want to think of what would have happened if you had seen a Bishop by yourself.”

Where once she could ignore the stabs of fear and guilt inside of her, the comment made by Abby unknown to her, made it unbearable. Willa swallowed thickly, hoping the other didn’t see it, and hoped her smile was convincing enough to believe.

“But let’s not think about that right now. We have food calling our names, Willa!” The woman responded, a grin on her face again.

Willa, desperate for that escape once again, silently agreed. Together, they left the tent and followed the growing crowd near the main fire, where she knew Tyler and Josh would be waiting at. A sense of panic filled her as they walked past the empty tents and flickering torches, tightening her chest once again, about confronting them both on what had happened, how she had ran out of the tent. If it was truly important, however, surely one would have come after her to explain to her, she thought to herself.

As she breathed in, she could smell the soup cooking over the fire, and she could smell the word burning, and she could see, through the crowd of people growing, the flames growing higher into the night sky. It fought off the darkness and cold of the night, which threatened in corners where no one dared to sit.

She couldn’t help but be reminded of the City, where darkness lurked everywhere. It threatened to reach out and grab citizens and take ahold, never letting go. She could only hope that no one here succumbed to the darkness that still lingered, but with a Bandito disappearing in Trench, she couldn’t be too sure.

After getting two bowls of soup, Abby led them to two logs around a small fire where she could already see Evelyn, Brooke and Harry sitting on it. They all were in-depth in their own conversations, serious expressions on their face. What was going on? Had someone else seen the Bishop?

The conversation was cut short when Brooke saw the two of them approach. A smile grew on her face. “Abby, Willa!” She greeted, her tone happy. “You guys are just in time. We think Tyler and Josh are going to come out soon.”

As Abby automatically went to sat next to Harry, Willa sat on the other log, next to Brooke. She still felt that maybe she didn’t belong. Everyone knew each other, and all she really knew was Tyler, Josh and Abby. Once upon a time, she had known Clancy, but…

She had to remind herself that the one who had known Clancy was someone else.

“Are they performing tonight, you think?” Abby asked, tilting her head slightly from across the small fire.

Brooke gave a nod from beside Willa. “Yeah, we think they are. Obviously we want to hear about the trip Tyler and Willa went on, so we’ll probably get an announcement about that too.” She responded.

All eyes were suddenly on Willa, all with questioning looks. She was quick to lift her bowl up and take a sip of the soup, which almost burned her tongue and mouth and almost made her feel sick. It was both to avoid answering those questions they had, and to avoid saying that she hadn’t the faintest idea of what the two were up to. However, she knew that the group around her wanted to know about the trip, how it was.

But she couldn’t bring herself to talk about it yet.

A hush fell over the camp, and she watched as two figures climbed up onto the old frame of the vehicle, in front of the large fire that provided so much warmth to everyone. Tyler and Josh stood, standing tall as everyone turned their gaze to them.

Willa could feel Brooke tense beside her, and she briefly remembered how scared the woman had seemed at the prospect of finding somewhere new to stay. Was everyone truly scared, hesitant even, to leave where they had set up a camp? To some, Willa supposed, this was their home.

“We have good news!” Josh started to speak, his voice carrying across the gathering of Banditos. His expression seemed happy, pleased, as a smile rested on his face. It almost was as if what Willa had spoken had been brushed aside. “After scouting out a new location, Tyler has determined that the forest will now be more suitable for us and our needs.”

“Forest?” Abby repeated quietly, her voice questioning.

Willa could feel Abby’s gaze on her, see her out of the corner of her eye. She was sure that the others wondered just how much she knew, how much she had seen out in the forest. Instead, she opted to stay quiet, too listen instead to what Josh was saying on top of the car frame.

“It is far enough out that with the recent events that those should be significantly less likely.” He continued to say, his eyes moving over the crowd. His eyes caught Willa’s and she swore that she could almost see his expression falter for a moment, but it was gone before she could really process it.

“Tomorrow morning, Tyler and I will go out and make sure everything is secure for us to start moving before the snow becomes too thick.” Josh continued on, and turned his gaze to Tyler.

The other gave a nod, moving forward slightly. “While we are gone, start to prepare your belongings for moving.” His own gaze moved over the Banditos like Josh’s had done.

Before his gaze could catch her own, however, Willa ducked her gaze. Her heart ached. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to remember how to breathe normally. A hand gently touched her own, and she opened her eyes once again to see Brooke looking at her, a worried expression on her face. Willa offered a shaky smile back, trying to reassure not only her, but the others that she was alright. She caught the worried eyes of Evelyn and Abby.

What had she done to deserve the ones sitting around her?

“But for tonight, we will sing and celebrate life.” Tyler continued on, from above them. Then Willa heard the strumming of his instrument once more.

Banditos around them were almost hesitant to get up, to dance. Willa could feel the anxiety in the air, the tension and the worry. For so many of them this had become their home, but to Willa, she didn’t know if she had a home. So many of them thought that place would always be safe, but she supposed with Clancy appearing, it arose those worries of being captured from deep down inside of them.

As she held her bowl of soup in her hands, she watched as Abby turned her gaze to Harry. A grin grew on her face as he furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re dancing with me, whether you want to or not.” She spoke in a serious voice, and grabbed his hand, pulling him up with her.

Abby practically pulled Harry with her, and off they went to go dance. Willa couldn’t help the smile on her face as she watched Abby laugh as Harry stumbled.

“ _I'm taking over my body, back in control, no more shotty.”_  Tyler sang out, and she could now hear the beats Josh provided.

She watched from where she sat as more Banditos decided to get up, grabbing a partner to dance with them. She was silent, listening to Tyler’s singing, shutting her eyes as she did. She could feel herself swaying, unable to help it with the rhythmic strumming of his instrument and the steady beats from Josh.

“ _I must'a forgot, you can't trust me, I'm open a moment and closed when you show it.”_

That ache returned full force to Willa, and she opened her eyes to look over at him. His gaze met hers through the dancing Banditos and flames dancing into the night air. Maybe a part of her thought she could trust him, but maybe this was his way of telling her she couldn’t. But questions still burned on her tongue, burned in her mind. Yet it all boiled down to one singular question.

“ _Before you know it I'm lost at sea. And now that I write and think about it, and the story unfolds, you should take my life, you should take my soul._ ”

Why?

With no real appetite, she set her bowl down next to the log on the ground, pushing herself up to a stand. Evelyn and Brooke had already gotten up to dance, and she knew she was all alone, once more. She couldn’t look at Tyler, she couldn’t look at Josh, as she started to walk away from her small fire, past the dancing Banditos.

She hardly got far before a hand grabbed her own.

Willa turned her gaze to see a smiling Brooke, who had her other hand holding Evelyn’s. A question was on her lips, a silent one that Willa knew.

Did she have enough energy to dance with them? To continue to hear Tyler sing as only he did, while her feelings contradicted themselves inside her?

With a tug on her hand, she determined she did not have much of a chance to say anything as she was practically dragged into a dance, her sore limbs protesting.

And the lights blurred together as she danced with ones she knew, ones she did not, their hands holding her own. The Banditos around her sang with Tyler. She saw the reds, saw those shadows lurking in the corners, saw the light of the fires, burning into the night. She wanted to ignore the pain, ignore the burning behind her eyes, ignore the ache in her chest and the fear crawling up her neck. She felt too heavy, all of the lies and pain holding her down.

“ _And I'll be holding on to you._ ” Tyler sang out, others joining in as they held onto their own partners.

Another hand gripped her own, and she recognized the eyes of Abby. Her vision swam, blurring the face of not only her tentmate, but that of the others who still danced around them. Why did Abby’s hand feel cold? She could see her friend call out her name, and faintly she could hear it over the sound of what she now recognized as the sound of her heartbeat in her ears.

“ _And I’ll be holding onto you._ ”

As the song ended, Abby was tugging Willa farther away from the crowd, her eyebrows furrowed with worry. “I think you need some rest.” Abby commented, holding onto Willa’s hand securely, as if scared she would fall over. “You don’t look so good.”

Willa didn’t feel so good, either. She hardly protested against Abby pulling her to the tent, but the farther they got from the noises of the singing and the smell of the fires, it was almost as if she could think more clearly. However, there was a pounding in her head that would not leave, as if it never would. She thought too much, and she cried too much for that to ever be a possibility.

“Maybe pulling you to go dance after going out into Trench wasn’t the best idea.” Abby spoke quietly as they walked through the camp together, past the empty tents. The torches flickered as they did, ashes floating into the air as they ceased to exist in that form.

“No, it’s.. It’s okay, Abby.” Willa responded, her voice even quieter than Abby’s, hardly above a whisper. Her eyes felt heavy, all of her felt heavy as they cut through tents to get to their own. “I think if I wasn’t so tired I would have enjoyed it more.”

“Yeah, well, it would’ve been more fun if Tyler hadn’t made you cry earlier.” She retorted with, her tone turning sour once again. “I’m going to have a talk with him before he leaves tomorrow morning.” She spoke, her voice firm.

A sense of panic filled Willa, yet it was a delayed reaction as she processed Abby’s words. “I- No, you don’t need to do that.” She responded with as they neared their tent. “He doesn’t need to know I was crying.”

“Why not?” Abby retorted, stopping in front of the familiar tent. “He needs to feel bad for whatever it was he did.” She looked to Willa with a cocked eyebrow.

Willa shook her head, almost regretting it as dizziness washed over her once again. “No, I-I don’t think-” She stammered out, the ache in her chest, in her heart returning. She almost couldn’t breathe, and tears burned her eyes once again. “Just don’t worry about it, Abby.” She whispered out, her voice exhausted.

She was so tired.

Abby stared at her for a moment, before letting out a sigh, dropping her gaze. “Fine. I won’t tell him you were crying.” She spoke softly, calmly once again. “Let’s just get you inside and resting, okay? If you got caught in a freezing rainstorm, then I don’t want you pushing yourself again.” She let go of Willa’s hand to take a step forward and open the tent flap.

Before Willa followed, she looked to the side, where she could see the now white-dotted expanse of the unknown through the rest of the tents. A strong breeze blew in, through the camp, bringing a frigid coldness with it that extinguished the torches around them both. And suddenly, it was so, so dark. Only the haze of the lights from the big fire behind them filled the air with an uneasy, blurring, red.

And once more, fear constricted her heart and her bones, freezing her where she stood as the wind cut through her like she was nothing.

Her eyes stared unblinking into the darkness, and were it not for the smells around her of life, her memories of those towers replayed in her mind. It was never-ending, stretching on for miles and miles, nothing to guide her any longer.

The sudden explosion of light beside her jerked her out of her trance. Her eyes, wide with fear, jerked to where Abby held a lighter in her hand as she replaced the torch in the holder once again. Her eyes met Willa’s, and they looked so much older, so different than what she had known. She looked so much more serious, but within a moment, it was gone, as the shadows from the fire danced across her face.

“Like I mentioned before, we need someone on duty to light these things during the night.” She spoke out, shaking her head in what seemed like mock disappointment. She then tilted her head to the tent, holding the flap open once again. “C’mon.”

Willa told herself she was exhausted, which is what she blamed her paranoia on. Following Abby into the tent, she felt that exhaustion hit her in another wave, and much like the freezing cold wind outside, it washed over her. Unable to help the small shiver that went through her, she lifted her hands to rest over her covered arms.

“Willa, I want you to rest for the rest of the night, okay?” Abby started to speak, her voice firm but concerned. “No midnight secret rondevu again.”

It was most likely meant as a lighthearted joke, but Willa was too tired to really think about anything but laying down in her bed, all night. She shook her head regardless, looking over to the other woman. “Yes, I know.” She responded with, almost a sigh.

“I don’t think I really need to worry about that though. You look almost as if you’re going to fall asleep standing up.” Abby spoke in a lighter tone, yet still it was laced with concern. “Why don’t you go ahead and lay down?” She suggested, still standing near the entrance of the tent.

“I will.” Willa responded, lifting a hand to run it through her hair. “I just want to make sure you’re going back out there to have fun.” She didn’t need Abby staying in because of her, not while she could go out and dance with someone she cared for so deeply. That ache filled her once again.

“You don’t need me to stay in here tonight with you?” Abby asked, her eyebrows furrowing. “No offense, Willa, but you look really pale.” There was more worry, more concern in her voice than before.

Willa bit the inside of her cheek, dropping her gaze from Abby’s worried one. She tried to ignore the comment of the paleness, tried not to associate it with the Bishops, what she had seen today. Hadn’t she seen one? Hadn’t she seen Tyler’s neck seemed Smeared, when in reality it wasn’t? Was she just… seeing things like the Tyler and Josh had thought? But it still didn’t make sense. It wasn’t connecting why Tyler acted like he was fearful, then act like what she had seen wasn’t there.

Willa needed time to think alone, to write her thoughts down in her journal, and she knew she could not do that with Abby around. Looking back up at her tentmate, Willa shook her head. “Abby, I’ll be okay. I just need to rest.” She tried to start once again.

Abby let out a sigh, running her hand over her face. “Fine.” She responded with shortly. “Just… let me make sure you get to your bed that way I know that you’re at least there.”

Willa was too tired to start an argument with Abby. She didn’t want to start an argument. She hadn’t wanted to be mad at anyone, and maybe now she was more hurt than angry at either Tyler or Josh. “Okay.” She responded with, her voice quiet once again.

Without waiting for Abby, she started to walk to her bed. Yes, she was sluggish, and yes her feet dragged slightly on the ground beneath her feet. She could hear Abby come up behind her, as if to catch her if she stumbled. But she made it to her bed, and moved to sit down on it, slow, lethargic. Looking up at Abby, she felt a yawn almost force its way out of her.

“Are you sure you’ll be okay here for a little while by yourself?” Abby asked, her expression one of worry as she stood in front of the bed.

But Willa couldn’t drag someone else down with her. She couldn’t let someone else waste their time on her, not when she wasn’t who they all thought she was. Who she was and who she wanted to become were to very different concepts, and she hated how much of who she once was she still carried with her. That guilt sat so heavily on her chest.

She nodded in response to Abby’s question, again. “Yes.” She felt her eyes almost burn from crying earlier and now from lack of sleep. “Go have fun, Abby.” She offered the other woman a small smile, yet she knew it was quiet, weak even.

Abby looked over Willa once more, before sighing and nodding. “Alright. I won’t be gone too long.” She commented, taking a step back. “If you aren’t sleeping by the time I get back, then you’re on stick duty.”

Willa felt a weak smile grow on her face once again at the words Abby spoke. Shaking her head, she watched as the woman walked to the flaps of the tent. Giving one more nod, Abby left, and then Willa was alone, once again.

The lights of the torch outside of the tent provided enough light for Willa to see where the objects were, enough light to not be plunged into that endless darkness. It was enough light for her to see the tears falling onto her hands from where she sat. She was too tired to try and wipe them away. No one would come bother her tonight regardless, as they all were having fun with their partners.

And Willa was alone once again.

And perhaps that is what she wanted all along.

Feeling the sweatshirt on her to be too heavy, she started to shrug it off with an unsteady breath. However, something white fell out of the pocket, landing on the ground in front of the bed. Furrowing her eyebrows, she forced herself to reach down, bending her upper body down as dizziness rushed over her once again.

Her fingers grasped what she now knew was a piece of folded paper, and she sat back on her bed once again, letting her eyes shut before her vision went completely black. However, with confusion fueling her sluggish actions, she opened them once again.

The paper was perfectly folded on the edges, no rips or tears to be seen, on a perfectly white parchment. Why did it feel so familiar to her? With her eyebrows still furrowed, she briefly wondered if Tyler had left the paper in the pocket before giving it to her.

Regardless of where it came from, she unfolded the paper. She almost thought her vision truly was blurry, for she thought she was seeing the words perfectly written on the paper completely wrong. She blinked, once, then twice, as her heart once again began to seize its movements, her throat closing in. Her hands shook as she read the message as the sound of her heart beat filled her ears. 

As no inhale or exhale of breath left her, there was no doubt in her mind that the message was not for Tyler. The message was for her. Whoever the messenger was, they knew more than she had shared with anyone, including Tyler.

The messenger knew who she once was.

Someone in the camp knew.

 

_"She førgot me._   
_She førgets yøu tøø._   
_She førgets him._   
_She førgets them._

  
_They remember._   
_Dø yøu?”_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it has begun
> 
> stay alive  
> || - //


End file.
